Disclaimer: I don't own them, Kuwabara Mizuna does.

Author's Note: Look at this! It's an update! And it's been only two months! *laughs*

I know, I know… Please don't let yourself be discouraged if you stumble across this and see that it hasn't been updated in ages. I've no intentions of abandoning the story. It WILL be finished.

This chapter is inspired a little bit by the OVA subplot about Araki Murashige and his wife as well as by the Sayuri side story as translated by asphodel (who has recently started on the translation of vol. 6, check it out on her homepage ;-)).

This chapter is set about fifty years after the last one. All the yashashuu have died in the meantime and possessed new bodies. While the other members of the Meikai Uesugi Army are getting a bit more interested in the weird stuff that is going on between Naoe and Kagetora, we are being presented with a look into the past and an interesting aspect about the happenings of the otate no ran is revealed…

Have fun :-)

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Chapter 3: Easier to Lie (1712)

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Naoe's POV

Many years had passed since I had last set my eyes on the forests and hills of Echigo. After my first death, I had been here only once, right after Kagekatsu's death. Still full of suspicion of his true intentions back then, I had followed Kagekatsu's adoptive brother who had become my lord only a few years ago. The town had changed almost beyond recognition since the extinction of the Uesugi when Tokugawa Ieyasu had given the province to the Masudaira family.

But here I was again.

Memory probably struck the man walking beside me, too, since he was unusually quiet. We were but a stone's throw away from where Kakizaki Haruie had met his first death by my very own hand. Yet what I best recalled from this day were Kagetora's slanting eyes meeting mine over his most trusted friend's dead body. I hadn't felt guilty about killing Haruie. He had been poised to assassinate Kagekatsu. If I weakened Kagetora's position in doing so, I couldn't have been more satisfied – or so I told myself.

The view was beautiful. White as snow, the large, soft-looking clouds were towering in the clear sky over the small town. The trees surrounding the district were only just beginning to change their colours. In Kenshin's time, autumn had been the favourite season of most of the townspeople who loved to gaze at the metamorphosing trees.

Would casting out old acquaintances, friends and allies feel very different from exorcising strangers? Would they recognize us and hate us for having been given a second chance?

"Naoe..." Haruie started in a low voice besides me.

I slowly turned my gaze around to meet my companion's. Inwardly, I cursed my lord as I never would have dared to do aloud for sending me here with Haruie of all people. He must have known what he was doing, that sooner or later the subject of what preceeded the otate no ran must arise.

"Is Kagetora-sama... somehow... avoiding you?"

That was what troubled him, then. I blinked. He didn't want to speak about my killing him at all.

He was right in fact. Kagetora was indeed going out of his way in this lifetime so he didn't have to spend time with me. It wasn't surprising that the others were catching on how tense relationships between us were. Still, Haruie seemed slightly embarrassed at asking me about personal matters that involved our lord.

Whenever we others spoke about Kagetora in his absence, it was in a reluctant way, As if we were doing something forbidden and there might be terrible consequences if we were caught doing it. As a person, our leader was an enigma not only to me. It would have been unthinkable for Haruie – or anyone else for that matter, even Irobe – to ever raise such a question to his face. So he was asking me instead whether there was a foundation for what he perceived to be ill humour between our lord and myself.

Of course, Kagetora couldn't avoid me completely. His father had entrusted his safety to me, after all. This required for us to spend a certain amount of time in each other's presence. But there was more to it. Kenshin-kō might have been the one who bound me to his son, but Kagetora was the one who was holding the chain. He wouldn't relax it even if he felt uncomfortable with me coming too close.

He had begun to keep our group closer together, though, so he wouldn't have to put up with me alone. Or at least this was what I suspected. He didn't offer this explanation himself, of course. And now, he had done this. He had sent me away with Haruie to check on the western grounds and kept Irobe by his side, instead.

When I didn't answer, Haruie looked at me thoroughly. "Did you say something that displeased him?"

I almost choked. I had said quite a lot of things the last time we were speaking in private to each other.

"Did he say something to displease you?" Haruie asked never taking his eyes of me.

Well, that too. It was still a weird question to ask. Maybe it was because of his empathic gift or because he of us all was closest to Kagetora, but somehow Haruie was on the right track.

"Why would you think that?" I asked.

"Well, you hardly ever talk to each other," he explained. "I was wondering... Maybe you finally did some talking and a few words fell that you would have rather kept to yourself."

