Title: Smoking

Author: Pup-Ashbless

Fandom: D Gray man

Pairing: None.

Disclaimer: I don't own D gray man

Summary: Oh, she checked outside the window. A bird was dying.

Warnings: Spoilers for manga events after anime regarding the 14th. Probably some OOC moments.

Again I'm doing something with the 14th, stranger Lenalee's along for the ride.

Anyway, this is like a AU'ish portrayal of events after the current Kanda/Alma arc where Allen is under house arrest so to speak for his 14th episode and people worried about the Noah trying to get Allen to leave and every thing is like kindergarten where everyone knows what they're suppose to be doing, except everyone has different ideas of just what that is, kind of like politics.

Should one choose to hear sweet words from an enemy or feel wounds from a friend?

It's terminus when the announcement of the final began to shut down.

It's not poetic; it's not elegant, just the same old song that nobody's hearing.

The fate of the world was not in any hands but one.

And that one was possibly the one who threatened it thee most.

"Lenalee aren't you scared?"

Allen's hands feel tougher in hers whenever she holds them these days.

No, tougher is probably not the right word. Stronger, no, the grip is different from before but the weight behind seems the same. Older, she didn't want to consider why that seemed unfair; to whom was taken for granted. Smaller, Allen never held on for long when one didn't need it.

She didn't know, all she knew was that she didn't know anything but the cracks reopening in the world.

Allen looked so small to her, lying all bandaged up in the bed but not saying anything; she couldn't tell what he was thinking, it hurt Lenalee see Allen like this, more than the wound in her side.

He repeated his question, his voice still with the tone she could not completely comprehend.

She could lie; play the poker face just as well as he does.

She tightens her grip around his hand.

He does not return the grip, but he does not pull away this time.

He too is probably so exhausted of tears.

"Till now, I honestly can't remember a time I was nearly so terrified than the time I couldn't remember what my Brother sounded like." The chair she stole from another room feels uncomfortable and she can't help but wonder who would want to sit in a chair like this?

"…I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, yet."

"Yet?"

"It could be…" She can't bring the humor back between them; she is too serious when she says it. She's always been so serious.

"Can I stay here, like this, whenever I can with you?"

He looks like he could say no, she tightens her grip without thinking, almost to the point it looks like it hurts even though Allen is not showing otherwise.

He does not ever answer her question.

Lenalee can not tell who fell asleep first.

When both wake up, Lenalee has not let go of Allen's hand so Allen had to let go of her as the gap between was forcibly made clear by the new world that stood between them in the forms red robed guards.

It's terminus when time decided to spin backwards inside Lenalee's heart.

Allen's face was becoming one she could not recognize anymore.

~~~*

The funeral was short, as always, Lenalee was sorry she had missed it.

She likes to breath in their ashes when the fires go on.

She shed her tears equally for the both of them, the two individuals whom she had considered a part of her world.

Krory and Miss Miranda, I will always treasure the time I had with you as a gift.

Lenalee's never given the afterlife a thought; she barely acknowledges the prospect, not like Allen usually does. Even if Allen does claim to the souls flying up to the heavens when akuma's are vanquished Lenalee never gave knowledge to that part so much as she did Allen being the one to see and feel from such knowledge.

She heard from Komui the fires for them were good and strong, not that he had been able to attend; Komui rarely could as business was never ending as it was particularly even more ruthless when knowing how, why, and when to break and bend to when what one believes in clashes with the bullied righteousness of the melting world's justice.

Lenalee touched the crosses at the altar that stood for their sacrifices.

They were the same crosses shared with all the other fallen.

Two Exorcists gone; many Finders too, Lenalee didn't bother to know their numbers, she never did, they died much to easily in numerous amounts, exorcists died as well, but it was easier to not envision them as moths to a hot flame like she could the Finders.

Names, names, names…Lenalee dug them so deeply into her heart she wondered if she would bury herself alive with them. It was time to rearrange the picture that was her world, a messy and constant blurry picture containing so much meaning sometimes she forgot what is was in favor of she could imagine it to be.

"How is your side?"

She thinks about ignoring him for irrational moment, but it's not his fault, it's never his fault that he can see and do the things everyone wants but nobody does for fear of garnering the world's hatred.

She, Lenalee thinks, really has a thing for self sacrificing men.

It's her worst quality.

"I'm good, Brother."

Komui taps her side, she does not wince, and he looks mad – in a way nobody but her could notice, at what she can't exactly be sure, at whom, she has a pretty good idea.

Lenalee holds back a sorry, because it's not enough, and because she won't mean it.

She never wants to say anything she can't mean to her Brother, never to Brother.

"I could say a lot of things right now, Lenalee. But none of them would matter to you, would they?" The words are accusing, but the weight behind them holds no malice. Like a ripple on the pond, the Supervisor's image is warped leaving her Brother tired.

Saying "you matter"…goes without saying, but Lenalee says it anyway; even knowing it would just make Komui more tired. But he smiles, with an "I know" because he understands her.

"They'll be putting you off the field… for awhile. I've done what I can, but…"

"They…" She interrupts.

"They." He stresses further, and she can't tell if she's furious or satisfied.

Levierre or not, she would be there with her Brother next time. These days she hates leaving Komui alone with anyone from Central. If they touched her Brother like they tried, will do, with Allen….

Komui senses her thought well, for he put a hand on her shoulder and she pulled him closer for an embrace as he sighed, so tired, but still awake.

"When can I see Allen again?"

He doesn't answer. Not in the way she likes.

She holds him longer and tells herself she is doing it for his sake instead of hers.

~~*

Lenalee has a pair of good legs. They support her weight well on her road to recovery that she is capable of walking well enough to hide her limp when she's not distracted.

By now her side wound was just a blotchy scar. Purple and ugly and she was willing to bet, was here to stay.

"Lenalee, I don't…"

"Lavi!" Her firm voice snaps his attention anywhere but her face.

"I saw you coming from his room," She continues to not letting the fact he was a good head taller make her any less intimidating. "I want to know, how he is. Is he…?"

"No." His answer was quick, but not rushed. Lavi's eye hardened.

She did not sigh in relief, it was too naïve to do that.

Lavi's face was blank, void of the type of predictability he normally was; he was acting hesitant, pursing his lips, like he wanted to say something, but instead chose another.

"He dreams, from what two-spots tell's me, but he's- doesn't really seem… awake a lot of the time…."

"The Inspector told you that?"

"My words, not his." The red head held up his arms as if in mock surrender and gave a half smile. "I don't think you'd want to here bout all the choice words we exchange there before Allen kicked me out."

"He kicked you out, even in his condition?"

"Said I was making a ruckus, more than usual, little twerp; I guess I inspired him."

That made her laugh, silently any way, Allen was still acting like himself.

"Lenalee." Lavi broke into her thoughts. Lavi looked like he was going to say something unpleasant. "Allen's dying, but he's never going to die."

"….What do you know, Lavi." Lenalee said instead of gaping. Allen dying, again, was not something her heart could take very well to.

"What do you think?"

"Lavi, don't play games!"

If it had been any other day, Lavi would have more than a shiver at the tone of her voice. But, tonight, the gleam of his eye seemed so much older, like this conversation was being observed rather than involved.

"I don't play games, Lenalee, not when there is nothing to gain. Nothing worth the time I would have to invest in it."

It stung a bit, that Lavi looked like a different person to her even when she knew the same smell and same gestures that only he could make.

It reminded her of Allen, of that time….

No.

It was useless to ponder and turn to different ideas. Lenalee had never been one to move around problems; striking dead one and keep going and going and going like a spiral that never ends.

Pursing her lips together, she felt her tongue becoming thick.

"Lavi?"

"Yeah." Lavi looked to the side, as if embarrassed or indifferent, there was still the glint of calculation in his eye but it seemed more dim and controlled now.

"Does knowing things about a person matter as much as knowing them when genuinely loving them? I think both can be equally important but what happens when you see them go into darkness? Can you still know them, even then?"

"…You tell me, really." Lenalee couldn't tell if he was being cold or needy.

Later when the snow was turning to slush from the onslaught of unnatural early rain, Lenalee came to Lavi, who was drinking his brand of wine and staring off into a world that was his alone.

She breathed, calmer now and ready to say things she could deliver to only him.

"Lavi, thank you."

"Your welcome."

A pause; he asked her what for.

"You protected Allen, when I couldn't. I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I just wanted to know what was happening in that room…"

"…Is that what they told you…or is that what you told yourself?"

Lavi's vision slides down from her sincere and tired face to her hip before turning halfway back into his wonderkind world.

"You shared your theories," Lenalee elaborated, "about Innocence; Allen's Innocence to the Officials and gave my Brother and Branch Leader Bak more reason to argue with. You kept Allen from being trialed for heresy for the time, didn't you, when you were attending the meeting with Brother?"

Not that it will do much good in the end.

"Don't thank me." The usual happy parts are gone from Lavi's face; Lenalee realizes, perhaps for the very first time, that it's always been such a part of the red head that she thinks life's wrong it whenever it's gone. "You, Yuu, and Allen, especially him, have always been the ones to save yourselves."

"That's not true," Lenalee's voice was so quiet, almost like a breeze. "We hade people who motivated us to protect our humanity or whatever was left of it, from becoming something no one could recognize. Just like how protected Allen, and me, and…"

Lavi lifts his hand, the one holding the small glass of wine, as it to quiet her or toast her.

"S'kay, Lenalee, I don't want to hear anymore, not when my face is peeling off already."

Lenalee never asked him what he meant, or why he seemed so against her gratitude as though nothing was what she thought it was. But she considered herself a creature of following her senses more so than most that perhaps she never should.

