Intricate
By Lunaleth

02.22.2010

Lily Evans is a complicated individual. The four Marauders each have their own perspectives of this intriguing girl. Fourshot. LJ

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Peter

"Hey, Peter." Friendlily.

"Oh, Lily...hi." Shyly.

"How are you doing on those lovely Summoning Charms?" Smiling.

"Oh, umm...I'm starting to get them, I think. Thanks." Fidgeting.

"That's good to know, you know I'm here if you—" Rudely cut off.

"LILY!" Excitedly.

"Potter, go play with yourself in a broom closet or something. I'll see you later, Peter." Disdainfully.

---

I always thought Lily was kind of like a...huge living paradox.

Oh oh oh oh oh I used a big word! Pa-ra-dox. Three syllables!

One more! Syl-la-bles. I'm on a roll today. Or, as Sirius would say, Those buns sure are baking today.

I like buns. So does Lily. She eats them like crazy for breakfast. Nice girl.

Yeah, Lily's definitely nice. But she's also...mean. I swear that makes sense.

We weren't ever close, Lily and I. I mean, we were friends, but never close ones.

She helped me though, more than she would ever know. She was kind of weird like that; she affected people a lot, just by being there. When I was younger, I thought she had superpowers. (four syllables.) I'm still not completely sure that that's a lie.

She used to tutor me in Charms, back in fifth year. (James got really jealous.) Even though I wasn't really smart, she never got impatient with me, and I have her to thank for my Acceptable (four.) Charms O.W.L. I would often see her helping the younger students whenever they got lost or started crying or had weird kiddie problems. She just had this way with people, as if she didn't mind their stupidity or faults or anything. She made people feel good about themselves, as if they were worth it.

She was the nicest person I knew, which was why it was weird seeing her blow up at James. I mean, James was one of my best friends, and some of the things he did were actually pretty nice. If I were a girl, and if I liked guys, I'd think he was sweet. (But I'm not, and I don't. Really.)

We never had much in common. She was smart, and kind of pretty, and okay, I never really was the smartest bloke out there, though I do like to think that my hair is rather handsome. It has these golden tints, if you look closely enough. We probably would never have talked at all if not for the glaring fact that one of my best mates was completely obsessed with her. The kid had a bloody shrine for her in our dormitory, for crying out loud. I remember, once, I got yelled at by James because I accidentally (five!) ripped one of his treasures (was it one of her old candy wrappers?). He almost cried that night.

What a loser.

I tried to make up for James' obsessiveness by being super nice to the poor girl. And though we weren't really close, we got along pretty well, if only for the reason that my first name wasn't James and my last name wasn't Potter. Sometimes, I found it ironic that Lily got along well with all of the Marauders except for the one who adored her. That kid had bad karma or something. Maybe he killed some cute little animal in his previous life and was finally being punished for it.

What am I talking about? James had almost everything going for him. Quidditch Captain, top of the class, and then, eventually, Head Boy. Not to mention he had an amazing way with people. Everyone respected him. Well, almost everyone.

I always was just Peter, no matter what I did.

In a way, that was part of why I liked being around Lily. It made me happy to think that there was something I could be, something I could do, that James couldn't. It was a messed up sort of happiness.

Lily could always made me feel better.

---

Fifth year. I was meeting up with Lily for another one of our Charms tutoring sessions. I glumly threw my bag onto an empty table in the library and slumped down in my chair to wait.

I was having a pretty crap day. Just this morning, James managed to finally perfect his Animagus. Sirius had done it last night, and they spent the morning turning into their forms over and over again, laughing and chasing each other around the dormitory. Remus chuckled lightly with that same air of reluctant admiration he always had regarding our efforts. (He was a pretty bad prefect, if I do say so myself. Never followed the rules.)

Finally, they turned back into their human forms. Sirius turned to me.

"Come on, Pete!," he said excitedly. "There's a full moon in a week, and I want us all to do it by then. You're last."

