Chapter Twenty-Four: I Like to be Here When I Can

"Rick, wake up."

Horatio looked around the children's section of the library, hoping that the librarian wouldn't wander over any time soon. Rick had passed out on a pile of pillows and stuffed animals, an old and worn copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland lying open on his chest.

The emergency lights flickered for a moment; the heavy rainstorm that had come seemingly out of nowhere had knocked out the power. Rick was lit by a large window that overlooked a few trees and a used boat dealership.

Kneeling down on a large, plush turtle, Horatio gave Rick's shoulder a gentle shake.

"Rick? You fell asleep. It's time to go now."

He snored quietly despite looking a little distressed. Sleepily, he reached over and touched the back of the CSI's hand.

"Rick?" Horatio prodded, shaking the younger man a little harder. "Rick, get up. Rick?"

Stetler's eyes slowly opened, he stirred and looked up into Horatio's soft baby blues. A gentle smile slid across the redhead's lips before Rick gasped and pulled their bodies together. He fell with a soft thud on the younger man's chest, struggling to get up with Rick pinning him.

"Oh God," Rick whispered. "Horatio…"

"Rick? Are you feeling o-"

"-I love you. I love you."

Pulling back, Horatio looked down and saw the desperate and compassionate look Rick was giving him. He slowly dislodged himself from Rick's grip immediately after the younger man looked like he was about to kiss him.

"Are you alright, Rick?"

"Yeah, I…"

He sat up, a tear slipping down his cheek as he looked around. Shyly, Horatio took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped it away.

"You…" Rick murmured, looking confusedly up at Horatio, "you were dead."

"I'm alright now, Rick," he assured him. "And you need to get up, you've been sleeping for hours."

"I was gone for days," he said, rubbing his eyes and holding the book close to him. "I'm cold."

"It was just a dream. And you might want to get downstairs before your librarian friend comes over here and finds us."

Shakily, Rick got to his feet, leaning on Horatio until he found his bearings. The redhead had to brace himself on a small bookcase to keep Rick from knocking him down.

"I know I seem like a selfish bastard sometimes," the younger man said softy, trying to walk in a straight line.

Horatio nodded.

"But I love you. I want what's best for you, that's all."

"Rick, I think you're still a little tired and possibly slightly delusional. It takes you a while to wake up, doesn't it?"

"But you know I love you, right? I said that-"

"-Yes. I heard, Rick. Would you like a drink of water?"

"I'd like that very much, yes."

Leading Rick out of the brightly colored children's section, Horatio escorted him to the drinking fountain. Rick muttered something about a water root before bending down and sipping at the cool and steady stream.

I worry about him, Horatio thought while absently staring at a sign with the words 'drinking fountain' crossed out and the word 'bubbler' scrawled under it. I haven't seen him have a real conversation with anyone in a while. Does he talk to anyone without them shooting him down? God, I know what he did to Yelina, but… it was years ago. Maybe I shouldn't be giving him such a hard time whenever he just tries to do his job.

Why did he say he loved me?

Rick straightened up and gave Horatio a little smile.

Does he?

"Is this still a dream?" he asked sleepily.

"No," the redhead muttered, reaching up and touching Rick's forehead with the back of his hand. "You're running a little hot. Were you sick this morning?"

"How's your neck?"

"My neck's fine. Were you feeling like this this mor-"

"-I love you."

"Yes, Rick. You told me." Horatio sighed and put his hands on his hips, turning away slightly in thought. "I should call you in sick, you're obviously in no shape to work IA. I'll drive you back to your place… and to a hospital if your temperature's too high. Is there anyone you know who can take the rest of today off and keep an eye on you?"

"No, I… I need to finish this case. I haven't even started…"

Horatio sighed and gently began to guide Rick to the stairs. "The case is closed, no foul play. Alexx confirmed that when I was on my way back over here. No need for Internal Affairs."

"But why was he here?"

"It's a library, Rick. Some people just go to them."

The redhead watched as the younger man shakily placed his foot on the first step. The grip they had on each other tightened.

"How did he die?" Rick asked as he slowly lowered himself a little farther down the staircase.

"Aneurism. And I think that librarian's going to have one if she sees us. She's been shooing people away all day. That and I don't think she's very keen on me ever since I brought her in for questioning about an hour ago."

"Librarians hate me."

A little smile crossed Horatio's lips before he looked up at Rick. "Want to tell me about it?"

"It all started back when I was in the third grade and my dad told me about that Orson Welles The War of the Worlds radio thing. I really wanted to read that book, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I decided to pick it up the next time my class went to the school library.

"Now, my school's library was divided into sections based on year. The problem was that I was a third grader and The War of the Worlds was a fifth grade book. But I snuck over to the fifth grade books anyways, crawling between the short bookshelves and being as quiet as I possibly could. I grabbed the book, read the first few pages, decided that I liked it, and quickly rejoined my class.

