A/N: written for lj's oh_shit_santa exchange.

Pairing: SasuNaru

Rating: R(ish) for language mostly

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, its characters, etc., etc.

Warnings: Spoilers for recent chapters.

–

The snow crunches under his feet, and Naruto shudders as the cold begins to seep into his bones. If he had given it any thought, he would've grabbed his cloak before ditching everyone back at the inn in need of.... air, solitude, something. He had to get out of there. Too many thoughts tumbling around in his head, too many looks from everyone around him.

Naruto stumbles and curses when his foot catches something buried beneath the blanket of white. If he'd given it any thought, he also would've used his chakra to walk on top of the snow instead of slogging through it like a crazy person in search of frostbite. He can practically feel Sakura's fist coming down on his skull and hear the accompanying light-hearted insults to his intelligence. For once, he would have to agree.

The smile it brings to his face is fleeting, though, because things have gone so amazingly wrong. And he doesn't even know how. He and Sakura were supposed to bring Sasuke back together. They were going to be heroes and get to rub it in the faces of pretty much everyone, prove that Sasuke wasn't a lost cause, that their friendship had meant something. Most importantly, though, they were supposed to have their friend back.

But even she's given up on him, and it's not often Naruto's knocked flat on his back like this. Because it's not like the sequence of his life hasn't been one bizarre turn of events after another. Situations rarely blindside him, but this is just all wrong, he doesn't know why, and sadly, he has no idea how to fix it.

That's when explosions rock in the distance, and a large cloud of dust rises over a nearby hill. That's when Naruto's mindless wandering suddenly has a destination.

–

He doesn't know what he expects to find as he tops the hill and stares down at the destruction below, but it sure as hell isn't Sasuke covered in blood, some of it leaking from his eye, and Danzou on the ground at his feet. Dead. Danzou is dead. Holy shit.

Sasuke is still here. The place is literally crawling with teams of ninja from Konoha, from other countries, and here's Sasuke standing over the now-dead Hokage.

"You dumb ass!" he screams. "Do you know how many people are looking for you right fuckin' now?"

Red eyes turn up at him, and for a moment Sasuke simply stares, expression blank as ever. Naruto stares back, and silence stretches two long seconds before the cawing of a bird overhead breaks it. Then Sasuke charges, sword drawn. He swings. Naruto dodges, ducks into a roll then lashes out with a foot. Someone suddenly manifests behind him, though, and it becomes the shortest fight ever. A glimpse of black and red is all he sees before his vision starts to warp. Sasuke grabs two fistfuls of Naruto's jacket and growls, "You're the dumb ass."

Then everything goes black.

–

Naruto blinks and takes in his new surroundings. He's no longer standing in a foot of snow in Iron Country. The stone-like floor beneath him is solid, block-like. Several others jut up around him in this oddly illuminated place with no actual lights. That's when he realizes he's crouched on the floor with Sasuke of all people. He gives him a quick shove and stands up.

"What's going on, Sasuke? Where the hell are we?"

Sasuke takes his sweet ass time answering. He sheathes his sword and wipes his face off on his sleeve. It doesn't get all the blood off his cheek, but Naruto says nothing. Then with a shrug, he answers, "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?!"

"What do you think, moron?! Madara controls this place, but where and what it is exactly, I can't say. Most likely some alternate dimension."

Naruto eyes him skeptically. "Like an illusion?"

"No. It's real. Or at least the effects of whatever happens here last in the real world." Sasuke sits down then, and that's that. Lesson over, class dismissed.

Naruto flails. Is a little elaboration too much to ask? Ten seconds ago, he was ready to skewer him, and now... "How can you be so calm about this?"

"There's nothing to be done." He glances over his shoulder at Naruto. "We're stuck until he decides to bring us back."

Naruto stares at him for several long seconds, but the pieces still aren't quite falling into place. "That why you're not attacking me any more?"

Sasuke mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like the word 'stupid.' "What's the point?"

"Oi, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Were you always this dense? Figure it out." With that, Sasuke gets up and starts walking, the weird lighting following him as he goes, stretching out much further than the small area initially surrounding them.

