A/N: Hey all!

I was struck with this story at... Let's see... 5:43 am on a Friday. I know, I know, 14 year old up really late... and on a SCHOOL DAY! *Gasp* Well, I've been stayin up pretty late lately. I can't really help it. I'm just not tired, I guess. Or maybe it's just my teenage rebellion choosing to purposely ignore my mom's pleas to go to sleep so I can function properly in the morning. Either way, I've really gotta write this. It's just a little one-shot. Enjoy. Oh and, The Hey Arnold Movie never happened here. Read on, young jedi.

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! is not nor will ever be mine! *Sniffle*

One-Shot

Hiya! Guess who! I'll give you a hint, it starts with a 'Hel' and ends in a 'ga'. I know what you're probably thinking right now... "Oh no! It's Helga Pataki! The ugly little unibrowed girl from PS118! Head for the HILLS!" Well listen up, bucko! I am NOT the same little, unibrowed bully from PS118's forth grade class! A lot has happened since then... Oh I forgot... You were too busy on here writing some ridiculous alternate reality stories on my life! Well, guess what! You're all CRAZY! You wanna know how my life really went down? Well Fine... I'll tell you. And listen good because I am NOT repeating this!

Well, around the fifth grade, my "oerfect" sister, Olga actually ran off and got married. He was nice enough. Nothing like her previous fiancee', I'll tell you right now. The wedding was good. I was the flower girl, much to my distaste. But I paid my sister back for stuffing me in that ruffled excuse of a dress and ran-sacked the buffet! It was great! They all came into the dining the hall for the ceremony or whatever and found "All the food gone! OH NO!" Olga bawled for a while... that is until her new hubby came back with Chinese food! I ran-sacked that too. I just love me! Afterward I bragged about the whole thing to Phoebe, and Arnold overheard and just had to give me one of his moral "That was wrong!" speeches and make me feel all guilty!

So I ended up coming clean. Grrrrrrrrr... That still bugs me sometimes. But I "did the right thing", so who really cares?! Olga apparently did. She apologized for making me resent her so badly... alright, alright! And I apologized for my misbehavior at her wedding. We actually came to some sort of understanding. I know it sounds crazy, but I actually... like her now. That still bugs me sometimes too.

Anyway, Olga ended up moving to Africa with her husband. Big Bob certainly resented her for the whole thing. Her husband, unlike her almost-husband from a while back, was truthful, and he didn't like any of the stuff Bob liked. Sports, beepers, and soap-operas. So once Olga was gone, he needed a replacement. And who do you think had to replace her? Me? DING DING DING! You are the lucky winner! What do you get? A pat on the back and a congratulatory handshake from Ronnie Mathews. The prize wasn't what you expected was it? Well... that's how it was with me and Bob. I always thought I wanted what Olga had. But what Olga had wasn't exactly what I had anticipated. She did have love... but it wasn't the type of love I wanted from my parents. It was love for what I got them: Recognition, Beeper sales, and pride. I didn't want that. And I know Olga didn't either. I think she was just kinda... pretending it was the kind of love she wanted and needed. Either that or she never knew what real love was.

I, on the other hand, have experienced love before. Or at least I've experienced what it's like to have someone who genuinely cares about you. I don't think Olga ever had that. Pfft, and here I was angry at her for years for "stealing" my parents' love away from me! Ridiculous! What a joke! What a crock! Some love. Humph!

So yeah... I was basically forced to become Olga. I was showered with attention! Not the type of attention I wanted, I might add, but that's what happened. And you wanna know what I did? Something I'm sure Olga would have LOVED to do! I told them off! I screamed, I shouted, I completely blew my top! I told them everything from "You're the most unattentive parents EVER!" to "What kind of 'love' is it when you don't even 'love' the person, but love what the person gives you! YOU SUCK!" to "GO DIE YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSES FOR PARENTS!". It was kinda insane. I couldn't help it! I was mad! No. Mad is an understatement. I was practically blinded by red I was so furious! Eight years worth of angst all just came pouring from my mouth! They just stood there. Utterly speachless. It only made me angrier! Once I was finished and felt I had made my point. I ran up stairs to punch holes in my walls and tear my pillow to shreds.

Needless to say, it was kinda like a wake-up call for them. After that, Mirriam started going religiously to AA meetings and Bob... well... This still has me laughing to this day! Big Bad Bob went off to get therapy! WHOO! That was great! But, although I still find the whole situation HILARIOUS, it really helped. Bob became a lot nicer and, get this, Mirriam started packing my lunch RIGHT! It was all pretty overwhelming. So after that, I guess you could say it helped me too. I actually felt loved! I felt like I had a reason, other than Arnold, to live! It was crazy! I loved it! I had always loved my parents, what I hated was that I was SURE they hated me. Boy, they certainly proved me wrong. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breath.

So yeah, I guess you could say I mellowed out a lot. No, mellow isn't the right word. I was still feisty as ever, but I didn't treat people like dog-doo anymore just for giving a crap about me. I started letting people in. I was showing people the person under the bully. Weird as it sounds... people actually started liking me. One more in particular. Who you may ask? Arnold!DOI!

