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I don't own Life With Derek.

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Derek Venturi is many things. Arrogent. Cocky. Perverted. Vulgar. Thoughtless. Conceited. Self-Absorbed. Selfish. Obnoxious. Smug. Rude. Player. Slacker. Annoying. Difficult. Stubborn. Liar. An all around jerk.

But the one thing he isn't, is jealous. Derek Venturi was not jealous. Never has he been jealous. And never will he be jealous.

Not when Kendra constantly cheated on him. Not when Sally was with Patrick. Not when Sally was "friends" with Patrick.

Not when Casey was with his best friend, Sam. When Sam went for her when he told him not to, which he definitely didn't say because he was jealous. He didn't do everything to prevent him from going out with her. He didn't get into a fist fight with him. He didn't almost lose his best friend of ten years because he was jealous. He wasn't jealous. He just didn't want it to be awkward when they broke up because eventually, he knew they would break up. Nothing lasts forever. That's why. Not because he was jealous. Because he wasn't. Not when they were always together. Not when his tongue was always down her throat. Not when he heard them in bed together. Not when Sam blew him off because of their "monthiversary."He didn't care.

Not when Scott cheated on Casey. He did not tell her about it because he was jealous. He didn't almost kill him because he was jealous. He just didn't like Scott.

Not when Casey was obsessed with Max. When he always saw them sharing spit in the halls. In his house. Hugging. Holding hands. Touching. Everything. Not when they fought and she cried. Not when they went to prom together. It didn't bother him that he knew what they did at the prom, either. Everyone knew. Not when he heard her moaning. His name. Not when she introduced him to the family. Not when she thought she was pregnant. Not when she said she loved him. Never had he been jealous. He'd never be jealous of a football player.

He wasn't jealous when Casey was always with Noel, either. Or that Noel was clearly in love with Her. Not that she could tell. She's too sweet, innocent, and naive to even think of that. She just thought he was a good friend. Cute, innocent and sweet. He was in the drama club, wrote poetry and music, played guitar. She just thought he was a good guy. A sweet guy. He thought he was a little queer. He just wanted to fuck her. Not that he'd care if he did because he wasn't jealous. Especially of that faggot.

He was not jealous when she was with Truman. He hated Truman, but he was not jealous. He wasn't jealous when he was about to punch his face in when he cheated on her with Vicky. He wasn't jealous when he heard her crying. For him. He wasn't mad when he rated her 6 1/2. He didn't think she deserved an 8, at the least. He wasn't jealous of that cocky, arrogent, bastard. He wasn't. Not when heard them fucking. He didn't hate it. He didn't turn his music up as loud as possible so he couldn't hear. He didn't care when she came in after, all red and sweaty, with sex hair. He didn't think it was hot. He didn't want her more then ever. He wasn't disappointed that she was fully dressed. Or that Truman had her. He wasn't hurt she slept with someone other then him. He wasn't.

He wasn't jealous of all the moaning. She just needs to learn to tone it down. Or the crying. He wasn't jealous that she was crying over someone other then him. She just needs to calm down with the tears and emotions.

He especially wasn't jealous that she happened to be on a date with that peice of shit, Truman, either. Right now.

He didn't care. It didn't bother him that she was on a date with scum. He cheated. He lied. He ignored her. He treated her like shit. And she cried, and cried, and cried. But she always went back to him. Derek hated it. He hated him. There were so many times he wanted to beat the living shit out of him. But he couldn't do that. He knew it. Even if he did, Casey would freak. He didn't care that they would be kissing, making out, or even fucking.

He didn't care.

Derek was not jealous.

Derek Venturi does a lot of things. Girls. Cheerleaders. Short skirts. Low shirts. Partie's. Drugs and Alcohol sometimes. Hockey.

But Derek does not do Tears. School. He does not do Drama. Relationships. He especially doesn't do love.

He doesn't do tears. Never did. Never will.

Not when Kendra cried. Not when Sally cried. Not when Amy, Sam, Mandy, Debra, Amanda, Sandy, Katie, Emily or any other girls cried.

Especially not when Casey cried. He didn't feel bad when she cried. He didn't want to kill whoever hurt her. Usually him. He didn't want to kill himself when he hurt her or put her in pain. It didn't hurt when she cried. It didn't break his heart. It didn't bother him. At all.

Whenever Max treated her like shit. Or when they broke up. All those times. And she cried. He didn't care.

He didn't want to punch Truman where it hurt the most when they were at that party and she cried. He cheated on her with her cousin. Not when he slept with Brittany. Or Jenna. Or Jessica. Or Daniella. Or any of the other girls. When he was with her. And she cried. The many times they broke up and she cried. It didn't even phase him. Nope.

He never cared. Ever.