Naruto watches him hop from block-like thing to block-like thing a good half mile away – or at least what looks to be a half mile or so; if what Sasuke says is true, then who knows if concepts of distance and time even exist here – and sit back down, his feet dangling over the edge of one of the blocks as he leans back on his hands.

Oh, so Sasuke wants to ignore him, huh? Well, that's just fine. Perfect. He crosses his arms over his chest, turns his back on Sasuke, and sits down as well.

–

Boredom, however, sets in almost immediately. There's not a lot to look at in this monochrome world of black, white, and gray. The uneven landscape is the only thing even remotely interesting, like a city skyline's sea of roofs. He idly wonders if there's some bustling concrete jungle way down below that he can't see because he's too high up. Glancing between the cracks, though, Naruto realizes this probably isn't the case. He can only see down a few inches, then there's nothing but darkness. He's not even sure these surfaces they're sitting on are even attached to anything. It's possible they're just big blocks floating in space. The unnatural darkness is mirrored above him as well, where there should be sky.

With a sigh, he stands and paces around a little, but everything looks the same. There's nothing to do, and he's too agitated to even meditate. Sasuke's right there, and he has so much he wants to say, so much he wants to ask, so many whys. Pride holds him back for a while. He passes the time counting roof-blocks. The lit-up area is twelve blocks wide where he's standing. But they're not in perfectly lined rows; there's variation. And Sasuke's too far away to count them lengthwise anyway. He loses count six times before giving up.

That's when he caves. With a huff, he stomps all the way to where Sasuke sits, carefree as ever with his feet still dangling off the edge of his block.

"Alright, we need to talk, and I don't care if it inconveniences you or if it pisses you off or whatever."

Sasuke blinks up blandly at him, so Naruto jumps right in.

"Danzou is dead."

"Yes."

"You killed the Hokage."

Sasuke doesn't say anything; he just stares.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, he was a shithead, but still."

"Next."

"And the elders are next on your list?"

"If you know that much, then you know why. Next."

Naruto's cheeks puff out in indignation. "Okay, what's with you and Akatsuki? You captured the host of the eight-tails. I took a pretty nasty beating for that, you know." Naruto's not sure when he started pacing, but he stops the moment he realizes he's doing it. Sasuke just gives him one of his 'you moron' looks, so he sighs and starts pacing again. "Then Gaara comes to us, tells us all this crazy shit about you and Madara and that you had delivered a fake, and honestly? I don't know what the hell to believe."

The corner of Sasuke's mouth turns up ever-so-slightly. "You doubt Gaara?"

"No. I just... I don't understand, Sasuke. You used Orochimaru to get more powerful. I don't like it, but I get it. What is there to gain by pretending to help Madara? And he knows, by the way. Your cover is totally fucked."

Then Sasuke laughs, and the sounds twists in Naruto's gut like a kunai.

"This isn't funny, asshole! They think you've joined the dark side. They plan to kill you, and not just Konoha, Sasuke. Sakura." His voice cracks as he says it. Naruto clears his throat and looks him in the eye. "Even Sakura gave up on you. They all think I'm crazy."

"You are crazy."

"Fuck you. You stabbed your fist through my chest." He grabs Sasuke by the front of his shirt and yanks him up onto his feet. "You're the one who abandoned the village. You left everyone who ever cared about you to give your body over to a freak for fucking revenge. And when that got old, you turned on him and moved onto another psychopath, so don't talk to me about crazy!"

"You're the one who spent three years chasing a traitor bent on revenge. What does that make you?"

He twists his hands in the fabric of Sasuke's shirt and shakes him. "Give me one reason, Sasuke. Just one." Whether that reason is for forgiveness or to justify strangulation, he's not sure.

"Because I stabbed you in the chest and not the heart." His hands clamp down on Naruto's wrists and squeeze. "Because I only wanted to stop you, and you know it. I needed you to let me go." Quietly, he adds, "I still do."

They're almost nose to nose. Sasuke's face is smeared red. He reeks of blood and death, his breath smoke. He stands for everything Naruto doesn't, and yet. "I..." His voice is so soft, he can barely hear his own words. "I don't think I can."

