Hey...I updated. Also, possible spoiler for this chapter. If you're a somewhat intelligent person, please skip the XemSai moment as it contiains a joke that just might ruin a plot point ot BBS. But if you're not somewhat intelligable, just go ahead and read along.

With that said, enjoy.

Chapter 3

Roxas looked over to the calendar, and was shocked to see that several months had passed since the author had left him to deal with Axel.

But just as he was about to go rant about the author's laziness, Axel decided to take action and pounce on him. Roxas made a shriek as Axel landed on him; all ten pounds him….nine being his hair. And before Roxas had time to catch a breath, he saw two lips getting ever so close to his…

"Holy crap," Roxas yelled as he tried to push Axel away from him. "Axel! Damn…it…stop it!"

His blue eyes darted around, hoping that somebody would save him from this really…awkward situation. Roxas' eyes then landed on his Keyblade, which was just a few feet away. His arm out stretched to it, hoping he would be able to summon it before Axel got any closer to his bishonen lips.

That word was added to help ease any tension that this story might be taken seriously. And for further release, the author did this;

Suddenly, Roxas felt the weight on his being pulled away as Axel was lifted off of him. Roxas looked up in shock as he stared at his surprising savior.

Xigbar.

"Xigbar," Roxas said in a mixture of surprise and pure joy. Honestly, Roxas would have kissed the man's boots right now, showing his gratitude, but was too afraid of being on all fours to do so.

Xigbar walked over to where Axel lay. Axel looked up to see the older nobody look down on him, a nasty smear on his face. Xigbar crossed his arms as he stared angrily at Axel.

"How dare you," Xigbar hissed.

Axel grimaced, crawling away as he tried to avoid whatever punishment Xigbar was about to lay on him.

Roxas got up from the floor and looked over to where the two nobodies were. He could see Axel's frightened expression, and for a moment, almost felt bad for him. But then he remembered the strange, sudden molestation that had occurred and all regret then faded away.

"You thought you could just go ahead and rape Roxas huh," Xigbar said, leaning over and looking into the redhead's face. "Didn't you, brah?"

Roxas frowned. What did Xigbar just say?

Axel's mouth opened, but Xigbar didn't give him the time to answer.

"Well you can't," he said, poking Axel in the chest with his extra pointy finger. "And do you know why?"

Axel shook his head. It should be known to the readers that he was now in the fetal position, rocking a bit in fear.

Roxas couldn't believe what he was seeing. For the longest time he was unsure to think about Xigbar. The man was an enigma of sorts, only giving out so much information. It was nice, and very reassuring, for Roxas to know that Xigbar-

"Because Roxy is allll mine, dude," Xigbar said with a sadistic smile on his face.

-was just as bad as Axel!

Roxas' jaw dropped as he heard the words being uttered.

Xigbar then removed himself from Axel and turned around, facing Roxas. He stared at the boy with a twisted (heh…funny) look on his face and then licked his lips…just because.

Roxas took a step back from where he stood, his eyes wide in absolute horror.

"What's wrong, Roxy," Xigbar said with a chuckle. He then teleported himself right behind Roxas, his hands on the boy's shoulders, gripping on them tightly. Roxas didn't even have time to react as he lowered his head down to the boy, taking in his scent. "I got rid of him for you, little dude. Show some appreciation, man."

But as Xigbar was about to go and make a move on the boy, a fire engulfed chakram flew out of nowhere, specifically from the left, and hit Xigbar in the head; horribly goring his beautiful face. The impact caused the older nobody to fall to the floor as well.

Roxas just stood where he was, incapable of taking in what had just happened.

"What…the hell," he muttered to himself.

But then Axel showed up from nowhere and embraced him. Tightly. Sickly. Inappropriately.

"Axel," Roxas screamed.

"Don't worry, my love," Axel beamed in a disgraceful tone of confidence. "I've saved you from that sick, twisted…heh…ninja pirate!" He then flipped Roxas over to face him and his strange, over excited expression.

"Axel…you're scaring me," Roxas said in a frightened tone. He then looked over to where Xigbar was, reeling and screaming in pain. "What's going on here? Why are you and Xigbar acting so weird?"

Axel frowned.

"What do you mean," he asked in a half whine.

"You see, right there," Roxas pointed to the sentence above. "You don't whine like that!"

Axel was taken aback.

"But…but I was just trying to be a good boyfriend," Axel stammered.

"…"

Roxas took in a deep breath.

Very calmly, he released the breath in a long sigh, and then said, "And since when have we been romantically involved?"

Axel scratched at his head for a few moments, thinking hard about what Roxas had asked before answering. It was pretty said because Axel was really thinking hard about it.

"Well," Axel finally answered. "From what I remember in the series, I can conclude that we became an established couple when-"

"XIGBAR POUNCE," Xigbar screamed as he mauled Axel.

Once again, Axel was ripped away from Roxas as he was knocked aside by a size eleven, custom navy seal boot. Roxas' eye twitched as he then began to see a strange battle of sorts; composing of Axel and Xigbar doing the following;

"He's mine," Axel yelled, pointing his finger and swinging it at Xigbar.