~~~*

Two months walking in the castle is enough for Lenalee.

Komui is safe, as safe as someone in his position can be.

The elder Inspector is gone, for the time, and Lenalee does not have to think of Komui as a hostage to control her actions as much.

Lenalee waits, knowing who she is waiting will turn up soon.

She leans into the corner of the hall and waits and hopes her quarry will come, because he has been more elusive as of late.

When the young blond makes his unannounced entrance into her vision Lenalee quickly grabbed the young man after making herself known (as fast as she was, Lenalee had her share of experiences with Crows and did not want to test the reflexes of one she had no desire to fight for the time by surprise), she grabbed the man and dragged off to the side where no one could see and much less hear.

"What are you doing Miss Lenalee?!" Sputtered a none too pleased Link as he uncomfortably noticed just how Present, and tight, Lenalee's grip was on his arm.

"I'm not here to fight," She added quickly, hopefully she thought to herself with noticing his suspicious and no nonsense gaze at her. She loosened her grip, but did not let go.

The Inspector who was chained to that man, him being attached to her home, reporting back to that man, made her more uncomfortable than she ever showed beyond her poker face. But this was war and she knew when the bitterness rose in the back of her throat I was better to stomp it down by pretending she couldn't taste it.

Allen could have been chained to a lot worse than Link, as far as that man's dogs went, so Lenalee felt at the very most grateful that Allen seems to be alright with Link as far as one can be from her view.

With that in mind, she makes a mental note to keep her temper in check, well, as much as she's capable. She's not very good at hiding her irate.

After a few beats, Link sighed, irritably, but not offended, as he guessed her reasons. "Is this about Walker?"

"Inspector, I need to see him, and you're the only guard I can not sneak past since you're with him so much."

"That did not stop you the last time?" Link gave the impression of rolling his eyes from remembering such a nuisance she caused in his work. Just the reaction she was expecting, poor man must have been raised as a monk to be easily uncomfortable with females whom he did not work with.

"I want to spend more time with him. I need to know what he is thinking, feeling; just asking other people isn't good enough. I need to see Allen with my own eyes and I want you to not report my presence, at least not until after I have spent time with him before…." She didn't say it.

Link shook the arm she was holding dispassionately, she reluctantly let go knowing he knew she could easily reach out again if he left before gaining her permission.

"Inspector you should know, Allen is not well, that goes without saying. I'm not saying me seeing Allen is going to make things better, but, I have to know…"

"Your side is better."

The fast, if not random, reply shocked Lenalee into a pause as she placed a hand over the scarring wound.

"Your walking better, that's good. I was afraid I had injured you from doing your duty too much for awhile. When will you go out again?"

Not knowing why she was giving into him when normally she would keep clinging to the her subject, with the exceptions of her sense telling her it was okay, she decided to, hesitantly, indulge him.

"When the time is correct." Whether or not Link was irritated by the, deliberate, vague response, he didn't show, which surprised her more than she would admit.

"I'm glad…that I had not hurt your numbers."

Ah, that's why, Lenalee discovered, she's speaking to him. Lenalee always did have an interest in gaining insight into the lives of those around her. Since Link was bound to Allen, she nudged herself quietly to prod Link for more insight.

"I'm not sorry for what I did." Link did not move, but he did not speak against her, so she continued. "I will protect what precious to me, and your Inspector was trying to hurt someone irreplaceable to me. I would have fought all the thirds and stood in the way of that man."

No matter how terrifying he is, even still, for the same reasons that I relate to my Brother now. Will that man take someone away from me just like how it was with my Brother?

"But," Lenalee started again, after a pause. "I am sorry, for putting you into the position I did. I'm not angry about the wound, anymore." Lenalee's pride was not one to scorn after all, but never would she act unprofessional. She too, was a professional. Whatever feelings she had as Lenalee the girl had to be put away when Lee the Exorcist wanted something.

"I will do my job, just as you will Miss Lenalee, there is no need to apologize or give any. But, I thank you for not letting any feelings of resentment from getting in the way of my work, now…"

"We will talk about Allen." She grabbed his arm again as Link sifted his weight to turn. "I'm not letting go, ever. And I'm not normally the type to just wait around when there is something that concerns me."

"Don't make me repeat myself, again."

"Would you kindly remove your arm…thank you; I have no orders to permit people to see Walker. The only ones who can grant clearance, besides the Inspector, is Supervisor Lee by orders of the high powers and only the Bookman and bookman Junior have been cleared, so-"

"I can see him?"