"You never tried."

And he's right. Only in his darkest moments did he ever consider the possibility that Sasuke was beyond his reach, that it wasn't his job to save him, or that maybe Sasuke never needed saving. But even those were few and far between and half-hearted at best.

Still, it's not like Sasuke needs to know any of that, so he punches him in the jaw. "What do you know?"

And Sasuke tries to shove his fist through Naruto's stomach and knocks all the air out of him. "I know you're stupid enough to show up during my fight when you know Madara's lurking around."

Naruto wheezes, bent over as he glares up at Sasuke, hands on his knees. "Yeah, well, you caught me. I'm sure Madara's so proud."

Sasuke actually pinches the bridge of his nose then. "You are so completely hopeless, it's amazing." Then he turns away muttering to himself, "I don't know why I even try."

Naruto laughs. And laughs and laughs. He sounds hysterical. Hell, he probably is. He laughs until he's crying, until he's on the ground holding his stomach.

Sasuke sighs loudly a few feet away. "And you wonder why I left."

To that, Naruto only laughs harder.

–

Naruto has no idea how much time has passed. All he knows is that it feels like an awfully long stretch. Sasuke's no longer talking to him, and he quit pushing. What's the point? They're only talking in circles anyway, no one getting anywhere and neither of them willing to listen. It's like they're twelve years old, newly thrown together as teammates all over again.

He's on his stomach, head propped up by one hand, a finger running over the stone-like surface beneath him. He can't even draw doodles in the dust, because there is no dust in this place. The bubble of light is small again with the two of them sitting in relative proximity. He counted 257 boxes. Took him eight tries, and he's not 100% sure he didn't screw up that last one either. But he's finally stopped caring. It's as close as he's going to get seeing as how he can't jump on the boxes to count them, because the light follows him. Discovered that on try number 5.

With a sigh, he rolls over on his back, hands behind his head. "I wonder what's going on in reality or whatever you want to call it? Is Madara running off to his secret lair? Does time even pass the same out there as it does here?"

Sasuke doesn't answer. Naruto can see his back from the corner of his eye. It's like he's just become a part of the scenery as well, still as stone and just as boring. Naruto hates it. It's all wrong, just like everything else lately. Sasuke is supposed to realize they're friends and come back to Konoha with him. Or at least acknowledge him. Something. To be honest, he never really planned it out. It was always Big Picture oriented: save Sasuke, bring him home, live happily ever after. There were very little details, never a model of how things should be, never a plan for After.

Thinking on it now, though, he supposes he expected things to just be how they always were with the three of them training together, meeting at the bridge for missions and complaining when Kakashi was inevitably late.

Naruto snorts. "I guess it's dumb to think things would be like they used to, when the past three years have been nothing like that for me even." Then to Sasuke's back he says, "I spent as much time following Ero-sennin around bars and brothels as I did training. Do you know how bad Sakura-chan would beat me if she knew the details? I mean, she's spent the past three years as Tsunade's apprentice, so she could do it, too. Beat me within an inch of my life then heal me to hide the evidence.

"And then there's you. Three years with Orochimaru and Kabuto. Man, no wonder your winning personality has only gotten better." He laughs then. "I guess I should congratulate you on being only moderately insane, because damn."

At that, Sasuke finally shoots him a glare over his shoulder, the only indication that he was even listening.

Naruto snorts and sits up, brushing unconsciously at his sleeve until he remembers oh, yeah, no dirt here. "You can't blame me, though, can you? You and Sakura were my first real friends. My first important people. I know it's sappy and all, but I wanted the three of us to still be trying to get Kakashi out of his mask. For our first time getting drunk to be together. For my first time reading Icha Icha to be us stealing Kakashi's instead of me reading the rough drafts, ya know? For us to tell each other about our first times and, as friends and teammates, shun any evil exes."

Sasuke makes a face. "Tell me about your brothel adventures and I will stab you."

Naruto laughs and waves him off. "Nah, most of that was just me griping at Ero-sennin to quit blowing all our money and train me."