This remark cut through me. All the more so, since I knew that Haruie wouldn't say such a thing just to spite me. He was being honest about how he perceived things and his assumptions were correct. There was no trust between Kagetora and myself.

How could there have been? My lord was a liar and a fraud. He possessed a heart of stone and a tongue like a dagger to match. Having to put up with my person and the task given to me by his father one way or the other, he was intending to make my job as hard as possible.

For reasons which had nothing to do with my personal orders, I didn't like the thought of him wandering around completely on his own, though. This place held a lot of memories, a lot of unresolved issues for us all.

Battlefields meant exorcising men – soldiers who couldn't accept defeat who would hurl insults at us and mourn their lost honour. Failures in death – like I had been one.

Dwellings on the other hand meant women and children, too. We had exorcised women before, of course, and it had always been very troublesome. When it came down to the hard facts, women usually had the better motives to bear grudges. One of the most important reason why they wouldn't allow themselves to move on was mourning for a child.

"Well?" Haruie wouldn't let me off the hook this quickly.

"You needn't have worried," I said calmly. "Everything is perfectly all right."

/\/

Kagetora's POV

Outwardly, I knew I was the epitome of tranquility, when I saw Naoe and Haruie off and headed into the opposite direction with Irobe. But all the while, I was entertaining thoughts along the lines of . My head was hurting with the effort of calming myself down. Once or twice Irobe cast me a worried look.

Wonderful. Now even the rest of my followers were picking up on the strange mood between Naoe and myself. Where before they had probably just assumed that we hadn't a lot to say to each other, it was now becoming more and more obvious that we hated each other's guts. I could only hope they would assign it to our having been on opposite sides during the otate no ran.

It was subtle still, hard to notice in fact, but Naoe was fighting me. And it was happening more and more often in this lifetime. He wasn't voicing his doubts, his objections – not yet, that is. But I could feel his dissent, his rebellious spirit moving restlessly behind his cold, observant eyes. He used his task as a guardian to keep close to me when it was perfectly clear to him that I currently wished to avoid the mere sight of him at all costs.

Memory of our last talk in private had been a millstone around my neck, but it was slowly receding into the background and made room for more recent incidents.

Sighing, I forced those gloomy thoughts out of my mind. I separated from Irobe after a short while and directed my horse towards the outer walls of the city. It was a mild, sunny autumn day. The cool air smelled of greenery and of the fertile soil that was typical for our home country. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except for myself wandering these grounds again after all this time.

When I was little, I was firmly convinced that ghosts appear before you only at night time. I grew up to learn that some of the worst nightmares can haunt you in broad daylight, too.

I had done a lot of speculating during the last days about whose spirits I was likely to encounter here – we all had. There were enemies and people dear to each of us who had had a reason to join the brigades of the vengeful spirits and haunt this place – waiting for us.

From here I could also in the distance see the very place on this earth I was least keen to revisit. Samegao Castle.

A ghastly wind was shaking the branches over my head. The clear blue sky that had shown over Echigo all day suddenly darkened with clouds.

She's here, I thought.

In retrospect, I couldn't say for sure what had prompted me to go wandering on my own when I knew I was prone to meet her. Meet her attacks, that is. Quite possibly, though, I hadn't wanted anyone listening in on our conversation. Now I wasn't so sure anymore if that had been a good idea.

In death, the woman who had been my wife had changed. Or maybe the attributes a strict education had always tried to suppress only now were showing. Just like I Seienin had been brought up by elders who took temperamental fits as bad manners.

A few years into our marriage, she had confessed to me that when she couldn't bear her countenance anymore, she would take a horse in secrecy and ride to the cliffs a few miles away. There she would stand and scream her heart out until she had calmed down enough to show herself back at Kasugayama castle.

She didn't need to do this anymore. The air was trembling under her wrath.

"You are showing your face, Kagetora," she welcomed me, her disfigured features breaking into a gruesome smile. "You actually found the nerve to."

I remained silent. For a moment, only the howling wind that shook the trees could be heard.

Seienin looked around as if she needed to in order to find out what was going on. "I don't see any of your faithful retainers, but I don't doubt that they are not far off. News travel," she reminded me when I showed astonishment that she knew of my current profession. "Even under us spirits."

"If you know that much, you must know why I am here."

"I know what you believe to have come for. But you are here for my revenge, Kagetora. To answer for your deeds."