"What?"

"Thank you."

Lenalee walked off, in the opposite direction Link came from.

Leaving the Inspector baffled.

Until in the dead of night Lenalee is inside Allen and Link's new (they moved to a more secure area) room.

Allen is in bed, faced away from her, probably drowsy, but awake. Allen is covered with binding spells that would make even an alchemist dizzy. He knows she is here, or at least someone, is here by the slight lift of his hand as I to wave before becoming limp again, but has not said a word yet. Good, she doesn't want Allen talking more than he felt comfortable with at the moment.

Link only watches her, his face looks a mix between agitation and professional wariness.

"Miss Lenalee, does your Brother know you are here?" This used to be Link's only trump card, as long as Lenalee was not in any sort of emotional need of his company, Allen would ask her to leave and she would out of respect and with knowledge he was the one still breathing. But from reviewing his previous encounter with her, Link curses to himself for giving her such an opening.

"Yes, he does." And, She adds in her thoughts, I think I should be quicker to remind that between myself and my Brother, Brother should be the one you fear least.

Whether that message was heard or not the effect was made; Allen's form seemed to slump into a more relax (she thought she heard an amused, tired, chuckle from him) while Link silently huffed with a roll of his eyes before gathering his items as the blonde stood up from his desk.

Lenalee remained a respectful distance as Link walked over and bent down to listen to Allen's murmurs. She couldn't see Link's face nor Allen's to know for sure, but it seemed whatever request Allen wanted was granted in the form of Timcampy springing from underneath the covers and latching onto Link – who carried a slight frown of resign as he walked out the door – pausing to give her a habitual nod of polite, but curt, acknowledgment on the way to the other side of the room that separated them by a curtain..

It never really struck Lenalee to feel guilt over putting Link between a rock and a hard place, she was mostly worried over the possible consequences of Link knowing this visit, but….for now she would let things decide themselves out for the Inspectors. Since no actual order has been given to barricade Allen from everyone, she might as well as take advantage.

The bed was warmer than she would assume when felt the bed dip underneath her weight; before she would have thought the bed was colder then this.

"Hey Allen, have you eaten much today?" All the "are you alrights" in the world wouldn't be enough, so she would go another route, ask about things she was allowed to know and perhaps capable of helping with.

Allen made muffled noises into his pillow; whether he was trying to talk to her or not she didn't know. Lenalee still couldn't see his face, but she could tell he wasn't feeling any better. But he seemed much more relaxed from what Lavi told her earlier, so she felt as though a small weight was, while not gone, lifted.

"I want to stay here, can I?"

Allen was perfectly still, she didn't think he was debating so much as just being embarrassed at having a woman so close like this. .

"I want to be with you, can I?"

No answer.

Allen's muscles do not become lax until several hours later.

Lenalee watches Allen long after he falls asleep.

As the nights pass Link suffers Lenalee's visits with subdue grace; not barking or blocking her. Something that worries her, but she wouldn't dwell to long on it, not when Allen was here, finally, within her grasp.

It was a happiness that felt more whole now that her world wasn't so stretched out.

But such happiness was never untainted.

Allen has grown thinner, grayer, and is practically immobile when it concerns leaving his bed. He's not so lethargic though that he won't force himself to get up, ignoring advice to lie down.

Which relieves Lenalee because it's so stupidly normal; Allen tried for heresy, being tied down with several dozen spells that cause his body to feel like rock, and unable to go anywhere, and even seeming out of his mind. Yet trying to sit up all on his own, even when it causes him obvious pain to do so, just to make her, and possibly himself, feel better about the situation makes her want to keep smiling away and not even yell at Allen for making her feel worse.

Sometimes Allen smiles at her, sometimes he feels like he wants her gone, other times she feels as though she's the only one left in the room when Link is gone.

It was like touching ripples upon the pond. Every time one was caught more were produced and a different pattern was made every time going in so many directions one couldn't tell anymore what the original patterns were like anymore.

"You know this situation Miss Lenalee." Link found her just as she was leaving. "You may be allowed to visit him, for the time, but I will not allow any outbursts or unprofessional actions to be taken concerning Walker, understood."

"You presume, I don't know where I stand." The edge of coldness in her tone makes her seem so similar to Kanda Yuu that she is reminded of the days she used to long he was her brother.

Being with Allen, however out of it he can be, was not something Lenalee was going to give up easily.

At least until the end.

She was uneasy, what kind of pattern would be made when she was not there to see the stones splitting the causes.

~~*

"You've never cared before to see everything about people, why is it so important now?" Kanda meditated in the middle of his room alongside her. He really wasn't supposed to leave the care of medical eyes yet, but General Tiedoll was gone and was not there to stop the hell Kanda would give all the young nurses. But he was getting better and seemed in good shape enough and Lenalee missed spending time with him.

"Because this time, Allen will have a face I can not see."

"Lenalee."

"Yes."

"It doesn't matter.

"…"

"Whether you know it or not, eventually you'll have to kill him off in some way if you want to preserve him."

You've done it before, Was the unspoken meaning.

Lenalee's friends, back in the days before her Brother, were always ghosts in the back of her minds that screamed more than cried. It terrified Lenalee, when someone died in her world, because like the water on rocks, she was afraid that eventually she would forget what the original image of her loved ones until they were gone for good beyond recognition in the back of her mind.

"Kanda, have you ever, tried to remember someone you've lost, but you couldn't acknowledge their face if you couldn't understand it?"

Kanda didn't even pause.

"People stop existing when you can't see them anymore. It's pointless to waste time for them when they can never give back what you can never give or receive."

"Really, you came up with that?"

"You're the one who told me that." Kanda admitted, a bit irritably.

"Hmm, so I did."

After a few minutes pause, Lenalee broke the tranquil silence once again. "Kanda, I think even if I don't know everything about you, your face is one I would like to think I know."

"But what happens when that's not enough?"

Sighing, Kanda only says. "See for yourself, now leave and don't talk about sprout again."

Kanda, I think you and I can be too much alike in the worst of ways.

She leaves Kanda alone when she visits the big room of Allen's and does not say anymore to Kanda during the times she makes him suffer her presence in his tiny room; watching him with eyes that know not to expect what she desire even when she takes what she wants from him.

Kanda's quiet, so quiet, she thinks he's the one who is the ghost these days; she sleeps on the floor of his room and wakes up alone after a mind numbing dream of loss with a blanket on top of her that smells like lotus's.

When Kanda comes back, his blanket is neatly folded on top of his bed and appears to have been washed, over and over again.

Lenalee stops entering his room.

Kanda never invites her.

Lenalee lies by Allen's side. The room is warm enough that she does not need a blanket. Before she would never invade his space in such a way, considering how reserved he is about touching.

But Allen was calling; Lenalee swore he was calling for someone. She didn't know why or how to back up her claims, but she never needed an excuse, all she needed was the sharp taps in the back of her mind telling her what needs to be done and she follows it loyally like a trained dog. She crawled on top of Allen's bed, made sure the sheets were in place and Timcampy wasn't squished somewhere, then laid down, brushing his cheek when she saw the muscles tense and turn white.