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could. I felt tingles go through my body, and I squealed happily. I'd finally done it!

I opened my eyes to find my friends just staring at me. I looked down at myself and felt my happy balloon slowly fizzle out. I looked exactly as I did before.

"Oh…" I mumbled. "I-I'll keep trying, guys."

James grinned. "Don't worry about it, Pete. Here, try…"

We worked on it for the next hour, but to no avail. I was still very much Peter Pettigrew, boy.

"Just keep trying, Pete. I know you'll get it eventually." Sirius patted my shoulder, and my friends went down to breakfast.

I skipped breakfast.

Now, as I sat there in the library, I felt completely miserable. Why couldn't I do what my friends could? Was I just stupid? Was I worthless?

"Hey," Lily greeted me as she dropped into a chair. I waved weakly in response. "What's with the long face?"

"It's nothing," I mumbled.

She raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? Are those friends of yours giving you trouble?"

I shook my head. "No, they're nice guys. Really. They tried to help me. It's just…" I sighed. I couldn't exactly tell her we were trying to turn ourselves into illegal Animagi. "Can we just start with Charms?"

Lily nodded. "Of course."

We went over Cheering Charms for the next half hour, but I guess she realized that my mind wasn't into it. It was pretty obvious.

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?"

"Peter, are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm-I'm just dandy."

"You can talk to me if you want."

I bit my lip.

She looked at me with a small smile. "If it's a secret, you can even leave out the parts you're not allowed to tell."

I stared at her. She really was perceptive.

She grinned.

I looked down at the table. "It's just…have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?"

Lily laughed, and I stared at her, a bit indignant. This wasn't funny. She looked over at me, still smiling. "Many times. All the time. Every time one of those Slytherins calls me a mudblood, I get that feeling. I know they're just being spiteful, but sometimes, I can't help it. I wonder if I'm really as bad as they think I am. Maybe I am worthless." She shook her head. "And every time I go home, too. My sister thinks of me as a freak." She stared down at her hands, but then looked back at me. "It's hard, you know? Feeling like you've disappointed the one person whom you used to respect and admire so much. She was my best friend." Lily sighed.

I made one of those empathetic listening noises, understanding exactly how she felt. Right now, I felt like I disappointed my friends. James, Sirius, and especially Remus—they did so much for me, but I couldn't even do my part.

I glanced at Lily. She was regarding me with a thoughtful look. I turned a bit pink. "How do you…get over that?" I wondered. "You seem so happy, even now." You're strong. You're not like me.

She laughed. "I do, don't I? I guess it's because I've taught myself that I can't change myself by sitting and moping. If I feel worthless, if I feel like I'm a disappointment, then I should go out there and do something about it. Prove the world wrong. Prove to the world, I'm important. I'm worth it." She smiled at me. "You're worth it."

We got back to Charms.

---

After I went back to the dormitory, I sat there on my bed and shut my eyes again. I sat there for the better part of the afternoon. Over and over again, I thought of all the reasons I wanted to do this. I thought of how I could do this. I thought of Lily.

When Sirius walked into the dorm three hours later, he yelled to find a rather large rat sitting on his bed, chewing idly at the covers. "James! There's this huge rat on my bed! Look at it, it's—whoa, Pete!"

I grinned up at my three gaping friends. "I managed it."

James and Sirius cheered, and Remus pulled me into a quick brotherly hug. I smiled happily. I was worth it.

---

Me being a rat really did benefit my friends, though not in the way I'd expected.

"Pete!" James hissed. "C'mere, will you? I have a favor to ask."

I snorted. "Why are you whispering? The Great Hall's too loud for anyone to hear what we're saying." I poked my fork into my mashed potatoes. "And besides, I already know what you're going to ask."

James grinned. "Good man. Go, go!"

I shook my head, exasperated, as Sirius and Remus watched amusedly. "I'm going, I'm going. Remember, you're doing my Transfiguration homework for the next week." I got up from my seat and went out of the Hall. After finding a deserted corridor, I closed my eyes. Before long, Peter Pettigrew the dashing young blond Gryffindor was Peter Pettigrew the Rat.