When Sasuke raises an eyebrow, Naruto's more than certain he caught the word 'most.' With a shrug, Naruto grins. This is what he wanted, right? Them sharing. "It was just a hand-job. So what about you? Any special people in Sound or wherever it is you live these days?"

Standard glare. "No."

"Fair enough. Any not-so-special people?"

A warning: "Naruto."

"Come on, man. I'm bored. Tell me something. I bet being the new vessel you had a harem or at least half the village fighting to get into your pants."

Sauke's doesn't reply, but his expression says he's quickly losing his patience, not that Naruto particularly cares.

"Please tell me there's someone, that you at least jerk it, cause it would just be too sad otherwise."

Sasuke's eye twitches at that. "You know who you sound like right now? Kabuto."

"Hahaha. See? Even one of your daddies was worried about you."

Sasuke's elbow catches him square in the jaw, and yeah, he probably deserved that. He doesn't have to like it, though. He grumbles, "Asshole," and tries not to smile. "Yeah, well, don't feel bad. It's not like I'm beating you by much. I've only kissed three people, and that's including you!"

The look Sauke gives him can only be interpreted as 'It's a pity you were dropped on your head so many times as a baby.' "That doesn't count."

"Hey, it counts to everyone else, so we might as well count it, too. Sakura-chan's still pissed about that, by the way." No need to bring up her freaky perversions, because then he would have to explain how his little protege has surpassed him and yeah. Not going there.

Sasuke shakes his head then. "I'd hoped she'd moved on. You said..."

Naruto sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I don't think she has, man. I think she just resigned herself that you'd gone bad. She chose between you and the village."

"You would, too, if you were smart."

"Psh, you've been telling me I'm dumb for years. What makes you think I'm just gonna up and change like that?" He grins as he says it. Sasuke actually rolls his eyes. "Besides, who's gonna save you from yourself if I give up on you? And that glare gets less and less impressive each time, just so you know."

"And what about you? All these special people around you telling you the same damn thing, and you won't listen to any of them."

"They don't understand."

"And how exactly is that different?"

Naruto grits his teeth and glares back. "Because."

"You're such a hypocrite, just like the rest of them," Sasuke scoffs.

"They want to kill you, Sasuke. How is that...? I want to save you!"

Sasuke's eyes turn red for the first time since they've been here. "They want to eliminate me, and you want to pretend nothing's changed. Truth is, no one can deal with the reality of me."

"Oi, I'm right here, aren't I? I'm dealing with the reality of you just fine, and you know what? Things aren't as different between us as you want to think. You still piss me off like no one else can."

This time, Naruto's the one who walks away.

–

"God, I'm booooooooooooooooooooooored!"

Naruto bellows it to the black sky as if there actually is a deity there listening, waiting to intervene. Madara maybe? Pffft. He closes his eyes and lies flat on his back, arms and legs spread in utter surrender to the boredom, to the situation, the universe even. He doesn't know. All of it maybe. He wonders if perhaps this is Madara's ultimate plan. To bore him to death, then Sasuke can catch Kyuubi as soon as he's free? He laughs at the absurdity of that thought.

"You are the worst shinobi ever," Sasuke answers from two boxes over. Naruto rolls his head in Sasuke's direction and gives him the finger. Sasuke doesn't even look up from the loose thread he's been twisting for the past hour. He just keeps talking. "Meditation was one of the first things we learned at the academy."

"Pffft. Who learns anything at the academy?"

"Everyone but you."

Naruto laughs then. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Neither says anything for a long time, but for once, it's not an awkward silence between them. Naruto has no idea if they're reaching some sort of understanding or if the isolation is just wearing on both of them, but the energy is different somehow.

"We wanted to help, you know," he says then, glancing over at Sasuke.

Sasuke nods but says nothing. The remaining blood on his cheek is beginning to turn brown. He absently scratches at it from time to time.

"We can help now, too. If you let us."

Sasuke's eyes cut sideways to him. "Let me guess, a trial?" His tone clearly states his thoughts on the matter.

Naruto shrugs. "Once Tsunade has recovered, she'll be ready to bitch-slap a lot of people. Don't think she'll let something like clan genocide go unpunished."