"Lenalee, aren't you cold?" It was the first time Allen said anything like this. Usually he was so consumed with his own muttering or weight of the sickness he would just accept her presence without any emotion other than bland acknowledgement. Allen never asked about her condition because he seemed unaware of his own.

Perhaps her more frequent visits are having some affect.

Not letting herself be thrown off balance, she pulled a plastic smile.

"I'm fine; I feel warm right beside you. Besides, I saw you shivering several times today. I don't want you to share, whatever you're not ready for."

I can wait, its okay, just be there.

Allen's are wider; he doesn't want to look into Lenalee's eyes, except he does.

"There are things I'm not willing to share either, yet. I think I can, one day, but not now, never now."

"…If it's never now, how can you elude it will happen someday?" He's teasing her; it's the first spark of old familiarity she hasn't seen in him in so long.

"Don't get smart."

"Kanda's already got that part down, sorry."

She tried to sigh more than laugh (not so much of what he said, but more at his expression.)

The bed creaked; Allen turned his face away from Lenalee and mumbled something she couldn't make out easily.

"Kanda's doing fine…he was breathing more easily during our last meditation exercises."

When Allen does not say anything, Lenalee leaves to refresh herself with a promise to come back.

Allen does not say anything until she's gone.

"…He would, that arse." Allen sighs a little more deeply and closes his eyes, finally relaxing his vision to darkness by the time Lenalee came back.

~~*

Keep talking to him, Link would say, it seems to keep him grounded.

For some reason Link wouldn't say why he did not talk to Allen, Link only left his place by the bedside to join the guards in quiet murmurs, always within earshot.

"Have you ever heard of the smoking dilemma?" Allen brought up to Lenalee after he woke up from a nap.

"Yeah, Reever told me it once, while he was smoking no less."

"Reever smokes?"

"Not anymore, Komui declared second hand smoking would kill me and convinced Reever he should quit."

"Really, I don't want to imagine how…Anyway, the smoking dilemma that is…"

"Taking in the smoke that curses our lungs…" Lenalee started.

"By choice we breathe in this foul air that surrounds us and damage our lungs to the point where it will kill us." Allen added.

"But if we bear the poison for awhile maybe we can eventually exhale it." They finished together.

"I'm not sure if that's a great metaphor for fighting in the war." Lenalee admitted. "Both are bad, but at least something good is supposed to come from fighting in the war, like protecting people, not to mention you need two sides to engage each other. Smoking just seems hurt you and others without any good."

Shrugging, Allen offered only what he knew. "I guess it just means what it says, that if we can suffer the war and whatever atrocities that came with it, than we can eventually be able to chose whether or not to have to suffer anymore because we survived it."

"Not without damage though."

"No, our lungs will always be gray from this dark air. But I don't think that means we can't someday exhale the smoke for the last time."

"You really believe the war will end in our life time?" And that you'll be able to exhale whatever darkness that engulfs you…. She kept the later to herself.

From seeing his look, which was not directed at her but the ceiling, she wished she could hide the uncertainty of such a thing she never once considered. Fighting to kill the enemy or protect a loved one was not always hand in hand with fighting to stop the cycle of violence.

"It seems illogical by many, even a far away dream despite what the Order strives for. Do you think any of us will be around if this war ever ends?" She went on anyway, even when it seemed to ask Allen such a thing.

Allen, being quite until now, paused, looking into Lenalee's eyes so deeply she was afraid the piercing would cut through her soul.

"I think-know I will never die because of the logic that binds so many to their own self dug pits."

The glass cracked.

But she couldn't hear any of the shards shatter.

Oh, she checked outside the window.

A bird was dying.

Lenalee left the room, never turning back.

The white ash haired male watched her back the whole time.

She suddenly felt an ache in her body.

She felt foolish for letting herself get caught off guard, as though she had let him down somehow.

~~*

It was as if the clock was struck by a foreign time unnatural to the setting.

She almost bites her lip until it bleeds, almost, but she does not. Lenalee keeps her face slack of emotion and keeps to her orders.

When in the den of devils give burning lick to faces in faux affection, one never should show the true depth of what's in one's heart with their face.

"I know, I know. You don't need to tell me, I know." She repeated to herself until she bore the same expression as Kanda, who gave a frown of grim satisfaction and lifted his hand from her shoulder as he walked away to his own privacy.

Leaving her alone with her own torrent of various thoughts.

Kanda always did refuse to touch things when he could or should.

Not when it could especially awaken burns.

She wondered if he taught her or the other way around.

She sighed and allowed Johnny to murmur his quiet refusal to want to accept this reality rather than chase after Kanda.

Kanda, you too have your own devils you try not to suffer sweet words from…

Allen was going away.

When, no one knew and honestly Lenalee told herself she didn't care to know.

Not when she did not know if that were the lesser evil or not.

She waited until Johnny was calmer and poured him a coffee until he returned a soft smile to her motherly gestures and offered her sanctuary in the science lab, away from everything that was darker at the moment.

Lenalee thanked him but refused the offer however tempting it sounded to disappear from the oppressive halls of red hooded individuals and oppressive eyes that reminded her all too well of the times before Komui rescued her.

She wasn't a strong person by her definition, but she wouldn't let someone like Johnny allow himself to become tainted by the black and white stains she knew all to well she couldn't wash away from her self.

He was normal compared to her, saner, and more hopeful.

She was the fighter and knight that delved into the insanity and came out with unbroken use.

"I'll be fine Johnny, thank you…tell Rob and the others I'll be by later to give them refreshments."

"Lenalee…"

She turned to look over her shoulder; Johnny looked so young even if he was older with all the visible strains of wear and tare from a world that until recently he had only seen from the shadows.

Johnny came closer, leaning close enough to breathe on her ear, "If you see Allen, I think you'll be fine, just don't forget him."

"What?"

"I was confused at first, but after my experiences with Suman, I think I know what you're going through. Don't let anything overshadow Allen, not even Allen himself, in your mind. I knew Suman, even if I wasn't knowledgeable about all his actions; I still believe I knew the real Suman, in some ways, maybe even better than Suman did."

Johnny turned his head away, not wanting her to see his face, adding to the sadness and walked away.

Lenalee watched him go, thoughtfully, folding her arms and hugging herself as if suddenly cold.

Don't lose hope huh; is what you're trying to say?

Lenalee wondered how possible it was to even know a person's heart when she believed doing it fully was impossible.

"Hey Lenalee."

She turned around only to find her red haired friend.

Lavi narrowed his eye after finding her lurking about like a shark in shifting waters. "I'd like to talk."

"I'm listening." Lenalee straightens unconsciously, not used to hearing seriousness from him in non-life or death situations (and even in those…).

Stop it, it's Lavi. He's a friend; don't let anything get into your head.

Still the buzzing feeling in her chest told her to be on guard and while these feelings were not always correct, they were not always wrong. She wondered why it was Lavi that gave her such a distant feeling, maybe because he never seemed too serious, but it felt as though there was something else as well.