/\/

Naoe's POV

Before we separated to each walk a different part of the grounds, Haruie gave me a long scutinizing look and said: "Naoe, I believe we've been on the same side long enough for me to ask such a question." He paused. "Why did Kenshin-kō make you his son's guardian?"

When I was silent, he didn't add any explaining or apologetic comment. He didn't have to, bluntness was allowed here. It certainly had been one of Kenshin's weirder decisions and it was only naturally for the rest of the yashashuu to perceive it as such.

"He told you why, didn't he?" Haruie asked. "He told me why he chose me for the Army, so I assume it must have been the same with you others."

"Yes," I finally said. "He told me."

"And it made sense for you?"

I thought of Kagetora's fiery eyes, of his passion and determination, his calmness right before a battle and the way he would put a palm to his forehead when he was dead-tired, of Saburo's nightmares, his vulnerability, the glow of the setting sun on his skin and how I had decided to keep him close to me to avoid unpleasant incidents when he had first come to my camp. For a few heart-beats, all our differences, the power-struggles, the barely concealed animosity retreated into the background.

"Yes. It makes perfect sense."

Haruie nodded, still sceptical, but obviously deciding not to pry any further. "This is where we part ways, I believe."

And so we did. Haruie went on over the hills, I directed my steps into the woods. It was the worst of all days for me to be wandering on my own, I thought. My musing wouldn't allow me to find any peace or even concentrate on my task. Instead, they constantly returned to the crux of my existence.

Never before had I been so aware of someone holding power over me. Not just the power of ordering me around – I had grown up serving a daimyo as did everyone around me. You did your lords bidding and afterwards minded your own business. This was different.

I couldn't put my mind to rest. Thoughts of my inferior position accompanied me everywhere I went. I could never talk back. I couldn't bring myself to say that it was kind of reckless what he was doing, that the task given to me required for the two of us to stay together... Because it wasn't what I actually wanted him to recognize.

He must know himself that things between us were oddly upside down and hardly comparable to what they had been like when we first met. Maybe he felt this, too, and that was why he went out of his way to keep my under his thumb or snub me on a rotating basis. On our first encounter, he had looked up to me – or at least been forced to act as if so – and I hadn't learned to perceive him as a threat to my equilibrium.

No. That wasn't right, either. Something about him had threatened me right from the start when I had only known him as Saburo. Somehow he had challenged me by just being there, just being who he was. But I was able to suppress such thoughts as long as our positions had been reversed with him being obliged to follow my orders.

I stopped in my tracks. Was that why it bothered me so much that he held such an influence over me? Because I had been able to order him around when I first met him and in a way assumed this to be the natural order of things?

The moment I thought of it, I knew it to be true. Or at least part of the truth.

Abruptly, soft giggles erupted somewhere in my vicinity and shook me from my thoughts. Someone was standing underneath a small group of conifer saplings. It was a child clad in the robes of a noble family. I couldn't yet decide on whether it was a boy or a girl.

"You look like you're in deep conversation with yourself", the child had me know.

I blinked, slightly at a loss for words. It seemed that I had found one of the spirits who were dwelling in Echigo after all. It was behaving strangely, though.

The child cocked his head to one side and studied me intently. "I know you," it said, stepping closer.

I raised a brow. "Is that so?" My little visitor was male, that much I could detect now. His dark, narrow eyes were glued to my face.

"Yes. I saw you at Echigo, sometimes."

At Echigo? I was startled. "Do you belong to the Uesugi?"

He stopped before me. "Didn't we both once?" He was small, his head barely reached above my hip. I assumed that he had been seven or eight when he died. It made my heart sink.

"I've been waiting for you," he continued. Then he corrected himself, "Of course, I didn't know it would be you, but since you're here now and you're obviously alive, you must be that person."

Now all of this didn't exactly make a lot of sense, I thought. "You were waiting for me?" I asked, hoping that he would elaborate. Part of me could hardly believe that I was making conversation with a spirit. I had to admit, though, that I was curious to where this would lead.

He giggled all of a sudden. "You are the first living person I have spoken to ever since I died."

I almost choked at hearing him refer to his own demise so casually. "But surely, there must be other spirits here?" I asked.

"Oh, yes. Lots of spirits. There was a lot of fighting in the past." He blinked at me. "That is why you are here, isn't it?"

