Disclaimer:  I do not own Draco Malfoy; he belongs to J.K. Rowlings.  I do not own "Modern Major General" either; it's from Gilbert & Sullivan's operetta "The Pirates of Penzance"—however, I think that W.S. Gilbert has been dead long enough for the copyrights on his work to expire.  I do not plan to make any money off of this song (ah, if only I actually could; I could use it to pay my tuition).

Draco:

I am the very model of a future evil overlord

Admired by all Slytherins and loathed by all from Griffindor

I suck up to my teachers and I'm Harry's mortal enemy,

And no one is exactly sure just what my future role will be.

Will I, perhaps, tell Lucius my potions teacher is a spy,

Or fall in love with Ginny Weasely? (God, I think I'd rather die)

Shall I yet redeem myself and perish most heroically,

Or sell my soul to Voldemort and wallow in iniquity?

Crabbe & Goyle:

Or sell his soul to Voldemort and wallow in iniquity,

Or sell his soul to Voldemort and wallow in iniquity,

Or sell his soul to Voldemort and wallow in iniqui-niquity!

I am the only child of a mighty wizard and a witch,

Though Father is a bastard and my mother's a pretentious…

Snape: Draco!

Draco:

My father is a Death Eater, my family works for Voldemort,

I am the very model of a future evil overlord!

Crabbe & Goyle:

His father is a Death Eater, his family works for Voldemort,

He is the very model of a future evil overlord!

Draco:

My family is a noble one, its linage is exemplary

And we've all been in Slytherin since the eleventh century

(Although I think I had one cousin sorted into Gryffindor—

We claim that he does not exist and don't discuss him anymore).

We're wallowing in money and I use it to buy influence,

We live in a huge mansion with a muggle-proof enchanted fence,

Through bribery and corruption we control the wizard Ministry,

And the Daily Prophet only prints the things that Father wants to see.

Crabbe & Goyle:

The Daily Prophet only prints the things his Father wants to see.

The Daily Prophet only prints the things his Father wants to see.

The Daily Prophet only prints the things his Father wants to wants to see.

Draco:

I inherited my father's charm, I have my mother's vanity,

And I wear custom fitted robes of fine, expensive quality.

My father is a Death Eater, my family works for Voldemort,

I am the very model of a future evil overlord!

Crabbe & Goyle:

His father is a Death Eater, his family works for Voldemort,

He is the very model of a future evil overlord!

Draco:

In fact when I can catch the Snitch and triumph on the quidditch field,

And win a fight without my flunkies there to force my foes to yield,

When I obtain upon my arm the proof of my allegiance dark,

And don a black robe and a mask to match my skull and serpent mark,

When I get that Creatures teacher fired and make that freckled weasel pay,

And cheat 'till my house wins the cup—we all deserve it anyway!

And get top marks in any class that's not taught by professor Snape,

You can say a better future overlord was never on the make!

Crabbe & Goyle:

You can say a better future overlord was never on the make!

You can say a better future overlord was never on the make!

You can say a better future overlord was never on the on the make!

Draco:

I taunt my foes from Gryffindor with manipulative vicious schemes,

And with my looks, I'll grow up to be every female pure-blood's dream,

 My father is a Death Eater, my family works for Voldemort,

I am the very model of a future evil overlord!

Crabbe & Goyle:

He is a junior Death Eater, he's gonna work for Voldemort,

He is the very model of a future evil overlord!