Sometimes I wish I didn't like being so intuitive….

"No, you're the one that needs to talk." His easy, usual, tone along with throwing out a smile did not betray the depths of his thoughts to her or anyone who didn't know better.

"Lavi, you're acting rather forward." She wondered if his attitude was connected to Inspector Link's sudden possessive ness of the area he shared with Allen which gave even Lavi and Bookman some trouble passing through. Not so much protocol, but more Links' waves of irritation for the younger of the duo.

Lenalee still wouldn't have any trouble with sneaking past all the new guards, but she kept that to herself.

"Nah, I'm just curious about you answering our question?"

"What question?"

"The one bout knowing a person's character versus having more knowledge bout them."

"Oh, yes, what brought this on?"

Lavi ignored her question as though she never asked. "On the surface they seem an awful lot a like, don't they? But I've been thinking, looking back on history one can see how it shapes events for the, now present, future. But what would have happened, if one person hadn't said no or yes that made a big difference later, like a traveling man choosing not to take in a little brat that someday become special in the history books? Or if that same boy was not given a will to carry by someone noteworthy; what would have happened to that boy, would he still have become special, at all?"

"Lavi, hold on, you're asking a complicated question here I don't really know the answer to…. But let me see…I think something like this can be different for everyone. There are some people who are shaped more by the circumstances around them while others are shaped more by their individual thoughts and views."

"So you say…that there are two types born that way?"

"…I don't think it's that simple either. Yes, I think some people can be born naturally like that, but I think people can also choose to become like either of those types as they grow."

Lavi looked unconvinced, but thoughtful as he fingered the color of his coat. She noticed he wasn't wearing his bandana and for some reason that struck her as odd. Shaking her head, Lenalee felt the need to for Lavi to believe her.

"Look at Allen."

That caught his attention, though he barely changed his actions, which made her think of him like a puppy trying to seem distracted so he doesn't need to learn a new trick.

"In the beginning when he first started working here did you notice he seemed almost entirely influenced by his dedication to destroy akuma, even to the point of killing himself. He didn't seem to recognize his own thoughts at all because he was so tied to the past. Lately though, I think he's really growing past being shaped by past events and trying to shape himself because of himself. He's even started to talk less polite, here and there."

Of course one has to catch him off guard first. But Lenalee would whatever progress she could.

"You really think so...."

She shrugged. "…I would like to."

Shaking his head, Lavi ruffled his hair and gave out a solemn sigh before looking up.

"Lenalee, if there's a God's listening right now, I sure hope he heard ya. Cause I wonder if anyone else will."

"Lavi, this is about Allen, isn't it?"

"Hey Lenalee?"

"What?"

"Are you able to be smarter than a bookman?"

"Lavi?"

"Cause I can't believe that one hundred percent, I'm not able to, I changed so much, each time with so little perception and so much knowledge that I don't think I'm suppose'ta belong in either group; so I wanna bet with you."

"….What about?"

"I've seen Allen at his worst; his best, and possibly, save General Cross, retain more knowledge about him than anyone. It's my job ya see. You on the other hand….you, if your, theory, is correct, know more about his heart than I do even if you've seen little of what knowledge drives him compared to me."

Lavi held out his hand.

"Lenalee, let's see which of us Allen will prove right in the end."

"Lavi, you're not making any sense?"

"Hmm, your right, perhaps, or you're the one who never makes sense."

Lavi pat Lenalee's shoulder with a formal grace that made her more intrigued than she cared to mind.

"I'll tell you someday, maybe, if you all are capable of having greater control of yourselves than history."

"Don't talk like that, Lavi."

Don't talk as though you're capable of letting go of something that is still there.

But she's too angry, whether at Lavi or something else, to say more before he's gone.

~~~*

When Lenalee goes to dinner at a late hour she finds Kanda, alone, with Soba that Jerry obviously made very recently.

She takes a seat across from him and waits for him to be done chewing for talk.

"Do you know what making bets are like Kanda?"

"No."

"…Why?"

"I hate bets."

"That was established already."

"Che, that should be enough to know that I hate it, I don't need to give a reason why when it doesn't concern you."

Lenalee shrugged at that, even when it does concern her she usually still has to beat it out of Kanda.

Changing the subject, she asked. "What do you think about Allen's situation concerning the death or disappearance?"

Kanda turned to Lenalee, face blank; his eyes look agitated at Lenalee for bringing this up but relents after thirty minutes of eating and going back for refills and seeing Lenalee having her no nonsense contorting into an angry face. "As far as the Vatican is concerned, he's going to die, you know it, your Brother knows it, Marie knows, Lavi knows it, the Generals...."

"I know it." Her voice is steady and knowing despite the ache. She's not surprised or in denial over anything the Order is capable of. Lenalee just can't bring herself to feel odd over the fact of how little the things like murdering a child for being forced to play the heretic in circumstances he couldn't control can shock her. Even Kanda shows more discomfort over atrocities such as the Thirds than she does.

"But that's not what I'm asking. You told me you believe people stop existing when they die and I realized something."

"You Kanda… you and I, I don't think there is anyone else who is more similar to me than you."

Kanda grunted, so Lenalee elaborated whether that was what Kanda wanted or not.

"You and I, basic personality aside, are very similar."

"That's probably why you can stand me as much as you do." Lenalee admitted with a smile that Kanda envisioned a fang sticking out.

"I hate to disappearances more than anything."

"I thought it was death you hated." Kanda's less irritated now, not completely content, but enough he'll tolerate her for a while longer without trying to leave.

"Death is different, I can accept death. Death, like breathing, happens all the time in life. To disappear into the darkness, where I can't follow and become someone I don't know anymore, it's scary. Brother disappeared for a time and I was almost lost before he found me. But not everyone is going to find me again like that. That's why I find it hard to accept, even to the point where I'm not sure I believe it…then again I think the others felt like that too."

Kanda does not talk to her for awhile, focusing on his dish as though she were not there.

Finally he admits casually. "You're being rather open today…"

"Just with you…"

He nods, and keeps eating.

"Lenalee. Don't over think it; it never pays to show that."

She smiles at him and he pretends he doesn't care how fake it is just to make her happy.

~~~*

"I'm requested?" Lenalee dully noted with vague surprise showing on her face.

"Inspector Link's orders, Miss Lee." The Crow gave a slight stiff bow of the head before walking off.

If those were the orders than surely her Brother knew as well, Link couldn't order an exorcist without the Supervisor's notice.

She quickened her pace to a slightly faster walk to the hallway only to be met there halfway by the requester himself.

"Miss Lee, I was hoping you would come quickly."

"Inspector Link."

"I'll get straight to the point so as to not waste either of our time. Will you assist me in dealing with Walker's condition?"

The way the golden haired man talked seemed as though he had rehearsed everything he wanted to say.

"By, assist you…you mean…?" She saw nothing but blood and broken bones at his suggestion.

"Help me with calming him and treating his suffering. Walker seems to do better with someone he knows and trusts I can treat the binding spells a lot better and keep the other Crow members from interfering as much with you there helping."

"Like a nurse?"

"More or less, yes."

