AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a satire. It's an Iron Man: Armored Adventures story told in the style of Jane Austen with touches of Steampunk technology. If you're not familiar with Jane Austen, shame on you. Her heroines are smart and independent and flawed, like real women. If you have read "Pride and Prejudice" then you'll see that my versions of Pepper and Whitney are based on the Bennett sisters, whereas Tony is a bit like Mr. Darcy. Rhodey and Gene are more or less themselves.

Special thanks to MadroxMR for agreeing to Beta this for me. Always wonderful to meet a fellow Austen fan.

And no hating on Whitney.

Petticoats and Power Suits

"Dear me! This spring has been most uncommonly wet. I do believe this is the second pair of riding boots I have ruined."

"My dear cousin, this is why I advised you to invest in practical footwear when walking across the moors."

"Such wisdom, my dear Patricia, is tempered by the fact your own boots are merely waders and thus clash strongly with your morning gown."

The Right Honorable Miss Patricia Potts enjoyed these early morning jaunts with her cousin (their mothers had been sisters), the Lady Whitney. She had the countenance of an angel and a sweetness of temper unrivaled in the English Isles. The earth was indeed overly moist, making navigation difficult on foot and the two ladies regretted leaving their mechanical horses behind for maintenance.

"We should go back. This is hardly acceptable exercise for such genteel creatures as ourselves." Miss Potts sounded much aggrieved, her enthusiasm for the morning constitutional sagging as much as the ostrich plumes in her bonnet. She quite looked forward to a pot of tea and scones as she read the latest ladies engineering journal.

"Genteel?" Lady Whitney sounded rather amused, long since used to her cousin and bosom companion's mercurial nature. "I am saddened to say such a word to scarcely apply to you, dearest. Were you not the one who frequently climbed trees in aid of kittens?"

"Your kitten, I am obliged to add. Really, your father scared away more of your pets than his hunting hounds."

The two cousins shared a congenial laugh. Lord Obadiah Stane was a stern man who made his fortune investing in mechanical horses and other metallic beasts of burden and thus had amassed an enviable amount of wealth. As his only child, Lady Whitney could look forward to a yearly income of four thousand pounds.

By contrast, Miss Pott's father, Sir Virgil, was an Agent of the Crown and though that position held much prestige, it offered little financial compensation.

Lady Whitney looked up at the darkening sky with dismay. "How dreadful! I suppose we must turn back now before we are woefully drenched."

"Good morrow, fair ladies! Would you be willing to trade a ride out of this inclement weather in exchange for directions to Pottsburg Hall?"

The two gentlewomen turned in surprise and saw a carriage pulled by four mechanical stallions pawing the ground and shaking their heads in a fair imitation of their flesh and blood forbears. On top of the vehicle was a large metal box twice the width and nearly half again the length of a conventional coffin. The man who hailed them leaned out the window, a warm smile on his handsome face. The two young women had scarcely seen such a man. His skin was the rich brown of their morning chocolate and he was dressed handsomely in violet clothes sewn in with pearls and precious stones. A golden circlet on his brow indicated his royal heritage, much to the ladies' delight.

"Surely my friend you don't expect milkmaids to know where to find a country squire's estate?"

The royal personage's companion spoke in a bored tone as if the conversation could not even touch him. His suit was of the finest cut, but was the garish red of a dandy. His face was attractive enough, even if it lacked the carved perfection of his friend. His startling blue eyes might have been attractive if they did not hold such contempt for everything and everyone around him. Lady Whitney found him as intriguing to look upon as his well-mannered and courteous companion. Miss Potts discovered an immediate dislike of him.

"Milkmaids?! How dare you, sirrah! No doubt riding about the countryside in such a fine mechanical carriage had given you the notion that you are somehow above your fellow man. Well, I assure you that is not so. If you are unable to keep a civil tongue in your head, keep silent and let your more amiable companion speak for you!"

Miss Potts' usually creamy complexion flushed to the roots of her hair, which (some uncharitable person would say) made the one completely indistinguishable from the other. Lady Whitney seemed alarmed; she despised rows more than anything, for she was a shy and gentle creature. The dark skinned prince looked embarrassed and enangered at his friend's behavior. The provocateur merely looked bored.

"Please, forgive him, good lady." The princely gentleman alighted from the carriage and held the door open so the two young women could climb aboard. "My friend is unaccustomed to keeping much company. He much prefers to tinker with his inventions." The other man snorted derisively at this. "This fine carriage is one of them. You did not hear it approach? I am not surprised. Lord Anthony has designed it to be quieter than conventional vehicles. The ride is smoother than one driven by living animals, with greater suspension. As for the clean-burning fuel source-" he looked at his friend's suddenly hostile expression and hesitated. "-I will allow him to explain it himself at leisure."

Lady Whitney smiled charmingly at the well-spoken Moor and eagerly approached the outstretched hand when her cousin pulled her back. The insolence of the noble inventor made her unusually cautious. "Have a care, cousin. We cannot ride with ones to whom we have not been introduced."

The young prince was embarrassed at his presumption whereas the other man ignored them all. "How very remiss of me. Allow me to make amends." He bowed quite prettily to the two cousins who curtsied back. "I am James, Prince of the Kingdom of Rhodes. This is my stalwart but reluctant companion, Anthony Stark, Lord of Ironmanwich."

"Charmed," came the caustic reply from the carriage. Patricia bristled at the insolent voice.

"I am Lady Whitney Stane," the blonde's smile instantly charmed Prince James and took at least a dash of sourness out of Lord Anthony's face. She indicated her friend. "And this is my dear friend and cousin, the Right Honorable Miss Patricia Potts, of Pottsburg Hall."

