The Nightmare Begins: The MUSICAL! (Act 1)
Before you start reading, here's the story behind this testament to the power of procrastination. One day, I was reading a thread in GIR dealing with a Zim musical. For my amusement, I wrote a song for the 'musical', and people seemed to like it. I ended up writing a few songs for the board, and, after a while I decided I should consolidate the songs into some semblance of a plot. Because I had already written a song about the 'Great Assigning' (and because I'm too lazy to put a plot together), I decided to use the episode 'The Nightmare Begins' as my plot, though I have made a few changes to suit the songs. Anyway, I hope you find this little 'musical' a fun way to put off the serious work that you have to do.
Scene I: Conventia
The Great Assigning
Irken Chorus: Come, please, oh Tallest
Teach us to be the be the best
Invaders far or near
The planet Irk will dominate
Our reputation will be great
For everywhere we will inspire fear
Oh Tallest, you almighty ones
Enlighten us, so then the suns
Of many worlds we'll take
The Irken empire will be vast
And everyone, from first to last
Will to an Irken universe awake
Yes, we need the sage advice
Of the leader who has twice
The abilities of any normal one
Oh, please, Tallest, one and two
We must see you both anew
If Operation Doom II shall be done
Irken1: Done...
Irken2: Done...
Irken3: Done...
Irken4: Done!
Tallest appear.
Red: Oh, you denizens of our great empire
We, the greatest Irkens, do desire
Purple: Those of you who are superior
Purple aside: Though next to us, you're still inferior...
Purple: Go, invade!
Show what ev'ry Irken's made
Of... Masquerade!
Red: Then, once you
Have honestly and true-
-ly fit in, do
Tell us what you've found, and we oughta
Show support with an Irken, uh... spaceship gang?
Purple, speaking: Armada?
Red, speaking: Oh yeah.
Purple: Soon we will rule the enemy with our great advances
Technology, which they shall see, quite truly entrances
Our machines and our weaponry, our high level phasers
Our jetpacks and our rocketry
Red: And don't forget our lasers!
Laser hits Purple.
Red, speaking: Whoops, sorry.
Red: Go, invade!
Zim, speaking: Excuse me...
Purple: Don't let Irken glory fade!
Zim, speaking: Pardon me...
Red: Don't be afraid!
Zim, speaking: Invader coming through!
Purple: Go with haste!
Red: Don't... eat paste!
Purple, speaking: I told you before... it's 'no time to waste'... geez.
Zim, loudly: I'M HERE!
Purple, speaking: It can't be!
Zim, speaking: You're lucky I got here in time.
Red, speaking: But you were banished...
Zim, speaking: I quit when I found out about this...
Let Me Be an Invader
Zim: Let me be in Operation Doom Two
There is no single candidate greater.
I'm sure you will thank me once I have been through
And I'll prove I'm truly an invader.
Red: I think I speak for both of us
When I say that we can't discuss
This idea with you.
Purple: You've already made a travesty
Of the Irken army's majesty
Let's face it, Zim, you're through.
Zim: But my Tallest, I put the fires out;
Just let me try once more.
Because I have nary a doubt
That I'll make up what I did before
And I will try
To tell you why...
Invading is in my veins
But you deny me
And it gives me pains
That you decry me
Let me reach my destiny;
Let me conquer and raid!
And you'll finally see
I was born to invade!
Red gets a sandwich.
Red: Uh, now we see that you deserve
A token for the time you've served
The grateful citizens of Irk.
Yes, you should be proud, and stuff...
Uh, I hope that sandwich is enough
To show our... thanks for all your work
Zim: Oh, please, I just want one more mission.
Give me a chance, just let me try.
Please be kind with your decision.
And I'll give a reason why...
Here is my confession:
I must conquer a planet.
Invading's my obsession
Give me a ship; I'll man it!
Let me reach my destiny;
Let me conquer and raid!
And you'll finally see
I was born to invade!
Red and Purple huddle together.
Red: If I hear one more refrain
From Zim, I swear I'll go insane.
There has to be some way to quiet him.
Purple: Wait! I think I have a plan!
Just follow me... I think we can
Finally rid ourselves of this Zim.
Red and Purple go to Zim.
Zim, we have been swayed by you,
We know that what you've said is true,
And I have one important task.
Purple points to a spot on the edge of a map.
Go to... that planet over there!
Go conquer it, and please take care
And do the Irken army proud, I ask
Red and Purple: And you'll reach your destiny;
You shall conquer and raid!
For now we can see
You were born to invade!
Zim, speaking: Oh thank you, my tallest! I won't let you down! Now, all I ask of you is a robot slave to help me on my mission. Gimme!
Red, speaking: Um, your mission is too... special to be entrusted to a regular SIR unit. We have a 'top secret' model for you, Zim.
Zim, speaking: Oooh! Lemme see!
Red and Purple huddle by a trash can.
