A/N: A Meredith/Addison one-shot, during the ferry crash episodes (3x16/3x17). Been done way too many times before but I couldn't help myself! My first POV fic so I hope it comes across like it did in my head =)
REVIEW PLEASE!
Iam-kelly.
I wonder what it feels like to be dead, I wonder if you know or you literally just don't exist anymore. Everyone is racing around pumping drugs into her body, she's had CPR a few too many times, when she wakes up, yes when I refuse to believe she won't, when she wakes up her ribs will be sore, probably broken. Her skin is almost gray, she looks lifeless, which I guess for the moment she is.
I comfort her friends, even her boyfriend, my ex-husband, how the hell do I get myself into these situations? Why do I have too care so much? I tell them she's going to be fine, I think I'm saying it for my benefit more than anyone else's. 'She doesn't know how I feel' thats all that races through my brain when I dare to think that maybe she won't make it. She thinks I hate her, its quite the opposite actually. I didn't blame her for her relationship with him, she was just the innocent party, he should've told her about me, ok so she knew about me at prom but seriously who the hell I was I kidding, he didn't love me, ok I think he did love me but he just wasn't 'in love' with my anymore, he was 'in love' with her, and now I understand why, I understand more than ever.
For the next few hours I have to work my ass off with our Jane Doe, the image of her dead body flashing in my head. I heard on the grape vine that she made it, her eyes were open, she was talking, its the best news I've had all year. She's asleep when I get there, they were all there watching her, I made them go and get some sleep, I promised I wouldn't leave her side. I sit in the chair by the bed, I take her hand in mine, it still feels cold, nobody knows how long she was in the water before she was found, I stroke her skin softly with my thumbs and watch her chest rise and fall, never had such a small natural movement given me such happiness, she was alive.
"Addison?" I hear her croak.
"Yeah, its me, how are you feeling?"
"Sore, why are you here?"
"I was worried" I reply honestly "I haven't been here long, I sent everyone away to get some rest, they've been by your side day and night"
"Oh, ok then"
"You scared the shit out of me y'know"
"I scared myself"
I don't know if she had noticed my hand stroking hers, I look down at it and sigh, I could feel her eyes on me, I didn't dare look up. My pager beeped interrupting the silence.
"I have to go" I mumbled, I stood resting her hand back on the bed, I leaned over to her, cupping her face with my hands and kissed her softly on the lips "Don't you ever do that to me again, ok? You can't die" I said firmly, I kissed her again and left the room, I didn't mean to kiss her, well I did, but I didn't, oh crap, what did I do?
She comes back to work today, its been 2 weeks since I left her room that night. I see her in the morning on rounds, we're only in the same room for a few minutes but my heart starts to beat ten times faster and she doesn't look in my direction once. She has to settle with paperwork for the next week, the Chief and Bailey gave her strict orders, she needed to stay rested. I strolled down the hallway in a daydream, I feel a hand grab my wrist and pull me into a different direction, within a blink I'm in an on-call room.
"Dr Grey" I said as professionally as I could.
"Don't Dr Grey me!"
"Ok, Meredith, whats the problem?" I replied equally as cool.
"Whats the problem? Whats the problem!? You, you are the freakin' problem! Why did you have to do that!?"
"Do what?" I hesitate.
"Kiss me" she replied simply.
Oh shit, I knew that was coming.
"I didn't mean to do it"
"Then why did you?"
"I don't know"
"You don't know!?"
"No, I don't, I don't know, I don't know what the hell is going on in my head, I don't know why I did it I just did and I can't handle this, I can't do this, this is just stupid and I don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know!"
I had started to pace the room rubbing my hand against my forehead, she gripped onto my spare wrist to stop my pacing, I looked down into her eyes, there were tears in hers and I was pretty sure there were tears in mine, she pulls me closer to her and kisses me softly on the lips, we pull apart and stare at each other again before we come back in for another kiss, this one slightly longer, I feel her hand trail up the center of my body, she unbuttons my shirt, I follow suit and pull on the tie of her scrub pants.
"We shouldn't do this" she breathed into my skin "We shouldn't do this but, but we are doing this"
"We are" I said kissing her neck.
"You are all I have thought about for 2 weeks, you can get pretty bored sat in a big house all alone"
"You should've called"
"Maybe I should" by now we were both stood in our underwear, I reached around and unclipped her bra, she let it fall to the ground, I moved my lips down to her breasts, kissing them lightly, nibbling the skin slightly, she groaned quietly, her hands gripped onto my waist, she somehow guided us to a bed, she lay down, I landed on top of her, in between her legs. I stroked the edge of her panties, she lifted herself up slightly as I pulled them off, my hand wandered down her body, I kissed her passionately as my hand reached her wetness. Surprisingly neither of us seemed nervous, I'd never been with a woman and I'm assuming she hasn't either, although by the way she was touching me I wouldn't put it past her. She moaned loudly as I pushed in two fingers, my thumb grazing over her clit, I curled them inside her, my nails dragging along her walls, she was already dripping wet, how long has she been thinking about this? I wondered to myself. She bites down on my shoulder as she starts to orgasm "Biting Grey" I smirked "Didn't think you were that type of girl"
"Well I didn't think you were this type of girl" she replied breathlessly.
