This is something that I've been playing around with- along with several other fics you guys might see popping up. Just when I have writer's block for MEMF doesnt mean I stop thinking up things all together. So rather than letting this stuff clutter my computer I decided to go ahead and post it. This isn't going to be a super long fic. maybe...15 or so chapters as of currently. But...eh. This talk came about one day with Sugar, and she has some hilarious fanart to post on DA I'm sure.I don't own HM, and honestly I think I was on a sugar high when I came up with this. Enjoy the begining of a tale of hilarity and bad juu-juu.

This had to be the worst day of my life so far.

And I hoped that it would be the last one for a long while.

Goddess knows I might self implode and go on a homicidal spree throughout Mineral Town- taking out several of the most annoying people in my life.

Though I wasn't sure it was entirely too healthy to imagine becoming a raging serial killer in your mind, I was sure that it was healthier to imagine such things than to act them out.

I would start with my Grandfather, and probably move right down the street to take out that blabber mouth Manna. Goddess knows her telling Anna about my foul mouth and unsavory attitude hadn't helped my chances in pursuing Miss Mary. I might take out Anna to, just for the embarrassment she had caused me the one and only time Mary had invited me over for dinner.

It hadn't ended well on any means, what with my managing to call the woman the equivalent of what I thought she was acting like, and then muttering an apology to Basil and Mary before leaving the seething woman behind.

I had only felt vindicated when I heard Basil bluntly tell his sputtering wife that she indeed had been behaving like a 'bitch'.

Well since I had managed to off three people in my imagination I might as well take out a few more, though other than my overly cheerful ever optimistic season roommate I couldn't much think of anyone else.

Save for Cliff- just so I would have the goddamn room to myself.

The thought of being in isolation after this day from hell was enough to bring a bitter smile to my lips, if only because I knew it would never happen.

If Gramps didn't start paying me more, or at the least let me come back to his place, I would never save up enough to buy my little plot of land here. My only option was to stay at the inn until the old bastard died and left me the forge- if he managed to do that.

He'd probably ordered it burned to the ground just to spite me.

I glanced over my shoulder at the old shop, my eyes narrowing at the thought of standing here to see its crispy corpse and remains. I sighed and took off to the right, deciding just to suck it up and go home to the inn and passing up the chance for Manna to tell the harpies in town square she'd seen me talking to myself.

The last damn thing I needed was for everyone in this town to think I was crazy and violent.

I was knocked slightly off balance when I hit something in the middle of the path. I suppose it was a person since I highly doubted trees had gained the ability to rush into the middle of a walk way. I blinked down to see a petite blond scrambling on the ground, gathering bruised produce from the ground and shoving it back into the large basket she had evidently been carrying. Though how she was carrying the damn thing I didn't know- It was almost the same size as her.

"I'm so sorry Gray," she mumbled as she reached for some tomatoes and carefully placed them back in the basket. "I didn't see you…"

"I figured as much," I snapped back, squatting down and picking up a few ears of corn and a few now smashed tomatoes. I raised my lips up in disgust at the juice went down my hand, but still placed them in her basket. She could cook the damn things or something I guess. "You really ought to be more careful you ditz, you'll end up in the ditch with a broken neck from tripping over this damn basket."

I glared down at the girl, seeing her face redden as she nodded. She reached into her overall bib and pulled out a small rag, snatching my hand and wiping the tomato juice off my hands.

"I'm sorry. I'll be more careful, I promise," she mumbled out, and I was amazed I even managed to hear her. The girl's voice was always so soft and I wasn't sure that she was able to speak much above a whisper- other than the squeaks I got for responses sometimes when I snapped at her.

"Whatever. It's your damn neck," I muttered irritably, standing up and offering her my hand. She hesitated before taking it and I rolled my eyes at how much she came off the ground when I snatched her up.

She was like a rag doll with a brain, I swear. How she managed to even plow with a hoe I would never understand.