Lenalee pursed her lips, there was always a catch, and she just wasn't pure enough to think things ever came without some sort of hook in the bait.

"Think it over and come by the room at exactly eleven P.M. tonight. I'll notify the guards to let you pass so you don't have to sneak passed them anymore." Link gave a disapproving glare at that, whether at her or the guards she wasn't sure.

"Why me?" She asked just as he was walking away.

"Obviously, I don't know why you would think such a thing." Was all he said before he left.

Leanlee watched him go until he disappeared before leaving to go to the Laboratory to visit Johnny and finally make good on her coffee promise to the others.

~~~*

"Hey, hey." Lenalee felt a poke on her shoulder as she groggily woke up from her nap.

When did I fall asleep…and why am I in the cafeteria?

"Heeyyy." The insistent youthful voice kept ringing even when she turned her eyes to meet with the source of the noise.

"Timothy?"

"Man you sleep forever. I must of walked by five times over the last hour or so made a lot of noises in the kitchen and you still didn't get up." The younger boy grinned almost with feral cunning as though she were the younger of the two.

"…Why were you in the kitchen when Jerry's gone? Were you stealing ice cream again?" She noticed the smears of fudge and vanilla residue along his cheeks.

"No!" The boy hid his hands behind his back in an attempt to hide the sticky fingers with dark sugary stained nails.

"…You didn't possess different bodies so you could eat as many cartons of sweets without getting a stomach ache again did you?" No one had been happy that day, least of all Komui who had to add even more to the bills.

She was starting to worry about her Brother's blood pressure more since Timothy joined.

"No!" Timothy enunciated agitated. "I learned my lesson, General Klaud made sure of that." He muttered darkly, almost nervously to himself before shaking his head and facing her with narrowed eyes. "And to think I was worried about you here unconscious and thinking over everything that has happened lately; girls!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, thank you waking me up Timothy; I'm grateful for your concern."

"Hmpth, well alright I'll let you off the hook, after all you're probably out of it with everything that's been going on and stuff." Timothy bowed his head a little and rocked back and forth as much as he could with his roller blades as he quietly ended his acceptance.

Lenalee's eyes watered a little after few moments, poor kid; he was so new to everything in this war and even if he didn't know everything going on Timothy probably sensed the unease of the adults in ways only kids can and still trying to be brave. It was so easy to forget children were people too sometimes and keep them in the dark. Lenalee promised when things cooled down enough on her shoulders she would find ways to spend quality time with Timothy. Maybe help give him the extra support she didn't have from adults like Emilia was trying so hard to in this environment.

She blinked away the moisture before Timothy would notice, she was afraid of making the young boy uncomfortable.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh well, hold on what time is it?" She leaned back in her chair to squint her eyes in the darkened room to find the clock, personally made by the Science Division in their spare time.

Ten forty-five.

"Do you get dumped?"

"Uhm, no…But I do have a date so to speak, just not a pleasant one."

Timothy made an "oh" with his mouth as he, impatiently waited for elaboration.

"Well to not go too far into the details, I've been asked to help Allen, but I'm worried."

"How come? If you want to help Allen, help him. I'm sure he'll be thankful for it when he's done being sick with whatever is bugging him." Timothy grinned so hopefully she almost missed the anxiousness in his eyes before he shut them.

"It's just not that simple, in a way…"

"Do you love him?"

"…Yes, but that's why-"

"Does he love you?"

"Timothy, what-"

"Then go help him."

"That simple, huh?" She cocked her head to the side in knowing she wanted him to go further.

"If you love someone you love them, I don't think there's a reason for that cause it's just there whether you want it or not, at least that's what Teacher says."

"Really, well, I can believe that." Images of her Brother and the Order staff and exorcists flooded her mind.

"Yeah, but Teacher always used to tell me knowing why you love someone and why you'll do stuff for them is just as important when it comes to relationships or something."

"…What did your Teacher tell you?"

Scratching his head, as if a little bashful, Timothy gave another look to Lenalee's face and continued on as if encouraged.

"Well, she always said its important because love always makes sense, like why Teacher loved children was because she loved taking care of them and making sure they were never lonely, in return we all loved her for making us happier, I guess…"

"I see, so knowing why you love someone, makes you happier, Timothy?"

"Well," Timothy by this point took a seat next to her, swinging his legs back and forth that made him look younger and less aggressive than usual. "To tell you the truth, the first reason I liked Teacher was different from everybody else's, ya know."

She took notice of the way Timothy fussed a little with the bandanna covering his forehead.

"Yeah, I love the people I care most about because I don't feel lonely or without purpose with them." Lenalee admitted easily, it was a simple answer no one would ask further about.

"What about you? Why do people love you?"

"I'm, I guess they might feel the same way."

"Doubt it. Kadumb wouldn't care so long as his Soba wasn't gone." Timothy cheekily stated.

Since when did…Oh Timothy had been hanging out with Allen a lot before by following around him nearly everywhere when nothing more exciting was happening, probably learned a whole new set of insults by just playing with Timcanpy when a fight between the East and West broke out nearby.

Lenalee almost groaned because she could just imagine what words Kanda had taught Timothy.

They would have to talk later.

"Why do you like Allen so much?"

"Well, he's Allen." She's never really thought further than that, before she cared about just because he's a friend but before she knew it is had gone through a metamorphosis into just because he's Allen.

"Well I don't like Allen; he's a sore loser and cheats at games and doesn't even bother to care about it afterwards even to the point of eating the candy in front of you."

Lenalee couldn't refute that one, or admit the fact a part of her has always found that interesting about Allen.

"But," Timothy swung himself of the table bench, "I don't hate him."

"Oh, why is that?"

"…Why…is a secret!" Timothy stuck his tongue out and zoomed away just as Emilia busted open the doors in a hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn, waving papers around and chasing after him as he laughed and mocked her.

Lenalee leaned into her clasped hands in thought despite the echoes of chaos in the back round.

Why Allen and I love each other, huh?

When the clock struck eleven Lenalee was by the big doors with Link letting her in, giving an unreadable look.

"So you came after all."

"Of course."

She would see things with her own eyes.

Lenalee breathed and entered her tainted sky world.

~~~*

Lenalee prepared herself for the feeling of never feeling prepared enough as she held on fast to her commitment.

He's my friend, a part of my world, and I don't want his face be one I can't recognize...

Allen breathed of untouchable distance as much as he clung and bury himself deeply into whatever cosmic dreams he had when lying awake as Lenalee clutched his hand and never let go.

Link busied himself with running back and forth dealing with hovering Crow officers always ready to make the fatal strike and fully knowing no one would stop them, while checking the layer of spells attached to the white ash haired youth and bringing his own sort of comfort to the situation with his gentle but strong hands that were used to restrain and help calm down the tension.

I will see to the end for the reasons I have for wanting to do this…

This was how things stayed for the next few days and nights.

Lenalee holding Allen's hands, Link trying to delude himself that control of the chaos is his to grasp, Crows standing by reading to use their own judgment, and Allen…Allen was beginning to laugh more than he cried.

