Rain: Emotions

Disclaimer: Naruto is Kishimoto's, period.

A/N: An epilogue of sorts. Can read it without reading the whole thing. Just know it's NarutoxSasuke and you'll catch up to it. Oh! And manga spoilers!

Sasuke

I have never known emotions well. For god's sake, I never even knew my own self. The only ones who could get me to show any kind of emotions were my family and it's always been all about them.

Without knowing how and why, my world revolved around them and them only. Mom- whose smile was so warm and touching that I couldn't help but smile back. Dad- who was strict and stern but always there for me to work hard for so I get could his recognition. Itachi- who would make me envy him for getting everyone's attention but the fact was, I loved him more than anyone else. He was a kind-hearted brother who would teach me and smile and tell me with his gentle voice, the good and the bad around the world.

I loved my family.

And they weren't all.

My relatives: aunt, uncles, and cousins. They were always there. Every one of them had something to say and I would respect them just the same. Now that I think about it, they were the ones whose opinion affected me in a way where all those negative emotions would boil over.

But then again, those negative emotions weren't always bad. I learned that fire technique because of those emotions and was able to make my father proud of me. Competitiveness isn't always a bad thing; it's a stage that everyone goes through but sometimes, it can cause damage, much as it did to me.

Love triggers pain. That's almost painfully right. It's like it always depends on you who you give the gun to. People who can't pull that trigger are those who you don't have any feelings for whatsoever, but those people who you unwillingly give the trigger to, can shoot you at any time and then, it hurts you and brings you that much closer to the brink of death. Sometimes, it's only a shot at your spirituality. Sometimes it's your emotions, sometimes it's your mind and sometimes, it can shoot through every part of what makes you, you. And when that happens, it's an insane feeling. Empty, incomplete, you name it.

Sometimes, those wounds heal. Sometimes, those wounds scar and scrape and irritate your skin until you tear yourself apart.

Feelings are never a good thing but too much emptiness can cause you to an instability that can't be healed completely.

My head, at the time of that empty instability was terrifying. All thoughts, all feelings, I didn't want to feel them. I wanted to hate myself, hate everyone. Kill the ones who were important and yet, never kill myself.

I needed some feeling inside me or I knew I was going to go crazy. My mind was bursting, rotating around something that I was unable to grasp.

So I held on to darkness and revenge and hatred because I was familiar with them- Because they seemed like my only salvation.

How wrong I was…

It wasn't painful as much as it is painful to remember. Everything was dark; I couldn't see what was truly in front of me. I was insane, unable to be caught by anything but dark strings that pulled me back, quickly and quickly until I wasn't able to think even the slightest.

The darkness consumed me and I went deeper.

It just…was complicated. I still remember the wheels of my head turning and I was trying to reach something but I was never able to grasp fully of what it was. It was gone before I could even blink and all I wanted was to remember what that thing inside my head was: squirming uncomfortably around like an irritating worm and whenever I would close my eyes, it would come but I was never able to see anything beside that.

The thing was, I wanted to hold it but whenever I would try, it would vanish before my eyes and all my feelings would come out in a turmoil.

I couldn't recognize what I was; my morals, my life, my wishes…everything vanished with that blank image that went around my head and made me equally insane.

Now that I think about it, maybe that squirming feeling wasn't just a sign of my hollow insanity but the feeling I feared to delve into- a feeling that suppressed any others- a feeling that just wouldn't leave me alone. A feeling that was always there but I just wanted to avoid it.

I still wonder if it is the light beneath my skin or…

I smile now; it's so easy this time. Smiling without feeling conflicting emotions surge through me, smiling without having that darkness hold me back, smiling without having that hysteric feeling of wanting to laugh at how ironic and unfair life could be, smiling without feeling the rain mat my face nor smiling sadly like there's something wrong when everything is falling apart.

I smile simply and I feel as if all my fears are gone and I'm free. I'm alright just this moment and I know that once I go back to my own life, there won't be this easy feeling anymore but I ignore it and think about the sun that's encompassing my face as I look up and I smile at it because its brightness is welcoming and because I've accepted the light long ago so its brightness won't kill me, won't burn me, won't accuse me or blame me. It'll shine because it can and I'll smile because I can.

We both are so alike right now that I wonder if I really was one that was held into the dark to not even see a shed of light. It's a curious feeling but I shrug it away, only living in the feeling it gives me and not what it means.

I smile and nothing seems wrong.

Naruto

It's scary. This feeling called love.

I'm afraid of stepping even this close to it. I fear the consequences; I fear my own reaction and feelings. I'll stay away from love as long as I can help it.

Call me a coward but I'll stay away as long as it doesn't hurt me.

It may sound contradicting to many. It may sound like hypocrisy even because I have always held on to love and hope and all those positive emotions. I always hugged them in, gathered them into my arms and treated them like my own child. They were dear, loved ones. They still are.

That's why; I won't fall into the abyss called love.

I'll just love the ones I'm accustomed to love and how I usually love.

There are no hard feelings, no bubbling anxiety, and no painful experience. Life is like a flying car, and you're the one behind the wheel but when you're in love, that's different.

Everything is different.

You're not in control of the turning wheel. You are in no way planning your destination or what lies ahead. Everythings a fucking mess, like my disorganized room.

And for once, I can't tolerate the mess. It's everywhere: the dirty clothes, the dirty dishes, the grease and my socks.

To say, my life has changed since the day I brought Sasuke back may be a lie. To say, my life has changed from the day I first kissed Sasuke willingly also can be a lie.

Because I know for sure that my life changed the day I met him, the day I smiled after knowing that I wasn't alone in being lonely, the day I made him my rival, the day I was assigned to the same team as him and the day he left.

It's so easy to remember those memories but it was hard for me when with him, every step of the way. One day, I would think he cares for me. The other, I would tell him he's a bastard.

You know, Sakura was supposed to be the best thing that could ever happen to me. She's smart, she's pretty and if she'd ask, I'll be with her for eternity. That's how much I love her.

But it's not the same. It's never the same when it comes to Sasuke. Sasuke is the soul I may have actually lost in time and have finally come to reach it but I still can't touch the soul and it makes me feeling itchy. He's the fallen angel that cries in front of me and I can't touch him, I can't hold him, and we can't be one.

It's funny how I'm putting my life into cheesy words that don't even make sense in my brain and I know I suck at it but I need some type of him and not just this pure, sheer emptiness. I need to know he's there, feel him and know he's there for me.

Because he's never denied me that and I've never asked for it.

But now I may ask and my hands feel all clammy. I'm not supposed to be sweating, I'm supposed to be sober. I should be angry, in pain but I'm nervous…which isn't funny.

I remember my mother's last words about me getting a good partner. Weirdly enough, I've chosen someone that's hard to persue and easy to love.

How can it be so easy to fall? I've never felt like this. It's like I'd been in a hard cliff whose surface had never crumbled before but now, that rock that's always been holding me up has crumbled all of a sudden and I can't find my foundation, my base yet.

It's scary how deep I've fallen because I can't even see the sky anymore. I can only imagine a night and a moon. And that pretty darkness encompass me in its growing edge.

A/N: I promise no more Rain! Bye, bye, Rain. For real! No more!