Disclaimer: If Harry Potter was mine, would I be writing this? Then again if Harry Potter was mine, I would have made sure Snape washed his hair.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Chapter 10

Realisation

-o-

Dear Harry

I know we haven't written often, but things here at Hogwarts are a lot different to last year. Umbridge is clearly watching the post with the aid of Filch and as you know thanks to the Twins, so is the Floo Network. We've even noticed that we're being followed at times by Slytherins who I'm certain are reporting back to Umbridge. The only reason this letter is being sent is because I'm passing it onto Professor McGonagall.

Things at Hogwarts, apart from Umbridge, aren't too bad. Lessons are becoming a little more difficult (too right Ron says) and people are still refusing to believe You-Know-Who is back except a few.

Though you probably know thanks again to the Twins, we're starting a group called the Defence Association so that we can study Defence for our exams and how to fight. We know that sooner or later this war will begin and we want to be ready so that we can fight back. It's just a shame that you're not here as you would be an excellent teacher for us.

How are you anyway? Are you keeping up with your studies? Please tell me you are staying out of trouble. Harry we are sorry, we truly are for not being able to get in contact with you, but we don't to take any chances in case the Ministry or Death Eaters find out where you are. If anything more happens, we'll do our best to let you know – Love Hermione.

P.S. Hey mate, just me adding this as everyone else is off who knows where. Got to say, Hogwarts isn't the same without you here mate, Potions is more unbearable than ever. Any chance you could come see the Gryffindor versus Slytherin game? Be good to see you again, but if you can't, don't worry about it. Try and stay out of trouble, though if you can't, give me an owl and I'll gladly join you – Ron.

P.P.S. Hey Harry, hope you're doing well, can't wait to see you at Christmas or sooner. Hermione's having a fit because she's just about to send this to McGonagall, bye – Love Ginny.

Harry finished reading the letter and couldn't help but smile, as everything at Hogwarts didn't sound as bad as he thought it was. His friends also sounded fine and looked well, according to Mundungus who had watched over them during the Hogsmeade trip, though Ron had had his hand bandaged. The Gryffindor had not been too worried, having put it down to a Quidditch injury, which was highly probable considering he was Gryffindors Keeper.

But the problem that was Umbridge was slowly becoming more of a threat by the sound of things, especially if she was enlisting help from Argus Filch and the Slytherins to keep an eye on his friends. He knew for a fact Draco Malfoy would be involved, along with several classmates from his year. His conscience would be at ease if Draco's father were not a Death Eater.

Umbridge was also successfully shutting down all communication going in and out of Hogwarts, which in itself was a huge blow. The evil Toad was slowly becoming a dominating figure, one that could be a threat to Dumbledore's position considering she had the backing of the Ministry behind her.

It were at times like these, he wished he were at Hogwarts just knowing exactly what was going on. But he had promised himself and Tonks that he would not get involved, instead he would watch from the sidelines. It was however, becoming rather difficult considering the Toad had created yet another decree, disbanding all clubs, organisations, societies and teams. And the only way they could be reformed, was through the High Inquisitor.

This of course meant the Defence group Hermione had planned on putting together would be illegal, which meant that she would most definitely be getting cold feet. She lived by the rules and Harry knew that without enough persuasion, the Defence group she had sounded rather determined in putting together in her letter would be a thing of the past.

With a sigh, Harry put the letter aside and ran his hands through his hair, knowing the day ahead would be a long one. He had now progressed onto fifth year work, meaning that it was becoming a little more difficult since it was the first time he would be attempting these spells. The advantage he had had when relearning his first four years of work was gone, which meant he would have to actually study more. It was a thought that terrified him.

"Prongslet get up!" Sirius' voice boomed around the voice. "Lessons begin in half an hour! You still haven't made my breakfast you lazy git!"

Harry couldn't help but laugh, but stopped when his mirror begun to vibrate. Grinning, he picked up the small square mirror, his grin growing bigger when he found a pair of purple eyes staring into his. "Hey Dora."

"You up yet?" asked the Auror, her hair that had spiky now becoming shoulder length.

"Nope, still in bed thinking about you," he replied, feeling his stomach flip when she winked and blew him a kiss. "Still working in the archives?"

"Sadly, bloody Scrimgeour isn't exactly happy with me period now," said Tonks, not sounding to bothered. "I was getting coffee this morning and he kind of barked at me to hurry up, so I fell backwards and I threw coffee all over him."

"Did it leave a mark?" Harry asked while laughing, imaging someone like Snape coffee thrown in there face.

