The Second Book

Remains

"Whatever I say now won't seem to change your mind."

Seemed like Natsume lost the arrogance, the confidence, the lies, and the unintentional actions to hurt. We faced each other in this empty school hallway. The fire exit was not locked, that's how we got here. I let Natsume chose the place because at least on that, I could count on him. The school windows were made of glass alone, making the moon our light. He sat on the floor just beside a classroom door with his one leg stretched and one leg bent. I also took a seat, waiting for his additional sentences.

"No, forgiving you is not easy but I learned that acceptance is the key, Natsume. We met, you hurt me, I escaped, and yet we met here again. We are destined to talk."

"Sumire's safety is compromised because of her father that's why we got the permission to leave this place. I was itching to get out of here, really. This place chokes me and I can't do something about it. We go way long, Sumire and I. We were in a relationship where we mutually know what we want until she got so engrossed with the outside world and changed. I'm sorry if I made you believe that I could forget her just like that. I'm sorry for making you the rebound."

I gulped. "We already established the apologies, Natsume."

"You can tell that I'm not good with people," he continued.

"And you blame the academy for this?"

He shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. You see, I'm stuck here doing things that can kill. You could ask your boyfriend about that."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Whatever you say. So, I'm not really used to people showing me so much love. I thought that whatever I do, you'll just stick with me so I did it. I hurt you. I'm the jerk. I don't deserve a grain of kindness from you. But, I must admit that I came to like you but was confused because of Sumire."

Natsume looked like he was searching for the right words to say and I just wanted to tell him that he needed not to worry because no one was right or wrong between us in this conversation. I wanted to be open-minded in everything or else this whole forgiveness thing would only go in vain.

"Did I feel guilty? Yes. Have I suffered enough? I don't know. Maybe not. But, I don't care about myself now. I want you to be free. You're not actually confused."

"Then what?"

"Just scared," he answered.

My teeth clenched and I could feel my facial muscles grimaced. "Why do you think that?"

"You're in love with him."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. It's not a bad thing. You are more than allowed to be in love with someone else."

"I can't believe we are discussing this topic."

"Ruka still likes you."

"And you, do you still like me?"

"Mikan, I'll do anything for you. But we will do a bad job of protecting you because the other boy can do that for you."

"I don't need anyone to protect me because I'm perfectly capable of doing so."

Natsume smiled. "Yes, yes, you are. That's a very good thing."

"How did Ruka got the permission to leave?"

"Because of me. We're not that close at the beginning and Ruka can be persuasive most of the times. He was tasked to make sure I won't go."

"Natsume, when I think of you, I think of sadness. Like, you are currently miserable but you just don't want to show it."

"I am."

"Everyone sees it. Let's forget about what happened in the past. We should move on. It's a short, silly relationship after all. You think you don't deserve forgiveness but actually I think you do. You've been sorry enough. I'm happy now. Don't look after me anymore. Hey, I grew up and let me grow more. Don't think that by ensuring my safety or whatsoever, I will forgive you. There's no need."

He looked hesitant. "But, that was not just nothing."

"Hey, I know. I loved you, I got hurt, and became so affected. It happens all the time. I'm not some very special kid to be treated like I'm falling apart. What I want is when I think of you, I'll think of acceptance, of forgiveness, of possibilities."

"At least, I know you'll think of me."

"Occasionally, that is."

"Thank you, Mikan."

I just smiled because I had nothing more to say. We both stood up and shook hands. It didn't mean we were friends and honestly establishing friendship with him was not a welcoming idea for now but soon. Anything could happen. Just like how I escaped the drama and drama followed me here. After our handshake, I felt a hundred times lighter. It was like I'm finally free and Natsume was finding the right time to be free also. It ended tonight. Finally. After so long, it finally ended.

I woke up from a beautiful dream of forgiveness and love. Three knocks came from the door and immediately I got up. I tied my hair quickly and made sure that I was at least presentable to look at before answering the door. When I opened it there was Ken with a big smile and two cups of coffee. He stepped inside my room without asking permission and that action made my arms crossed but I had an amazed smile on my lips.