School? Never. He's not a grade grubber like Casey. She has perfect attendence. Perfect grades. She writes in her free time for Christ's sakes. She writes poems for the school paper because a teacher asks her too. A grade? No. Extra credit? Guess again. For fun? Bingo.

But the main thing Derek Venturi doesn't do is love. He never did. All the emotions. Jealous. Needy. Clingy. Fights. Drama. Marriage. One girl for the rest of your life? No thanks.

Drama is unnecessary. There's no need for it. She said you're a slut. She slept with him. He's going out with her. She stole my boyfriend. He dumped me. He doesn't like me. He cheated on me. Well, okay. Get over it. No one cares. The only time he cared about drama was when there would be two girls in a fight. That was hot.

Drama is just a pain in the ass.

Which is exactly why Derek doesn't do relationships. He has a new girl every week. Half the time, he doesn't even have girlfriends. He hooks up. Make's out with random girls. One night stands. He only had about two real girlfriend's. Sally and Kendra. They were both fail's. It just left him hurt. Nothing else.

Relationship's are a waste of time. All they do is give you a headache, bring you pain, and aggervation. It's not worth it. Nothing is. No girl is worth that much.

Marriage is a waste of time. And money. Why pay that much, just, to ruin your whole life? Why stay with one girl your whole life when you can have as many as you want? Stupid. Who would do that? Stupid, pathetic, desperate, dumb shits. It'll all end in pain and divorce.

Most importantly, Derek Venturi does not do love. He doesn't not fall in love. He breaks hearts. He doesn't get his broken. He never loved any girl before. And never will.

He didn't love Kendra. He didn't love Sally. Or Alex, Courtney, Shannon, Kayla, Jackie, Cassandra, Caitlin, Angela. Anyone.

They didn't hurt. They didn't break his heart. Sally and Kendra hurt a little. But he got over it. It wasn't heartbreak. It didn't hurt that much.

No one broke his heart. Derek Venturi didn't love anyone. He doesn't do love.

Especially not with Casey Mcdonald. He doesn't go to great extent to protect her. He didn't tell Truman to fuck off when he cheated on her. He wouldn't kill anyone for hurting her. He didn't plan out every guy's murder that touched her. Or hurt her. Seeing her cry doesn't make him wanna cry. Comfort her. Hug her. Tell her everything's okay. Kill whoever did that to her. It didn't piss him off. He didn't try kicking Max or Truman's ass, multiple times. He doesn't wanna cry or die when he sees her with another guy. It doesn't bother him. He isn't hurt when she says she hates him. He doesn't want to roll over and die. He doesn't care. He's not hurt when she says she loves all these different guys. He wouldn't spend the rest of his life with her. He doesn't want her more then anything. She doesn't turn him on. Especially when she dances, works out, and get's red with anger. He doesn't think she's hot when she's mad. He doesn't think she has an amazing body. He doesn't constantly torment her because he secretly wants her. Space. Case. Princess. Klutzilla. Grade Grubber. He didn't give her all those nicknames because he liked her. He doesn't think of her when he's with other girls. He doesn't accidently say her name when he's in bed with other girls. He didn't go out with Sally because she reminded him so much of Casey. Because they were exactly alike. They were both sweet, innocent, independent, cute, loving. He didn't. He doesn't think she's beautiful. He doesn't get lost in her eye's. They don't practically have eye sex. He wouldn't die for her. He doesn't think about her contantly. He wouldn't die without her. He doesn't love her. He doesn't.

It didn't bother him that she was on a date with Truman, when just three days ago, he kissed her and told her how he felt about her. It didn't hurt that she rejected him. He didn't care that she had been completely avoiding him ever since then. Which was pretty hard since they shared an apparentment ever since they started college because they go to the same one. Suprising, right? He got into the same college as little miss grade grubber. She was pretty upset about that for a while. She felt stupid. And wondered if she could ever get rid of him. But she smiled. She was happy because she knew she'd miss him.

Anyway. He wasn't upset, jealous, or in love. He was fine that she'd rather have Truman, then him. That she wouldn't leave that asshole for him.

Because Derek Venturi doesn't love her. He doesn't love anyone. The only person Derek Venturi loves is himself.

And he was not jealous. Of anyone.

Because Derek and love is very unlikely and impossible. Because Derek and jealous is very unlikely and impossible. Because Derek and Casey is very unlikely and impossible. Because Dasey is very unlikely and impossible. They just don't mix. He doesn't love anyone. Especially her.

Derek Venturi doesn't love Casey McDonald.

And he wasn't jealous. That's not why he was angerly staring at the tv, not even knowing what was on. Which was Hannah Montana. Thinking about all of this.

Not at all.

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... and we all agree with that? No? Didn't think so.

I wrote something along these lines months ago, but I think this turned out better. What do you think?

R&R.

;)

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