I own no one.
I own no one but my own people.
A/N You have no idea how hard it is to be an EO shipper, writing an AO story, listening to a sad romance song for inspiration and not have a sudden urge to write an EO one shot.
Pre Doubt.
Reba Mcentire : "Does He Loves You"
"Does he love you like he loves me? Does he think of you when he's holding me? Does he whisper all his fantasies? Does he love you like he's been loving me?"
.
Olivia Benson was cold. Colder then she had been in the last few months.
Olivia pulled the blanket closer around her and she still felt a slight chill, finally realizing what was making her colder then usual under the fleece blanket.
Elliots arms was not wrapped around her, pressing up against her body, keeping her warm.
She didn't want to open her eyes and instead inched closer to the middle, trying to find his strong, muscular form in the bed. She was gonna wake him up if she had to, not caring what time it was.
Olivia reached the other side of the bed and groaned, pulling the blankets tighter around her, not feeling him anywhere in the bed.
"You had to use the bathroom now?" she muttered into her pillow, trying to generate more heat through herself, longing for her boyfriend.
It took another moment before Olivia remembered the reason why Elliot wasn't in their bed, and that it had nothing to do with the bathroom.
He was sleeping on the couch, after a huge fight they had the night before, and the longing turned to anger in a blink of an eye.
Olivia sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes, grumbling loudly, being angry at Elliot for the reason they had the fight, and for her needing him when she was still mad at him.
She sat a few more seconds, and finally decided that between having warmth and having pride, she would take the warmth.
Olivia took her robe from the headboard and pulled it on, glancing at the clock and groaning once more.
She quickly ran from the room and into the living room, where Elliot was sleeping on the couch, a heavy blanket over him, and Olivia was pleased to see he was shivering slightly.
She pulled the covers up and got in beside him, going as close as she could so that she didn't fall off the couch.
"You cold too?" Elliot muttered into her ear before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closer.
"Yes," she answered, snuggling closer to him. "But don't think this means I'm still not mad at you. You're still out here on the couch. I just happened to be sleeping next to you."
"But you're on the couch too," he muttered.
Olivia ignored him, positioning herself so that she was on top of him, and had a less likely chance of falling into their coffee table.
"So are we just gonna continue to not speak to one another at all?" Elliot asked softly, her words from last night ringing in his ears.
Olivia stayed silent, and Elliot sighed but did not make a move to move her off of him. "That answers that question."
Olivia groaned, lifting her head from his chest to look at him, and it broke her heart to see his blue eyes looking so defeated, so sad.
"I didn't mean what I said, Elliot... not all of it, anyway."
"What did you mean?" he asked, beginning to softly curl a piece of her hair in his fingers, unable to meet her own.
"That it's not fair to me, that it's not fair to Kathy. I don't want to share you, Elliot. I love you, But I don't want secrets, I don't want to have these few nights where Kathy falls asleep early or when you can lie and say that you had to work over because of a case, and I don't want to feel ashamed every time I hold you hand and feel her ring under my fingers. I'm forty five years old, Elliot. I want a family, I want a husband, I want stability. "
Olivia hastily wiped the tears that had appeared her eyes, unable to look at Elliot.
Elliot stayed silent for a moment, letting her truthful words sink in.
He loved Olivia like he had loved no one else. Kathy was the mother of his children, his wife for almost twenty years... he couldn't leave her, couldn't prove her suspensions, even though they were truthful. He could not hurt her like that.
But, as he looked at the tears falling down Olivias face, he realized that he was sacrificing Olivias happiness for Kathy's. Olivia deserved a husband who loved her fully, who could be with her always. Who would give her the family and life she so desperately craved and deserved.
"Olivia-" he began.
"Why didn't you go home?" she interrupted.
"What do you mean?
"It's freezing in this apartment. Why didn't you just go home and climb into bed with Kathy? She would have just assumed you came home late because of a case."
"Because I would rather freeze and be with you then be warm and be with her."
"We had a fight. I made you sleep on the couch."
Elliot chuckled softly and moved the hair from her face. "Olivia, why can't you understand that I love you beyond anything in the world? That I love you more then her and would rather be on your couch then in her arms?"
Tears welled up in Olivias eyes and Elliot gently brushed them away before he softly kissed her.
"I love you, Olivia" he whispered, kissing her a tad more hungrily.
It took all of her strength to pull away from him touch.