Sasuke shakes his head. "They didn't punish a missing nin. What makes you think they'll go after the elders? Besides, a cell isn't an appropriate punishment."

Naruto sighs. "And you don't think it'll be torture for them, knowing their dirty, little secret is no longer a secret, that you're alive and well and doing your thing in the village, making little Uchiha babies all over the place?"

"...I don't even know what to say to that."

Frankly, Naruto doesn't know how he feels about it either. It's just one of those things he's always assumed about Sasuke, that when he finally returns to Konoha, he'll want to revive his clan like he said.

But then a really scary thought plops itself into his brain. "Hey, what if Madara died? Does that mean we're trapped here forever?"

Sasuke's only reply is well-aimed kunai sunk in the stone between his legs. A few inches higher, and the Uzumaki name would die with him. It's work, but Naruto manages to keep his thoughts to himself for a little while.

–

"When we were eight, Kiba's broken finger was from you, not from falling out of a tree," Naruto starts, grinning his encouragement.

Sasuke seems to weigh the merits of throwing things at him again. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he did. But then resignation sweeps over his face. "Fact, but it was a accident."

"Sure it was," Naruto laughs. "Okay, you go."

There's a long pause, then finally, "Were you the one who egged Sakura's house the entire time we were in the academy?"

"Hell, no, and that person better hope I don't find out who it was," he answers in all seriousness. He thinks for a moment. "Ah! You spend an hour every morning getting your hair to stand up just so." Naruto mimics the shape of Sasuke's spikes with his hand, but the look Sasuke gives him is answer enough. "Okay, okay. Had to ask. Your turn."

This time Sasuke doesn't waste much time thinking. "You kissed Sakura while henged as me."

Naruto blinks. "Uh, the point of the game is to confirm or squash rumors, remember? That was never a rumor."

Sasuke doesn't respond, but he does look up from his hand where he's been digging dirt and blood out from under his nails and waits for him to answer.

Leave it to Sasuke to wonder about that. He snorts. "No, I didn't. Happy?"

Sasuke makes a noncommittal noise. It annoys Naruto.

"You're just mad I was able to pull it off in the first place!"

The look Sasuke gives him is unimpressed. "Are you forfeiting your turn or what?"

"Man, you're a grouch. Um, let's see. Oh! There was one about you and Anko after the Forest of Death. Something about curse seals and bondage. I think someone mentioned a strap-on." It's hard not to laugh at Sasuke's utterly scandalized expression.

Sasuke, of course, recovers quickly. "I think you made up that last bit."

He quits trying to hold back his laughter, then. It was a losing battle anyway. "You're up."

Sasuke shakes his head. "This is stupid. Don't you have some other way to entertain yourself?"

"We could fight," Naruto offers, but Sasuke's not feeling that either, it seems. He just waves him off, annoyed.

"Fine. In Sound, there was a lot of speculation about you and why you really didn't want me to leave."

Naruto's eyes narrow in confusion. "And what reasons were those?"

"That you're in love with me," Sasuke deadpans.

"What? That's stupid."

"Is it? I thought so at first. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It would explain a lot, and not just the amazingly ridiculous conversations we've had here."

Naruto stares, because there's not much else he can do. Not while his brain is still trying to wrap its way around this. "Ridiculous? What the hell?!"

"Do you need a recap?" Sasuke's smirk is smug, and Naruto wants to punch it off his crusty, brown face.

So he does, and they end up fighting after all. Part of him wonders if that wasn't Sasuke's intention all along. He was just too stubborn to agree when Naruto suggested it.

–

Naruto leans over and spits out a mouthful of blood. "What's gonna happen when we get out of here?" He winces, not liking the way that question sounds, but sitting across from him, Sasuke seems indifferent as he pulls his armband higher so that it puts pressure on a gash.

"Madara will probably try to extract the kyuubi."

"You know I won't let that happen," he says completely serious. "I'd rather cut my own throat and take the furball with me."

Sasuke nods. "It won't be easy getting away."

"Ha! I fought Pein. I'll be alright." Sasuke doesn't reply, doesn't particularly look like he believes him, but Naruto doesn't feel like arguing. Instead he asks, "What are you gonna do about Madara? He knows you're not really helping him."

