Donatello One Step Closer

It is one step closer.
It is one step closer.
It is one step closer.

Oh God, it is one step closer.

one fall--
one slip up--
one mistake--

It could have happened any night.
It could have happened years from now.
It did happen years from now.

a fall into fire
Leonardo falling through flooring weakened by fire
falling down into blinding smoke
blinding flames
blinding--

Donatello tried to take his hand--
he took skin instead
tried to recognize his brother--
what color were his eyes before?
saw nothing but pain and pride.

Leonardo fell into the fire
what came back couldn't be Leonardo
a soul out of punishment
stumbling blindly out of hell
stumbling blindly

The scars crisscross his body like cuts--
no one could have walked out of that
cuts as if he's lost the worst fight of his life--
if he lost, why is he still alive?
Leonardo healed into something like his brother.

fire burns like ice burns like fire
snow covers like smoke covers like snow
flakes of white ash float and gather

Donatello steals pain killers for weeks
he refuses to scream
burns heal into long light scars
the scars twist and ache and gnaw at the skin
the belt, mask and pads hurt to wear
Long black coats tatter at the edges.

And the future is one step closer
one step closer
one step closer

They grow used to talking without eye contact.
When he re-learns how to fight,
they absorb his new style into their own.

Donatello watches the future racing toward them.

They say that his eyes don't bother them--
then why does their breath hitch at a look?
it's alright he doesn't look at them when he speaks--
but they hesitate before replying
Their brother should not speak with dead eyes.

Donatello quails when he is asked for shades.

He remembers the small black glasses.
He remembers the lost eye.
He remembers the lost arm.
He remembers a lost family.

And when Donatello finds the shades
the same exact pair in a rubbish heap
he only sees their bodies in a heap like rubbish.

Small, round, durable--the memories last for years,
decades even. They will last until Donatello
disappears, reappears, and kills them all.

The black lenses reflect nothing.
All light melts into them and vanishes.
Inside the lenses, everything dies.

one step closer -- one step closer -- one step closer --

A clenched fist
the black pieces drip with his blood to the ground.
He's destroyed something
and hopes what has been destroyed cannot live again.
He sacrifices fate for an unknown.

Donatello cuts a new mask without eye slits
and ties it around his brother's face.
He ties together what he once thought was torn.
Under the blank eyes, they rediscover the life
that was always in Leonardo's voice.

There, Donatello thinks.
It is not the same.
It will not be the same.

It will never be the same as it never was.