"Yes." Without really knowing why, I kneeled down before him so we could look into each other's eyes without him getting a stiff neck. Or whatever it was that happened spirits when they stayed in a seemingly uncomfortable position for too long. "I belong to an army of people who have dedicated themselves to putting the spirits of the murdered and desperate to rest. It was founded by Uesugi Kenshin, have you heard of him?" I wondered in which time this child had lived.

A grin spread across the boy's features. "I would say so. It is good that you are finally here. I shall take you to meet another spirit. Come." He dashed from where we had been standing.

I got up. "Wait, you want to lead me there?"

"I just said, didn't I?" He gave me a look as if silently pondering on whether I might be a bit slow in the uptake. "Come now," he gestured for me to follow him. "We have to hurry a bit."

Terribly beautiful hands the little runt had, I couldn't help realizing as I closed up to him.

/\/

Kagetora's POV

"You used to listen to me," Seienin said, sounding at once wistful and vitriolic. "You listened to me in everything but one. When it could have been our salvation, our son's salvation!"

I closed my eyes. So this was it, then. Not Donanmaru's death in particular, the fact that I had sent him off with Norimasa to meet Kagekatsu's men. I had been convinced that even if my brother refused my surrender he would keep his nephew safe and take him to Kasugayama where Seienin had been staying with the rest of our children.

But I had been mistaken. Seienin had killed our two daughters and then herself when news of Donanmaru's death had reached Kasugayama. I had equally committed suicide a short while afterwards when Kagekatsu's troops invaded Samegao.

"Nothing," Seienin cried, "none of it would have happened if you had just killed him!"

For that was what she had beseeched me to do. Have Kagekatsu's right hand man killed and thereby decide the war in our favour.

I remembered. How upset she had been when I made clear that I wasn't going to do it. It was the right thing, she said, the smart thing, did I believe that Kagekatsu would hesitate to do the same if things were the other way round?

Seienin's hands found their way into her losely hanging hair as if she wanted to tear it out even now. "Why couldn't you do it, Kagetora? Why couldn't you just order his death and be done with?"

I could feel my heart beat strongly and painfully in my chest. "I didn't want to commit a cold-blooded murder. We were winning, then."

Seienin broke into unhappy laughter. It quickly turned shrilly, and it pierced my mark and bone. She shook her head.

"Can you not be honest with me even now?"

I flinched.

Her grief-stricken features now displayed an expression that could only be described as unbelieving consternation. She threw her hands up in exasperation. "You men all believe we women are just blind and deaf. I knew, Kagetora! I knew all about it."

She couldn't mean… I froze at these words. Seienin noticed and smiled bitterly at me. "The other ladies would ask me what it was like to be married to you and I knew that they were asking out of jealousy because their husbands' eyes were always drawn to you, but Naoe Osen-no-kata… she had more than that."

I could feel all blood leave my face.

"Yes, that's right," Seienin practically sneered at me, although she was too upset to make a good job of it. "She knew, too. All that drinking, the melancholia, she said that even his way of making love to her had changed after he had met you…"

They had spoken about us. I could hardly believe my ears. They had gotten it all wrong, of course, but the mere fact that they had somehow caught up on it was disturbing.

"You're still mistaken," I said. "Things were over when I married you."

Tear streams had engraved themselves on her once round face. For a moment she looked all forlorn and lost. It made me wish I could have reached out to her. But spirits can not be touched by the living.

"Yes," she said, still shaking her head. "Yes, I believe you. But you still cared about him enough to spare his life. Just like you wanted to spare my brother. If only –" Her hands were in her hair again. "If only I could have plucked up the courage as Haruie did and proceed to action myself. None of it would have happened!"

With an anguished cry, she finally stroke for me. The raw power sped through me and made me cry out in agony before I tumbled to the ground. Kneeling, I looked up at my wife.

She was right, I thought numbly. While there had never been any proof that Naoe had been actually involved in Donanmaru's murder, a situation in which I had sent our son away probably never would have arisen if it hadn't been for Naoe's attack on Samegao Castle.

"That man," she said. "When our lord died and he wouldn't let you pass – the way he spoke to you was so full of hatred that I knew… it couldn't all stem only from his resentment against a born Hojo becoming the lord of the Uesugi. He had other reasons. Real reasons, not just politics."

She could kill me, I thought. Her powers were that strong, stronger than any other female spirit's that I had ever encountered.