"What a happy coincidence!" cried the young prince and assisted the women to their seats before climbing in behind them. "Anthony my friend, I told you this would be a fortuitous stop!"

Lady Whitney was fortunate enough to sit across from the genial young prince whereas Miss Patricia was forced to endure the company of the much less agreeable Lord Anthony. He ignored her in favor of staring at the countryside and she quickly followed suit. Lady Whitney and Prince James were becoming fast friends, pointedly ignoring the tension surrounding them.

"Do excuse me for asking, Your Highness, but I must say your command of English is excellent and your airs and graces above reproach. How is it that a foreign prince knows so much about our land and customs?"

Lord Anthony stiffened as if he found this line of questioning rude but Prince James merely laughed, the sound pleasing to the ear. Both ladies found themselves charmed by the sound, much to the mysterious dismay of Lord Anthony. "You are too kind, my lady. My mother's family has ruled Rhodes for centuries, her education taking place in Egypt, Greece and England. My father is a hereditary sheik from Arabia and studied with Persian masters. With such a cosmopolitan background, I attended Eton and later Oxford. Eton is where I met my good friend Lord Anthony, who was kind enough to take me under his wing and prevent the older boys from using my darker flesh to bully me with. I am indeed lucky and grateful for his companionship."

This intelligence made Miss Potts a bit more charitable towards Lord Anthony. "Your kindness does you credit, my lord."

Patricia's regard seemed to unnerve Lord Anthony more than her censure ever could. "Since I have never had cause to regret my actions, I thank you for your compliment, Miss Potts."

Prince James seemed relieved at his friend's less toplofty behavior and took the opportunity to question Miss Potts about her home. "I am to understand that Sir Virgil's testing grounds are amongst the finest in the country and the Regent himself comes to train in his royal power armor."

"Not only the Regent but the Dragoons as well," Patricia spoke with pride. "It is my dearest wish to perfect my self-propelled jet stream pack so that I too may serve as an Agent to the Crown, much as my father and my hero, The Witch of Scarlet does."

"Such service would be-" Lord Anthony began but his royal friend cut him off. "A noble pursuit, Miss Potts, worthy of becoming a lady knight, were such a thing possible in this country. My mother employs a troop of no less than fifty female knights to protect herself and her court. Should you prove unsuccessful in England, it would be my delight to recommend you to her."

"Yes, well, your fair mother would no doubt pity such an oafish lass and put her to work in the scullery if she proved unworthy to serve," Lord Anthony drawled, his earlier attempt at civility forgotten.

"Oh!" Patricia clenched her fists. "And that no doubt would be preferable to sharing a continent with the likes of you! You are a pompous, arrogant prig who has only a random act of kindness to recommend him!"

"Sticks and stones, my dear," Lord Anthony said and continued his study of the world outside the carriage.

Miss Potts fumed while Lady Whitney and Prince James glanced at each other in nervous amusement before engaging each other in constant, if stilted conversation until Pottsburg Hall was in sight.

Sir Virgil Potts was a still handsome man at the age of five and fifty. His hair was iron grey and thick, muscles firm, back unbound. He had served his country well and with distinction and Pottsburg Hall was but one reward gifted to him by a grateful Regent. His only great concern now was finding an acceptable husband for his hoyden of a daughter.

He was calibrating a mechanical gauntlet when his daughter and her guests entered. "Father, may I present Prince James of the Kingdom of Rhodes and his...friend Lord Anthony of Ironmanwich."

Sir Virgil quickly caught the undercurrents of hostility between his daughter and guest and rose to shake hands with the young men.

"Is your mother Queen Roberta, Your Highness?"

Prince James seemed surprised that his family was known to this man. "Indeed, good sir. How is it that you know of my mother?"

"The Kingdom of Rhodes is of great strategic value to England and your mother is a steady and worthy ally. I myself have met your noble parents at a reception in your fair country and found her both gracious and sensible; more than many men in the Regent's employ. We could use more like her."

The prince accepted this compliment to his worthy mama and returned one of his own. "Your daughter and niece have shown great kindness to myself and my friend and I do hope to beg your indulgence in allowing us to stay under your roof until the rain has past."

"Most certainly. I am more than pleased to assist the son of Queen Roberta. You and your friend are most welcome under my roof, although you may find the accommodations sadly lacking."

"They no doubt are plain but serviceable, Sir Virgil," Lord Anthony spoke at last, checking the bookshelves for dust and, finding none, continued his state of ennui.

Miss Patricia bristled at this blatant insult to her house, her hospitality, and most of all, her brave and noble father. Sir Virgil sensed his child's ire and thus said:

"Patricia, beloved, do ask the housekeeper to prepare two of our finest guest rooms for Prince James and Lord Stark. Now, please," when he saw she was about to protest.

"At once, Papa," Miss Potts curtsied to the prince alone and quit the room with an almost unladylike haste. Lady Whitney smiled serenely and rang for tea before settling in to her embroidery in the corner.

"Please, gentlemen, seat yourselves," Sir Virgil indicated the seats closest to the fire. "You will find little in the way of entertainment in the country, I'm afraid. We have naught but hunting, sharpshooting and mechanical combat to amuse you."

"I assure you, good sir, that those you have listed are among my favorite pursuits," the prince assured him with an easy laugh. "Although I must say, gamehens and foxes will seem quite tame after lions and zebras."

"Lions by Jove!" Sir Virgil sat up a bit straighter in his chair, eyes as keen as they'd been in his youth. "I say, it's been at least two and twenty years since I've indulged in a lion hunt. Before my darling Patricia was born. I have not had the time to pursue big game hunting in my later years, what with a young lady to marry off."