I always did think being a rat was a bit…anticlimactic.

I ran back into the Great Hall, unnoticed. I went past my friends and reached the far end of the table, where Lily was sitting. Then I silently hunkered down behind a bookbag sitting on the floor and listened.

James was one obsessed little boy. Every time he saw Lily being happy and smiling, he always sent me to spy on her to see if she was talking about him. Like that would happen in a million years. You'd think becoming Head Boy this year would have a smartening effect on him. Ah well, at least it meant I never had to do my Transfiguration homework by myself. McGonagall's essays murder.

Of course, this arrangement meant that I learned more than I ever wanted to about girls and their strange habits. But at least it was Lily. She was pretty funny, and she never squealed or giggled annoyingly like other girls.

"I can't believe it!" one of Lily's friends squealed. Unfortunately, her friends did. Kate, was it? "He finally asked you out? He's so dreamy." She fanned herself with her hand. Funny, I didn't think it was that hot in here.

Lily laughed. "He's alright. I turned him down though."

"WHAT?!" Kate screeched. "You turned him down?!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you see in him. He's definitely not my type."

Another of her friends, Alice, laughed. "That's what you always say, Lils. Then who is your type, hmm?"

For one brief moment, I could have sworn Lily's green eyes flickered towards James, but when I looked again, she was looking down into her food. I must have imagined it. Poor James.

"I don't know," she replied slowly. "But," she continued in a more confident voice, "I know that it's definitely not James Potter." See, I knew the boy never had a chance.

For some strange reason, Alice giggled and began nudging Kate. And then Kate began giggling too. Lily turned bright red and started glaring. "I do NOT!" She crossed her arms indignantly as the other girls continued giggling. I didn't see what was so funny.

I don't get girls.

Shaking my little rat head, I ran back outside and turned back into Peter Pettigrew, the dashing young blond Gryffindor. Then I rejoined my mates and turned to James.

"You don't have a chance," I said to James. "She even said that you weren't her type."

James slumped in his seat, forlorn. Remus raised an eyebrow. "She specifically said that? Did she seem really indignant when she said it?"

I nodded and dug into my cold potatoes.

Remus smiled, oddly enough.

"What?" James asked suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing."

"Then what are you smiling about?" I asked, curious.

"Nothing!"

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus. "Remmy-poo knows something, and he's not sharing!"

Remus just shook his head. "I don't know, I'm just guessing. And I don't do that weird overanalytical gossipy stuff with my friends, like girls do. Let's just wait." (Damn, that was seven. Remus...typical.)

"For what?" Sirius demanded.

Remus smiled a mysterious smile. "For things to happen."

---

I always did think Remus had this sixth sense of some sort. He knew stuff. It was amazing.

Because less than a month after this happened, Lily and James were together.

The first time they walked down to breakfast together, holding hands and smiling, I nearly toppled off my seat. Sirius dropped his toast into his orange juice as he stared at them stupidly. But Remus, he was just smiling that smile again.

At least it didn't seem like James had kidnapped her (like he thought of doing in fourth year). She had this huge grin on her face, the kind of smile I've never seen her smile before. Who know James Potter would be the one to bring it out? She looked blissfully happy.

She definitely deserved it.

And now I'm gonna go find myself a dictionary. Can't let Remus show me up.

Author's Note: This is Peter's little piece, back from when he was still a decent human being. I miss those days.
On another note, I added a few bits to Sirius' story. After writing the other chapters, I thought it needed a bit more to balance it out.
On another note, I just discovered "friendlily" is an actual word. (Friend lily. Haha. Sad Harry Potter word jokes.) Sadly enough, I never knew that, and I always wondered how one would go about using "friendly" as an adverb. Good stuff.
Feedback is much appreciated. And, as always, enjoy :)

lunaleth