I begin to kiss my way down her body, as I reach her core I remove my fingers, I kiss the insides of her thighs, licking the juices that had dripped onto them, she whimpered impatiently as I teased her, getting closer to her wetness and then moving away.
"Addison" she groaned.
"Ask nicely" I smirk.
"Addison please"
"Please what?" I teased.
"I need you to lick me Addison, please"
"My pleasure" I smile, I take my tongue and lick slowly up her slit, I suck at the skin, flicking my tongue against her clit, I push my fingers back into her pushing on her g-spot, I lick her clit quickly, by now she can hardly contain her moans, I look up briefly to see her body writhing, she's touching her own breasts and biting on her lip, as she came I licked up her cum, her hands gripped onto the bed sheets, I kissed my way back up her body finished with a hungry kiss on her lips, she sucked on my bottom lip tasting herself on me.
"That was, amazing" she gasped, she leaned over and kissed me again, her hand travelled down my centre and quickly found my dripping wet slit, she instantly pushed in two of her fingers "God you're wet" she groaned.
I let out a loud moan as she pushed her fingers in as deep and fast as she could, her thumb rubbed over my clit making my body quiver. She pumped her fingers in and out quickly, as she felt my walls clench against her, letting her know I was close she slowed down, scraping her fingers against my insides, I let out a loud moan, she found my g-spot and pressed down harshly, my body squirmed as my orgasm hit, I screamed out her name as my juices flowed out onto her hand.
"Nobody has ever, ever done that with just their fingers before" I gasp "Have you done this…"
"No, you're the first" she smirked.
"Wow" I say breathlessly.
"Is this going to, happen again?"
"If you want it too"
"Do you want it too?"
"Yeah, I do"
"Ok then."
Cristina Yang knew after the first week, not because Meredith tells her person everything but because she walked in on us kissing in my office, apparently she did knock on the door but we didn't even notice, she kept it a secret because its Meredith, we all know if she had caught me with any other intern it would be around the hospital before you could say 'adultery'. I thought maybe I should tell Callie but once you start telling people someone slips up and the information falls into the wrong hands.
Supply closets and on-call rooms became familiar to us, everyday one of us would summon the other, if we both had free nights she'd spend them at my hotel, she told them she was doing extra shifts at the hospital. She hated lying, so did I, but we weren't ready because we knew that once it was out, everything changed.
I should have learnt my lesson from the Mark fiasco, we shouldn't have gone to her house that night, we had never been anywhere near her house together and when we decided to take the risk the inevitable happened. He walked in as I moaned her name loudly, I was sat on the edge of her bed, my legs draping over her shoulders as she licked my wetness. If he hadn't have dropped his bag on the floor, spilling the contents, we wouldn't have noticed him standing there. We jumped out of our skin.
"Shit" I groaned pulling the bed sheet off and wrapping it around myself as she put on her robe.
Derek stared at us both, no emotion in his face, no sadness, anger, nothing. He stepped back slowly and walked down the stairs, we heard him enter the kitchen, slamming the cupboard doors.
We put our clothes on and walked downstairs quickly, Meredith entered the kitchen first and I followed behind, he was leaning against the sink, a glass in one hand, a bottle of scotch in the other.
"Derek…." I started.
"No" he replied coldly "No, you don't get to speak"
"We're sorry" said Meredith quietly.
"How long?" he snapped.
"A month" answered Meredith.
"Why? God, I don't even know if I want to know"
"It just….happened" sighed Meredith.
"Its all my fault" I stuttered "I kissed her first"
"Yeah but I kissed back Addison, this isn't anyones fault it just happened"
"We didn't do this to hurt you Derek"
"Then why did you?"
"I don't know" I reply, the room remains quiet for a few beats, only the sound of him topping up his glass can be heard.
"So, what happens now?" asked Meredith breaking the silence.
"You make a choice, her or me" he said looking straight into her eyes, not looking at me, not acknowledging my presence.
I had no idea what was coming next until she said it "Derek I'm so sorry" and then I knew.
"I'll come by and get my stuff tomorrow, neither of you will be here" he said, he took one last gulp of scotch and slammed the bottle on counter, he pushed past us and stormed out of the front door, slamming the door behind him, we didn't speak until we heard his car screech off the drive.
"Its over" Meredith gasped.
"Its over." I said firmly, I pulled Meredith in for a hug and stroked her hair "So, you choose me huh?"
"I will always choose you"
"I love you" I said, I felt her tense up, I'd probably freaked her out, we hadn't said it before, I didn't even know if she felt the same until I felt her body relax against mine.
"I love you too" she whispered softly.
And right there, in that moment, we knew, this was it, we were together, and it was finally just us.