"Oh please, bro," Xigbar said, pointing his finger even more at Axel. "As if you could evah SATISFY him! Tell em' Roxy!"

"…I'm just trying to figure out when your accent got so out of hand," Roxas said weakly.

"See, he doesn't want you," Xigbar proclaimed. "He's wants me!" Xigbar laughed. "I don't blame him though…"

"That's not what I meant…"

"Roxy, how could you?" Axel whined.

Rather than force some sort of reaction from Roxas, as chances were he was starting to get used to this stupid stuff, the author decided for a scene change.

So…somewhere else…

Xemnas sat in his office, his eyes looking glued to the computer screen.

"Blah blah blah," Xemnas said to Saix, who was carefully taking note of everything being said. The Berserker carefully went through the several pages of notes, making sure he had gotten everything written down;

Blah blah blah I'm a generic bad guy blah blah….blah Square hasn't made a decent villain in years blah blah blah and blah blah I have the personality of a wet towel blah…

"Genius," Saix proclaimed, tucking the notepad in his cloak. "Oh Superior…"

Xemnas continued to stare at his computer screen, a picture of Kingdom Heart, as Saix began his two hour speech about how awesome Xemnas was.

"…Superior?" Saix asked suddenly.

Xemnas raised his eyes and leered at Saix.

Saix blushed a deep red and his lips quivered. It was really shameful to his character…

"There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time," he then said.

Xemnas rose from his seat.

"Say no more, Saix," he said in his sexually appealing monotone voice. "I feel the same way…" He then removed the glove from his hand and used it to slap Saix across the face. "I freaking love you man!"

Saix snarled as he then proceeded to punch Xemnas, breaking the man's nose and causing blood to ooze down his tanned face.

"I love you too Superior," Saix said as he pushed Xemnas down t the floor. "NOW SAY MY NAME!"

"Saix," Xemnas replied, slapping Saix around like an abusive mother.

"Again," Saix demanded.

"SAIX," Xemnas yelled.

"Yes," Saix said. "Say my name. Say it in remembrance of me!"

"Oh god yes," Xemnas said. "Yes, yes! Oh, Aqua, yes! Take me!"

Saix stopped his abusive love and looked down at Xemnas, his eyes wide in shock.

Xemnas, having realized his error, stared back, his amber eyes trying to make complete eye contact with Saix's.

"…Aqua," Saix then asked. "…really?"

"…"

"Really, Xemnas?" Saix questioned.

"…please don't tell anyone," Xemnas said shamefully.

…back to Roxas…

"I can't believe I just witnessed that," Roxas said in disgust as he turned away from the past scene. He was now sitting on the couch, trying desperately to watch television while Axel and Xigbar ducked it out behind him. Once in a while he's make a small glance behind him, just to see how they were doing.

Just for the record, Roxas was thinking about the situation. He was trying to figure out what was going on with both nobodies…since they normally weren't this weird.

"We've shared more moments together," Axel yelled. "Besides, he loves me! Me. Not you, but me! Got it memorized?"

"As if," Xigbar said, sporting his catchphrase in retort to Axel's. "We had a moment, and it was a hell lot more awesome than yur pussy ass moments…"

"Oh please," Axel said. "I've played the PSP…tell me Xigbar; how long did it take for that moment just to load, huh?"

"Well, I actually kept up the usual updates," Xigbar said. "And it really didn't take long for it to get through…"

"Really," Axel asked.

"Yeah," Xigbar said, pulling out his PSP. "You see, if you keep up with updates and go-"

Roxas finally got up from his seat, checking to see if the two had finally gotten over their odd fight.

"Uhm…hey guys," he said as he approached the two. "You two finally feeling alright?"

Axel and Xigbar stopped what they were doing and then turned their attention to Roxas. Both men had a blank expression on their faces for a few seconds before huge grins appeared on each one.

"…guys," Roxas said weakly.

"Well well," Axel said as he let a hand rest on Roxas' shoulder. "Does poor little Roxas not like us fighting?"

"Roxy want to play," Xigbar chuckled.

"A yum-yum threesome," Axel suggested.

"As long as I top," Xigbar stated.

"HELL NO," Roxas said as he swiped away at Axel's hand. Both nobody's gasped. "What's wrong with you guys? Since when were you so…so…gay?"

"Roxas don't be derogative," Axel snapped.

"Yeah, it's arrogant," Xigbar said.

"But it's true," Roxas yelled. "You never acted like this before? Since when did I become the hottest thing around, huh? Why me? And when did you become attracted to me anyways?"

Xigbar looked down, trying hard to think about Roxas had just said.

"Think about it, guys," Roxas said. "Before, everybody was complaining about how Larxene would never give it up for anyone…and now you two are fighting over my butt!"

"…I…I never thought of it that way," Axel muttered.