"When it was time to check-out, I made sure to grab a few of the third grade books and hope the librarian wouldn't notice. But she did. And she took my book away. And then she tried to get me in trouble with my teacher."

The smile still tugged on Horatio when he realized that Rick was starting to sound more and more like a little kid.

"Librarians are supposed to adore little kids who love to read," he continued to rant. "They should be encouraging it, but she took my book away."

"I'm sure she had her reasons."

"The age recommendations shouldn't be rules, they should be taken only as guidelines. But she kept me from a book. She banned a book from me. What the hell kind of librarian does that?"

"It was probably a policy thought up by the PTA to keep the reading curriculum organized."

"Censorship is a blindfold for the masses. She let herself be controlled and brainwashed by a policy that keeps children from expanding their minds and she felt double-plus good about it! I'm a book lover who can't go in libraries and it's all her fault!"

"Shh… the other librarian will hear you. You're almost out now."

Rick's walking became a bit surer of itself as they crossed the parking lot to Horatio's Hummer. The redhead had to help Rick into his seat, the delirium giving way to dizziness. After making a silent prayer to keep the IA Sergeant from vomiting on the way home, Horatio turned on the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

oOoOo

After a couple futile stabs at the doorknob, Rick finally managed to sink the key into the lock and push the door open. Horatio, still concerned about him, followed Rick into his home, his eyes widening when he saw the living room.

The walls were lined with bookshelves, save the large gaps to get in the kitchen and to the stairs that led to the second floor. The shelving looked homemade, all reaching to the ceiling, built around the windows, and specifically designed for anything from oversized coffee table books to small pocket books. From where he stood, most looked hardcover. The books and a few DVDs spilled out onto the floor in disorganized piles. The coffee table held an empty glass teapot and a few newer books that Horatio remembered watching recent interviews over.

"Admiring my collection?" Rick asked, returning from the kitchen and sucking on a water bottle.

Horatio bit his lip, not sure to admire Rick or worry about him even more.

"I know it looks a bit much," he said before drinking again. "Yes, it's a small fortune, but I love them all. It's not like I'm collecting Kewpie dolls or Fabergé eggs; these are ideas. After all, 'a room without books is like a body without a soul'."

"I see…"

"My dad said that a lot."

"Where's your bathroom?"

The half-bath near the kitchen had a small magazine rack with a few thin novels crammed in. As he relieved himself, Horatio opened the medicine cabinet, placing the thermometer on the counter. He couldn't help but to notice the bottle of Prozac and a bottle of Senormin sitting side by side.

For Christ's sake, Horatio, he thought at himself. He's not boring, he's not cancerous, he's not pure evil… hell, he isn't even that hostile. Would it kill you to talk to him like a human being?

When Horatio came out of the bathroom with a thermometer, Rick was sitting at the kitchen table, an X-Acto knife in his hand and the library's copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in front of him. The plastic binding the library put over the cover was already half-off; the due date stamp page was discarded onto the floor.

"Rick," Horatio stammered out, not sure if he should be surprised or not. "Did you steal a library book?"

"I paid for it."

"That's not how libraries work! You can't just take books out of circulation."

"I left double the amount that I would have paid online or in any bookstore," he said defensively. "And this book's been out of circulation for over a decade, it wasn't checked out since 1998. They aren't giving this book the love and attention it deserves, so I… 'adopted' it, I guess. If they really want it, they can buy another copy. This one is mine."

"Do you do this a lot?"

"How often is 'a lot'? How often do most people do this?"

"I don't know anyone who does this except for you!" Horatio snapped, only just able to stop himself before he could throw the thermometer down on the table. "And for you to do this in front of me… what were you thinking?"

"In all honesty? I forgot it was illegal."

"You forgot it was…" the CSI shook his head and took a deep breath. "Rick, how many times have you done this?"

"Um… twenty-nine?"

"Twenty-nine?"

"I try to avoid libraries!" Rick cried, his voice cracking slightly. "This always happens to me, I get attached. When I was in college and had to do research papers, the books I used always stayed with me. Because everyone else used them to improve their grades, but I actually thought they were interesting and deserved better than uninspired students skimming them once a semester. I always left enough money to replace them. Dammit! If she would have just let me check out that book forty years ago, none of this would have happened!"

Horatio sighed, looking down at the thermometer before sitting next to Rick. "Put this under your tongue."

"It's not like I'm really hoarding them," Rick said as he put the thermometer in his mouth. "If somebody likes a book I lend -"

"-shh."

Horatio looked down at the book, knowing that he should make Rick return it, but not at all wanting to make him do that. Rick might be wasting the library's time, but he wasn't exactly stealing from them. And it wasn't like he was re-selling them.

Always had a soft spot for the bookish type, haven't you?

Gently, Horatio took the thermometer from Rick and held it to the light. "One hundred. You've got a fever."