"Good morning, Mikan Sakura. How was your night? Me? I barely slept because I was aching for this morning to come for us to share our first coffee as an official couple which will be the gossip of next week's school paper. The coffee is brewed, by the way, so it'll be a little bitter."

Ken was so talkative in the morning. He could actually beat me from being annoying.

"Good morning to you too, Ken."

He walked towards me, giving me a hug. "Nine hours of not seeing your face. Torture."

"I know, right?"

"So, what should we do today?"

"Do our homework, I guess?"

Ken made an expression like he was in severe pain. "You're no fun, Mikan. We should go out."

"Unlike you, I can actually fail in class if I slip a little."

"Then, let's help each other out and after that we can enjoy the day. Sounds good?"

"Sounds perfect."

Ken opened the window and went back to enjoying our coffee. Mornings with Ken were always flexible. We talked about anything like from the tree at the entrance gate of the academy to the rude janitor we had on the third floor. I enumerated him the places I went to starting from the day I stepped foot in the academy and when I finished, he simply shook his head. What was on his mind? He made small gestures like he was making an invisible map.

"You're not visiting much. There are still many places you must see."

"A few more years in high school will let me visit those places, Ken. It's not like I'm rushing my way out here."

He eyed me seriously, all of a sudden. Ken placed a hand on his chin. "You actually want to stay here?"

Was that a trick question? I grabbed my coffee, finished it in one go before I answered him. "Is it a crime to say so?"

"No, it's just that most students want to be out of here."

That was a common trend to Alice students. This school was built for our special powers and yet they run from it. Was the academy dictatorial? I don't know. All I thought of while being here was to survive the seven classes I have every day. Natsume said that this school suffocated him. Sumire was glad to leave. Ruka looked the same. Could it be because of the dangerous missions?

"When you leave, where will you go?"

"I told you that I like here also," he reminded.

"But, after graduation. Where will you go after that?"

Ken pondered for a moment then smirked. "Widen my horizons, I guess? I mean, I'm sure there's a lot I missed already being secluded here for so long so you can't learn everything at school."

"In other words, you're going to travel the world."

"Yes, that's a more proper way to put it."

"So, I'll be left alone."

We were silent for a while. I hated how the words that came from me sounded so clingy. Of course, Ken could do anything he wanted. Who was I to stop him? Being his girlfriend earned me no right. But, at least I would be a consideration, right? Of whether he would go or not.

"Will we still be together by then?"

I frowned and threw him the cup filled with coffee twenty minutes ago. "How dare you think so little of our relationship. I want to strangle you now, and kick you, and punch you to death. I am so angry. Very angry, you stupid Nagihiko."

Ken chuckled. "Sorry. I want to be with you forever too, baby."

"Ew. I'm not a baby."

"We should call each other names."

"Your sentence is wrong. It makes me think that we should call each other insulting labels."

Ken laughed louder. He stood up and grabbed me by the hand. A kiss in the head and a hug filled with love. I started thinking of endless things we could do and the possibilities of our relationship.

"We should do what normal couples do," he offered.

"Like you give me flower and chocolates and I accept it and I'll cook you food that despite of its bad taste, you'll still say that you love it and begs me to cook again? Or, we'll be the kind of couple who enjoys reading and making fun of people? "

Ken hugged me tighter. "Dear, you have no imagination. We could be more."

"More? Like what more?"

"We can prank the teachers or be their matchmaker because they're beginning to get old."

I hit him in the shoulder lightly and laughed. "We could do that."

"We're so perfect for each other."

Everything was alright and this how it felt like when you were with someone who loved you as much as you do. No, I won't be comparing and I won't smudge my thoughts with happenings in the past. I was sure that Ken did the same. I remembered Mom warning me about Ken with an idea that he had such a dark secret but it turned out to be an acceptable and tolerable secret. There was nothing dark about it. The thing is there was nothing dark about me either. I just made a big deal out of everything.