"You owed me loyalty." Her eyes flashed with a hatred over a hundred years old. "But you spit on that. You chose to betray us, both me and your son. And for what?"

The second blast hit me. Spots danced before my eyes. It seemed to take much longer for the pain to subside this time.

"I didn't," I panted, trying to catch my breath. "I didn't betray either of you. But," I looked up at her from where I was lying on the ground, "it is true that I didn't want him to be murdered."

The mere thought of spilling his blood had been excruciating for me. Once, for a couple of days – for a few precious hours, Naoe Nobutsuna had been closer and dearer to me than any other person. I couldn't order his death. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Would I have done it if I had known…?

Electricity crackled in the air. I could feel Seienin summoning her powers again. Her gaze was fixed on me.

"You loved him," she whispered. "You loved that man more than you loved me or our children."

Mechanically, I closed my eyes and shook my head as if I could keep the essence of what she said from reaching me like this. I felt as if the very foundations of the life that I had led as Seienin's husband, Donanmaru's father and Kenshin's heir were giving way underneath me.

"Speak up!" she screamed at me, raising both her arms above her head. Small flashes of lightning erupted from her fingertips. "Not even now you can admit it?"

I wanted to tell her that these two things weren't comparable, that the love I felt for her was different from my infatuation with Naoe back then, but that didn't mean it was weaker or less important for me. I wanted to explain to her how he had suffered because of me, how I had betrayed him, how I had refused to understand what I was doing until it was too late, but no words came.

It didn't matter anyway.

She had let her powers loose.

/\/

Naoe's POV

Never having had any children of my own, I can't say that I'm especially good with them. But the little runt couldn't be bothered, it seemed. He wouldn't stop chatting me up while we made our way through the woods.

Only when I pried for more information on our destination, he became tight-lipped.

"Where are you leading me?" I asked looking ahead to where he had stopped and turned around, waiting for me to follow. Being a ghost, he could move from one place to another much faster than I could.

"To where my parents are."

So far, he had only spoken of his mother being a vengeful spirit – although he didn't use that expression, of course.

"Your mother," I started. "What is she so angry about?"

"My death, for example," the small boy said matter-of-factly. "Her own. What my father and my uncle did to each other… and to the people of the Uesugi."

A decidedly unpleasant feeling settled in my stomach. "How did you die, if you don't mind me asking?"

He stopped and looked at me. "From a sword," he quietly confrmed my suspicions. When I remained silent, he offered a bit more information on the circumstances of his demise: "My father sent me away from his side because he believed that I would be safer that way when he was being attacked. It wasn't his fault," he added in a whisper.

"Your mother wants to take revenge on your murderers?"

He hesitated. "No, it's actually my father whom she holds most responsible."

"Your father…"

"Yes." His voice was grim. "She knew he would come here sooner or later. She's been waiting all these years. And so have I," he added in a conversational tone. "I couldn't very well leave her on her own, could I?"

"No," I agreed, lost in my own thoughts. "That's right."

If this youngster was who I believed him to be, Kagetora was in danger. From his own wife, nonetheless. It was high time for him to face his demons, I thought grimly. He never spoke of his family. Never once had he even asked me about the day his son died, although he probably assumed that I had been present. He had buried that memory.

Unlike she had, I came to understand. My feelings towards Seienin-hime were mixed and always had been. Kagetora's betrothal to her had been a done deal when I had met him and implemented only a few weeks after that. I knew she and Kagetora hadn't been a love match – almost no married couple was in our day and class. So it hadn't exactly felt like she had stolen him from me since he had finished things between us himself before they had ever started, but nevertheless…

She had what I had wanted for myself.

I imagined her laying hand on herself from the sheer grief of losing her son and not being able to convince her brother to accept her husband's surrender. Being too wounded, too desparate and just too full of hatred to die a normal death. She had become a vengeful spirit instead, directing her anger and pain towards Kagetora whom she had once loved enough to approach Kagekatsu herself.

In the child's face I saw nothing of my master. He took after his mother. Except maybe when he smiled as he did now, watching me having to close up to him again. Odd, I thought, since Kagetora was smiling rarely…

Looking ahead, the boy's features promptly darkened. "He's with her," he murmured.

From between the trees directly in front of us I could see cascades of light breaking forth. A wood glade? I could hear voices now, someone was crying out.

Kagetora…

"We have to hurry, quick!" the boy urged me and shot from my side. With ease, he flew towards the source of the energy and the voices.

