Disclaimer: You know this ain't mine.

Chapter Fourteen- Who Am I to Keep You Down?

"Now there you go again
You say you want your freedom
Who am I to keep you down...down
It's only right that you should
Play it the way that you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, And what you lost
Ooooh, say what you had, you know what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
They say, women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know
You will know"

-Fleetwood Mac- "Dreams"

"You're pregnant?" Alice repeated.

"I'm pregnant," Gianna confirmed.

"Well, I certainly hope you don't think it's mine," Alice spat.

Gianna closed her eyes. "I know, just listen."

"You cheated on me."

"Yes, but-"

"You lied to me and betrayed me!" Alice yelled. She stood up and walked backwards away from Gianna.

Gianna stood as well. "Alice, let me explain."

"Okay, then let's hear it. How exactly did you get pregnant? Tell me all about it."

Gianna sighed again and said, "A couple months after you and I got together, I met this guy and I started seeing him."

"So you just decided to cheat on me?" Alice demanded.

"Alice, I lied to you."

"Yeah, I fucking got that already," she retorted with a hint of sarcasm, rolling her eyes.

"No, I mean, I lied about something else. I'm not a lesbian. Not even bi-sexual."

Alice fought to keep her expression neutral. "But you- you said you loved me," she whispered, blinking furiously.

"I know I did."

"Did you even mean it?"

"In a way, I suppose," Gianna said.

"Why did you do this to me?" Alice asked, her voice filled with despair. "After everything I told you about Leah. You knew how fragile I was and you did this anyway. Why?"

"I don't suppose there's any good answer to that question."

"Gee, you think?"

"Alice, come on."

"Are you ever going to tell me why you did this?" Alice asked, crossing her arms and ignoring the look on Gianna's face.

Gianna sighed, yet again. "I used to study psychology, okay? I dropped out of school because I kept failing my classes. When I met you I saw this look in your eyes and I just wanted to help you. I thought I could put all my psychology training to good use and help you move on and fall in love with someone who could actually love you back."

"So, I was just your guinea pig for your failed psychology career?" Alice almost yelled.

"I wanted to help you, Alice, believe me. And it worked, I mean, six months ago you would barely talk to anyone besides Rosalie. Now you're so friendly and open."

Alice's breathing increased as she couldn't believe what Gianna was saying. "You used me as a science project so that you could help me? Did you ever think that by doing this you're only causing me more pain and damaging me even more?" she shouted.

"No, I was going to break up with you when I thought you were healed enough. That way you would just move on like a normal person."

Alice froze. She slowly turned her head to face Gianna, who was wearing an angry expression. Rage bubbled up in Alice, how dare she be angry right now, Alice thought. She has no right.

"What do you mean, 'like a normal person'?" she asked menacingly.

"You're still hung up on Leah. Don't think I haven't heard you say her name in your sleep and Rosalie told me how you keep thinking you're seeing her all over town. She is dead, Alice, let her go already."

Alice's chest swelled with rage again, this time at Rosalie. She'd told Rose about seeing Leah and had wanted it kept between the two of them.

"You have no right to talk about Leah," Alice started.

Gianna cut her off. "How can you be angry at me for cheating on you when you were doing the same thing?" she demanded.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I genuinely care about you, Alice. I wanted to help you get over Leah. But you're so hung up on her that you can't even give someone else a chance."

"I gave you a chance didn't I? You were the one who stopped us from going to the next level."

"Alice, if you and I had actually had sex that day, you would never have the strength to get over me."

"Oh my god," Alice said. She shook her head. "I can't believe you. You just had this whole thing mapped out, didn't you? Every little detail was perfectly planned so that you would get a clean break and then go on to live with your boyfriend and not in sin with me. Was anything you ever said to me true? Did you lie about having a girlfriend before me?"

"Yes, I did. You were the first girl I ever dated. I told you, I'm straight."