"A rather difficult task, sir. My condolences," Lord Stark drawled insolently before a glance from his friend warned him to be civil.

Sir Virgil did not seem to understand his meaning. That, or he was deliberately ignoring his guest's gauche behavior. "My Patricia is not a conventional beauty, to be sure. After losing her mother and my being away on Regent's business she has become a bit wild. But she is a good girl and you will find no greater markswoman nor lady engineer in all of England."

"Patricia has a kind and loving heart. Any man fortunate enough to win her will not have a day of unhappiness in all his life," Lady Whitney spoke up loyally from her corner. "Do forgive my intrusion, but I could scarcely call myself a good friend and relation if I did not speak on her behalf. True, she is a bit of a hoyden, but she is skilled in the arts of mechanics and of running a household. Sir Virgil can tell you that Pottsburg Hall runs with the precision of the Swiss timepieces and it is all in thanks to Patricia."

There was a knock at the door and Lady Whitney rose to answer it. "Ah, our tea has arrived." The lovely noble busied herself serving her guests and her uncle. "But Patricia has tarried far too long. I shall search for her,"

"I would be more than happy to-" Prince James started to rise but was stopped by a single gentle smile.

"Pray, do not tax yourself, Your Highness."You have had a long journey and are no doubt fatigued. I will find my wayward cousin. She is doubt instructing the chef about our evening meal."

Sir Virgil hastened to add. "My mechanics will see to your team and carriage. They are among the finest in England."

"Be that as it may, Sir Virgil, I will unload my power suit myself. It is...special." Lord Stark's voice was ripe with a private amusement. "I look forward to touring your testing grounds."

"Of course. You have only to say when."

"I had thought I would find you here."

Lady Whitney smiled ruefully, locating the still angry girl practicing her musket on the insects that had gathered at dusk. Miss Potts lay the weapon down, her expression still vexed.

"Oh! What an irritating oaf! How dare he insult Father, a man whose boots he is not fit to polish! That overbearing, arrogant peacock! He is treating us like peasants he discovered mucking about in the mud. Were it not for his kind and regal friend, I would order him flogged and flung out!"

"Lord Anthony is a Peer of the Realm. Such behavior is beneath you and would cause your father no end of troubles." Lady Whitney reminded her gently.

Miss Potts breathed huffily and sat herself down on a wooden stool. For a moment she glared at her wise cousin before all of the anger drained from her at the sight of Lady Whitney's patient grace. "Forgive me, dear cousin, for I know you are correct. But Lord Stark needles me so and I believe he does it deliberately. He is intelligent, wealthy, and somewhat attractive and no doubt is of the opinion these three things give him license to treat those around him as being beneath him! Nobleman or not, he is not my superior. I pity the poor wretch he would choose as his bride and am thankful I am nowhere near consideration! Had I need for a suitor, I am sure I could conceive of a much better candidate than Lord Stark."

Lady Whitney allowed herself a chuckle at the young lord's expense. "You have certainly taken him into dislike, my dear. Fortunately, his royal companion is amiable enough for both of them."

Patricia threw her cousin a sly look and said, "You seem quite taken with the young prince and rightfully so, for he is all that is charming and kind. And wealthy besides. Not that such a distinction would turn your head. I must say, he could scarcely keep his eyes from you. By all accounts Prince James seems smitten."

The blonde blushed quite prettily. "Such a jest, cousin! No doubt His Highness would seek a match with a princess, a mere lord's daughter would not do. And my father would doubtless object to having him as a son-in-law on the grounds of the prince's skin."

Miss Potts waved a hand airily. "Your father would not care as long as your bridegroom was wealthy and, to Lord Stane's credit, genuinely loved you. A prince is a prince after all. The only difficulty I can foretell is that your father may decrease your dowry. As for myself, unless I wish to become a bluestocking spinster, I will no doubt be forced to accept the first man who offers for me."

"Nay! Do not say such!" Lady Whitney pulled her cousin to her feet and embraced her. "You are warmhearted and spirited! Were your father able to pay for a Season you would no doubt be assailed with suitors! Pray, do not speak of yourself in such lowering terms. My heart cannot take it."

Patricia sighed. "Yes, well, since such a thing is impossible we shall not worry about what might have been and instead focus on what is, like sensible girls. When you are Queen of Rhodes I do hope you shall remember your pitiable, impoverished cousin."

Lady Whitney laughed. "Ah, Patricia! Your flights of fancy are always so ambitious! Let us not speak of marriage any more tonight and instead enjoy the company of our unusual visitors.

Dinner was a lively affair, at least as much as Sir Virgil, Lady Whitney, and Prince James could make it. Miss Potts and Lord Anthony had not spoken a word to each other since tea and refused to speak unless spoken to by anyone else.

"Excellent, poached salmon, Sir Virgil."

"You are too kind, Your Highness. Caught in our stream by my very own daughter and fed for a week in the millpond. It is always best in early spring so we are fortunate in our choice of entree."

The regal guest politely saluted Miss Potts with his wineglass. "Then I am indeed fortunate to dine here tonight. "

Unable to suffer Lord Stark's company any longer, Patricia rose to her feet. "Do excuse me, a slight headache. We keep country hours gentlemen, and as such, we are early risers. I shall instruct the staff not to wake you before noon. Good night."

The remaining party was left to linger over their wine and then one by one said their good nights as well.

" 'Tis no good, miss. This new fangled contraption is beyond my scope of knowledge. Those fancy toffs will 'ave to stay 'ere until parts can be ordered from London."

Miss Potts suppressed a groan of frustration. Bosley had been head mechanic since before she was born and if he said he could not repair the carriage, she could trust his word it was so.