I, too, broke into a run.

/\/

Kagetora's POV

There had been not only one, but a number of possibilities for me to counteract Seienin's attacks or strike for her myself. I had let them pass, knowing that I couldn't harm my late wife who had suffered so much because I had made the wrong decisions in the past. All I could do here was quietly accept and prepare myself.

For a blast that never came.

I had pressed my eyes close as if incapable of watching her bring it all to an end. Terror must have made me deaf for a moment, I concluded right before establishing that in fact I did hear someone talking.

"Don't, okaa-san," a young voice rang out firmly. "It's not father's fault."

Here we go, I thought dizzily. I'm going mad.

"Kagetora-sama!"

Now this voice was just as easy to place as the other one had been. I slightly turned my head to see Naoe come running over the glade.

My wife whispering the name of our son brought my attention back to whom else was right in front of me. When I hadn't trusted my ears before, I could hardly believe my eyes now.

He looked every bit as he had when I had seen him for the last time. And he was smiling at me – smiling in a guileless and innocent way as if nothing had ever happened to him to destroy that basic trust of his in adults and the world in general.

Just like me, he had never been a sickly child, but energetic and sinewy. But unlike me who had grown up in a temple, he hadn't lived on a diet of half-cooked rice and raw vegetables. I had always been slender by comparison with my elder brothers; nourishment at Soun Temple during the first years of my life had ensured this. He would have grown into a strong man, I was sure of it.

"Kagetora-sama."

"Stay away," I shot at Naoe. She would attack him; by now she must have recognized him. I had to take care of this myself and immediately so.

Never – not in my wildest nightmares – had I ever come up with a situation like this. But I was ready now where I hadn't been a short while ago. Maybe Naoe's presence reminded my of my duty. Or maybe I was worried that he was to suffer for it if I couldn't go through with it.

I got to my feet. Donanmaru was watchting me intently, still without the slightest sign of fear. They had arrived here together, I thought, my eyes flickering between Naoe and my son's spirit. Donanmaru had led him here…

Seienin exorted another stroke. This time it was directed at Naoe who hurriedly erected a kekkai around both me an himself.

Without thinking, I directed an energy blast of my own towards her. Seinin's figure became weaker, but she wasn't defeated. The appearance of our son had startled her for a moment, but she had quickly reminded herself of what she was here for. Now I had to do the same.

She had known what I had come for from the start, after all. This was my task, the powers it required having been bestowed upon me by my father, her uncle. I was to use them even against members of our own family.

There would be time later to ask myself whether that made me a monster.

"BAI!"

It was me who initiated Seienin's exorcism. But before I ever got as far as intonating the mantra, Donanmaru moved himself between us.

"Was he there?" I asked. "When you died?" I didn't have to say whom I was talking about.

Donanmaru shook his head. He leaned back against the ethereal body of his mother as he had sometimes done when the three of us had all been alive and together. His eyes were blinking up at me almost expectantly. And so I held my gaze directed at my son as I spoke.

"Noumakusamanda bodanan baishiramandaya sowaka…"

I thought that I could see him smiling. He forgave me.

Farewell.

"Chōbuku!"

Their departure was blinding, an eruption of raw energy that struck me to my knees. I looked at their disappearing figures un

Naoe instantly got down on the ground in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Kagetora-sama!" His concerned frenzy stood in direct contrast to my own numbness and only slowly moving thoughts. "Are you hurt?"

I wasn't, thanks to him. For a moment, I felt grateful that he hadn't tried to help me with this exorcism. This had been my task, my burden. I looked at him as if seeing him for the first time, my mind still occuppied with what my son's spirit had told me. "You weren't there," I murmured. "You weren't involved after all."

"When he died?" He slowly shook his head. "If I had been there, none of it would have happened." His words eerily echoed what Seienin's spirit had spat at me before.

"I never asked you about that day, but I…" I broke off.

His eyes had grown very sad, very weary. "Do you really believe I could have harmed a child of yours?"

I was shaking with relief, I suddenly realized. Did it affect me that much to find out that he was innocent? Part of it must be fatigue and anguish about the true loss of my family, too.

He picked me off the ground. It was beyond me how I always managed to end up in bodies that were quite a bit lighter and smaller than Naoe's. Maybe I owed this to the agreement between him and my father? It should be easier to protect someone smaller…

For example, you could put them on horseback when they were too drained to climb up there themselves. This rapidly brought me to my senses.

