I'm not a very good updater. I'm sorry! I just hope that when I do get time to write, there are still people here to read it. You guys are great for all the feedback, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

Chapter 6

Olivia felt dirty. She had raced out of the squad room as soon as she had finished spilling Alex's secrets to Elliot and was now scrubbing at herself viciously in her shower. She scrubbed until her skin was raw but the feeling just wouldn't wash. Betrayal was one of those things that never really would leave until you were forgiven. She forced herself out of the shower stall and caught a glimpse of herself in the foggy mirror, giving it a quick swipe to remove the condensation. She forced her eyes up to meet her own reflection and stared intently at herself without the usual barriers she put up for the outside world.

How can you stand here and worry about yourself? About how Alex is going to react to what you've done? She silently asked her reflection. You are such a coward, hoping that she never finds out, that another lead shows up before Elliot can spill. You'll still have it inside, the guilt in your eyes every time you look at her.

It was then that Olivia finally realised that despite the mountain of circumstantial evidence stacking up against Alex, it was just that; circumstantial. And when Olivia thought of the future, she didn't picture Alex in prison. She just saw a really pissed off attorney filled with anger at the only person to gain her trust since it was stolen from her years ago. A moment of clarity washed over Olivia, relieving some of the weight that the scalding shower could not, because now she knew that Alex was innocent. She was confused and unsure before, had panicked and confessed to Elliot, but when it came down to it she knew.

There is no way Alex did this.

A small smile crept it's way onto her face as she dressed and sat herself at the kitchen table with some case files to browse over. With Alex's innocence as clear as day in her mind, she felt a renewed energy to search for the truth, to find a link that could make certain that nothing from Alex's past had to be revealed anymore than it had.

Elliot will keep his word. He won't say anything until we are out of options.

She was two hours and three cups of coffee into her in-depth file search when she saw something, a name that kept showing up. Not exactly out of place, but too unlikely to be coincidental. Before she could follow her thought the buzzer rang, breaking her concentration for the first time.

"It's me Detective Benson. May I speak with you?" came Alex's voice quite formally across the telecom. Olivia buzzed her in without reply and waited at the open door for the attorney to appear. Alex was barely through the door before she began reeling off her speech that sounded a little like an opening argument to Olivia. Alex had obviously been thinking about this for the better part of the morning

"I wanted to apologise for running out on you before. As you can probably imagine, I am not use to being caught off guard. I suppose I am not particularly adept at dealing with situations like this. I just…" her words failed her, not for the first time in the last twenty four hours.

"Its okay Alex. I pushed. Maybe too hard and for that I am sorry, you know?" Olivia locked eyes with the woman in front of her.

"There is nothing for you to apologise for here Detective." Olivia internally cringed at herself, if only Alex knew. "I could have talked my way out of the situation if I wanted to. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how stubborn and relentless I can be when I feel the need."

"Definitely not." Added the Detective with a laugh, causing a smile to grace both sets of lips as thoughts of previous clashes filled their minds. Alex schooled her features before continuing.

"If it was Munch or Stabler or whoever, I'm certain I would have deflected their questions quite adeptly. But I trust you. God knows why because Cabot's are not a very trusting species by nature, but I do trust you Olivia. Keeping everything in for so long is just entirely" she couldn't find the word.

"Exhausting?" Olivia cut in, receiving a confirming nod in response.

"Exactly. And you do have this power in you. You always get people to talk about the most horrifying moments of their lives. Yet you manage to set them at ease, you set me at ease somehow. It has to come from here" she said lightly, placing her hand over Olivia's heart, noting with a raised eyebrow as the heartbeat beneath her fingertips speed up slightly.

"It's my job." She said dismissively, still focusing on Alex's palm on her skin.

"So Stabler, Tutuola? They can do that to? They just choose not to I suppose?" She notes the look in Olivia's eyes as she admits to the attorney's point. "You care just a little bit more than they do. I don't mean that it a bad way, they do care, but it's personal for you. I know I am not exactly viewed as the life and soul of the party, you said yourself they call me the Ice Queen now. They believe my residence within the SVU to be strictly political. No matter what they may think I do care. Just as much as you do; it is just as personal for me too."

"You shouldn't care what anyone in that squad room says about you Alex. You know the truth and that is enough." She clasped the hand from her chest between her own, and gave it a small squeeze to regain Alex's attention. The blonde's eyes had darted to the connection immediately and felt the jolt in her pulse that she was certain matched the one she had felt in Olivia moments earlier.