"How very fortune we are then, that the Potts family has extended its invitation. Prince James did not seem the least bit dismayed at this delay in his travels. On the contrary, he seemed much too pleased to bask in Lady Whitney's company. By contrast, Lord Anthony seemed even more morose.

"Yes, quite convenient, that we come upon the ladies by happenstance and are invited to the hall just in time for our vehicle to be sabotaged and ourselves stranded with two unmarried women in the middle of nowhere." The lord's tone was indolent and insulting and Patricia's hand itched to strike him.

Lord Stark ignored his hostess' rising temper and addressed the elderly mechanic. "I will order the parts personally. Send an order form to my room, to be delivered by the fastest mechanical horse you have. My personal mechanic will be sent down as well, so you needn't bother with your ham fisted efforts."

Bosley swelled with indignation. "See 'ere, you young jackanape! You'll not speak o' Miss Patricia that way! One o' yer nags probably lost a sprocket on the road so don't be accusin' us o' keepin' ye here! 'Twere it up to me, we'd see the back o' ye, and good riddance!"

"As usual, my old friend, you make enemies wherever you go." Prince James chuckled as Miss Potts signaled Bosley to withdraw, as he did, with reluctance.

"Am I to make nice with all the servants, James?" The noble spoke at last. "Not all of us were raised as egalitarian as yourself."

"A touch of politeness would prevent the over starching of your clothing, my friend. And tepid tea. And less than well-done potatoes. And-"

"Pax! Pax!" Lord Anthony said at last, holding up his hands in supplication. "I shall endeavor to be...pleasant."

"See that you do."

The following weeks were wrought with as much tension as they were excitement. Prince James and Lady Whitney were becoming close friends and were often seen in each others company. They spent the mornings strolling through the gardens and the afternoons devising a cloth that would render the wearer completely unrecognizable. Lady Whitney had a cunning mind and her pursuits leaned towards chemistry whereas her cousin adored the world of springs and gears.

Lord Stark spent most of his time alone reading or occasionally scribbling on blueprints. He claimed these were improvements of some sort but none but the prince could interpret his writing. Sometimes he would ensconce himself in the library for hours and had meals sent up to him. Miss Potts had seen him once when her cousin entreated her to bring the lord some tea. When she opened the door he was staring out the window, his posture one of severe melancholy as he watched his friend charm Lady Whitney. He felt her gaze upon him and when he turned his face was it's usual mask of arrogance. She left after depositing the tea tray on the desk with a loud thump. Late in the evenings he would abscond to the testing grounds alone and all one could see was the occasional flash of light and its resulting explosion. He had asked and received permission from Sir Virgil to attend the grounds alone and Patricia found herself increasingly curious as to why. She could not bring herself to ask Lord Stark despite the fact her curiosity had nearly gotten the better of her, for she had had quite enough of his caustic conversation.

"They seem rather content with each other."

Miss Potts started, for she had not heard Lord Anthony approach. He smiled smugly, pleased to have taken her by surprise. "May I join you, Miss Potts?"

Patricia half turned from him. "Since my father has extended his hospitality, I can hardly refuse you."

"Your devotion to your father does you credit." Lord Stark gave a heartfelt sigh and joined his reluctant seatmate.

"He and Whitney are all that remains of my family after the death of my mother."

"I read of the incident. She sacrificed herself and caused the destruction of no less than five enemy ironclads. You must be quite proud."

"Pride does not even begin to describe my feelings towards Mama. However, I much prefer a live mother over a dead heroine with naught to remember her by but a plaque and an urn."

"I am surprised your father never remarried."

"Papa never found Mama's equal in marksmanship or mechanics. She invented the Iron Shark you know."

"Impressive."

"We receive a small stipend from the government for use of the patent. A private company, Advanced Idea Mechanics, offered us a tidy sum but my father is a staunch patriot and could not deny England the use of it."

Lord Stark glanced over at Miss Potts, noting her noble profile and fine eyes. "As the product of two brave and valiant parents, you must be truly remarkable, Miss Patricia."

The young lady in question was too lost in her own thoughts to notice Lord Stark's use of her first name or the admiring tones in which he spoke it. "Alas no, but one would think it to be so. I am but a fair markswoman and acceptable engineer. My true talents lie in communication encryption and intelligence gathering."

"Both quite useful in the current world climate."

"But neither garnering the notice nor the prestige of war machines and stun rays." Miss Potts noted sadly. "My father must despair of me, though he is too loyal to say so. My dearest wish is to become an Agent of the Crown as a Steel Knight and serve my country in Her hour of need. Such a position is rarely offered to women which I feel is a great loss. Our government's refusal to admit females to service diminishes our available fighting force. If I am unable to serve my country in any other capacity I suppose I shall make a serviceable mother of the next generation of England's heroes."

The two sat in almost companionable silence, equally at a loss as to how to continue the conversation yet wary of saying anything that would shatter the fragile peace between them. Instead they turned their attention towards the blossoming romance between Lady Whitney and Prince James.

"They make quite a handsome couple, do you not agree?"

"Indeed. If they can overcome the differences between them, they shall be quite happy together. James would have you believe that I am the one who looked out for him. In truth, he was the one who usually looked out for me. And lucky he did, for I was in constant danger of blowing myself up. Overprotective, perhaps. 'Twould have done my sainted mother proud how well he looked after me. I say it's high time he set up his own nursery so to better have his own chicks to mother hen."

"Is that why His Highness has come here?" Patricia arched a brow. "Has his noble mother sent him in search of an English bride? How very singular."