"Don't sleep yet," She half pleads, half growls at Allen, who probably wouldn't even listen to her, angrily trying not to slap him in terror whenever she thinks his eyes are just a shade different.

Allen stopped calling her by name, but still reacted positively to her touches and warmth.

Despite the building of anxiety and wishing none of this were happening, Lenalee never left.

She thinks she's too afraid, perhaps.

"There's a bed, behind the curtain over there, just rest when you think you can't do anymore for a time. I need you in able mind and body and not falling over."

When she asked when was the last time Link slept, after noticing the heavy bags under his eyes, he only gave her a suffering look and kept on his work without a better reply.

Time wasn't an issue anymore in the window less room where the dim lights overhead flickering eternally.

Lenalee tightened the straps with gritted teeth she thought were cracking.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…

Was the chant to all Crows, Noahs, Popes, and most of all anything that had to do with Inspector Leverrier she unwilling took comfort in.

When Allen wasn't bucking against himself he was lying still as ever with eyes only on her.

"That's right, you know this face." She murmured in a tone she was too tired to understand herself.

Allen worked his mouth open and shut like a dying beached fish with eyes so murky they looked like the dark waiting to engulf themselves. The white ash haired male looked as though every breath he took was painful as it was difficult.

"Why is Allen having so much trouble breathing?"

"If I were to guess… Walker can't breathe like he used to because he's forgetting how in favor of something else."

Sighing, Link shook his head and apologized. "I'm sorry; I'm just having trouble thinking over these past few days."

"You must be to say something like that." She's never heard of Crow or Inspector show vulnerability in front of an exorcist before.

"Sleep, I can take over."

"I can not, he'll wake up soon."

"I can handle it, go, I'm sure you'll know if something happens.

The Inspector grunted, somewhat undignified, but none of the less wandered over to collapse on the other bed behind the curtains with Timcanpy, who had been acting strangely stand offish during these last few days with never going near Allen nor letting it's master out of sight.

Lenalee sighed even though she had little breath to offer and cracked her back to sit up better, ignoring the presences of predators lurking outside.

It made her think of herself as a fire keeping the wolves away.

~~~~*

Lenalee blinked, feeling a pat on her cheek, turning her head she found Timcanpy clinging to her shoulder, pointing to the bed.

Did I fall asleep? How embarrassing. I hope Timcanpy didn't record anything.

Groggily stared down at her friend's sleeping form trying hard to gather her wits as the golem began tugging her hair, urgently with a bit of temper, to pay attention faster.

"Allen!" her voice tugged a pitch higher before she could force herself to become quieter.

She didn't want to give any Crows reasons to storm in.

Allen's moving wasn't as hectic as before, but he was biting down harshly on his lip as though trying to force his mouth shut as his chest was quaking.

Touching his face, Lenalee gripped his grayish skin to keep his face still so as to see the damage better.

Cursing at the amount of blood, Lenalee didn't bother to fetch a cloth from the other side of the room in favor of using her sleeve to wipe away the red.

I'll have to get his sheets cleaned; maybe find out if those new clothes need washing as well.

Trying not to distract herself further, even though the worry of dirty clothes and sheets was valid, Lenalee threw caution to the wind at the sight of Allen wincing in even more pain from his cut lip and knuckled her fist into his mouth to meet sharp teeth.

Inhaling sharply, Lenalee tried not to bite her own lip in focus to keep her mouth shut as Allen gnawed like a puppy on her hand cutting into her skin.

I'm scared.

Lenalee couldn't keep the thought away, sitting alone in this room with Allen not even knowing how much Allen was even aware and feeling so lost as to what to do besides hide behind a face people could recognize while her heart was troubled.

She felt cold, she felt numb, she felt like everything was so much smaller than before and she was only looking at the world through a key hole to a door she could unlock.

"Allen…Can you even hear me?"

Allen's eyes were closed, but she could see movement behind his eyelids.

She nudged her fist, the fingers were caught, and she didn't care.

Timcanpy pat her face again, this time bearing it's fangs as though it would bite her.

She grimaced tiredly and thought about shooing the golem away before relenting to it as it was actually comforting to have something react to her in a way that was encouraging.

She hummed slightly, she didn't consider herself as having the best singing voice as her tones were unbalanced and pitched in odds places to make feel too embarrassed to even attempt in front of other people, but it was still comforting.

Allen suddenly bit harsher.

Lenalee yelped but kept humming.

It was painful but she made a promise.

A promise to Allen to stay, even when she wanted nothing more than to flee or hide away behind her mask that allowed no one to penetrate once again.

I'll keep it as long as I'm able to

Even if his face is one I can't really reconcile to my memories anymore

Her hums were drifting softer.

Had the Allen she knew disappeared?

What would that mean?

"Allen, I'm here, I'm here." She broke the hums to whisper.

Silence met her.

"Hey…"

Shock bolted down her spine as she lunged forward, knocking her chair down and causing a stir from the other sleeping occupant. Tincmapy flew over head as if channeling her feelings.

"Hey, you…" It was Allen's voice, slurred and quieter and almost hard to notice, but it was Allen. He had let go of her hand during her singing and licked the blood away with his tongue with a look still dazed but determined to hang on.

I thought, I thought for one moment, you…. She could finish.

"Hey, I like how you are always here and tell me that I matter…."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Keep talking, just keep talking please.

"I…didn't want to see you sad….for some reason….it makes me want to always….let you know that…" Allen breathed painfully, but despite that his labors breaths seem to not get in the way of his determination to say what he wanted to.

You came back, even though you're breathing is painful; you still wanted me to breathe easier…

Lenalee gulped a large breath of air and held it before letting it loose, feeling her body shiver not from the cold but stimulation with the epiphany of her and Allen's connection.

I love Allen, because even when he disappears, he always comes back.

I feel safer with him than anyone besides my Brother. I like that he makes me feel safe, that he respects me as a woman the strength I am able to always give. I like that I'm not just a soldier to defend, but a fiend to fight with.

So many thoughts came to her, but one stood out.

I love Allen because he does not disappear.

He always has come back to me no matter the odds.

I won't ever be abandoned by him and because of the way I feel he never completely will either.

Lenalee's mouth felt so salty that it took her awhile to figure out that the sensation she tasted was not blood but tears.

I've been so tired of feeling so much for everything and everyone I was letting myself become more numb than fresh winter corpse.

Lenalee holds this moment of humanity like two lifetime partners and does not even bother to hide any of the humanity Allen is fighting so hard to keep.

Look at me, look at us; look at how you're existence alone affects me.

And even if you lose your memories of the times we've spent together and can't even remember my name, I'll keep calling you Allen and believing you'll never lose that feeling that cares so much about being a part of my world.

Lenalee does not care if someone hears or sees her; all she cares about is that Allen, for even this one brief moment, came back to her and has not let go.

"Hey Allen, you're welcome."

She smiles at him and he gives a brief one in return because Lenalee say that makes him know he just did something good.