"I don't give a damn what they think of me, what they gossip about round the water cooler. But I do care about your perception of me. I care a lot." Their eyes met briefly before Alex's settled on the lips only inches away from her. The edge of her mouth lifted into a barely noticeable grin as she leaned forward.

"Alex." The Detective said warningly.

"This is the part where you shut up Olivia." She mumbled as she bridged the small gap between them. As soon as Alex's lips touched hers, Olivia gave in completely. Wrapping her free arm around Alex's back, she pulled her as close as possible but this time, she noted to herself, this was definitely not a comforting embrace.

When their bodies connected a renewed sense of urgency arose within Alex, as she began to pull at the Detective's clothes, impatient at the barrier between them, dying to feel those jolts whenever skin met skin. In return Olivia shoved the jacket off Alex's shoulders to a heap on the floor as they both battled for more contact. Their hands kept tangling and impeding the other's as they greedily tried to gain the upper hand without breaking their connection. Realising they weren't going to get anywhere like this, they laughed into the kiss, as Alex ceded control in an attempt to break the standstill.

Olivia pushed Alex backwards, looking for anything to help them gain a hold on their surroundings. They both felt the slight jar as the back of the couch connected with Alex, who took Olivia's momentary lapse as an opportunity to pull the Detective's sweater over her head, leaving her with a black vest.

"You wear too many layers Detective." She mumbled between kisses.

"This is New York. I don't get to sit around a nice warm office in my fancy suit all day Cabot." Olivia retorted playfully, pulling the attorney back to her, not wanting that mouth away from hers for long.

"Touché Detective." She smiled as she let her hands run over Olivia's bare shoulders.

"I think we're past 'Detective' here aren't we?" Before she waited for a reply she guided Alex over the small drop onto the couch, never breaking the contact between then. She was about to guide her lips back to the blonde's when she felt the body beneath her stiffen. She paused inches away from the lips beneath her. The blonde had her eyes scrunched closed and was tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth.

What happened? I didn't land on her or hurt her. We just moved to the couch.

That was when Olivia realised; she was lying on top of Alex, practically pinning the blonde down. On a couch. She quickly pulled herself back, resting her weight on the heels of her feet.

"I… I'm sorry. Alex? Are you alright? I shouldn't have… I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry," the Detective rushed out, waving her arms around for emphasis. She continued rambling until a hand caught her by the wrist, focusing her attention back on Alex, who had pulled herself into a seated position.

"It's okay Olivia."

"No it's not. You're not okay. I should be more careful," said Olivia with a degree on panic in her voice

"I'm not going to break. You just caught me off guard again. You have a way of doing that to me." she said offhandedly.

"I'm sorry." Alex could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"I think it might be a good thing; keep me on my toes so to speak. That was just a slip. It will get easier, I promise." She leaned forward, guiding Olivia down onto the couch. "Maybe just for now though, I'm on top."

There lips connected slowly this time, testing the waters warily before gratefully feeling the smile on the each other's mouth.

"That your plan all along Cabot? Get me on the bottom?" The teasing was definitely fun, Olivia decided. Way better than all that pent up frustration overflowing into an office argument.

"Absolutely." She trailed her hands challengingly down the side of Olivia's torso and over the curve of her hips as Olivia's house phone began to ring from beside the couch. "Let the machine get it," she added before Olivia even had a chance to react.

"Liv? It's Elliot. Your cell is off. We got another D.B. We got it covered, no need to come in."

Olivia stiffened at the sound of her partner's voice. Alex pulled away, looking into anxious eyes of the woman below her questioningly. Olivia let out a calming exhale, thanking Elliot for not saying anything incriminating. Her relief came too soon though.

"Just thought I'd tell you so you'd stop worrying about Cabot. Guy was murdered last night and even Cabot can't be confessing her secrets to you and killing some guy at the same time."

Instead of the range of emotions she expected to flood the attorney's eyes, Olivia saw something worse. They went hard. Like stone. Alex backed off the couch quicker than the Detective had ever seen the other woman move, leaving a vacuum over Olivia.

"Alex, please don't," she grabbed at the other woman's hand as she scrambled off the couch after her, quickly have the hold shook off. She came to an abrupt halt as Alex bent down to retrieve her jacket.

"You think I murdered those men," she said plainly.

"I don't…"

"You might not now, but you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have told Elliot." She said daringly. "Say something Olivia, for Christ's sake and don't you dare lie to me." She got her answer when she stared into Olivia's eyes and they wouldn't, no couldn't, look back. "I trusted someone for the first time in… I trusted you. And now you've ruined it."

She walked out of the apartment without looking back.