"But not too bad."

"No. You get to stay home. Just get plenty of rest and keep yourself hydrated and fed. Do you have any friends who could possibly keep an ey-"

"-You're free, aren't you? The case is closed."

Horatio wanted to make a sharp remark at that, but one look at Rick told him that he was serious. But if he wanted to be completely honest with himself, he wanted to stay. He knew he was seeing the private and more human side of the IAB sergeant.

"I suppose I can stay for a few hours."

Rick managed to get half of a smile out before yawning. Horatio chuckled softly. "But you might not need me."

"You can tuck me in."

Before the redhead could say anything, Rick had gotten up with the book and was heading to the stairs. It wasn't until he made it into his bedroom that Horatio caught up. The room was cozy with a full bed unmade and fitted nicely into the corner. A dresser mingled with three more bookshelves that lined the walls. But what surprised Horatio was a small pile of plush animals in the corner. He was about to comment on them, but stopped when he saw Rick nestle the book into one of the bookshelves.

"What kind of books do you usually… liberate?" Horatio asked, leaning on the door frame.

"You can say 'steal'. I know that's what you're thinking."

"Well, you don't think of 'stealing', you think of 'liberating'. So what kind of books do you usually 'liberate'?"

A little smile crossed Rick's expression as he ran a hand over his collection. "Aside from the reference books in college and the ones I just wanted in grade school… mostly controversial stuff that I'm afraid someone would hurt. The Great Gatsby, Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird… I have multiple copies of the Quran. Want one?"

"Sure."

Rick handed Horatio a blue and gold copy, sighing as he looked at them. "One year I'm going to make a mosque very happy. These things are impossible to give away, you're the first who accepted and I've been collecting these since 2001." He shook his head. "Yelina looked like she was going to take a swing at me when I offered her one."

"Is that what happened between you two?"

"Yelina was a mistake, a huge mistake. I'll just leave it at that. We're both very happy it's in the past."

Horatio opened his mouth to respond to that, but stopped when Rick suddenly started pulling off his tie and jacket. Within moments he was standing next to the bed, wearing nothing but his boxers. Although the redhead wanted to avert his eyes, he couldn't look away.

He must still be slightly delusional. That or else he's just very comfortable with his body.

And why shouldn't he be?

From the soft animal pile Rick pulled a large white rabbit. He clutched the bunny close to his chest as he climbed into bed and pulled the covers around himself. He looked incredibly peaceful, the dark blankets draped over his bare shoulders and his deep brown hair nuzzling into the pillow. On the foot of the bed, Horatio saw a large fur blanket. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he gently pulled it around Rick.

"I'm sorry," Rick whispered, burying himself in the blankets as he looked up at Horatio.

"For what?"

"I know I need to sleep… and I can barely keep my eyes open. But I had this dream… there was this kingdom… and a train… and water… but it wasn't like any world I know… or at least have seen. I must be going crazy."

Horatio smiled gently. "We dream lots of foolish things."

"But it was so real… and you were there."

"Very cute, Dorothy," he smirked before reaching over and adjusting Rick's blankets again. "Now, Rick, you should calm down before you get yourself riled up again. You're right, you should be getting some rest, even though you must have been sleeping all day. Just a little nap."

Large, innocent, brown eyes watched Horatio between the ears of the plush rabbit he clutched to his chest. The redhead gave Rick a kind smile as he sat back and enjoyed the view, as if he was seeing him for the first time.

"I'll read you a bedtime story if you want, Rick."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but their sincerity was met with a curious nod from the younger man. He wasn't sure if it was his lifelong desire to raise a family or his amusement with this sentimental side of Rick Stetler that led him straight to the newly liberated copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

He sat on the edge of the bed again and started to read.

"Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. By Lewis Carroll. Chapter One: Down the Rabbit Hole. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the…"

Horatio looked up, checking to see if Rick was at all entertained. He had already fallen asleep, one of the rabbit's ears resting gently on his nose. Sighing, Horatio closed the book, letting it rest on his lap for a moment before he picked it up again and walked with it over to the pile of stuffed animals. The bedroom was as good a place as any for Horatio to wait out Rick's nap… or to wake him up if it got too late. At least he didn't seem as distressed as he did when he was in the library.

And as he settled against the mound of animals and opened the book, he knew that this was exactly what he wanted to do. It might take all afternoon and all evening, and he knew that he wouldn't even scratch the surface in terms of understanding this man he thought he knew.

He was up for the challenge. It was new. It would be… an… adventure?

Is that the right word?

He looked up at Rick again, sleeping peacefully with the plush rabbit held tight against him. Shifting his shoulders, Horatio tried to get comfortable against the animal pile.

Lucky rabbit.

Pushing the stray thought aside, he let himself drift into the book as rain tapped at the roof and Rick dreamed.

...

The End