This was written awhile ago but I totally forgot that I was posting this fic here as well as on LiveJournal. I'm so sorry!

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Title: Calculated Risk
Pairing: HavocxRoy (and the occasional RoyxHavoc)
Rating: varies by chapter, R/NC17 overall
Timeline: AU, may mention specific events of the first anime
Summary: Roy and Jean traverse the pitfalls of their new (and secret) relationship...
AN: Another one that took entirely too long to update. Sorry. *bows*

Calculated Risk
Chapter 5
"Ineligible Bachelor"

As the day drew to a close, Jean found himself almost wishing that there had been some sort of emergency or crisis, something, anything to distract him from the maddening thought that apparently everyone and their mother believed Roy and Hawkeye to be an item. He knew that it shouldn't matter because it wasn't true, but it vexed him all the same, in a way that the man's reputation for random flings did not. But because there hadn't been some sort of emergency or crisis, there was nothing to draw his attention elsewhere, and between being painfully aware of what the others were thinking as the pair worked together and his own childish rumination on the subject, the past few hours had been agony. Even the act of engaging in target practice, one of his favorite workplace distractions, did little to ease his mind. Jean found that he could only empty so many clips before the agitation returned with a vengeance and ruined his usually damn near perfect aim.

Oh well. Ten more minutes and the day was done. Then he could get the hell out of there, go home, and-

"Hey, Havoc."

"Yeah?" Jean looked up and saw Breda smiling at him, which was not a big deal in and of itself… but the fact that Falman and Fuery were smiling right along with him was cause for instant suspicion.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Actually, he didn't. Tonight was one of his designated "nights off" from Roy since the man had insisted- rather inaccurately, Jean thought- that they couldn't very well fuck every single day of the week. As a result, he intended to do what he normally did when settling in for a night alone, which was a fat lot of nothing.

"Not really," he said, lighting a cigarette. "Why?"

Jean assumed that they were going to invite him out for drinks after work, something he had not done with the trio in quite some time. But he assumed wrong.

"We… sort of… set you up on a blind date."

Very wrong.

"What?"

Jean gazed at Breda, Falman, and Fuery through a haze of smoke.

Holy shit, they were serious.

"She's a very nice girl," Falman said.

"Very pretty, very sweet," Fuery added.

"So what do you say?" Breda asked.

What did he say? Jean could think of plenty to say right now, most of it unfit for decent company. What the fuck were these three fools thinking? Well, no… he knew exactly what they were thinking. Like Roy, Jean had a reputation with the opposite sex. Unlike Roy, his was nowhere near as promising. Objectively, he understood their motivation since, by Jean's own repeated admission, he was a failure where women were concerned. And hell, a month ago, he might have even appreciated the gesture.

But things were different now.

"Guys," he began, shaking his head. "That's… really… nice of you and all, but… I… I can't-"

"He can't wait to meet her."

Everyone turned to look at Roy except for Riza, who seemed about as interested in that conversation as she did about most of the personal conversations that took place in the office. Which was not at all.

"You just said that you weren't doing anything else tonight, right?" Roy continued, meeting Jean's stunned expression with a cool and even gaze. "So what logical reason would you possibly have for saying no?"

On the surface, it was an easy enough question. However, Jean knew damn well what Roy was getting at. It would look odd if he turned down their offer, drawing exactly the sort of attention that he did not want to draw. Not that they would immediately be able to conclude that he was sleeping with Roy should he deny the date, but it would definitely raise a few brows, and that was bad enough.

Even so, Jean found that he was mildly perturbed. Sure, he hadn't expected Roy to scream "No, he's mine!" at the top of his lungs at the suggestion. But that he would actively encourage such a thing…

"Where and when?" he asked Breda with a defeated sigh. He then snubbed out his cigarette and immediately lit another one; Jean had the feeling he would go through many more before the night was over.

Breda scribbled down the information and handed it to Jean, who had a hell of a time trying to decipher the man's chicken scratch. Three hours from now, at a place that wasn't exactly known for being easy on the wallet. Great.

"So how am I going to know who she is?"

Breda and Falman and Fuery exchanged amused glances. That couldn't possibly be a good thing.

"Oh, you'll know," Fuery promised him.

And on that note, the group dispersed for the day. Jean stopped by the men's room to take a pre-commute piss, stewing over the unpleasantness to come.

