Chapter 9: Pain in the Ass

A/N: I know, its almost been a week and a half since the last update, but I had half termly tests, and still do. I managed to cobble together a chapter since then, so bear with the dodgy chapter, kay? And if you haven't done so already, please check out my new fic - "Neji and Tenten: 100 Times Over". x1 of that is already up, and x2 is being written (times 1, times 2...times 100, get it?). On with the chapter now =D

P.S. Chapter entitled "Psychotic Bitch of Doom" has been moved forward. The new chapter title is a lot more relevant =P

"You-WHAT!" cried Anko. "You, want ME to train a weak rookie Genin?"

"Um...yes?" replied Kakashi nervously. He always got nervous around Anko, especially because of her fearsome reputation among other things. He started twiddling his index fingers in a very Hinata-like fashion. After a few moments of thought, Anko sighed.

"Fine, fine I'll train him. I've got nothing much better to do anyways. How long?"

"Er, a week at first. Then I'll assess his progress and see how he's doing."

"Meh, alright. Now go away, and let me sleep. Honestly..." she closed the door and disappeared back into her house, muttering something about masked perverts as she went. Kakashi breathed out the breath he didn't know he was holding, then formed a handsign and poofed away.

Yet another alarm clock was brutally broken as Naruto punched it and sat up blearily. He rubbed his eyes and listened to the commotion going on downstairs, deducing that the Yamanakas were already up and going about their business. He then remembered that today was the day Kakashi-sensei introduced him to another sensei to teach him more advanced techniques. Instead of feeling happy and excited as he usually did, this time he felt a sense of uneasiness and shuddered, frowning at the sensation. Looking at the floor and picking up the alarm clock, it then dawned on him that he was late.

"Ahh!" screamed Naruto, flinging aside the bedsheets and scrambling to his feet. He hastily brushed his teeth, donned his usual orange jumpsuit, and, after hastily grabbing his shuriken pouch, hurtled down the stairs. He was met by a startled Ino, who wondered what all the fuss was about.

"What's going on?"

"Err, new sensei, late, no time to explain!" shouted Naruto, still in panic mode. "Izumi-san, can you give me a slice of toast?"

"Wow, no ramen? Okay then Naruto-kun." Naruto was handed a slice of buttered toast by the Yamanaka matriarch. Naruto scoffed it down in almost a blink of an eye, and rushed out the front door.

"He's very energetic, don't you think?" asked Izumi.

"Yeah, you don't say." Ino commented.

"Am I late?"

Naruto burst in to the clearing at Training Ground 7, with an irate Team 7 glaring at him.

"Seriously Naruto, you're worse than me." muttered Kakashi.

"What a dobe."

"Teme."

"Dobe."

"Teme."

"Dobe."

"Te-"

"Do I even have to SAY IT this time?" growled Sakura.

"Anyway," said Kakashi cheerily, "everyone will be doing mostly the same exercises as yesterday, and if you master those, I'll teach you a new jutsu. Naruto will get a different sensei."

"Why does the dobe get a new sensei?" asked the jealous Uchiha.

"He just does. Now, Naruto, your sensei should be coming soon – I told her to come here at around this time."

"Wait, she? My new sensei is a kunoichi?"

"Yes, her name is-" Kakashi was cut off violently by the sound of someone ripping through the trees and a kunai with a banner attached to it. The banner unfurled to read: ANKO MITARASHI.

"Oh no. Please, not her." groaned Naruto. This earned him quizzical glances from the other two members of Team 7.

"Enter the coolest, strongest and sexiest kunoichi in all of Konohagakure, Mitarashi Anko!" A purple haired fishnet woman suddenly appeared from behind a tree. Naruto facepalmed.

"ANKO? The hell?"

"Oi, brat, listen to me. I'm your new sensei, and for the next week, whatever says, goes. Got it?" Anko flung a kunai at Naruto, with the intent of grazing his cheek, but Naruto raised an arm and caught it, throwing it to the ground near Anko's feet.

"Sure thing Anko-chan."

"Anko-sensei to you, brat."

"No prob Anko-chan." Anko glared.

"Training Ground 44. Go there. Now." Anko poofed into smoke.

"I almost pity Naruto..." said Kakashi.

"Why?"

"You'll see, by tomorrow."

"Hello brat, and welcome to Training Ground 44, more commonly known as the Fores-"

"Forest of Death, blah blah blah, can we do something now?"

"Hmm, well it seems you're not all useless then. How bout we start off with a one-on-one spar, anything goes."

"Yeah, thingy is, Anko-chan, you'll probably get beaten."

"And why is that?"

"If you can beat me, I'll tell you."