With a snort, he rips off the rest of his torn sleeve and drops it between two blocks. "I'm pretty sure he's known that from the beginning."

"So... what? You're just gonna keep on the way you have?"

Sasuke shrugs. "As long as it still suits my purposes."

"Yeah? Any idea how long that'll be?"

He sighs. "As long as it takes, Naruto." Then, "When you get back to the village, will you be the next Hokage? Because I'm not killing any more for you."

A blink, a double take. Did Sasuke just..? Yeah, he did. "You have a pretty sick sense of humor, you know."

Sasuke just grins, and really, that's almost as creepy as a Sasuke cracking jokes. So he tells him as much.

He kicks his shin in response, and Naruto kicks back. Suddenly he's reminded of that day in Wave Country where they stumbled back to the bridge-builder's home arms slung around each other for support. That was the first time he really thought of Sasuke as a friend, a real friend, not just a teammate and rival.

He stops and looks at him then, to the person he's become. Naruto hadn't lied earlier. There are a lot less differences than everyone, Sasuke especially, like to believe. The old Sasuke is still there, just beneath the surface, pieces of him peeking through the cracks in that avenger's mask.

How everyone else has become so blind to it is beyond him. Sasuke doesn't make it any easier, that's for sure, but it's just so obvious to anyone who pays attention. Naruto could kick himself for ever doubting.

"Oi, don't go getting yourself killed, okay? I still have to save your sorry ass and bring you home."

Sasuke studies him a long moment, head tilted ever-so-slightly. Then, "You can't drag me back to Konoha against my will if Madara gets his hands on you."

Naruto nods and leans back against the taller neighboring block, eyes shut and content, because really, that's all that still needed to be said between them. Or so he thinks. When something nudges his calf, he cracks an eye open. It's Sasuke's outstretched foot, he realizes, and when Naruto's gaze moves up to his face, Sasuke's expression in indecipherable. Time stretches as the two of them sit there, Sasuke staring and Naruto trying to figure out what the hell it means.

Eventually, he gives up and simply says, "Who knows? Maybe one day I'll come to my senses and quit trying."

That's when Sasuke shifts forward and leans over him. "One can only hope," he whispers before closing the gap.

And then they're kissing. And this time there are no elbows in his back, no subsequent loss of balance and awful luck to blame. Only Sasuke, because apparently, Sasuke wanted to kiss him.

Naruto's eyes go wide for all of three seconds – the time it takes him to panic, recover, and realize he kinda doesn't want to stop. That's when he grabs the front of Sasuke's shirt and kisses back. And maybe later, when they've both been spit back out in the real world, he'll wonder what the hell he was thinking, what either of them were thinking, but right then, everything just feels right for the first time in a long time, even if he can't explain it.

Sasuke's hands tug at his jacket with an impatience Naruto's not used to seeing in anyone but himself, which, of course, doesn't bother him in the least. They work themselves out of their clothes faster than any other obstacle ever set between them, and briefly Naruto wonders how this – of all things! – how this can be so easy for them when a simple statement of 'I don't actually hate you' can be so unbelievably hard.

He tries not to think too much about what this means in terms of After. Instead, he thinks of every kiss as an 'I told you so' to everyone who ever doubted, every bite as a 'You're important to me, asshole.'

Somehow, though, After still manages to creep into his thoughts. It won't be easy convincing everyone else that his old teammate isn't evil incarnate. And Madara can shove his Moon Eye Plan straight up his immortal ass along with his theory on Naruto and Sasuke's supposedly fated battle. Any epic battles they have will be because they're both stubborn as hell, not because fate intervened.

The thought that this might be a once only deal makes Naruto cling that much harder, growl that much louder. He tongues the unmarked skin where Sasuke's curse seal used to be, and Naruto swears he can feel Sasuke's groan in his gut. Then he's finally able to stop thinking altogether.

And when it's over, when they're lying in a boneless heap, gasping for more of this alternate world's artificial air, a single thought passes through Naruto's mind, one that makes him throw his head back and laugh: what an utterly insane, roller coaster of a day.

End.