"Miss Potts, it is not my place nor my intention to imagine how Queen Roberta thinks. She is a woman who knows her own mind and if she did intend on encouraging her son to wed, she can have no objections to your cousin."

"I am gratified to hear you say that," Patricia stole a glance at the man sitting next to her. "I was afraid you might be developing a tendre for my cousin yourself."

"Her Ladyship is all that is gracious and womanly. But she is the object of my friend's affections and it would be dishonorable of me to harbor an attraction to a lady my friend prefers."

"Such chivalry does you credit, my lord."

"Meaning that so little about me does, Miss Potts?"

"That was not my intention," Patricia replied defensively, "but if that if how you choose to interpret my reply you are welcome to do so."

Lord Anthony sighed again. "I seem unable to hold a conversation in which I do not anger you in some way."

This was as close an apology that she had ever heard the insufferable man utter. "You seem determined to upset me, my lord, so my anger is inevitable."

The lord of Ironmanwich held her gaze with his own and for once he let his arrogant and conceited facade fall away.

"Forgive me, Miss Potts, for I am far more comfortable with machines than my fellow man. I much prefer the assembly yards to drawing rooms and my company manners are sadly rusty with disuse."

"Well," Patricia replied a bit saucily, "until the proper parts arrive for your vehicle I implore you to take this opportunity to improve them. Shall we go in for tea, Lord Stark?"

"By all means, Miss Potts. I suddenly find myself in dire need of refreshment."

"And then he offered me what was for him a sincere apology."

The two cousins were taking advantage of their mechanical mounts' upgrades and were enjoying a brisk morning ride.

"Upon my word, Patricia," Lady Whitney said with mock wonder. "You may reform our arrogant but lonely Lord Anthony into someone worth admiring."

"There is no need to be glib, cousin. Lord Anthony's disposition does not interest me in the slightest."

"Does it not?"

"I am being sincere," Miss Potts struggled for a minute to compose her thoughts. "I have never given much credence to love. Or marriage. I regard the latter as a necessary duty I do not look forward to. The former I do not think of at all. I have never been a silly girl, to be moved by a handsome face and expansive landholdings. I prefer my independence and have been fortunate enough to have a father who encourages me to be so. But I know when he passes on the estate shall be inherited by my nearest male relative and I shall not wish to stay on as a poor relation. That is why I have sought the government's employ. It will be steady, if not exorbitant income and I shall be able to continue my independence without worry or charity."

"Dearest Patricia, I wish you would not judge yourself so harshly nor turn your back on happiness," Lady Whitney spoke with a frown. "You have much to offer a potential mate, even despite or because of your freckles. Though you will say it is love that makes me speak so, you would be always welcome in my home, even after marriage. I refuse to entertain any man who would deny you refuge."

"Prince James seems most accommodating," Miss Potts said slyly.

Lady Whitney colored prettily and reply, "Really, Patricia. It is not as if he has offered for me and yet you have us marching down the aisle."

"Could he find a princess with a sweeter temperament or a keener mind than yours in all of Europe? I think not."

Lady Whitney laughed and joined her spirited cousin in a playful canter across the lawn when two shadowy figures dropped from nearby trees in front of them.

"Dear me!" quipped Miss Potts as she reined in her horse. "I had no inkling. The weather did not indicate a chance of ninjas."

"The ignorant English know nothing! Ninjas are Japanese! We are Lin Kuei, the forest demons of Chin!" The man on the left had the high, squeaky voice of a youth too young to shave.

"You will return with us to Pottsburg Hall, Miss Potts." The gray swathed figure on the right had a deep voice that brooked no refusal so naturally Patricia took umbrage.

"I'll not be ordered about by someone who cannot even show me his face!" she shouted and grabbed her cousins reins in an effort to pull them both away from the intruders only to be stymied by one of the masked men who had a small device that caused both of their mechanical steeds to throw them.

Though quite unharmed, being thrown off their metal mounts made the cousins understandably cross. They scrambled to their feet and brushed at their hair and clothes in a vain effort to remove the soil.

"You foreign miscreants clearly have no respect for women." Lady Whitney was the picture of affronted femininity.

The two Lin Kuei laughed, mirth blending with contempt. "We have no use for pale, idle women who do not even notice they are being followed. Be thankful our master wishes you conscious, or we would better educate you. Now, come with us, or we will restrain you."

"Patricia! What now!" Lady Whitney was duly alarmed.

To the amazement of her would-be captors, Miss Patricia Potts smiled and took a stance they knew to be Northern Shaolin Kung Fu. "Ah, you see, I am not so ignorant of Chin as you would imagine. Shall we dance, gentlemen?"

Whitney laughed and arranged herself in her favorite style, Ba Gua. "Oh, how silly! And here I thought you meant us to run!"

"I?" Patricia raised a russet brow. "Never. You curs, on the other hand, may want to. I'll give you a sporting head start."

No longer sure of victory, the men shivered as they noted the predatory smiles on the women as they closed in.

"Father?"

"Here, child. We have visitors, newly arrived from-good heavens!"

The usually unflappable man looked in amazement as his daughter and favorite niece, horribly disheveled, dropped two battered and bruised strangers tied up with their own pantaloons on his library rug. The two looked quite pleased with themselves despite having ruined their riding habits beyond repair.

"These two unlucky scoundrels sought to abduct us, Father. After subjecting us to a horrid treatise against our countrymen, we were honor bound to thrash them to near..."