"His face is all blotchy," chuckled Tonks. "Said that my clumsiness is why I'm not on duty."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing at all, I just tried not to smile, failed towards the end. Probably going to sack me knowing my luck."

"As I said, my vault is always open to you," Harry stated. "Just don't spend it all."

"So kind Hero, I may take you up on your offer."

"Prongslet get your bloody arse down here and make me bacon!" Sirius roared, his voice having been magically magnified. "My tummy is hungry!"

Tonks laughed, her hair changing from long and purple to short, spiky and pink. "Best get going Hero the House-elf."

"So much for sharing my vault," grumbled Harry.

"You know I'm only joking," said Tonks sadly, sticking out her bottom lip and changing her eyes to green. "Could you really deny someone as pretty as me the chance to spend your money?"

"You aren't pretty," said Harry looking away, not missing the shock that appeared quickly in her eyes. "You're beautiful." He watched as she flashed him one of her dazzling smiles that sent his stomach into overdrive, flipping and buzzing around madly, her eyes dancing at what he said.

"For that I'll be bring you dinner tonight," said Tonks, her hair changing to long, shiny and raven coloured. "Pizza sound good to you?"

"Dora, you keep bringing me pizza and I'll have to marry you," Harry said grinning.

"We're still a little young, maybe when we're older," replied the Auror, her dazzling smile still on her lips. "Best get going, Sirius won't last much longer."

"Suppose," Harry said. "If you do manage to see Scrimgeour again, throw a cup of coffee at him for me."

"Sure thing, later!" Tonks disappeared from the mirror, Harry feeling a little disappointed she had to leave so soon.

With a sigh, Harry kicked off his bed sheets and got to his feet allowing himself to have a nice stretch. Grabbing a towel, he was just about to leave the room when someone spoke.

"You are a little young for marriage aren't you?" said Phineas.

Harry turned around to face Phineas, who was sitting in his chair gazing at the Boy-Who-Lived playing with his beard. "I thought when you died, you stayed that way."

Phineas ignored him. "I see you and Miss Tonks are getting rather close."

"What of it?" Harry asked leaning against the door.

"Nothing, just merely saying you're getting rather close," replied the portrait with a sly grin. "Though I must say, seven years is a rather large gap isn't it?"

Harry growled and felt himself heat up a little, knowing very well were this was going. "I'm friends' with people a lot older than me, seven years is nothing."

"Friends?" questioned Phineas, chuckling lightly. "You're either in denial, or trying to keep your interest in Miss Tonks a secret. So you know, you're failing miserably if it is the latter."

The Gryffindor was tempted to go for his wand that lay on his bedside table, and use it to wipe that smirk of Phineas" lips, but he knew the portrait was used for passing information along to Dumbledore, which meant that using him for firewood was out of the question. "Tonks and I are just – "

"Denial it is then," said Phineas cutting across him. "I shall speak with you again soon Mr Potter." With that he left his frame.

"Dead git," grumbled Harry pulling open the door and stomping out. "I'm not in denial about anything." However, the wheels in his mind begun to slowly turn as he contemplated Phineas' words.

-o-

"What took you so long?" asked Sirius from the table when Harry entered the kitchen, still deep in thought. "Hello! Prongslet! Harry! Hero!"

Harry looked up at the last name, glaring at Sirius who grinned in response. "Don't call me that."

"My dear cousin does," replied Sirius taking a gulp of tea.

"That's because I like your dear cousin, I just think you're a git." Harry grinned when his godfather spat out the liquid in his mouth onto the table, where the lesson plan for fifth year Herbology lay. "Guess lessons are cancelled then."

"Not on your life," Sirius said glaring at him, waving his wand clearing away the tea that had sadly not affected the parchment in anyway. "We're finally onto fifth year material now, which means we're entering the final phase of your OWLs. Get through this quickly enough and we may even start NEWT level stuff."

"Great," Harry replied taking a seat at the table and drawing his wand, summoning parchment, ink and a rainbow coloured quill he had borrowed and not given back to Tonks. The items came flying through kitchen seconds later and settled themselves gently onto the table.

"You have a real knack for the Summoning Charm don't you?" Sirius said impressed.

"Well after summoning your broom while facing a dragon that could very kill you, it becomes second nature."

"Suppose that would happen," chuckled Sirius. "Something similar happened when your dad and I were attempting to become Animagi. It takes a lot of concentration to transform, which means clearing your mind and focusing solely on the animal inside you. It was because we cleared our minds so well that we could perform non-verbal spells without much effort and learnt Occlumency rather quickly."

"You didn't tell me my dad was an Occlumens," Harry said in awe.

"We learned just after we entered the Order, your Mum was a little behind us while Moony grasped it rather quickly. I put it down to the hours he spent with us when we were meditating."

