Tadaima – Written by Kylara

Section III: Itekimasu

Standard Disclaimers Apply

I really, really want to watch John Q.  And those of you who helpfully suggested youkai in my reviews… you're going to wonder what I was thinking when you read what youkai I did use.

And I haven't updated this in awhile, have I?  Many apologies.  Difficult chapter, other stories, The Real World.

Language!  Inu Yasha is a potty mouth.  You were warned.

~

Souta came downstairs later after I was done crying, and he cast an odd, slightly curious look at me.

"Yes, Souta?" I said placidly, smiling at him cheerfully.

He scrunched up his face a bit, as if he was thinking of something very hard that he just couldn't place.

"You know, Mama," he said, after a long pause.  "Your smile looks just like Kagome-nee-chan's does lately."  Sipping innocently from a cup of juice, he walked back out of the kitchen, leaving me staring after him.

~

Later, while I was sweeping the temple grounds, Kagome came tromping up the steps, her school case dangling loosely from her fingers.  Waving a cheery goodbye at her friends standing at the bottom, she grinned, and then dashed off towards me.  As she came closer, I swung a quick look at her friends who were waving back, but not half as cheerily.  In fact, they exchanged depressed, concerned looks, then, with a last wave, walked away.

With a cheerful bounce in her step, Kagome walked up to me, and swung her briefcase behind her shoulder.  "Tadaima, Mama.  Do you want me to sweep that for you?" she asked, holding out a hand for the broom.

Shaking my head, I replied, "No, Kagome, that's fine.  Did you have a nice time with your friends?"

Her lips twitched upwards slightly.  "Yes, Mama, I did," she said, apparently deciding to skip over the reason for her funny grin, "and I'm going to put my bag away and bring Souta and Jii-chan out here, okay, Mama?  I need to talk to everyone before Inu Yasha takes me ho- back to the Sengoku Jidai tonight."

My mouth suddenly went dry, but I gave a weak smile at Kagome despite it.  "A-ano… Kagome-chan, Jii-chan isn't here right now.  He went across town to the Tsukimine Jinja.  He won't be back until tomorrow.  He's having a long visit with a miko who lives there."

She looked down at the ground for a moment, and I saw her frown.  Breathing in deeply, Kagome then looked back up at me and, with that funny little smile, said lightly, "Well, Mama, that's fine.  I'm going to get Souta then, okay?  Is he sleeping?" And without waiting for a response, she walked over to the house, slid the shoji open, took off her shoes, and went inside, closing the entrance again.

"Take your time," I whispered, looking away from the house.  I looked down at my hands, which were barely holding up the broom.  Sighing in exasperation, I walked over to the work shed to put it away – I wasn't getting any work done.

I slid open the shoji, and instead of being greeted by the puff of warm, musty air that I was expecting, my short hair flew back by a blast of cold, wet wind.  On instinct, I put my hands up to my face, still holding the broom, and was instantly knocked back several feet.  It's an odd sensation, flying through the air – it lasted only the briefest of movements before I landed hard onto the ground, skidding to a stop over ten feet away from the shed.

And out of the entrance floated out something I never thought to see hovering in the air in Tokyo: a jellyfish.  If I had been asked three days earlier, I would have said that jellyfish were, at most, a little bigger than Kagome's head.

I seem to be wrong very often lately.

It floated through the air, ominously flashing colors of silver, white and red, its many tentacles trailing behind it in an almost pretty display.  It was a transparent, but a cloudy, gray color, and from its mouth under the curvy umbrella, blew wet air in a fiery sort of storm.

It then spun around, and against my better judgment (since it had no eyes), I think it looked at me.

The next moment, I was sure it had looked at me because it suddenly made a spinning dive straight at me.

So, since I was facing down a mad jellyfish, I did what anyone in my position would have done.

With a scream, I whacked it with my broom.

In a moment, the wooden handle began to melt, and I dropped what little was left in a panic, watching the greasy acid melt away from the wood to the concrete.  The pavement then collapsed quite neatly into itself, sinking lower into the ground.

If this is the type of thing Kagome fought everyday in the Sengoku Jidai…  for pity's sake, why is she so eager to go back there?