Another hour passed before we decided that we should take a bath and meet at the library for our homework. I refreshed myself for almost an hour and chose a comfy outfit. Placed my books and pen in the bag messily. I ran out of the dormitory while fixing my hair, cursing my habit of being late. Although, thanks to my natural skill of running fast and Ken's slow walking because he wanted the world to take look of him, I'm sure I'll get there first. After jumping into a few shrubs and scratching myself from thorny stems, I finally arrived.

"Sakura. I didn't expect to see you here."

"Hello, Shouda."

"Library's close. A problem with the pipes, I think. It's flooding in there."

"Thanks for saying."

Sumire nodded and resumed her walking. I just watched her passed by and completely thought that the encounter ended until she talked again.

"Natsume came to me and apologize. You two made up. That's good."

"We talked things out but we're far from friends. Don't worry, Shouda. You still have the cards."

We talked about Natsume like he was some prize to gain. I regretted it. But, I could not take my words back and I knew Shouda noticed my frustration too. Her lips formed a thin line which I almost compared to a smile but just like Natsume, Shouda and I were far from friends and maybe farther from Natsume's. On the other hand, at least we're decent enough to not end up with a catfight. Looking at Shouda's unusual expression really made me think that we dragged this issue way too long and way too distant.

"It's time to stop playing this game, Sakura. This game is already too dramatic that it makes me sick. Those cards you're referring, I threw it already. It won't make me win. I know Natsume is better off with someone but I'm willing to be the girl he used to like."

"Yeah. That's good to hear."

Finally, Sumire Shouda went off with a heart of determination but a mind of haze. Good riddance, I wished. Someday, maybe I could face her without feeling different inside. I sat by the long benches in front of the library building, waiting for the super late Ken to arrive. After a minute, he came and with a knowing look. I could already tell that he saw us but chose not to interfere. Proudly, I stood because at that moment, I didn't need any help.

"Mending things. How does it feel?"

Ken placed a curious face. He was happy for me and thanked God that he was.

"Weird. I feel like grown up."

Exactly. I feel so matured at the moment. Ken said that we better find an alternative place to do the homework but my mind was occupied on how decent I handled things the past few days. It's like nothing could make me cry anymore. Except for matters involving Ken and my mother though there was no indication that I need to worry now because everything was smooth-sailing. Ken opened our books and started talking. I listened intently. I watched him explain things and he watched me discuss the questions with him.

We argued but we agreed. I could not wait to tell Misaki and Nobara how happy I've been today. I could already imagine their faces. Mom would want to know Ken and I could not wait to tell her my story. Maybe in that way she could tell me stories, too. We're closed to finishing but honestly I didn't want it to end. I forgot that after this we need to visit the places I've never been. Sounded like a long trip full of walking but I was actually excited. My smile almost reached my ears until Ken halted from talking.

"Hey, Mikan?"

"Yes?"

"Can we cancel today's date?"

Oh. Why? "Emergency?"

"It's a bad air."

Bad air? I saw worry on Ken's eyes and that's when I felt the need to be aware of my surroundings. A presence filled with poison and grief. Persona really was not the kind of individual who would let his students be happy like that. Frowning, I expressed my disappointment. Ken held my hand as if he was not worried for himself but for someone else… me.

"I'm sorry, Mikan."

"It's alright."

"No. We've drawn his attention."

And so? "Why are you so worried, Ken?"

"Your Alice. It interests him."

My jaw almost dropped. "And this is the time he chose to observe me?"

Ken eyed the surrounding, looking annoyed. "Well, no one is around."

Damn, he was right. What do you know? We failed to prevent this problem from happening.

End of Chapter

Maybe I should start this A/N with an apology. Three years of not updating is irresponsible from my side even though I am semi-active. I am sorry for losing my interest with this story. I thought it was so cliché that even if I won't update you guys will know what would happen. I am sorry for breaking the commitment so to make up for all of those, I updated. Actually, I didn't know where to start since I had a blank page staring at me but after all you messages and reviews about updating, I did it.

So, guys, what can you say about this update? Anything would be good. : ) Maybe you can start from the difference in writing(if there is any)? I reread the whole story and as usual found chapterful of mistakes. But if you don't want to say anything, that's also fine. I would be satisfied just to know you guys read this. Have a good day everyone.

Thanks.