~~~*

Lenalee does not try to be the one who banishes the dark away. Lenalee has no memory of ever believing in the light like Allen professes to - the only light she ever believed in was the one that came from her Innocence, and that was only because she has always seen it whether she believes it's true or not. Instead, Lenalee has embraced the darkness as a part of her life and lived to find some happiness in it, so long as her Brother could share it.

Lenalee always has watched Allen through the looking glass. Studying his reflection as though she were looking at her own; Lenalee does not banish the darkness she sees because she knows she is not capable of such a thing.

I'm here, even when you sleep or feel so far away; I'm here.

Lenalee will never try to be like the light – not like Allen or Komui can - she doesn't want to be nor is she ideal enough to strive for it.

But, Lenalee can stay by Allen's side.

Lenalee used to cower in front of death; passively except it as the end of her world.

But Lenalee will stay by Allen's side.

She will not cower for death or watch it happen without any action.

She can't fight Allen's death; Allen promised her – everyonehe wouldn't disappear. Frustrating as it is, it's his fight. She can not do it for him.

I trust you, I can do this for you, and you can do this for me.

For the moment, Lenalee will choose to fight the only way she can in Allen's defense.

I trust you.

Lenalee will stand by his side and whenever Allen's vision strays from his path he might find some comfort in the fact that she is replacing the reminder of death that would hang oppressively by his side, so when she hears of a break out of the prison holding Allen she gives a smile despite her many worries because of some deep feeling that this will not be the end of them.

Trust me. Trust in me, who trusts in us.

I'll make sure you won't ever be abandoned.

Just like you won't no matter what the distance.

Let's see if I can do that.

Because I know you're heart and that's even more important than knowing you're face.

I finally understand….

Thank you…

"Lenalee?"

"Kanda?"

"You look alright."

"I do."

"….Don't over do it, your fine going at your own pace."

"Thank you, Kanda. Coming from you that means a lot."

Kanda sighed, not agitated or tired, just content in his own way.

"Kanda?"

"What?" He replied with a bit of sudden impatience of getting back to his sharp self.

"I trust you; more than I trust the Order, I always have and will."

"…"

"Remember that okay; I won't let the Order stand between us…and I won't die either." She quickly added, with a sudden need to reinforce that last statement from, perhaps, some shared connection between thee two for being each others only still living childhood friends.

Neither should you. We'll be survivors together.

Kanda made her no promises in return, but he lingered by her side, giving her a quick nod for once that wasn't completely just for her.

~~~*

The world is a swift, titling, little place that has is small despite having no walls or boundaries.

"He's a lot like you were Brother, when I thought you had disappeared for good you came when I needed you most."

"Ah…I'm happy you've found a friend like that Lenalee." Komui's tired from the hellish days of interrogation and deciding between morality and justice, but for now he's here with his sister after what felt like an eternity from seeing each other.

"I'm happy I can have faith this time, before I didn't know any better, now, now is still hard, I'm not very good at this kind of faith. It's different with you, as it always is, since I made a promise with my Innocence to keep going so long as I can reunite with you in the very end."

"But with Allen…with Allen we made no promises."

"Are you worried?

"Yes, I'm not confident in how things will go or turn out, but this belief I have in the day I can meet Allen again will not go away. You…I want you to meet him again too Brother, let's meet him someday…till then…"

"I will let you dream…keep your dreams this time Lenalee, don't let go of the ones that can be shaped in reality….even if it hurts…"

"Can I tell of one I can not?"

"…Yes…Please my Sister…"

"Brother," she rolled over on his wooden bedroom floor to lie on her back. "I saw castles when I was younger…didn't I…"

"…Yes, yes you did." He answers without any nostalgia. Those days were dead to the both of them save just memories of experience. It was the only way they could cope with what they had now. "They were tall; you couldn't even fly all the way up if you were a bird."

"I bet I could." She smiles easily for him, confident in her resolve.

He smiles back, just a little. "You've certainly proven to be more of a handful to any force that comes your way then any avian I've heard of."

"I'm not capable of landing when I'm tired."

"…No you are not." He's not upset; he's not upset he tells himself. She needs this as much as he needs her.

"Just as you can not leave the ground." She looks apologetic for his sake, she stops smiling and reaches out her hand, which he takes as he looks down on her while she looks up at him from position.

"I'm sorry…you lost your chance to be a princess. You'll always be my queen." Help her; help her somehow; even if it hurts.

She laughs a little, and she looks more like an adult then Komui feels at the moment.

"This castle is mine; I can't be queen of it though. But I'll always be your knight."

He tightens his hold, the way she used to do for him so long ago. He smiles because he doesn't know what else to do.

"Yes," She continues. "My place is always by your side." She brings his hand down to brush his knuckles against her lips. She closed her eyes before a far away gaze in her eyes sneaked out.

She'll never leave this place, this place that imprisons her Brother whom she must guard and serve with all her might.

Allen's not here anymore, not a part of a world she can see, but, she does not need to see him in order to know him completely.

Have faith, Komui came, even when you lost faith, Allen, doesn't have to stop existing for you, doesn't have to stop being worth believing in, and perhaps his love can conquer all…

It's idealistic, even stupid, but she'll put her faith in this stupid martyr of a boy who is so much like the light one is always afraid will flicker out but still watches to the end.

She did it once before, albeit under slightly different, or not so different circumstances, but she'll do it again.

I hate waiting, but I if I keep running, I'll end up losing. Who was it that told me I had to fly on if I couldn't stop to see what was behind me?

I'm waiting, if you don't keep up with me, I will never look back on you, and I'll hate you.

So Please, even if you won't let me, I will keep trusting in us.

Allen…I want to tell you something, my Brother and I will tell you together.

Someday…

Maybe I too can stop smoking this kind of poisonous air I must bear.

And we can show our hearts to each in person again…

~~~~*

The time feels so surreal that it feels more like it is eleven sixty than what ever any clock may say.

Lenalee holds a glove, which smells of cinnamon and sweat, and breathes in as though intoxicated.

Allen's glove still smells like him.

She may not know how this scent became Allen's, but she does know it fits him in a way it doesn't anyone else and she loves Allen's scent because she knows it even if she does not know a lot about it.

She puts in on her right hand and tightens her fingers into the palm of her hand until it is a tight fist.

She does not take it off.

Lenalee sets off, knowing her destination as she finds the door to knock on, a little louder than needed, until the metal door slightly inches open where the red head peaked out to see her before slithering out like a snake from his den as though jealousy guarding something sacred.

"Hey…Lenalee, I didn't think I'd see you." Later she would wonder about this greeting, as if he was purposely trying to show signs of what was coming without telling her. But for now, she was here for only one reason.

"Lavi."

She held out her gloved hand to his.

"I'm going to meet your bet."

Gamblers, pick your decks.

Notes

Should one choose to hear sweet words from an enemy or feel wounds from a friend? Is not mine; it's a verse from the bible.

Some of the characters came off softer than I wanted, I personally blame little Kanda and Alma, they make even the most atrocious things blow up in my mind because of their (bloody violent) cuteness.

I look back on this and find it funny how much it's changed from my original idea of it just being a short Allen/Lenalee to now being a huge Lenalee centric with no solid pairings.