To my surprise, the jellyfish had actually flown back about ten feet away, then made an abrupt 360 degree pivot in the air, its tentacles streaming out behind it.  Through it, I could see the slightly blurry Goshinboku, the prayer rope around it waving in the jellyfish-created breeze.  Oh, dear.  I hope it doesn't break the tree.

What am I thinking of the tree for?

Furiously, the jellyfish prepared to hurl itself at me again, its tentacles stretching and pulling in on itself, the wind flowing in heavy currents all around it.  I started to pull myself up, then fell back to the ground with a painful thud.

My legs were not only scraped up from the fall I had taken earlier, my left leg was, from what I could tell, either sprained or broken.  Either way, I couldn't walk.  And, of course, the jellyfish was coming.

To my relief, it didn't suddenly charge at me.  Instead, from its – mouth – it suddenly let loose a swarm of miniature jellyfish, all swarming and flying around, bumping into each other quite madly.

Then they all swiveled around at the exact same moment to look quite intently at me.

They poised to dive.

I poised to die.

Then, Kagome and Souta came walking around the corner, and stopped in their tracks as they saw a swarm of jellyfish and – well, me.  With a little scream, Kagome threw herself in front of me with a thud.  My eyes widened.  "K… Kagome?"

She didn't look at me, but hurled a commanding look at Souta instead.  "Souta!  Hurry and get my bow and arrows from my room!"  When he didn't move, she pointed at the jellyfishes, which were staring blankly at her.  "Now!"  With that order, Souta ran off.


And the miniature army, under direction of their commander, dove at us.

I was about to scream, but then I caught a look at Kagome.  Her worried, pained countenance as her skirt fluttered in the wind, her hair whipping back and forth, sometimes a wayward strand getting stuck in her mouth, only to blow back out again.

And then, I saw it.

Her lips moved, breathing a word.  A name.

"Inu Yasha," they said silently, and with that, a change came over my daughter.  She was suddenly standing straighter, taller, and braver than she had already been before.  And she's smiling, so brightly; a dear smile, so precious to me, one that I have not seen in so long.

My earlier question is answered.

He is why she's so eager to fight.  He is what drives her forward.

My mouth tastes bitter, and it's not from the blood that is seeping from my bitten lip.

And as the jellyfish dove, she threw up her hands at them, and, as she gritted her teeth, a tsunami of rose-colored light washed out from her palms, seething furiously against the attackers.  With as little effort as they had been born, the jellyfish disintegrated into ash, lifting up into the wind.

She breathed a sigh of relief, then looked at the gigantic jellyfish, which hissed at her, air rushing out of its one hole.  "I can do it," she whispered gratefully.  "I protected her…"

Her.  Me, I realized with an unpleasant start.  She was protecting me.  When I want to protect her, I am protected.

And as the gigantic jellyfish suddenly hissed, "Shi-kon no TA-MA!" at her, she stood bravely, the slightest of smiles on her face as she prepared to fight.

Then it multiplied, dividing into two pieces that grew as large as it had before without the slightest pause.

Without blinking, she held out one hand, seemingly waiting for something.  On cue, Souta skittishly ran up, clutching her bow and arrows as if they were his life.  And they could very well save it.  Taking the bow from him, Kagome slung the arrows over her shoulder.

Then she ran for it.

The jellyfish were as confused as me, but while they stayed still, Souta began to drag me away to the side of the house, where I was free to watch in horror as they regained their senses, and began to fly after her.

But not until she was on the other side of the grounds, over fifty yards away.

And then, right in front of the well house, she skidded to a stop, and as the dirt flew up around her, she took out another arrow and let it loose.

At first, it was only an ordinary arrow, if any arrow shot by my peaceful daughter could be 'ordinary'.  But within milliseconds, it warped into an outrageous cyclone of rose-highlighted light, blinding in its purity and wrath.  With frightening accuracy, it slammed into one of the large jellyfish, blasting it into fine dust that scattered into the wind.

The slight smile on her lips grew wider, and she notched another arrow onto her bow, and took aim.

The smile dropped off as soon as the other jellyfish divided again, almost instantly – and both of those halves divided, again and again, until there were far more than thirty enormous jellyfish, all swirling darkly less than thirty yards away from her.  Although most of them were relatively the same size, one of them was larger than the others, and stood out from its position behind the others, violet streaking down its hood.