"…when did we," Xigbar trailed off. He shook his head. "This…doesn't make any sense…"

"You see," Roxas said. He frowned. "There's something going on here. Something that's making you appear almost…out of character."

Both Axel and Xigbar gasped.

"But I believe, if we work together," Roxas said confidently," we may just be able to find out why. All we have to do is work togeth-"

"OMGHIROXYPOO," came a high pitched squeal, followed by good hundred and thirty pounds of Demyx crash landing on Roxas.

Roxas stared up at the ceiling, in a faze as his head spun around. It took a few moments for him to realize that Demyx was on top of him, playing with Power Rangers action figured and picking his nose.

"…Demyx," Roxas muttered, "wha…what are you doing with that booger?"

Not paying attention, Demyx proceeded to rub the green and red booger on Roxas' cloak. He then, assuming he was now bored of Roxas, got up and then ran up to Xigbar, who was still brooding, along with Axel.

Roxas just stared at his cloak in…I can't name what he was probably feeling right now. It's just so disgusting.

"Xiggy," Demyx cried.

Xigbar stared at Demyx, the confused look still on his face.

"Xemmy is being a meany face and he's being mean and told me to go to my room and he's all grumpy and I didn't even do anything but he just being so mean to me and it's not fair," Demyx cried as he grabbed on to Xigbar and whined in that really high pitched tone of his.

Roxas, up with a paper towel in his hand, removed the nasty green thing from his cloak and stared at Demyx with a mixture of anger and confusion.

Demyx was acting weird too…

And then Roxas saw the worst thing his amazing eyes could ever lay on.

Xigbar, who had previously acknowledged that there was something wrong going on in the castle before, was embracing Demyx.

And not in the friend sort of way. His leg was up and that only mean trouble.

"Don't worry Demy," Xigbar said, summoning up his weapon. "I'll show that bastard he can't just mess wit you whenever he pleases!" he then ripped away at his clothing, exposing way too much of his body for Roxas' comfort and then grabbed Demyx and ran off. And Demyx, for some odd reason, just giggled and laughed and went with it…

…

…

Roxas just stared.

"Hey, hey Roxy," Axel giggled as he wrapped his sickly thin arms around Roxas. "Looks like we're all alone…"

Roxas eye twitched.

"Wanna make babies?"

Without warning, Roxas ripped himself from Axel's grip. He glared at Axel, his blue eyes somehow turning to a bright red.

"…Rox-"

"Shut it," Roxas said in a serious tone. He then cracked his knuckles, just to show how serious he was, because nothing was more serious than a knuckle crack.

"…"

Axel made a whimpering sound, but nodded his head, understanding that Roxas meant business.

"Now," Roxas said as he grabbed his Keyblade from the floor. "You wanna explain to me what's going on here?"

Somewhere else…

Pretty flower is pretty," Luxord giggled as he took a sip from his pink teacup, playing with the flowers that were scattered all about the kitchen room.

"Such colors do not belong within my world…too bright for a dark soul like mine," Zexion murmured as he stared into space while Marluxia decorated his hair with all sorts of flowers. Tears ran down his face as he took a sip from his cup. "A sip of death…suiting for an unworthy soul like me…"

"Toffee anyone," Xaldin said as he walked into kitchen where Marluxia, Luxord, Vexen and Zexion were. Xaldin had an apron on, as well as a cast-a result from the long fall he had received in the last chapter. Luxord and Zexion were decorated from top to bottom in flowers…as a result from Marluxia. And as for Vexen….he was wearing vines. And a gag. And handcuffs. And a blindfold.

"I'd like some," Luxord say with a smile as he laced his tea with some alcohol.

"Me too," Zexion muttered as he laced his tea with some LSD.

"Mmphh," Vexen sputtered through the gag.

"Oh Vexy, your so adorable," Marluxia giggled as he finished decorating Zexion's hair full of colorful flowers. "But no toffee for you-it'll go straight to your thighs! We can't have that!" Marluxia then laced Vexen's tea with several brands of sleeping medication.

There came a "ding" from behind Xaldin, causing him to gasp.

"Oh noes," he cried. "The soufflé!" He handed the tray of prepared toffee to Marluxia and hurried back to get out the finished pastry.

Marluxia stared at the toffee and the turned his fabulous attention to the three nobodies in the room, each one, aside from Vexen, drinking tea and playing with each other in a most inappropriate matter. Underneath the table, of course.

"Well, now that Mister Unattractive, Manly, Huge Mutton chops is gone…" Marluxia chuckled. "Who want's a tasty treat…?"

"You mean the toffee," Zexion muttered sluggishly as the drugs began to slowly kick in.

"Oh no," Marluxia cooed. "I'm talking about something sweeter." He placed the toffee on the table and rested himself between Zexion on Luxord. "Something tastier…more satisfying…and intense…"

"I haven't the slightest idea what kind of treat this is," Luxord said in an all too cheery tone, "but it sounds delicious! I'll have a go!"

Marluxia smirked.

"Mmphh!"

"Dammit Vexen, wait your turn!"

More chapters later! And then some...