The Beginning
Severus Snape hated Gryffindor/Slytherin classes. In the beginning of the year there had been an incident which had made people want to confess all kinds of misdeeds. Since then he made it a point to keep everyone from throwing ingredients because as much as he liked seeing Gryffindors humiliated, it wouldn't do for students to get injured in his class. Especially since this was his first year of teaching.
It was strange. As a student he'd watched his classmates and his teachers carefully. They were likely to be his enemies at some point and he liked to know his enemy as well as possible. It made them easier to defeat. Now Severus was the teacher watching the students. He knew that Susan Gardner, third year, Ravenclaw, had a crush on Markus Greengrass, fifth year, Slytherin. Jenny Markin, fourth year, Hufflepuff, had a talent for pencil drawing though her handwriting was atrocious.
Well, and then there was a sixth year, Gryffindor named Annabeth Gray. She wasn't very tall but she made people notice her. Her long hair looked black until the sun shone on it, and then it shimmered in brown with a touch of red and one or two blond strands. Her eyes were blue. Severus could never really define them properly, he wasn't sure if they were like the sky or the sea or maybe something else altogether.
He couldn't understand why she'd been sorted into Gryffindor. From Potions classes and the teachers' gossip he knew that she had a thirst for knowledge that put some Ravenclaws to shame and she was as hardworking and fair as any Hufflepuff, she was cunning enough for Slytherin and possessed the bravery of a true Gryffindor.
And besides, her smile could always lift his mood even if he didn't show it. No other student ever smiled at him. Most of them knew him from the papers and the rest was too intimidated by his expression and overall behaviour.
Today, however, was Lily's birthday and his mood was even worse. He couldn't help thinking that she'd celebrate it with her son and her husband and her friends if he hadn't listened at that door or if he hadn't told the Dark Lord about it.
But just like every Wednesday Miss Gray lifted her head to smile at him and he scowled at her before he kept walking. She looked perplexed for a moment then she turned back to her work.
He almost felt guilty until he reminded himself that he had every right to scowl at his students.
Severus went back to his desk and started to grade homework. And then finally class was over. Sixth year Gryffindor and Slytherin were his last class for the day and when the students were gone he sagged in his chair and put his head in his arms.
Suddenly someone cleared their throat. Severus jumped and there was Miss Gray still sitting in her chair. He opened his mouth to get her to leave when she said, "You should let them go, Professor."
"Who?" he asked before he could stop himself. He felt his teeth pierce his lip but the pain didn't even register as Miss Gray started speaking again.
"The Shadows of the Past. They follow you around, you know. Two young men both with black hair. One of them has glasses. And a woman. She has red hair and she's always smiling. They're gone from your life. Let them go before they take it over. They were almost starting to fade at the beginning of the year but on Halloween the man with the glasses and the woman came back. And a few days later the other man was back too. Over Christmas they were fading again but today the woman is back. She almost looks solid. You loved her, didn't you?" She hadn't been looking at him but when she asked about Lily her eyes met his.
Pain. Terrible pain. And guilt. All of it mixed with that overwhelming love he held for Lily. And then finally, anger. He could handle anger, he could use it. Miss Gray didn't even blink when he rose absolutely furious and said with forced calm, "Get out of my classroom, Miss Gray. And thirty points from Gryffindor."
"I'll see you at dinner, Professor." She picked up her bag, smiled at him and slipped out the door. Severus stared at the closed door for almost twenty minutes after she was gone. Then he shook his head and went to his quarters in a daze. The corridors were empty and later he'd be grateful for that but now he didn't even notice.
He didn't go to dinner. He spent the evening in an armchair by the fire watching the flames and tried very hard not to think, not to feel. He felt something run down his face and some very small rational part of his mind understood he was crying. When he was finally too tired to cry, he fell asleep.
He dreamed of Lily, her eyes, her smile, her laughter, the way she looked when she was angry, the way she bit her lower lip when she was concentrating on something, her nails bitten until she bled because she was nervous. He dreamed of long hours in the library and of heated discussions about rather pointless things. He dreamed of watching her walk away, the first time they met, after small fights, when he called her a Mudblood and then when he asked for her forgiveness. But every now and then someone else's smile, eyes and laughter sneaking in. Blue eyes; a gentle smile; soft, quiet laughter.