Kagome narrowed her eyes, and, surprising me and scaring Souta, let loose a yell, finally dropping the beautiful, graceful image that she had made.  In a rush, she began to shoot arrows madly at an approaching wave of a dozen of the jellyfish, which dodged best they could, the others lingering behind to observe.

Jellyfish exploded into dust all over, but still, four were left - and as they dove at her at too close a range for arrows, I didn't even have time to scream before she, grasping her bow tightly, slapped them across with it, bright light glowing all around her.

A tactical error.  I bit my lip in horror.  The jellyfish exploded, but their acid dripped onto the bow.  Too late, she dropped it with a hiss, acid seeping into her hands.  I could hear her choke back a sob, and I felt the color drain away from my face as I looked at her hands, sore and bloody.  Next to me, Souta made a choked sound, and plunked down on the ground in horror.

The other jellyfish – all twenty of them, took this as a chance, and began their wave of attacks.  Like fighter jets, always in waves of attacks.

Standing straight, Kagome braced herself for it, and held her bloody hands before her, already sparking with power.  But her right leg faltered, and I noticed a dark, nasty bruise staining the calf, but it looked a day or two old.

I didn't see that before.  Why didn't she show it to me?

Gods, it's not fair.

And in the next instant, as the jellyfish flew, I felt her life flash before my eyes.  My life.

"Kaze no KIZU!"

Pouring out from the well house, waves of energy carved jagged canyons in the grounds of my jinja.  With a blast, they slammed into every single one of the jellyfish, excepting the large, boss one.

With a boom, the well house doors exploded off, and a furious Inu Yasha burst out, fury written all over his face, and the largest katana I have ever seen in my life swung casually over his shoulder.

Beside me, Souta nearly jumped up and down, narrowly missing my injured leg.  "Mama!" he said frantically, and pointed at Inu Yasha.  "It's Inu-no-nii-chan, come to save us!"

Holding his katana in front of him, Inu Yasha's eyes narrowed at the remaining jellyfish.  "Hey, bastard," Inu Yasha growled, staring murderously at the youkai.  "What the fuck are you messing around here for?"

The jellyfish swung around to peer at him, and I was surprised to see something that resembled eyes flicker open.  "Shikon no tama… koko da… Shikon no tama!" it hissed, then with a whoosh, instantly blew a gust of cold hair, knocking Inu Yasha over.

Swelling, the jellyfish then threw a load of acid at Inu Yasha, who leapt up and dodged out of the way just in time.  He landed all the way next to Kagome, and immediately kneeled next to her, automatically bringing up his arm to support her back.  She winced when he grabbed her wrist, and he scowled darkly at her, even as he picked her up to dodge a blow from the jellyfish.  Setting her down some yards away, he opened his mouth – presumably to scold – but she ignored him, and strode forward, waving a hand at him to stay away.

"Oi, jellyfish!"  It wavered in the air, and she sighed.  "You want the Shikon no tama I have, don't you?"  It bobbled in response.

"Then come here and get it!  Osuwari!" and with that, Inu Yasha slammed to the ground, and the jellyfish headed toward her.

Swerving her bloody hands in front of her, she nearly fell over, but, making another determined stance, stood her ground.  As the jellyfish dove at her, another massive wave of rose light exploded out from her hands, immediately disintegrating the youkai into dust.  Sighing, she collapsed onto the ground.

Inu Yasha was instantly at her, before Souta or I could even twitch.

"You stupid bitch!" he yelled furiously, glaring at her with a murderous stare, far worse than the jellyfish.  "What the hell did you think you were doing?  Fucking messing with that fish, when you've got bruises all over and blood pouring out from your hands!  Why the hell didn't you get me?  And what the hell was that osuwari for?  Do you have any intelligence, Kagome?"

But even as he shot these insults at her, he was gently checking her for injuries, one claw skimming the bruise on her leg, the other carefully turning her hands over, checking the wound.  Gently, he then picked her up, as easily if she was a pillow.  She looked up at him with a slightly amused look.  "You looked like you were going to use sankon tetsusou, and it would've burned your hands."  He snorted unappreciatively at that.  "And I could've sworn that I told you not to come back," she finished quietly, but it was dead silent in the jinja, and I could hear very well.