"Take the reins," I growled. "I'm in no condition to ride." It pained me to admit it but there was nothing much I could do about it. Even holding my head up required almost more energy than I had at my disposal right now.

Ignoring my order, Naoe came up behind me and put an arm around my waist. "I shall," he merely said and took the reins from my hands. I was leaning against his chest like this, too tired to try and sit up straight. I was sure he could feel it when my whole body went rigid with dissent.

"Pardon me, Kagetora-sama," he said close to my ear in a falsely measured tone that left no doubt with me that he was acting like he did only to antagonize me. "But I would never forgive myself if you were to fall of the horse."

I wanted nothing more than to turn around and tell him where exactly to stick his presumptions, but my physical exhaustion effectively interfered with my plans. Just go on like this and you'll see where it gets you, I thought grumpily but there was a hint of bad conscience lying underneath. He had certainly done well today. It easily could have been my last exorcism if it hadn't been for Naoe showing up just in time.

They were truly dead now. Seienin and Donanmaru were no longer in this world. My wife's parting gift – the surety that she had known of my lapse – left me in an uncomfortable situation to deal with.

Had he heard? I thought feverishly. He was being unusually gentle, so what had I done to deserve this? Could he have heard about how I had stopped my men from murdering him at the eve of the otate no ran? And understood that it was my weakness, my affection for him – or what was still left of it by that time – which had cost me the war and eventually my own life?

I didn't think I could bear the disgrace if he knew. Was he filing the information away to throw it into my face at the next best opportunity when we were fighting and he was trying to get the upper hand?

His arms surrounded me, their warmth seeping right through my clothes. This was only the second time ever he was holding me like this, but it had the very same effect on me as it had then. Calm seized me, overcoming even the hot feeling in my stomach.

It hadn't been his fault. He was innocent.

/\/

Naoe's POV

He fought, but it was in vain from the start. I knew how he hated having someone sit behind him on horseback, or maybe it was just me he couldn't endure in this position. Either way he would have to deal with it this time. I rather liked having him there. He felt so much warmer that he behaved towards me – or anyone else for that matter.

The slowly rocking pace of the horse had done one more thing to make him fall asleep. After all, he had been hit by Seienin-hime's powers several times. His loved ones had departed from this world for good. He was bound to be weary.

That's it, I thought with only slight irony when I felt him relaxing against me after a considerable while, his breathing calm and steady. You weren't afraid to fall asleep in my arms then, either, were you?

His head was leaning against my shoulder. I was holding him around the waist with one arm and held the reins with the hand of the other one. It felt unreasonably pleasant not to be held at a distance anymore after all this time.

And only a few moments ago, he had also referred to me quite normally. As if there actually wasn't that much bad blood between us. Some of the iron rings that seemed to constrict my ribcage these days had fallen away during that short exchange of words. It was frightening at times how he was able to unpick my resolutions without even trying.

Was that why I shied open rebellion? Because I was somewhat convinced that I wouldn't have gone through with it?

If I challenged him and he stared me down with those penetrating, imperious eyes of his – what would I say?

Right now he was much easier to deal with than most of the time, I thought as I listened to his quiet breathing and cocked my head to be able to look at his sleeping face. In doing so, I brushed against his hair with my cheek. Indeed, there were moments when I could completely let go of my resentment, my inner disputes, my craving for recognition and everything else that blinded me.

The truth was – I didn't just respect him.

I admired him.

Today moreso than ever. I admired him for the pain he had gone through today – a pain he should have endured a long time ago by all rights – without breaking down.

Part of me wanted to be his supporter, his servant, his guardian. It only made sense for the first person who had ever impressed me enough to develop an interest in them that went beyond opportunistic power games to also become the first to inspire real devotion in me.

Except that my pride couldn't let it happen. For the very same reasons that would have made a surrender possible.

Without really knowing why I repeated the motion and let my skin touch his hair again. The black silk felt every bit as soft as it had the first time.

/\/

Author's Note:These two are killing me, they really are... I can't decide who's more confused at the moment, Naoe or Kagetora.

Btw, does anyone know the real name of Kagetora's spouse? I believe "Seienin" is a Buddhist name that was given to her after her death, is that right?

Thanks a lot to everyone who's still with me :-) The kind reviews/PMs/encouragement I received recently certainly helped to get this finished. Am looking forward to hear what you thought of this one :-)