Title: Old Habits

Author: Morgan a.k.a. scgirl_317

Summary: It only took one look to know that she had done it again. Their romance had been that of a fairytale, so where was the happily ever after?

Genre: Romance, Angst

Author's Note: I wrote this almost in one sitting after an incident where I repeated an old habit I have with guys. After thinking about it for a bit, I realized that I'm a lot like Alice in that respect, that I have my own methods of self-destructing. So what you see is a case study in introspection.

It only took one look to know that she had done it again. Once again, her ever present fear of abandonment had pushed another guy away. She didn't mean to. She thought this time would be different. She had never meant to push him away, not after all he had done for her. But her heart was unused to standing up for itself, and her brain traveled its familiar path.

After learning the truth about her father's disappearance, she had hoped her pattern of self-destructing relationships was over. But old habits die hard, and she was once again left alone.

The apartment felt cold after their argument. He had told her he was tired of her keeping him at arm's length. Not knowing what to say, she had said nothing, but her silence spoke volumes. Namely, that she wanted him to leave. That couldn't be farther from the truth, but it was what she was used to. He hadn't slammed the door as he left, but the quiet click of the latch was loud enough.

She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps in the hallway to finally succumb to the tears that had been fighting for freedom. It wasn't supposed to end like this, she thought. Their romance had been that of a fairytale, so where was the happily ever after? Did such a thing even exist, or was it simply a fabrication meant to give little girls sweet dreams that turned into nightmares once they were old enough to know better?

She sat on the couch, hugging her knees as she silently wept, barely whispering the words she had been too cowardly two say before he had left.

"I'm sorry."

This was the way it always had been. This was the way it always would be. She saw no reason for it to change. If he couldn't changer her, no one could. So she wept.

Wept for herself.

Wept for her father.

Wept for the man that had just left. Did she love him? Her brain refused to say yes, still stuck in its old patterns, but her heart quietly said yes. This was the constant battle she faced. Head versus heart. She feared to follow her heart, but so far her head had done her no favors.

She cried until she had no more tears. Then she simply sat. Time and location lost their meaning as she stared off into space. She never heard the door open, nor the quiet footsteps of the arrival. Not even the sag of the couch cushion registered. Nothing, until a gentle touch tilted her face to meet his.

He could still see the tracks where tears had flowed freely. She could see that it pained him to know he had caused the tears. He pulled her close, and she held on for dear life, praying that this wasn't a figment of her imagination.

"Ya can't get rid of me that easy," he whispered in her ear, and she knew he was real. That was the moment her heart took over.

"I'm sorry for everything," she said, not wanting to leave anything unfinished between them.

"I know," he said softly. "I'm sorry, too. My impatience got the better of me. I shouldn't have left like that."

"I love you."

She said it so quietly, he almost missed it. But the grin that slowly spread across his face said he hadn't.

"That's good, 'cause I love you."

With that, he captured her lips in a gentle kiss, making sure she knew just how much he did love her.

Life was no fairy tale, she decided. But that didn't mean she couldn't get her happily ever after.