He snorted again.  "What, just stay there when I could smell barrels of your blood reeking through the well?  Hell, Kagome, what kind of guy do you think I am?"

She whispered something that even I couldn't hear, and he sighed.  "Alright.  Let me bring you in the house, and then I'll get your mother, okay?"

I blinked.  How on earth did he notice that, while in his own world with her?  His world, with Kagome, the one that I cannot breach.  And which I would never be forgiven for if I did.

Kagome smiled gratefully.  Leaning up, she kissed him on the cheek, then rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes.  He turned slightly red, but didn't look at all inclined to let go.  And, very slowly, he walked to the house, cradling his precious bundle in his arms, leaving Souta and I staring after him.

~

As he said, he came back moments later, and quickly picked me up (after asking for permission rather nervously), and put me on a reclining chair, which he somehow knew to extend.  Souta called our doctor, who agreed to come and visit us, since we had this 'chemical accident' at our home and simply could not move.

My left ankle was sprained, and would recover in a month's time.  Kagome, the doctor told me, had nasty acid burns on her hands, but they would heal if she put a salve on them every day and bandaged them and et cetera.  Inu Yasha hid in Souta's room while the doctor was over, but as soon as he had gone, he had dashed off to Kagome's room, where I could hear him interrogating her on the quality of her treatment.

Like a mother hen, clucking, like I used to.  Or an anxious husband.

Kagome had gone up to rest – her leg was painfully sore, I suppose from her jumping around – and Souta was sleeping, so it surprised me when I heard a noise from outside.  Warily, I got up, and hobbled to the window nearest to where I heard the sound, near the Goshinboku.

There, sitting on the bench, was Kagome, and across from her was Inu Yasha, standing next to the holy tree.

My vision dimmed until only they filled it, encompassing my mind in a brightly startling way.

They weren't sitting together, and they weren't looking at each other.  But you couldn't call them anything but a couple, because that was what they were.  There was some electric connection between them, brightness, shining like an odd light bulb, all despite the comfortable silence accompanying them.  The most beautiful connection I had felt, or seen, since the one I had experienced with my own husband.

But when they broke it, the wind was blowing towards me, and I heard every word.

"Did you tell them?" he said quietly, staring blankly up at the branches of the tree.

She shook her head.

"Why not?" he asked, just as quietly as before, sounding absolutely calm.  But the clenching of one claw gave him away.

She paused, looking down at her bandaged hands.  "I couldn't," she said, her voice thick and choked.  "I just couldn't.  Jii-chan isn't here, and I wanted to tell him, too, and …"

Inu Yasha sighed, and sat down, leaning his head against the Goshinboku.  "You're babbling, Kagome."

She looked up at him, and sighed.  "I… we have to go back tonight, don't we?"

I flinched at that.

He nodded, looking solemn.  "I'm sorry, Kagome, but with the way things are, you only had that one night, and today.  We've got to go back.  Miroku was getting worse when I left, and… you know that with what happened to Kohaku, Sango isn't… if… if Miroku … if he… well…" his voice trailed off, and he looked down at the ground.

Kagome nodded at that, her own eyes tearing up slightly.  "I understand, Inu Yasha," she said softly, and stood up from the bench.  She began to limp lightly back towards the house, but Inu Yasha reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards him.  She looked at him for a moment, then promptly buried her face into his shoulder and began to weep.  He clasped her hair tightly with one gentle hand, and with his other, held her close.  As the sun dimmed away, they remained standing, the last two people of the world.


I hobbled away at that point, because my heart hurt.  Dinner, I suppose.


~

Half an hour later, Kagome came downstairs – I suppose Inu Yasha had carried her upstairs rather than use the stairs. 

"Mama?" she said softly, and I opened my eyes, although even with them closed, I had known the instant she had entered the room.  "Mama, I have to leave now."

Instantly, I got up.  "Would you like some snacks then, Kagome?  I made some for when you left again…" my voice trailed off as she shook her head.  "Thank you, Mama," she said in a mollifying voice, "but I already took some.  I said goodbye to Souta, so I'll leave now, okay?  Tell Jii-chan I love him."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she was already giving me good-bye hug.  Why can't you say anything?