"Why does it take so long to become an Animagi, took you nearly three years right?" asked Harry.

"It took us three years because we had do everything ourselves, such as finding out how to actually help Moony. Then once we found out about Animagi, we then had to study on how to actually transform. When we found out involved a lot of meditating, we knew it would be a struggle, learning to clear your mind is not easy if you're a twelve year old," Sirius said getting to his feet. "When we first heard about Animagi, we thought it was a simple process of taking a potion and then hey presto, you got the animal you wanted. Much more complex believe."

"Still, sounds useful," said Harry leaning back in his seat.

"It is," replied Sirius, a smile playing on his lips from the kitchen area where he was making tea. "Take it you're interested?"

Harry only smiled in response, the idea of becoming an Animagus like both his father and Sirius sounded very tempting. It could also be useful if he was trying to get away if he were in trouble, not that he was planning to get into any. His time at Grimmauld Place had taught him to watch from the sidelines, and it was where he planned to stay until he had to get involved.

"Well if you wanted to, you would have a head start on most as you can already clear your mind thanks to your Occlumency training, which I hope you're keeping up," Sirius said raising an eyebrow, Harry nodding. "I know I'm going on, but clearing your mind constantly is the only way it starts to slowly stick. Once you can do it in the blink of an eye, we can start moving on in that subject.

"Anyway, since you can already clear your mind, all you would have to do from there is search for the animal within you. Easier said than done, since you have to actually think how you see yourself."

"Take it means looking back over my past," said Harry grimacing at the thought.

"Yes, but it also means seeing you for you," Sirius said with a grin, pouring water into a mug. "Take me for example, I see myself as faithful and loyal friend, so my characteristics are that of a dog, animals that are known to be faithful. Your dad was a natural born leader and would do whatever it took to defend his family and friends, hence, characteristics of a stag."

"So Wormtail, who is a treacherous – "

"Good Moony word usage."

"Thanks," said Harry, "little sneak, would become a rat?"

"Exactly," Sirius said retaking his seat at the table. "There's a bit more to it than that, but you've got the general idea. So, are you interested in becoming an Animagus?"

"Maybe," said Harry playing with the rainbow coloured quill. "It just…I've just got a lot going on at the moment shockingly. I'd like to do it, but it sounds like it could be something that could eat up a lot of time and – "

"You need to get your mind off Tonks," chuckled Sirius, laughing when Harry sent him a glare. "Come on Prongslet, you spend practically all your free time with her. Now I'd understand if this was to do with wanting to get your OWL requirements out the way – "

"That too," mumbled Harry, wishing he had said that.

"Yeah, sure," Sirius said grinning. "I do see your point though, it is time consuming and I think it would be best if you got these annoying OWLs out the way first. Maybe after finishing up your fifth year work we could start, but only if you were fully committed. Becoming an Animagi isn't easy and shouldn't be taken lightly."

"Thanks Padfoot," said Harry unrolling some parchment. "Should we start Herbology now?"

"Just one question," said Sirius raising his hand like a child, Harry rolling his eyes at his antics.

"Go on."

"How come Tonks can call you 'Hero' and I can't?"

Harry glared at his godfather for the third time that morning. "Like I said, I like Tonks and I – "

"Damn right you do," Sirius said grinning, sipping his tea. "Your eyes are on her from the moment she walks in until the moment she leaves. Just like your old man in that sense, that girl got you wrapped around her little finger and you aren't even dating yet."

"Dating yet?" Harry repeated, looking at Sirius as though he had two heads. "That sounds like you're optimistic."

"Course I am, you two are practically together all the time and you're even trading gifts now."

"We're not – "

"Clothes and one of the Two-Way Mirrors ring any bells?" asked Sirius leaning back in his seat. "Admit it Harry, you've fallen hard for my cousin and sooner or later I'll be checking to see if there is a Sticking Charm on either of your lips."

The Gryffindor ignored his neck that heated slightly and instead settled for glaring at Sirius once again, trying not to think about his lips on Tonks'. By the way things were going, it seemed both the portrait and his godfather would be getting tossed in the fire.

"I just don't want to see any Potter babies – "

"Friends Padfoot, friends!" Harry said looking away from Sirius and to his blank piece of parchment, his mind slowly becoming cluttered with thoughts of the Auror. "Bloody mental, I don't like Tonks, we're friends and that's it. I see her only as a friend…right?"

"Sure you are," Sirius said rolling his eyes and, his grin now bigger than ever. "Keep telling yourself that and it may come true, especially if you don't make a move."