I didn't offer her another word as I stormed passed her, but I did feel a twinge of guilt as I heard her murmur a thank you and yet another apology after me.

Why doesn't that girl just stop apologizing for everything? I made me want to shake her at times, not to mention as she tended to stutter her damn apologies around me so much that it made me feel like some type of abusive asshole. Like she was so damn afraid I'd pop her if she stepped out of place.

I was vaguely aware of some loud shouting and ranting coming from up ahead, and I couldn't help but to raise a curious eyebrow as Kai came storming out of the Poultry Farm, an uncharacteristic scowl on his face. He caught site of me, and I grimaced as he paused to let me catch up to him.

I really wasn't in the mood for this bullshit.

Kai's problems to me just sounded like a bunch of damn whining, what with 'Rick is just over protective' and 'Popuri doesn't understand how much I sacrifice for her.'

It wasn't sacrificing if he was expecting something in return for it. If the idiot really loved the childish woman then he wouldn't feel the need to express on just how much ass he passed up during his time away from here.

"Why is Claire so down?" he asked as I reached him, the question having me look over my shoulder to see the woman simply starring at her basket of bruised produce forlornly. I shrugged my shoulder and continued on, mentally groaning at the sound of Kai's steps falling in with mine.

"She's probably thinking about all the money she lost because she wasn't looking where she was going," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose as I continued on my unmerry way.

"You really ought to go easy on the poor girl. She's nervous around you enough as it is." I wasn't sure if it was the way he said the sentence that had me getting the gut feeling he knew exactly why it was she was so nervous, but I was too tired and too aggravated to give a rat's ass.

"You know what Kai," I snapped angrily, turning my head to glare at him. "I could really care less how Claire feels around me right now. I told her I was sorry, I helped her pick up her shit. There isn't much more I could do, is there?" Kai's eyebrows rose for a moment before they furrowed in irritation. He shook his head and interlaced his fingers before resting his hands on the back of his head.

"You could have- oh I don't know. Been a gentleman and offered to carry that basket to her place. Or something like that," he drawled out lazily, his elbow nudging the back of my head as he walked past me.

"Watch yourself, Kai. I'm not in the mood for your shenanigans today," I barked out, almost tempted to snatch that flashy bandana off his large head and cram it in the trash can we were passing in Rose Square.

"You never are. All you do is sulk about how hard you have it. You never stop to think about how hard you make things on other people…"

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"That you're an insensitive asshole that is always snapping at people for stupid reasons. Like right now- you're pissed off at me because I'm trying to socialize with you, and I would bet my life you snapped at Claire one way or another back there. It's a wonder the woman isn't completely terrified of you with how you treat her."

"What the hell is your problem today?" I hissed, my fist clenching

"I'm not sure. It could be the fact that I'm frustrated with my girlfriends near homicidally over protective brother, that I'm sick and tired of being out casted by the damn town- or maybe being your roommate has finally caused me to snap into an irrevocable down ward spiral where I spend all my free time sulking about how hard my life is and ignoring all the people who could possibly care about me."

"Is that some type of crack at me?" I growled, storming after the slightly shorter man, eyes boring holes in the back of his stupid bandana covered head.

"I'm just saying that is how I feel," he retorted, kicking some gravel at the bend of the path by Yodel Ranch. I mimicked him, but I wasn't aiming my pebbles for the ditch. I was aiming them at the back of the idiot in front of me.

"Keep that crap up and I wont offer you any baked corn, you sour puss," he drawled out, still not bothering to look over his shoulder.

That guy really bugged me.

Even when Kai was pissed off, he still managed to be likeable. And me? I was barely likable when I was in a rare good mood. Why the hell couldn't I be more like that?

"I bet Ann is still mad about this morning," Kai said thoughtfully, stopping in Rose Square and looking at me. "I doubt we'll be fed after what happened."

I glared at the man, wondering why in the hell I would be blamed for the washing machine being possessed. I didn't put the damn soap that had managed to get all over the floor in there. All I had done was brought the laundry down.