The Creation of Gir
Purple: I'll throw in a few medal scraps...
Red: I'll add a gum wrapper.
Purple: Together it will make, perhaps,
A very 'special' SIR.
The Tallest take Gir, who is dancing around insanely, over to Zim.
Red: Oh, Zim, I'll introduce to you
Your special robot servant.
Zim: But it looks, uh, not so good...
Purple: True...
But try to be observant.
Though it may look bad at first
It will pose a secret threat
Though you may assume the worst
The enemy will too, I'll bet
Zim: That's INGENIOUS! I should know
Not to doubt you two.
Red: Now I think you two should go,
So farewell and adieu!
Zim and Gir go offstage. Cheers are heard from the assorted Irkens.
Red, speaking: Now to get down to business...
Blackout.
Scene II: Dib's House
Dib, on the rooftop, is listening to a transmission; he takes off his headphones in a state of shock.
Something's Coming
Dib: I can't believe it...
I simply can't conceive it!
My lifetime of waiting now has ended.
I've now got proof,
Yes, quite decisive truth,
That planet Earth will have to be defended.
For...
Something's humming... in my radio!
Something's humming, and I do know
That it's not from familiar turf,
It cannot be from Earth!
It is a signal from far, far away...
Something's coming... from outer space!
Something coming, right to this place.
And I must be prepared for it
Though others might be scared of it
It's my duty to keep the alien at bay!
I feel a drumming in my chest.
And that drumming may well suggest
The fears I will soon face
Once I meet the alien race
But I know that these fears cannot hold sway.
My course has now been set
And I will not forget
My duties and and my moral obligations.
Something's coming very soon
From beyond the crescent moon
And I must protect the planet's many nations!
Dib goes downstairs to find Professor Membrane, surrounded by robot assistants. Gaz is in the corner playing on her GameSlave.
Dib, speaking: Dad! Something's coming!
Professor Membrane: Not now, son. I'm working on something important!
Toast!
Prof. M.: I am the greatest scientist
The world has ever known.
My name tops every science list,
And I have always shown
My cleverness in research; it's
Really quite legendary.
But one subject tests my wits
Of one matter I'm wary...
Should I tell you what it is?
Robots: Oh, please tell us what it is...
Prof. M.: It... is... TOAST!
Robots: Yes toast!
Prof. M.: Out of all that I've created
And every invention I can boast
It's toast!
Robots: Darn toast!
Prof. M.: I am challenged by that heated
Buttered slice of bread the most
I have made it my new quest
To please Betty Crocker and Einstein
Make my toast the very best
With the genius that is mine
And once I have perfected toast
I will have shown my true greatness
It will be loved coast to coast
My genius demands no less.
Robots: It's toast! Yes toast!
Which, don't scoff, our beloved prof. loves most!
With toast! Great toast!
His immortality is guarenteed, we know'est!
(fading)It's toast! Yes, toast! It's toast...
Dib, speaking: Well, that was weird. Gaz! Something's coming!
Gaz, speaking: What is it this time?
Dib, speaking: I... don't... know.
Why Do They Never Understand
Gaz: Quiet, Dib, I'm trying to play!
Do you know the meaning of 'Go Away'?
Dib: But Gaz...
Gaz: If I lose, you're going to pay!
Dib sadly walks away. The stage becomes dark, with a spotlight on Dib.
Dib: Why do they never understand
The things that I have planned?
Everyone just laughs or ignores me.
But they'll soon conceive
Of the truth behind what I believe!
And soon eveybody will see...
That I was right all along;
And everyone else was wrong.
My initial predictions will be shown,
I'll find success of my own,
And I'll no longer be alone.
Dib walks back up to the rooftop as a maudlin theme plays.
Why are people so surprised
About things that they can't see with their eyes?
Why can't they see past anything?
And they always must make light
Of those who see things right,
And they scoff at the ideas that they bring.
But I will someday make them fond
Of the things that lurk beyond.
They'll know aliens are real
Once I have made my appeal
With proof that I shall not conceal
A second spotlight appears over Zim and Gir, who are outside the Voot Cruiser.
Zim and Dib: I will show all those who doubt
And those who don't know all about
The great mission that I am on.
I will soon prove my great worth
Once I have done my work on Earth.
All their doubts will soon be gone.
I will prove I am right
And they soon will see the light.
Though they think I'm obsessed
I will soon complete my quest!
And I will prove that... I'm... the... best!
Dib's spotlight fades.
Zim, speaking: Gir, ready the Voot Cruiser! We will show these unsuspecting Earthenoids the true power of Irk!
Zim and Gir enter the Voot Cruiser.
Gir, speaking: I'm gonna sing the doom song now!
The Doom Song
Gir: Doom doom, doom doom, doom doom doom... (Well, you know it already)
The curtain falls.
INTERMISSION
Snacks will be served in the lobby.