This is just a little short story that I recently thought up the concept of and decided to post now... to announce my 17th birthday! Woo-hoo! I would have done one of my other stories but none of their chapters are close to ready. This'll be about 3 chapters long, no longer than 4. Without any further delay, even though if you didn't care about the author note you'd already be reading the chapter, I present The Two Gerudo Kings!

Published February 2, 2010

"At last, out of that annoying Sages' Seal!" A dark form stood silhouetted in the moonlight, his massive build cloaked in dark black armour. He strutted across the plains of Hyrule with a vicious grin on his face, happy about his most recent accomplishment. "Those fools shouldn't have interfered, it's not like a prison like that could hold one with the power of the Gods!" He held up his fist, a Triforce glowing on the back of his gauntlet. "I HAVE RETURNED HYRULE!"

Lightning flashed, the laughing face of Ganondorf being revealed for the first time in one hundred years. His destination: the Gerudo Desert.

-Gerudo Valley-

"State your name!" the Gerudo gate guard ordered as Ganondorf crossed the bridge.

"I am Ganondorf. Open the gate," Ganondorf announced, staring down at his servant.

"I don't know a Ganondorf," the Gerudo said. "Gertrude, do you know any Ganondorfs?"

"I... I know... lotsa people," Gertrude slurred from the other side of the gate. "Big people... They got spears, and sharp things... Why do we use spears anyway? I wanna cannon. A BIG cannon. One that shoots people, and it needs... it should be covered in spikes. Sharp spikes, like ones on a spear. Where's ma spear?"

Ganondorf ignored her. "I am King Ganondorf, the King of the Gerudo. Let me through right now!"

"King? You're not the king."

"Yes I am! I am the male of the Gerudo, which makes me king!"

"But you're not Gatondurf."

His eyes narrowed. "Who the hell is Gatondurf?"

"He's the king, if you followed the conversation at all you'd have noticed that."

Ganondorf stuck out his hand, silencing her. "I got that, it was one of those questions that is meant to lead you to explaining more information about him to me. I don't usually have to explain things like this! Use your brain!"

"Well now I'm definitely not opening the gate," the Gerudo said, crossing her arms and leaning against the steel gate.

"What?!" the King of Evil roared. "Why not?!"

"You insulted me. It hurt my feelings."

A growl escaped from Ganondorf's throat. "Enough of this!" He held out his hand and blasted the gate off of its hinges, the explosion of energy throwing the two guards to the side.

"Hey, you can't do that!" He walked past the broken gate, ignoring any protests of his actions.

"Thata never happen when I'M in charge," Gertrude snapped. "I'm a good leader... I'm a really good leader... I should be in charge of this whoooooole base. Nah, I- I just want the pool. We need a pool."

-Inside the Fortress-

A single throne sat at the end of a long, decorated room. Sitting on the throne was a large man wearing deep, crimson armour that was made to make him look ever more muscular than he already was. His red hair was short and slicked back, showing off a very vertical forehead. "So it's agreed," Gatondurf said to the four Gerudo before him. "We'll begin construction of the swimming pool in May and will be done by the end of the month."

The doors of the throne room suddenly burst open, flying across the room. A towering man with a trail of unconscious Gerudo behind him entered the room. "Are you Gatondurf?" Ganondorf demanded.

The new king rose to his feet. "What if I am?"

"I want my position back! I am Ganondorf, the one hundred and thirty two year old King of the Gerudo!"

"Ganondorf? You're the previous king?"

"Yes."

"The king who was defeated by the Hero of Time and sealed in the Sacred Realm one hundred years ago?"

"The very same."

"The king whose actions led to the Gerudo Purge which ended with the deaths of two thirds of the Gerudo population?"

"...That happened after my time, but it's very likely."

"Right. Go away."

Ganondorf walked further into the room, approaching Gatondurf's throne. "The living male Gerudo is the king," he said. "As I see it, I'm the older of the living male Gerudos. This makes me king, and you prince.

"A prince is the son of the king," Gatondurf countered. "You're not my father."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Someone find the rule book so that we can show this guy that I'm king."

A collective gasp filled the room. "We must find the Sacred Rulebook of the Gerudo!" one of the Gerudo exclaimed.

"You mean the holiest book in the land, the one that was locked deep underground in a magical diamond safe to avoid its misuse?"

"Yes my friend, the great codec of our people."

"GO GET IT!" Ganondorf roared.

"Don't yell at me! Who do you think you are?"

"For crying out loud… I'm the king!"

"No, I'm the king!" Gatondurf interjected.

Ganondorf sighed, shaking his head as the Gerudo ran off to find the rulebook. "Look, either we stop arguing about this until they get back or you just admit right now that I'm the king. Choose now."

"You aren't the king!"

"That wasn't one of my choices."

The Gerudo returned with a dusty, falling apart book. "Found it."

"You were gone for ten seconds!" Ganondorf crossly exclaimed, an eye twitching. "I thought it was deep underground or some shit like that!"

"It turns out that I had it all along," the Gerudo holding the book joyously told him. The group all laughed merrily, ready to leave the issue behind them. Ganondorf ground his teeth together, holding out his hand and taking the book with magic. He flipped it open to a random page and began to look through it randomly.

"I know where it is," Gatondurf said. "Let me find it."

"No! I won't let you have any edges over me, so you don't get the rulebook!" He stopped on a page. "Did anyone else know that we aren't supposed to wear socks?"

-Ten minutes later-

"Here we go." Ganondorf slammed the book on a table. "The sole living male of the Gerudo Tribe is to be the king of its people. See section three for kingly duties. Should there be no living male yadda yadda, skip a bit... Should there be more than one male living at once refer to section eight. DAMMIT!"

He went through the pages for another minute.

"Aha! All living males are given equal authority until either A: they have agreed to divide control and take over an equal, separate part of the forces or B: enough die for there to only be one ruler. So that settles it. You need to die."

Ganondorf covered his fist with dark magic and swung around, throwing a punch at Gatondurf's head. Gatondurf swiftly dodged, stepping away from the other king. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"I think it's obvious that I'm trying to kill you."

"He's right sir, that was a stupid question," a random Gerudo added.

"See? Now..." Ganondorf attacked again, beginning their intense, heart-stoppingly awesome battle... which will not be in this chapter.

I was tempted to put Friendship for the second category as a joke, but nah.