In my mind, I smacked myself.  Kagome was going to be returning.  I was imagining things.  If I keep imagining that Kagome doesn't intend to return here, I'm going to think it's true.  What has she said, done, to imply that she wouldn't return here?

Nothing, I answered myself.  She thinks she's going to return.  I know she's going to return, because I… she'd tell me if she wasn't.  I wouldn't forgive her if she didn't, because she is my daughter.  I deserve to know.

She gave me a cheerful smile, her eyes bright and warm.  And slightly flat.  "I love you, Mama.  S… sayonara!" she said brightly, and with that, a silent Inu Yasha carried her out.

"Itadarashai," I called out on instinct, even as the shoji shut.

Have a safe trip.  Okairi nasai, for when she comes home.  Itadarashai for when she leaves.

And when she comes home, she says tadaima.  When she leaves, she says itekimasu.

itekimasu


The word is suddenly burning in my mind.

Sayonara, she said.

These words mean two completely different things.

So why did she say sayonara instead of itekimasu?

Sayonara is farewell.

Permanent.  Not a casual goodbye that you'd say to someone you'd see in a few days.

It's something you'd say to someone you wouldn't see for a long time.

Something you might say to someone you wouldn't ever see again.

She wouldn't dare do such a thing.  I would stop her.  I hurled myself out of my chair, and despite the screaming of my leg, ran out of the house, towards the well.

I threw open the shoji doors, just in time to see Inu Yasha and Kagome, about to jump down.  My daughter's eyes widened.  "M… Mama!  Why are you here?'

My mouth moved, but no words came out.  Finally, I forced my voice to work, and something croaked out.  "Kagome.  Why did you say goodbye?  Why didn't you say itekimasu?"

She winced.  "M… Mama… I didn't mean…"

There was a painful stinging behind my eyes.  "You didn't mean to what?  Aren't… aren't you going to come back, Kagome?"

There was a long silence as her eyes filled with tears.

And so did mine.

"Kagome!" I exclaimed, wincing at the weeping sound that was my voice.  "Kagome… aren't you, Kagome?"

Another silence filled the air.

"I don't know, Mama.  Is… I…just… is that okay?"

And with that, she looked desperately at me, her eyes fearing my disapproval, my anger.  If I said so, she might not leave.  She might stay here, where she could date her silly boyfriends and be nagged by her silly mother and bored to death by her little brother.

But it wouldn't be where her heart would be.  It wouldn't be her home.

And so she still wouldn't smile, would only flash that half of nothing at me, would only be half living, half my daughter.

I'd rather die. 

I couldn't say a thing.  Anything I had planned to say, any guilt trips to keep her here, any ultimatums, vanished into air.

She could never stay.

And even if she would, she would never be the one I've been so desperately wanting.  The one whose smile I haven't seen in months, whose eyes light up in laughter without having darkness flutter behind them, the one whose neck is bare of tainted jewelry.

But the person she is now, the one who fulfills all those requirements – they are both my daughter, and I love her.

And she's worried, because of me.  Because of the way I've been acting.  So selfish, because I am her mother.

"It's okay," I whispered.

I want you to come back.

"I understand," I continued.  "Because even if I never see you again, you'll live, Kagome."

Live without your mother, Kagome.

"That's enough for me."

I do want you to return.

Her eyes widened slightly, in hope.  "Live," I said, this time more loudly, and reached out a hand to caress her soft, slim cheek, which had baby fat only a few days ago.

But you can't.

"Kagome," I said, the salty tears that leaked into my smile bitter on my tongue.  "Can you please just promise me that?"

So I won't keep you here.

She began to cry herself, her tears sliding down my fingers.  "I don't know, Mama.  I don't know if I'll be alive!"  At that, Inu Yasha stood up a little straighter, and scowled slightly.

Because I love you.

My beautiful daughter is afraid.  But she's still going.  And she'll be protected, my brave, wonderful daughter.

Loving you doesn't mean I need to keep you here.

I've never been happier in my life, even as I've never been sadder.  She is so much the core of my life, and I have to willingly let her go.

Kagome, Kagome.  It's evening.  Fly away.