She blinked as she noticed they did indeed have company beside their houseguests. Prince Rhodey looked alarmed and concerned at their less than pristine clothing whereas Lord Stork seemed greatly diverted. The royal guest offered Lady Whitney the use of his handkerchief, which she accepted. Their other two guests were a surprise. One was a man of four and sixty, his simple changshan in unadorned gray and a permanent scowl on his craggy face. The other was considerably younger and beautiful, if such a word could be applied to a man. He wore a tangzhuang, a silk embroidered jacket over hanfu, traditional Chinese clothing. The colors of both were rich and varied, mostly yellow with elaborate red dragons and a border of multicolored clouds. He had the air of authority about him and was clearly used to being immediately obeyed. His long black hair was held back from his face in a low ponytail and a strange square hat with many hat knobs, indicating the visitor was of high rank in his society sat on his head. His eyes seemed to catch the light and appear either amber or lavender gray. Patricia supposed she was expected to feel awe in the presence of this august personage but instead felt irritation.

Miss Potts ignored the older servant and focused all of her attention on the handsome young man. "Are you the master of these sad creatures? If so, you clearly have neglected to instill manners in them. I will not be assaulted and ordered about on my own property by anyone less than the Regent himself." She paused at looked at his face. It seemed coldly impassive, as if waiting for something. Incensed, she approached closer until her face was less than a foot from his own. He seemed mildly surprised at her speed of moment. "Well? Have you nothing to say? No apology to render? Then I say leave! No matter your importance at home it matters not one whit to me!"

The attractive young man's expression began to thaw and he regarded her with the warmth of a lover. So discomfited was she that she backed away, startled, at this reverse in demeanor. He followed her and clasped both her hands as if they were old friends.

"Aha! This is the spirit I was promised!" Miss Potts had little time to note his voice was as beautiful as jade as his eyes roamed over her face, taking note of every freckle, her earth colored eyes that flashed when angered and her Titian red hair. Her face flushed at this intimate appraisal and she pulled away.

The gentleman seemed aware of her discomfort immediately for he took three steps back and bowed to her. "Forgive me, Miss Potts, both for the rudeness of my men and my own. I am Jin Khan, Chancellor of the Kingdom of Chin. This man is my manservant, Zhang." The gray clad man looked as if he wished to butcher them all. Khan smiled kindly at her. "I am here for you, Miss Patricia Virginia Potts, to make you my bride. Your father and I have had an understanding for some time in this matter."

"Well, that does explain the steam-powered palanquin outside, Uncle." Lady Whitney stirred herself to say.

Sir Virgil cleared his throat and amended, "Actually, my dear, the understanding was I would refuse any offer for your hand before Chancellor Khan had the chance to court you himself."

Miss Potts looked from her father to her self-declared 'fiance'. "Papa, how is it that you are acquainted with a nobleman from Chin?"

Sir Virgil cleared his throat again, a sure sign of his nervousness. "Well, my child, I journeyed to the East as part of a secret mission. Of that, I'll say no more. Once arrived...I encountered some...difficulty and was rescued by Chancellor Khan, then a mere lad of fifteen. Once he heard of my darling ten year old at home he wished at once to meet you and thus we came to our present agreement. Naturally, he did not wish to marry a lass sight unseen so I gave him that miniature your mother commissioned-"

"You said it was lost overboard!" gasped Patricia. Lady Whitney, still reeling from all these revelations concerning her cousin, removed herself to the fainting couch to be fussed over by Prince James. Lord Stark merely glowered in a corner and did not speak, clamping down hard on his rising temper.

Her father shrugged. "I lied. Such a thing is necessary for an Agent of the Crown. I lied to your mother often. It helped her sleep much easier than the truth would have."

Jin Khan did not seem to notice her rising agitation and continued, reaching out to touch her hair and disappointed when she moved away.

"You do not disappoint in person, Miss Potts. In truth, you have bloomed into a lovely young woman I would be proud to call my second wife."

Time seemed to stop as Patricia gaped openly, manners forgotten, at this new intelligence. "I...beg your pardon?"

Jin Khan seemed surprised. "You need ask, my dear? I cannot leave my property to a son who is not fully of the blood. No, but a wife who speaks English and has been educated away from the stifling Court with hair as exotic as yours would bring great pleasure to my life. Yes, much more than a bride taken to fulfill my duty."

"Now, see here, Khan." Her father rose indignantly. "I did not raise my daughter and import a Kung Fu master to train her for my darling Patricia to end up some...some concubine!" The manservant Zhang snorted derisively but was ignored. "She's as good as any hoity-toity miss from Shanghai! Clearly, you and she are not suited for each other and I shall have to ask you to vacate-"

"This is outside of enough!" Lord Stark flung himself from the corner, his anger exploding from him like a malfunctioning water tank. "How dare you dishonor this fair and noble woman with your shameful offer?! It is refused! Quit this country at once before I unleash my clockwork hounds!"

Chancellor Khan's face once again grew cold and hateful. "Who is this insipid little man who dares question the actions of his betters? Do not confuse my joy at meeting my betrothed with leniency towards fools, for I have none. Begone while you still have your ears intact."

"I will be the one to marry Patricia and not some poncy foreigner who has no true appreciation for her!" Lord Stark stopped and seem to regret his outburst, for he refused to meet Miss Potts' eyes.

Lady Whitney clapped her hands in delight at this development while the prince seemed relieved at his friend's admittance. Lord Anthony did not seem to notice them as he addressed Miss Potts directly. "Forgive me, Patricia. This was not the way I wished for you to hear this. But I do wish to marry you." He scratched the back of his head with heel of his hand, a sure sign he was nervous and continued.

"There is nothing actually wrong with my carriage. I myself removed the part and claimed it had cease to function." Even his regal best friend seemed surprised at this bit of subterfuge. "I thought you to be the most charming creature I had clapped eyes on upon my first meeting but I was afraid to appear too eager. As I have said, I am more comfortable replacing sprockets than waltzing and had no way to know how to properly woo and win you. But my heart won out over my hesitation and thus I approached your father whilst you were away to ask his permission to court you."