"Come on Gray, I'll make us dinner," he mumbled, taking off towards the beach.

I almost didn't go. I knew Kai would end up pushing me past my limit if I hung out with him. But I also was hungry, and my stomach caused me to trail after him.

And for the most part he cooked in silence, and I brooded. And it was turning out to be going very well. That was of course until we began eating. Kai just couldn't sit in a comfortable silence.

"About Claire…"

"Don't start," I snapped, dropping the half eaten ear of corn and glaring at the person across from me.

"I'm just trying to say that it won't kill you to be a little nicer to the poor girl. I mean she considers herself your friend, and you're constantly yelling at her every time you see her,"

"Kai, shut the hell up," I growled, shutting my eyes and standing up abruptly. "It's not like I wake up every day with the mind set to yell at the child. She is just always in my damn way!"

"Ever think that maybe you're the one in the damn way," he shouted back, obviously not in the mood to sit there like a good boy and get reamed. But goddamn it he had brought it up. There was rapping at the snack shack door that we both ignored as we glared at each other.

"I don't have time to look out for that damn woman. You have no idea how much shit I have on my mind every day,"

"It can't possibly be that freaking hard to get up, get to work on time and hit a rock with a damn hammer," Kai muttered, somewhat condescendingly if I might say. And that was something I wouldn't stand for.

"Just like I'm sure its so hard to come in here day after day and watch paint peel."

"That is uncalled for." He muttered, reaching over the table and poking my shoulder- a bad decision. The wind came in from the now open door, but we still ignored it. "Just because you're a miserable bastard doesn't give you a right to take it out on the rest of the damn town. This attitude right here is exactly why no one in town wants you around them! I don't understand why she even…"

I didn't realize it till it was too late, but the abrupt cracking sound and the pain in my knuckles made me realize I had clocked the bastard. I stared wide eyed, then heard a cheerful giggle from the entrance. I looked over, just catching sight of a woman in a black cloak, dirty blond hair bringing out bright violet eyes. Then the room was suddenly filled with purple smoke, and Kai and I both were coughing the shit up.

"Look like you boys have a lot to figure out about eachother. I'll check back in here another day." The woman's voice filled the room as the smoke began to clear.

What the hell?

"I can't believe you hit me," Kai muttered about fourty-five minutes later, holding a cold piece of meat over his left eye.

"I'm sorry," I muttered again, shaking my head. "You touched me. It's a natural reaction when you're mad," I explained.

"Whatever you asshole. I owe you know," he muttered, and I opened the door to the shack and walked with the bitching woman all the way back to the end. For Goddess sake I didn't even hit him that hard. He barely had a shiner.

I climbed up stairs as soon as we got to the inn, not bothering to go with Kai as he went to trade the meat in for a bag of ice. I showered and headed to bed, briefly muttering a gruff goodnight to Cliff.

Tomorrow would have to be a better day, right?

-_-_-_-

My head was killing me.

That was really the only thing I was aware of as I reached up to tenderly touch it, wondering why it felt like I had ran headfirst into a wall. As my fingertips brushed over my face I winced, acknowledging the fact that my left cheek was tender and very bruised.

"What the hell?"

"Gray, you awake?" Who the hell was that? I don't remember Kai or Cliff having that husky of a voice. I put my hands over my face and opened my eyes, frowning at the darkness of my skin. I know good and damn well I had taken a shower the night before. I moved my hands, blinking sleepily up at my reflection...

My reflection was wearing Kai's stupid purple bandana....

"Good morning Sunshine," I realized the voice I had heard earlier was the one that came from my own body, which...I...wasn't in. I bolted upwards, looking over to the dresser mirror and cursing.

Kai's reflection stared back at me, a mixture of horror and disbelief written all over him. I lifted a hand and the horrified expression grew as the reflection mirrored my actions.

"What the fuck?"