Alice bit her lip and turned her head away. Their entire "relationship" had been one colossal lie. Gianna never loved her, she only used her for her own entertainment. The hurt was settling in now. Alice had only been angry before, outraged even. Now, she was hurt, deeply hurt. She had liked Gianna a lot, maybe even on the verge of loving her. Alice closed her eyes.

"I hope you and your family have a nice life," she spat, before striding out the door without so much of a glance in the direction of her former lover.

Gianna was calling her name from the front door, but Alice ignored her. She climbed into her car and backed out of the driveway. She didn't go home though, Alice drove in the opposite direction from her house.

She pulled over to the side of the road and leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. The rain pounded on the roof of the car above her head as her tears slid easily down her cheeks.

Alice sobbed harder as she went over the events of the night, and the last few months. Gianna was right about one thing: Alice was still hung up on Leah. She didn't know why she couldn't get over her. They'd spent a weekend together and tried to run away together. How could someone fall so in love with someone in just one weekend? Alice had wondered that same thing so many times over the last few years.

She couldn't explain it to anyone- not even Rosalie- the connection she and Leah had shared, the bond they'd formed, the love they'd found. Nothing could compare to what she felt for Leah. Gianna hadn't even gotten a fraction of the love Alice had with Leah. She never could, and Alice knew that deep down.

Hadn't she just been thinking that she and Gianna weren't working out? Hadn't Alice planned on breaking up with Gianna herself? Why did it hurt so much then? They were broken up, exactly what Alice wanted, so why was she crying so much?

It's not that we're broken up, Alice thought. "It's that she was right," she said aloud to the empty car. Her voice was barely heard over the pounding rain. Gianna was right that Alice would never find anyone because no one could compare to Leah.

What hurt so much was the fact that Alice had been willing to give her heart- and body- to Gianna only to have been betrayed in such an unbelievable way. Gianna lied, used her and cheated on her. Now Alice would go back to being a shell of her former self and Gianna would go on living a happy life with her boyfriend and they'd raise their baby in a normal environment.

"Something she could never have with me, not that she'd want to anyway," Alice said bitterly. She couldn't take it anymore. Alice flung her door open, slammed behind her and took off running into the night. She ran until she couldn't run anymore. Sobbing and weak, Alice collapsed on the side of the road. She didn't know where she was and at the moment, she didn't much care. Her clothes and skin were soaked from the rain, her hair falling into her eyes and sticking to her face. Her body was shaking, either from the cold or her sobs, she wasn't sure. Her heart pounded against her chest almost painfully. Alice was lying face down, trying to suck in as much air as possible to please her aching lungs. Her legs were sore from running more than they were used to.

Alice closed her eyes against the rain and slowly pulled herself to her feet and started walking again. She didn't know where she was going, but wasn't too worried about that. She figured she'd just walk until she collapsed from exhaustion. Or heartbreak, if it were possible. The sound of running water caught her attention. She looked around and realized she was on top of a bridge. She crossed over to one side and leaned against the railing.

Maybe the idea had always been in her head. Maybe she'd always known it would come to this. Perhaps she'd been planning it since Leah died, even. All it took was one more earth shattering moment, or revelation to send her over the edge. Alice stood up on top of the railing and looked down at the rushing water beneath her. If the fall didn't kill her, the current would pull her under and she'd drown.

Alice closed her eyes and tilted her face toward the sky. Rain pouring over her face, she opened her mouth and screamed as loud as she could. The one thing she wanted and loved more than anything in this world, wasn't even in this world anymore. That was all about to change though. Alice closed her mouth and smiled.

It was getting better already, she could hear Leah's voice calling her name. Screaming her name, really.

"I'm coming, Leah. I'll see you soon enough," she said to the sky and then she let herself fall forward.

A/N: Okay, please don't hurt me! *ducks flying objects* You may have to wait a bit for the next chapter, I have other things that need my attention, and I can only hope I won't get crucified before I get the next chapter out. ~Loveless~