"Aye, that he did, m'dear," her father nodded, greatly adding to her mortification. "Not twenty minutes before Chancellor Khan's arrival."

Patricia felt a sick headache come over her as her mind reeled with the vast amount of information poured into it in such a short span of time. "You...you sabotaged your own vehicle, lied to us for weeks, treated me shabbily for most that time and now, when you can stand your web of lies no longer, you ask my father's mission to court me? Did you grant it, Papa?"

The now very put-upon man opened his mouth to speak only to be interrupted by the gentleman from the Orient. "I can think of no reason why he would consent to such an arrangement when I am offering to shower you with gold and silk until the end your days." Jin Khan seemed to labor under the assumption this was enough. He smiled warmly at Patricia. "You will have wealth and servants and a palace of your own, for soon I will no longer be a Chancellor but Emperor of the Kingdom of Chin. You will be honored above all women save only my mother and my a mere lord offer you more than that?"

So confident was he that Khan did not notice when Lord Stark strode over to him, removed his glove and struck him across the face. "Enough! Were you ruler of the known world, you would still not be good enough to wed my Patricia! The highest concubine in the land is still a concubine, not an Empress. Miss Potts is no trifle for your amusement! Marriage to me would be preferable to life in your harem, sir. For one she would be my only wife and could hold up her head in society. Not hide in shame behind a silk curtain until such time as you wish to amuse yourself with her."

The Chancellor picked up the glove and with a thin smile returned the blow to Lord Stark's face. "I will not be spoken to that way by a man whose family were peasants a mere three centuries ago. My noble family has ruled our land for time out of mind. Miss Potts should consider herself fortunate that out of all the women on this shabby continent she is being chosen."

Lord Anthony's storm colored eyes narrowed as he stared at his rival with simmering distaste. "Since we find ourselves at an impasse, it can only be decided by duel. Gentlemen's duel, naturally, if you are familiar with the term."

The future Emperor closed the distance between the two of them. "Don't insult my intelligence, peasant. Gentleman's duel. Have your second and your power suit ready at dawn tomorrow at Sir Virgil's testing grounds. Winner take all."

"Wait!" Miss Potts tried to intervene on her own behalf. She objected to being referred to as 'all.' "I am no prize to be won! What if I wish to marry neither of you? Where will you be then? You are like two clockwork figures whose programming has gone awry and are now fighting over the last can of axle grease! I shall not have it, do you hear? I shall not-"

Chancellor Khan reached out to stroke a tendril of hair that had gone unmatted. "You are distraught, my dear, over this baboon's machinations. All will seem clear in the morning.I give you my word I will only mangle this fool but a little."

To the maiden in question's surprise, Lord Stark seemed to agree. "Do not trouble yourself, my love, I will not duel him to the death, only to the surrender."

Patricia threw her hands up in the air in surrender. "Oh! To perdition with the lot of you!" she cried and quit the room. Lady Whitney seemed to regain her full senses under the prince's tender care and trailed behind her cousin.

The testing grounds were somewhat of a misnomer, being an expanse of sold rock overlooking the tumultuous sea below. The area encompassed an area of twenty acres, making it the perfect place to test new mechanical experiments or power suits with fear of setting one's domicile on fire. Spectators watched the affairs at a safe distance from a nearby cliff with spyglasses.

Lord Anthony took advantage of Jin Khan being unaware of the English system of dueling and unveiled his power suit first. It was a gaudy affair in crimson and gold and he was overly proud of himself about it. The gears and sprockets did give it a proper steam powered air, as did the electrically charged water tank on its back. He waved its giant arms at Miss Potts, who, still mortified, refused to wave back, even at her dear cousin's urging.

Chancellor Khan's affair was completely the opposite; wholly black and rather imposing, heavily influenced by the armor of Nippon. The ground shook as he stomped onto the rocky site. The metal figure was easily three heads higher than its adversary, which led to some speculation about what its owner wished to compensate for. There was no visible power source, merely strangely glowing rings on its steel fingers.

The two combatants saluted each other properly and at a signal from Sir Virgil, began to duel. Lord Stark's opening salvo was a vicious jab to his opponent's midsection, only to be countered by a leg sweep. The red and gold behemoth fell to the ground but the Chinese gentleman failed to follow up his advantage and was tripped by his prone opponent.

As the two rivals struggle to regain their 'feet', Miss Potts addressed Prince James.

"Forgive me if I seem unimpressed with your friend's combat abilities, Your Highness. Lord Stark but flails about like an upended tortoise."

"Chancellor Jin Khan is not faring much better," Lady Whitney charitably pointed out.

"Indeed not. That armor seemed designed with intimidation in mind, not practicality."

"I thought the names of the armors rather silly. Iron Titan? Is that really what your friend named that montrosity?"

"I am sorry to say so. It's a bit too grand for my taste."

"Why not something simpler? Name it after his estate. Ironmanwich."

"Still a bit of a mouthful, cousin."

"Correct as usual, dear Whitney. Ironwich, then."

"It's a marked improvement over Jin Khan's chosen moniker. Mandarin? Truly? Is that not an orange?"

"I believe you are correct, cousin."

Prince James sighed wearily. "Forgive Lord Anthony, gentle ladies. He is well-meaning but impulsive. He truly does care for you, Miss Potts."

"Hmph." Patricia looked away from the field of battle. "Does he? His current actions show a want of feeling. Had he truly held me in regard, he would not have lied, nor would he engage in combat without asking me how I felt about it!"