"You're mental," Harry said using one of Ron's phrases. "Bloody mental."

"You'll be the mental one if you let Tonks slip away," Sirius said grabbing one of Harry's Herbology books and quickly flicking through it. "I'll let you work it out yourself for now and when you finally come round, we'll talk more, now, onto Herbology!" That was the last thing Sirius said on the subject, but it was the only thing on Harry's mind from that moment on.

-o-

Harry lay on the worn leather couch in the drawing room, staring up at the ceiling. His lessons that day were a blur as he had not being much attention, the Gryffindor earning yet more detentions from his godfather who with Phineas, had him questioning his feelings towards Tonks who had become a very good friend.

"But do I see her as just a friend?" Harry asked himself, feeling rather ill knowing the consequences that could occur if he did have actual feelings for her. Things would most definitely change between the two, and their friendship could be ruined. "We're just good friends who spend a lot of time together, I've spent four years in Hermione's company and I don't fancy her!"

However, when he thought up this argument it always came down to the same conclusion, he saw Hermione as a sister rather than a girl he would be interested it. Then there was also the fact Ron would murder him while he slept if he tried anything with her, not that he would anyway.

"It's times like these I need someone to talk to about these things." Harry was tempted to call Sirius upstairs and ask for his assistance, but knowing his godfather, he would embarrass him about his own experiences leaving him scarred for life. He was considering asking Remus for advice, but the werewolf was busy with Order work.

There was nobody else he really wanted to ask, as it would be embarrassing and Sirius and Remus were the only two he would trust with this kind of thing. Sirius however was already out of the question, especially after mentioning "Potter babies" and he didn't know when Remus would return. Whenever he went on missions for the Order, he could be gone for a few hours or a few weeks.

"Maybe Ron and Hermione?" he thought, but he quickly dismissed the idea.

Ron would probably tell him to not think on in it and ask his sister out, and if not that then he'd most probably tell him he fancied her because she was a great looking woman. Hermione for all her knowledge, would most probably say it was silly crush and that he was foolish to dwell on it. She would say Tonks was a woman who would be far from interested, not because of his personality but because he was seven years her junior.

"Maybe it's a silly crush?" Harry was inclined towards this theory, but it didn't feel like a crush since he didn't blush or stutter like he did around Cho.

Around Tonks he felt like he did not have to hide a thing, he could be himself for she saw him as simply Harry, not as the Boy-Who-Lived and it was why he felt comfortable when close with her. Whether it be laying on his bed shooting sparks into the air for the hell of it, or when she would rest her head on his shoulder. It was a simple thing, but a year ago he would have most definitely had a panic attack at such an action.

Sighing, he whacked the couch with his arm in frustration, being no further than he had been all day. Checking his watch, he found it to be near seven, meaning his mind had been thinking about Tonks on and off for close to nine hours. "This is just not healthy."

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," came a voice form the doorway, which made his heart skip a beat and sent his stomach into continuous summersaults.

"So I've been told," replied Harry looking away from the ceiling to the Auror, the Gryffindor trying to ignore the thoughts about Tonks that suddenly sprung to mind.

Tonks, who was out of the usual black robes wore, was now sporting a pair of blue muggle jeans and a Weird Sisters t-shirt similar to the one she bought him, except hers was red. He glanced over her hair, finding it raven coloured like his, but cascading down her shoulders like it had that night on the stairs, while her eyes were those dark orbs that were so full of life. In her hands she held a box that contained one of their favourite foods, along with four bottles of Butterbeer.

It was the most refreshing sight he had seen all day, even if it made him feel down right nervous.

"Getting a good view?" she asked grinning, entering the room and placing the pizza box down on his stomach and placing the bottles on the floor. "I know I'm gorgeous Harry, but it is rude to stare."

"Can you blame me?" he asked, while slapping himself mentally for such a comment. "I mean – "

"Nope," was all she said still grinning, removing her black boots to reveal yellow and black striped socks before picking up his legs. "Don't move whatever you do."

"Sorry," he said quickly, moving his legs from her hands and placed them on the floor. He smiled when she raised an eyebrow at his actions. "It's rude to put your feet up on the couch."

"Idiot."

"Well, I'd rather be rude and comfortable," she said with a grin, laying down on the couch, the Gryffindor lifting the pizza box from his lap as she placed her feet there. "You don't know how much I've looked forward to this all day."

"Really?" Harry asked, unsure if he should believe her, but these thoughts disappeared quickly.

Tonks had been coming to visit him at the dreary old house for close to two months now, and hadn't complained once when being in his company. She seemed to enjoy his company as much as he enjoyed hers.