"Hah, gonna be easy brat. Bring it on!" Anko lashed out with a kick to Naruto's chest, expecting him to fall and go down from the knockback. Instead, Naruto lazily formed a hand sign and called out,

"Kawamiri no Jutsu!" Naruto was replaced with a log, and Anko's foot connected with it, splintering it into pieces. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Five Naruto's appeared. Anko raised an eyebrow in surprise, and lashed out at them with a powerful punch.

"Sen'eijashu!"

Snakes slithered out from the sleeves of Anko's trench coat, and swarmed briefly in midair to Naruto's shadow clones. They jumped, and one managed to survive. The shadow clone and the real Naruto began gathering chakra. It was molded into a spiraling blue sphere that Naruto thrusted out.

"Rasengan!"

Anko dodged, but to her surprise, the Rasengan did not flicker but instead stayed intact and was clear, still rotating around in Naruto's hand. Naruto swung again, and Anko barely ducked to avoid the incoming Rasengan. How does he know the Rasengan? she mused. Realizing that she would be badly hurt if she was hit by it, she quickly jumped into a nearby tree. Naruto, meanwhile, had slammed the Rasengan into the trunk of the tree, and Anko shunshined to the opposite corner of the clearing. Naruto threw a kunai. The kunai thudded into Anko's tree, and Anko laughed.

"Missed, brat."

"Really Anko-chan? Hiraishin no Jutsu!" Naruto flashed over. Now even Anko could not hold back her surprise.

"What?" she asked, dazed. Naruto jumped into Anko's tree and held a kunai to her neck.

"I win." he proclaimed happily.

"Did you seriously think it was so easy?" Anko poofed into smoke, revealing it to be a shadow clone.

"Um...yes?"

Naruto was now at close range, so Anko punched him lightly in the gut, and announced,

"Sen'eijashu!"

The snakes made contact with Naruto, who panicked and fell out of the tree. "Meh, not as good as the brat getting bitten, but oh well." Naruto, meanwhile, had forgotten all of his jutsu except one: the Doton: Dochū Eigyo no Jutsu which Kakashi had used on him in his Genin test. He shrugged.

"Doton: Dochū Eigyo no Jutsu!"

Naruto sank underground. Anko hopped down off the tree and onto the grassy floor of the clearing.

"Hmm...where has the brat gone?"

"Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu!" Naruto emerged from the ground and grabbed Anko's legs, pulling her down into the earth. Anko popped away. "Not another clone!" He sank back down into the earth to avoid being pummelled by the real Anko, who jumped out of a bush.

"Well, at least he's not going to use THAT on me again."

"Anko-chan, I'm really sorry, okay?"

"For what? And where are you, brat?"

"Konohagakure Hiden Taijutsu Ōugi: SENNEN GOROSHI!" (A/N: 1000 Years of Death)

"Aww, what a weak move, its nothing more than an ass poke-" Anko was cut off by the attack. "WHAT THE HELL!"

She was propelled high into the air, but unlike when Kakashi used it, there was only height and not distance.

"So, how do you think Naruto is doing?" asked Sakura. "That lady didn't seem to be very nice."

"Hmm...how IS he faring against Anko?"

Suddenly, there was a rustle, and far away a lot of birds flew up from the trees and twittered around. This was accompanied by a sudden shout.

"I'LL GET YOU, PERVERT!" Sasuke didn't react, while Sakura looked mortified and Kakashi bemused.

"Oh, so that's what he did."

Meanwhile, Naruto was getting chased around the Forest of Death by Anko. Having no choice of staying near the entrance, he sped deeper into the forest. Anko gritted her teeth, she was still blushing and rubbing her rear end in pain.

"How dare you use that perverted jutsu that Kakashi made up?" Anko sped up. "And on ME?"

"Um, it was the only way to hit you?"

"Yeah, but up my ASS?" Anko bit her thumb and sped through handsigns. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A snake appeared, about the size of Anko, but a bit bigger. She jumped on it and continued chasing Naruto, the snake slithering through the forest.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" called out Naruto, after going through the summoning. Gamakichi appeared.

"Hi Naruto, any food?"

"No time, hurry, just RUN!" Naruto scrambled onto Gamakichi and forced him to turn his head. He saw a giant snake chasing them with a purple-haired lady on the top. Gamakichi, instead of running, poofed away. "The hell?" Naruto asked. "I'm really gonna kill him after I get out of this mess." Unfortunately, he didn't see Anko and the snake coming up behind him. The snake wrapped Naruto in its coils.

"Gotcha, pervy brat."

"Oh, crap."

Naruto was tied to a backpack, which was filled with tons of rocks, all of various shapes and sizes.

"Firstly, we will begin with practising our dodging." Naruto groaned, and Anko grinned devilishly. She flung a kunai.

Naruto's screams could be heard all throughout Konoha that night.

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