The royal person had no answer for this and Lady Whitney naturally came to his rescue.

"Don't assess him too harshly, cousin. His regard for you is sincere, his indignation at Chancellor Khan's slight, though ill-conceived, is in its way somewhat romantic."

"Romantic? I find it chauvinistic. My life is my own and my future even more so and I would rather be a spinster living in a cottage with forty windup cats than marry either of those fools!" She saw that she had discomfited her royal guest and charmed him with a gentle smile. "Not all men can be as kind and good natured as yourself, Prince James."

"Here! Here!" Lady Whitney agreed happily and the humble young man blushed under their admiring gaze.

"Would that I could take the credit for my character, good ladies, but I must confess it was my wise father and noble mother who shaped me into the man I am today. My only wish is to be a son and ruler they can be proud of."

Miss Potts clasped her hands to her bosom and gazed out past the combatants to the lonely sea. "How I wish I could meet your dear mama! She sounds wonderful to a motherless child like myself! Would I be welcome there?"

"And I also?" Her Ladyship wished to know.

"Nothing would bring her greater pleasure than to have educated, intelligent company such as yourselves," Prince James assured them and began to tell his delighted listeners all about his home.

The sun's had reached its zenith yet the metal giants on the field seemed no closer to victory one way or the actual reason for the duel had now been lost to the two rivals as all decorum was forgotten in favor of manly street brawling. Lord Stark executed a punch that sent his opponent back thirty yards. The man who would be Emperor countered with a boulder that missed the armored head by mere inches and instead hit the manservant, Zhang, crushing him instantly.

The 'Mandarin' looked at the bloody smear that used to be the one who emptied his chamberpot and then back at 'Iron Titan'. "I never liked him."

Lord Stark managed a shrug even in his power suit. "As you say."

"Shall we continue?"

"Let's."

The crimson knight grabbed his metal foe by the mechanical leg and swung him into a cliff. Upon recovery the Chancellor felled his foe once again with a well-placed boot to the head. Stark countered by grabbing the other powersuit by the waist and driving its head into the rocky ground.

"Surrender now and I shall be merciful, as is only polite. You are technically a visitor to our shores."

"I need no false courtesy from a pale ghost of a man."

"So be it!" The red menace swung at its foe, only to have one of its appendages grabbed in an attempt to pull it off the human underneath. The arm motors strained as Lord Stark attempted to free himself from hardened steel grip of Khan. He countered by grabbing one of Khan's metal shoulders and the two became locked in a deadly embrace that could only be broken by the loss of limb or a surrender.

The two paused as they heard a gentle chime intone time for tea.

Lord Stark retracted his armor twice as fast as his rival and checked his chronometer. "Is it four o'clock already? We've been the whole day at this."

Chancellor Jin Khan nodded, then started as his stomach emitted a loud gurgle. "Well now, how awkward. I am sure the ladies and your friend the prince are as famished as we."

Temporarily at truce, the two men walked away from their power suits and made their way over to the cliff where they supposed their companions waited for them but instead found two pieces of parchment.

The first was written by Miss Potts and addressed to both of them:

I do not know which of you, if either, emerged from this duel as victor and I find I do not care. I have had quite enough of being treated by the two of you as an object and have decided to make the choice for you.

Lord Anthony Stark, you are an intelligent, occasionally pleasant person and my fondest wish is for you to find a woman who enjoys tool belts and war machines.

Chancellor Jin Khan, though our acquaintance was but brief I wish you well and hope you find a bride that suits your requirements on the Continent. I doubt you'll find such on English soil.

As for myself and Lady Whitney, we have decided to accept the invitation of dear Prince James and abscond to the Kingdom of Rhodes. Prince James and my cousin shall be married as soon as they can obtain his mother's blessing and though the law of his land allows a man or a woman to have two spouses and the three of us would rule as joint monarchs. I have declined his kind proposal. For now. Myself, I cannot comprehend sharing my husband with another woman, with the possible exception of Lady Whitney. I shall enter into Her Majesty's Secret Service and train as a knight. No matter what outcome I choose, I know I can be forever happy with dear friends as these.

Regards,

Patricia Potts

"I wonder what my royal compatriot has to say for himself," Lord Stark muttered darkly and read his own missive aloud:

To my most devoted friend,

I know this letter will cause you distress and I regret that it does so. At the ladies' request, we are leaving for my home, stopping briefly in London to ask for my Whitney's father's permission to marry. If he refuses, and my love says he might, we willl leave for home immediately thereafter.

Honor demanded I offer for Miss Potts and to my relief she refused. The way is still open for you, my friend, to win her heart. She will not make it simple for you. This is something you must do without the aid of subterfuge, wealth, or a blowtorch.

Good luck to you and I do hope I can still count you among my friends.

Yours, ETC

His Royal Highness, Prince James of the Kingdom of Rhodes.

"Count me amongst his friends...poppycock."

Jin Khan stood there, stunned, as he read and reread the words of the woman he had intended to marry. It was the first time his will had ever been stymied and he resolved then and there to persue a more biddable bride among his own people. "I am at a loss, Stark, for I did not forsee damaging my Mandarin armor to win the favor of a woman who went to such lengths to reject me."

Lord Anthony Stark leaned against the rock face for fear his legs would no longer support his weight. "Myself as well. Have I so badly misjudged her character or my own?"

The two men sat in somewhat companionable silence as they watched their respective creations leak coolant fluid. Finally Lord Anthony turned to his erstwhile enemy and said:

"Would you...like to go back to my place?"

Jin Khan mulled it over and said at last; "Yes, all right."

THE END