"Live," I whispered, and bent over to kiss her on the cheek.  Be happy.

If these words comfort you, then I'll tell them to you.  Because I've always understood things that you couldn't, and helped you through them.  You do this now, but I can still do it for you, one last time.  Because you don't understand this.  Not yet.

You need to live.

~

"Mama, what are you doing?"

"Praying."

"What are you praying for?"

"Why, I couldn't tell you, Kagome, or it would never come true."

Please don't let my husband die.


-

"Mama, what are you doing?"

"Praying."

"What are you praying for?"

"Why, I couldn't tell you, Souta, or it would never come true."

Please let my daughter come home.

~

The brightness of understanding, that blinding light.

Shine.

~

With a sob, she nodded.  Drawing away, Inu Yasha picked her up again, and with one last look at me, she buried her face in his chest.  He looked at me for a moment, and for the briefest of instants, I felt comprehension pass between us.

He will never let anything happen to her.

So she will live.

And with that, he jumped into the well, carrying the broken pieces of my heart with him, a half of my life.

Because I think I understand now.  That my only daughter, Higurashi Kagome, died a little while ago, when she went to a different world and became a different person, one that smiles sadly and laughs with the darkness behind her.

This person was my new daughter, and she came to me in place of my last one, whom I never mourned because I didn't understand that she was gone.


And this new daughter of mine that I loved so dearly can never keep the promise she just made, for she has already died – when I let her go.

When I let her go, this past night.  She is dead; died in order to live in the place that she could regain the happiness she once had, in her past life, when she was my daughter, Higurashi Kagome, at the same place she died.

Gods, I miss her already.

~ fin

The End.

Nah, just kidding.  Part IV is next, plus the side stories.  Fun, fun.  And that will end Tadaima.  Sorry it took so long, but RL kicked me in the butt, and if any of you have clicked on my author's page, you've noticed that I have three other multi-parters (including this one) posted (which is bad of me – Kaitou! hasn't been updated in months); I have another three not posted.  Jeezus.  Well, if I can finish Tadaima, I'll be amazed.

Ah.  Real jellyfish… the only ones poisonous enough to kill humans live in the tropics (not in the waters off of Japan), and like most poisonous animals, the smaller ones are the more deadly.  The biggest jellyfish out there are about 6.6 feet across, or 2 meters.  And they all swim underwater, thanks very much.  (This is all according to Encarta, by the way.)  They actually move fairly slowly, but… well, damn it, I wanted to write this part, so I ignored all the problems.  ^_^ Besides, it's not a real jellyfish – how many real jellyfish do you see, popping out of work sheds?  Yes, that's what I thought.  That also accounts for the little jellyfish popping out.  That doesn't happen, either.

Well, I didn't mean for Kagome's mother to sound so possessive, since she's never shown signs of that in the show.  I just wrote this fic being that she does have doubts and conflicts about it, but for Kagome's sake, hides them.  The italics lines, by the way, are meant to actually be read in succession, but I separated them for dramatic effect.

I did not forget about Souta.  Neither did his mother.

Chris Rijks's translation of an old children's play song (akin to the "Ring around the rosies" song of today) is below.  It's what I meant in that particular line, "Kagome, Kagome.  It's evening.  Fly away."  Although, in the game, Kagome isn't actually the bird.  Oh well.

Kagome, Kagome

When does the bird in side the cage

Come out?

At dawns and evenings.

Who is in front of the back

Where a crane and turtle slipped and fell?

Kagome, Kagome

Kago no naka no tori wa,

Itsu itsu deyaru?

Yoake to ban ni.

Tsuru to kame ga subetta,

Ushiro no shoumen dare

http://www.wot-club.org.uk/Inuyasha/

A big thank you to the people who reviewed my last chapter.  This chapter was a bit rushed, despite its length – I finished it recently.  An especially big thanks to Queen (fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=39336), by the way, who's been gracious enough to beta-read some fics of mine.  This is probably useless to say, but read her fics – although if you're reading mine and somehow missed hers, that's… sad.

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!  Oh, my god, please review.  I need encouragement.  That's enough fishing, so please shoot me now.

Notes

- the youkai was saying something that roughly translates as, "Jewel of four souls… it's here… jewel of four souls!"  … yep, real creative.