The only bright spot to be found in any of this impending… clusterfuck, for lack of a better word, was that his track record dictated that this would only be a one-time thing. For whatever reason, not that it even mattered to him anymore, Jean never seemed to hold the same kind of appeal that someone like Roy did. And if the female in question was someone in the military- which he could only assume from Fuery's statement- then the chances were highly likely that Roy was more her type anyway. Roy was always their type.

He finished and washed his hands, and lit himself one more cigarette for the road. Jean glanced at his reflection while he smoked, not out of any real want but because there weren't really any other desirable viewing options in a bathroom. He didn't think that he was a terrible looking fellow although sometimes it seemed that the unruly blond mess on top of his head begged to differ. And while he knew full well that he often came across as the bumbling type, he wasn't truly an idiot. So why hadn't he been able to land and keep a girlfriend over the years? It certainly wasn't for lack of trying. Maybe that was just it, that he had tried too hard. Maybe he hadn't tried enough. Jean honestly did not know. But again, it didn't matter. He had Roy. And that more than made up for all of his previous failures.

Speak of the devil…

"Shouldn't you be going home and getting ready for your date?"

Roy walked past him and into a stall. Jean waited until he was done before answering.

"I suppose I should."

Their eyes met in the mirror. This time, Roy's gaze was considerably softer.

"What was I supposed to do?" he asked. "Scream 'No, he's mine' or something to that effect?"

Jean couldn't help but smile a bit at that. It was downright uncanny just how often their thoughts were so much alike.

"I know, I know," he conceded as he tapped ash into the sink and rinsed it away.

Roy dried his hands and leaned against the sink. "They were just trying to be helpful in their own spectacularly dumbass way."

Jean exhaled a long stream of smoke and nodded reluctantly in agreement.

"So go," Roy said. "Have a good time and eat ridiculously overpriced food. And who knows… you might even like her."

Before Jean could even try to understand the root of such an unexpected and downright ludicrous accusation, let alone respond, a group of officers came barging into the bathroom to do their business. Roy took that as his cue and left with a curt "See you tomorrow," leaving Jean to gape in his wake.

What the hell was that?

XXX

After twenty minutes, Jean was beginning to wonder if this mystery woman had changed her mind. While he once would have been irritated- though sadly not surprised- if it turned out that she had stood him up, tonight he was almost praying that such was the case.

"Jean?"

It wasn't.

Jean turned towards the sound of the voice... and his mouth fell open in shock.

"… Sheska?"

The young woman slowly made her way towards the table, clearly unaccustomed to the insanely high heels that adorned her feet. She was dressed in a vibrant and wickedly form-fitting red dress, thus revealing the figure that her military-issued uniform concealed a little too well, apparently. While she was still wearing glasses, her eyelids beneath were decorated with a hint of color, just enough to bring out her eyes.

She looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Hello," she said, taking a seat across from him. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I was having some issues."

"Car issues?"

"Walking issues."

Jean didn't mean to laugh, but since Sheska appeared to find it equally as amusing, he didn't feel nearly as bad about it.

So, Sheska, huh? Jean had to admit that she was the last person that he had suspected. On one hand, it was good that this date, forced as it was, was with someone with whom he got along well. That way, in as much as his mind would allow him to believe, it would be no different than merely hanging out with the boys. On the other hand…

… you might even like her.

Did Roy actually think that such a thing was possible? And if so-

"Have you ever eaten here before?"

"Um, twice," Jean said, pushing Roy's words as far to the back of his mind as he could. While he was already tasked with enduring this date, there was no reason to be rude and inattentive.

They made small talk until a server came to take their order. Over their respective meals they discussed the pros and cons of military life as well as speculating what occupation they might have chosen if not for their duty to the State. Sheska longed to own a bookstore while Jean had little preference in the matter as long as he could smoke and play with guns. After dinner (Sheska graciously offered to split the ticket, an offer that Jean vehemently denied) he walked her to her car, lending her his arm for some much needed ambulatory support.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Jean," she said, letting go of him.

"I did too." And he meant it sincerely. There were definitely worse ways to kill an evening.

But now, unfortunately, came the difficult part.

"Look, Sheska-"

"It's okay," the woman said a little too quickly. "I didn't think… I mean… I didn't expect anything more than this."

Jean would have believed her if the look on her face did not scream otherwise.