She looked down at him, tears filling her eyes once more. "How often do you say that to Kathy?"
Elliot sighed and hung his head and Olivia formed a weak smile on her face as she got off of him. "Go home to your wife, Elliot."
"Olivia, no."
"Go home, Elliot."
"I don't want to."
"She wants you to... she needs you to."
He stared up at her for a few moments before he got off the couch, grabbed his jeans, shirt and shoes and pulled them on, neither saying a word.
When he pulled on his jacket, he turned back to her, tears thick in his sky blue eyes.
"Good night, Olivia. Stay warm."
Olivia watched as he left the tiny, unheated apartment, a sob escaping her.
"Elliot, do you got that DD5 from the Williams case?" Olivia asked shivering slightly from the cold in the precinct, not lifting her head to look at him, the two so content from acting 'normal' in front of their co workers, it was almost second nature to them now.
Without a word, he gently tossed the manilla folder over to her, keeping his head down as well, not knowing what he would do when he finally looked at her.
"Thanks," she told him, still averting her eyes from her face.
After a while of silence, the door slammed open, and they both turned away from their desks to look at the disturbance, quickly spotting the source of it.
Olivia at once looked back at her paperwork, allowing herself a tiny peek at Elliot who looked both defeated and sad at the visitor.
The intruder stormed over to the desks and Olivia was surprised to see her usually perfect makeup smudged and blurry, like she had been crying.
"We need to talk, Kathy's broken voice rang out, holding a stack of papers in her hand.
Elliot nodded and got up at once, leading Kathy into one of the interview rooms.
Olivia looked over at them through the window, narrowing her eyes in confusion as Kathy shoved the papers at him. It looked like she was both yelling and crying at Elliot.
But that is not what surprised Olivia. It was the fact that Elliot was doing nothing to physically comfort her, and all he seemed to be doing was talking calmly.
She watched them a few more seconds before Kathy did the thing Olivia never thought possible.
She slapped him hard across the face, the tears coming down in drones now, unable to hide them anymore.
Olivia stood up at once, ready and willing to protect whoever would need it, but as Elliot held his hands to his sides, his face apologetic, Kathy stormed out of the room, throwing the papers down on the floor, Elliot staring after her silently.
Olivia and Kathy locked eyes, Olivia understanding the look she was given her. Hateness mixed with anger, sorrow, desperation, and at that moment, she knew that Kathy knew everything, and it scared Olivia that the thought filled her to the brim with both joy and sorrow, not knowing which one was the right emotion to feel.
When Kathy left the station house, Elliot slowly walked out of the interview room, picking up the stack of papers and walking over to his desk.
He sat down at it, looking past Olivia a moment before he put the papers in one of his drawers and took a deep breath before he looked back at Olivia.
"She kicked me out," he told her after a few moments of silence. "But then I guess when you file for divorce, living together would be a little awkward."
Olivia stayed silent, unsure what her response should be. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to shout and yell in joy. This is what she had wanted since she first began having feelings for him.
But she also knew how hard this was for him, how hard it was for Kathy. How long it would take for both too even begin to get over it.
Elliot looked over at Olivia and let out a sad chuckle. "It's okay. You can feel whatever you want too."
Olivia managed a weak smile and sighed. "It's just... I love you, Elliot. I've wanted to be yours and only yours for so long. But now that it's actually happening, and I'm seeing the way Kathy is going to feel... I don't think I could stand it."
"I did this for you. So that we can finally be together. It was gonna happen sooner or later. I just... last night, after you told me to go home. I didn't want to. I wanted to be with you forever, Kathy or no Kathy. But then you were also right that it wasn't fair to either of you. It wasn't right to keep lying to her. She knew it already, anyway. Always suspecting, always asking questions, not to mention I heard the message from her lawyer on the answering machine. She was planning to file first, but I just think she wanted concrete proof of us before she did."
He reached over and took her by the hand, unable to tear his eyes away from her face. "I love you, Olivia. More then anything, and I want to spend my lifetime loving you. Not you and whoever, but just you."
Olivia couldn't help but break into a teary smile, "I love you too. I can't remember a time when I didn't."
The two lovers smiled at one another before Elliot went back to his paperwork, a smile never leaving his face.
Olivia turned back to her paperwork, shuddering slightly from the cold in the precinct, but that did not seem to bother her as much as it had.
Because she knew. She knew that Elliot keep the cold out.
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