After that, I guess you could say we became pretty close friends. Arnold was constantly telling me how happy he was I stopped with the spit-balls. And everytime he mentioned it, I threatened to start it back up again. I was just joking of course, and he always laughed. How I love him.

But that wasn't the only thing that changed about me. Let's just say, puberty was very friendly to me. I got decent sized breasts, they seemed to be enough to please most guys, and curves and hips and all that other nice stuff. I got rid of the unibrow in the seventh grade. It didn't bother me. I had planned to rid of the stupid thing as soon as I hit twelve. So I killed her! Replaced it with two, perfectly arched, thin eyebrows. I let my hair loose around in the eigth grade. I still wore it in pig-tails occasionally. But not always. I wanted to try and keep it fresh. Keep em' guessin'! I had gotten braces in the fifth grade, and had gotten rid of them in eigth also. So here I was! Puberty was still doing it's magic throughout ninth grade. So by the tenth you wouldn't even recognize me! My overbite was repressed a LOT thanks to those stupid braces and the unibrow was, of course, gone! I had some pretty crazy curves! In a good way... at least I guess it was a good way, considering how all those chuckle-headed boys were always gawking at me.

I started getting a lot of attention from the boys. By this time, Arnold and I were like best friends. I still loved him of course. But I kept it hidden pretty good. For some reason, the fact that I was getting asked out left and right seemed to bother him. Everytime a cute boy came up to me, he'd drag me off with the excuse, "We're gonna be late for class." or something. I didn't understand it at the time. I guess you could say I had faced facts that Arnold and I getting together was highly unlikely. So I forced myself to look at other guys. I found it in my heart to get one tiny crush on a boy in the tenth grade. He was so sweet and moral and good. He kinda reminded me of Arnold. Which is why I was so attracted to him of course. Arnold noticed my sudden interest in him and seemed kinda on edge about the whole thing. Evertime I went off on a tiny monologue (Not nearly as passionate or intense as my one's for Arnold) in front of him, he'd scoff at me and instantly come up with something that wasn't great about him. I didn't understand it.

Eventually, my little crush, came and asked me out. Arnold looked really angry for some reason. I said yes and Arnold pulled me into a deserted class room and asked me if I was sure I wanted to go out with him. I assured him that I really did, and I could see Arnold's eye twitch at my response. So once I was on my date, we had gone to the bowling alley, Arnold was there just "innocently" out of a coincidence. I didn't buy that one bit, he had been acting really weird lately and I was gonna get to the bottom of it. So I asked him, ever-so politely if he'd please come and get some snacks with me, and he agreed obliviously. Dense little fool...

I pulled him over to the food area and shoved him against a wall. I questioned his actions like crazy. He kept coming up with some of the lamest excuses I've ever heard in my life! He was never a good liar. So then he finally cracked, I like to call that day "the day Arnold finally fell off the rocker". He looked at me, with this strange gleam in his eyes and asked me if I really wanted to know the truth, I said yes, doi! And then he grabbed me and started making out with me like crazy! He felt up my whole body, whether I liked it or not, and I did like it... I LOVED it, in fact. I was a little afraid at the whole thing, he was on the verge of throwing me onto the ground and ravishing me! I could feel it. So I was able to get him into the nearest closet.

I was right! He really was on the verge of ravishing me, I know because as soon as I got us into the sanctity of the closet, he practically ripped off my clothes and started kissing my neck feverishly. It was pretty crazy, looking back on it. I'd rather not go too into detail of what happened next, but needless to say... Neither of us were virgins after that night. One of his moany crys was something along the lines of, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HELGA! PLEASE BE MINE!" I had to laugh at that. He was doing 'it' to me and he was asking me to be his. Crazy ol' Football Head. I told him I loved him too and spouted out some snappy comment about how we were currently in a closet with him practically attacking me with his lips, I was already HIS! He just made out with me some more. My date figured I'd ditched him and was gone by the time we got out. I didn't care.

I demanded a better explanation of everything and he explained to me how he had realized he was in love with me shortly after we became friends. That certainly explained everything. So we got together. A very committed and loving relationship. We laid wake some nights at his house ON HIS COUCH WATCHING MOVIES... perverts... were he'd just tell me over and over again how much he loved me. I loved him too of course. I really did, and I could tell he really did too. We were kinda made for eachother. Perfect for eachother in every way.

So after High School, we actually decided on the same college. Which was simply brilliant! Shortly after college, he proposed. Yeah... The wedding was gorgeous. We had it on the beach. It was simple. Only close friends and relatives. So that leads me to where I am tonight. Laying in my beloved's arms on our honeymoon. He's asleep, the angel. I woke up and felt I should set you all straight. Uh oh, he's waking up. Great... he's gonna wanna read this now. He always does. No, he's just watching me type. He he he. Now he's tickling me! Hold on... I need to put him in his place.

Okay, I'm back. I'm panting... and not from the tickle fight. Why then? NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX! Figure it out, Sherlock! As for now... I'm going to return to heaven... in Arnold's warm embrace. Yeah, this is the life... this is MY life. Goodnight.

A/N: You like it? I hope so. Now I'm tired and hafta go to school. *Sigh* Maybe I should have slept. Oh well.

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