"It's not you." He cringed inwardly at the line he had heard many times himself in the past. But unlike the countless women who had said that to him, he truly meant it. "It's just that I'm actually… sort of… seeing someone right now."

Sheska's eyes were wide with surprise behind her glasses. "You have a girlfriend? Then why did you agree to see me?"

"We're not exclusive just yet," Jean said, sidestepping the fact that his girlfriend was not a girl at all. "And Breda and the others, they had no idea. I haven't told anyone else about it because I don't want to jinx it. You're actually the only other person who knows about it now except for me and… her."

"Really?"

"Really."

Sheska was awed at having been entrusted with such knowledge.

"Well, I definitely won't say anything then," she promised. "But what if the guys try and set you up again?"

"I haven't quite figured that out yet."

"You could always tell them that you're into men."

Jean almost inhaled the cigarette that he had just stuck between his lips.

"Just kidding." Sheska giggled cheerfully, with no idea that she had almost given Jean a heart attack.

She rifled through her purse until she found her keys and then gave him a parting kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Jean."

Jean opened her car door and stepped aside so that she could get in. "Goodnight, Sheska."

After she was gone, he lit his cigarette and sucked down damn near half of it in one go.

XXX

Thirty minutes later, he kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto the couch. He wanted a drink, badly, but at the moment, he did not feel like moving a single inch.

They would grill him to hell and back about tonight, Breda, Falman, and Fuery. And while Jean would have nothing but glowing things to say about Sheska, he was going to have to field the even more troubling query of when he planned on seeing her again. If, no, when he told them that he wasn't going to ask her out for a second date, they were going to demand to know why. And if he told them that it was because he was seeing someone else, they were going to demand to know who that someone else was.

In other words, he was fucked, totally and utterly.

Jean would have been content to sit there a little longer if not for the knocking at the door. He pulled himself up with a grunt and, after tripping over his own damn shoes and cursing himself for doing so, trudged over to the door, pulling it open.

"Hey," Roy said.

"Hey." Jean's surprise was evident.

"I just thought I'd stop by to see how your date went." Dark eyes passed over his face then narrowed slightly as they happened upon his cheek. "Judging by the lipstick, I assume it went well."

"Lipstick?"

Jean ran his hand over the side of his face that had drawn Roy's attention. Sure enough, when he looked at his fingers, he saw a smear of red.

"Oh. This was from Sheska."

"They set you up with Sheska?" Roy's expression was incredulous. "Sheska Sheska?"

"Yeah," Jean confirmed as he wiped his hand on his pants. "You should have seen her, Roy. She looked really good."

"… That's nice."

"Wait a minute." Jean pointed to his face. "It's not what you think. She just kissed me goodbye. After I told her that I couldn't see her again because I was already seeing someone else. She thinks I have a girlfriend."

He smiled thoughtfully at his partner, who was looking everywhere except at Jean.

"Roy? You weren't… worried… were you?"

Roy finally met his stare, his brow creased in a frown.

"Of course not. Now if you're done asking stupid questions, I'm going home."

He stepped away from the door, and Jean, without thinking, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside.

"Not yet," he insisted, pushing Roy against the door.

Roy did not resist, though he did have one request. "Well at least wipe that shit-eating smirk off your face."

Jean gathered him into his arms, bringing his chin to rest on top of Roy's head so that the other man would not have to see the offending shit-eating smirk that refused to go away.

"I can't help it," he said. "I can't believe that you thought for one second that I would ever be interested in anyone else. It's so… cute."

"Havoc," Roy warned, his voice muffled against Jean's neck.

"I'm sorry."

Jean had gotten so worked up over everyone else's vastly inaccurate perception of Roy's relationship with Riza that he hadn't even stopped to consider that Roy had a legitimate reason to be concerned with Jean's interactions with women. Keeping up appearances was easy for Roy because he would never be sexually attracted to the scores of women who threw themselves at him. But because Jean was not explicitly gay, there was, seemingly, always a chance that he might be swayed.

He felt like a fool. A happy fool, but a fool nevertheless.

There was still the very real issue of tomorrow to contend with. Jean would need a game plan before he stepped into the office and found himself bombarded with a thousand and one questions. But there was a far more urgent matter that had to be addressed tonight, one that had priority over everything else.

"Will you stay for awhile?"

He paused, waiting.

Eventually, Roy pulled him into a long, lingering kiss.

That was all the answer Jean needed.

TBC