"Of course," said Tonks looking to him, looking at him as though he had two heads. "Who else would I rather spend time with?"

Harry felt his stomach flip at this question. "Err…Padfoot?"

"You'd rather me spend time with your Godfather?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"No!" he said quickly, shaking his head. "Padfoot is fine on his own, he's got Playwizard and two healthy hands."

"Harry!" Tonks said laughing, hitting him lightly with her heel. "Stop acting like Sirius and give me some pizza."

The Gryffindor laughed in reply, thankful she had not taken his joke badly. "When has she ever?" Deciding to stop questioning everything he did, he opened the box to find a fresh pizza with a chicken topping that the two could share. He drew his wand with a little difficulty, as Tonks was refusing to move, a sly grin on her lips as he struggled. With a playful glare at her, he sliced up the pizza into several even slices and levitated one over to the Auror. "Ladies first."

"Thank you kind sir." Tonks lifted her head and took a bite, chewing happily while Harry held it up for her in the air.

"Looks like you're enjoying that," said Harry.

"Better believe it, beats the crap served in the Ministry cafeteria," said Tonks before taking another bite, this time grabbing the slice with her hands.

"You'd think that stuff was heaven if you tried Padfoot's cooking," Harry replied levitating two bottles of Butterbeer into the air and casting Warming Charms on the bottles, vanishing the tops with a wave. "Butterbeer?"

Tonks, who had now devoured the remains of her first slice, grinned and accepted the bottle Harry banished into her hand. She took a gulp, her eyes flashing to green as she looked to savour the magnificent taste. "Who needs a night out when you've got great company, good food and Butterbeer?"

Harry could only grin response. "How can you not be attracted to her?"

"So how was your day?"

"Boring," lied Harry, deciding to leave out the fact that he been wondering all day whether he fancied her.

"Great description," chuckled the Auror. "Fancy filling in the blanks you left?"

Harry rubbed his neck in response, cursing himself when he felt it heat up. "Err…a letter came last night from my friends, apparently McGonagall gave it to Padfoot after the meeting and he left it in my room. Didn't get it till this morning though."

"How is everything at Hogwarts?"

"They're saying things aren't too bad, they're being followed by Slytherins on Umbridge's orders though and that they're sorry for not being in contact as much," said Harry grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite.

"Well with Umbridge having communication in and out of Hogwarts watched, it isn't really their fault," said Tonks sitting up and grabbing another slice. "And if they're seen giving letters to McGonagall often, it would arouse suspicion and unwanted questions."

"True," said Harry resting his head against the worn leather, his gaze linger on Tonks who had laid back down, her head propped up thanks to a few pillow. She was without a doubt beautiful, her heart-shaped face and button like nose being one of the features that helped to enhance her beauty. Her hair was spread over her shoulders and her eyes that showed her mood, were full of life and filled with happiness.

"Must you watch me eat?" she asked grinning, her eyes flashing to green.

"Sorry," said Harry looking away, blushing slightly. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"Err…"

"Come on you can tell me Harry," said Tonks sitting up, placing the half eaten slice in her hand in the box, and moving the box to the floor. She then turned around on the couch and grabbed a pillow, placing it in his lap and then resting her head upon it, gazing up at him as sat there.

Harry smiled as she switched her position having been in a situation like this before with the Auror. He rested his hand on hers and allowed his other to start playing with a lock of her hair, gazing into her eyes. While this was happening, his heart was pounding against his chest and he started to feel very warm. He ignored his stomach that was buzzing and flipping around madly, and concentrated on keeping a clear mind. Couldn't let his mind run free in this kind of situation.

"Come on Hero, what are you thinking?" she asked, her fingers interlocking with his. "Tell me."

"I…" He wanted to try and lie, but as he gazed into her eyes he knew he couldn't, so he decided to tell her a bit of the truth. "I'm happier than I've ever been," said Harry smiling, squeezing her hand while staring into those green orbs.

"Same here," Tonks whispered, her smile growing as she stared at him. "I'm just going to rest my eyes, okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered back. He watched as she closed her eyes, his smile fixed in place as he watched her falling into a peaceful slumber. It was while he was watching her, he realised that like the night during the Order meeting, the answer had been right in front of him. He groaned lightly, pressing his head against the worn leather.

"I hate it when Padfoot is right."

-o-

Right, so you all know, I've gone through the first nine chapters, just quick little edits, nothing too major just going over the few mistakes I've made.

As for this chapter, I wrote it several times before settling with this. It was a hard decision, as it means Honks is now upon us and sooner or later, it will be do or die time for Harry.

Thanks again to all those that have read and reviewed the previous chapter, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time, TIJK.