One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

"I can't take much more of this," Magneto grumbled as he stood in the middle of the Control Room. He was busily using his powers to fix up the room after Pyro's latest burning spree. "That stupid, insane maniac nearly destroyed the whole base. Again! He's wiped out the repair budget for the next six months! Except for the recreation room, the bathrooms, the kitchen and everyone's room besides Sabertooth's I've had to repair virtually the entire base. And I thought he did enough damage the last time he set the place on fire!"

Magneto used his powers to remove a burned out metal section of a wall and replaced it with a new one. "And it wasn't just the base that was destroyed, oh no. That nut just had to go and burn everything inside it as well! My entire lab was incinerated! The main computer was reduced to nothing more than a molten slag of metal! Thank goodness I always backup the whole thing to a secure site or all my valuable research and data records would have been lost."

"And it's not like those other fools were much help putting out the blaze," Magneto ranted as he continued to make repairs. "Colossus 'accidentally' spraying me with fire extinguishers and Sabertooth running around while screaming like a lunatic. Okay, he was on fire at the time, but so what? It's not like it was the first it's happened or anything. Heck I bet it's not even the sixth time it's happened. And Gambit just gave up and took off! Boy is he ever gonna pay for that!"

"But what should I expect from those idiots? Not much! I can barely trust them to clean up! Especially after their pathetic attempt with the garage. They're about as useful as a moonbeam! Always doing stupid, insane things and acting like chickens with their heads cut off. No wait, chickens with their heads cut off have more brains than the whole lot of them put together! They're crazy, every one of them! And they're slowly driving me crazy as well! Look, I'm talking to myself. That's the first sign of insanity. On the other hand, it's the only way I'll have any form of intelligent conversation around here whatsoever!

Magneto took a few deep breaths and slowly began to calm down. "Well, maybe it's not so bad. Yes, all my equipment was destroyed, but it gave me a good excuse to go and steal new stuff. Yes, most of the storage rooms' contents are nothing more than ashes, but the inventory lists were a mess anyway and they needed a good cleaning. And none of my model trains were damaged in any way. If they were, I'd have skinned Pyro alive before throwing him a tank full of salt water and tiger sharks!"

"And of course, it gave me a chance to remodel and redecorate the place," Magneto gazed around as he finished the repairs and viewed his handiwork. "The Control Room looks good. Bigger computer, larger doors, stronger dome, my own personal mural on the ceiling. Not bad. Hmmm, I could have been a great architect."

"Plus the lab is bigger with space for a new DNA analyzer and radiation chamber. The Sphere Hangar has a better camouflage system. And the Training Dome will have a lot more features. Features I am very interested in demonstrating on Pyro and Gambit once I'm done bringing them online," Magneto gave an evil grin and chuckled to himself. "Well, I'll just have to settle for taking away Pyro's pack, lighters, matches and slapping him around before tossing him into a vat of ice water several dozen times a day."

Magneto headed for the door with an almost optimistic mindset. "Yes, there have been a few misfortunes around here lately, but now they are past and I'm ready to begin afresh. It's a time for new chances, new opportunities, new discoveries…" He took one step into the hallway, immediately lost his footing and ended up slipping and falling onto his back.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed as he slid down the length of the hallway.

CRASH!

"New headaches for me to get," Magneto groaned as he lay on the floor after colliding with a wall.

"Hey boss."

"Huh," Magneto blinked and looked up to see Sabertooth hanging onto the wall by his claws. "Sabertooth? What are you doing? What is going on here?"

"As you might have guessed, the floor is completely slippery. You can't get a grip on it. I found out the hard way after sliding into the kitchen and crashing into the dishwasher," Sabertooth explained. "Climbing the walls using my claws is the only way I can get around. By the way, we're gonna need a new dishwasher."

"Great, one more thing for me to replace," Magneto moaned. "Any idea why the floor is so slippery in the first place?"

"Yeah. Remember what you ordered the Three Stooges to go do?" Sabertooth asked.

"Yes, I told them to go scrub, buff and polish every single metal surface in the base until they were so clean I could eat my dinner off them. Which considering the impromptu juggling contest in the kitchen this morning may very well happen," Magneto recalled. "Oh no! Please tell me they didn't use metal polish to go and slick up the entire floor."

"Nope," Sabertooth shook his head. "They used your personal helmet and armor polish and a ton of floor wax to go and slick up the entire floor."

"THEY DID WHAT?!" Magneto yelled. "AAARRRGGGHHH! THEY BETTER NOT HAVE USED UP MY ENTIRE SUPPLY!"

"I wouldn't count on it," Sabertooth grunted. "I noticed at least a dozen empty bottles or buckets of each."

"Perfect. Just bloody perfect," Magneto groaned. "And I had just finished convincing myself things were looking up."

"Aren't you gonna magnetically levitate yourself up and go beat on them?" Sabertooth asked.

"In a minute," Magneto sighed and closed his eyes. "First I'm going to just lie here and enjoy a brief moment of peace and quiet."

"YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!" Remy whooped happily as he whizzed into view riding a one-man bobsled and ran over Magneto.

SCRUNCH!

"Ouch, that looks like it hurt," Sabertooth winced.

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned painfully. "Okay…maybe that wasn't such a good idea…ow…"

"WAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pyro and Piotr yelled gleefully as they raced by in their own personal bobsleds while also running over Magneto.

SCRUNCH! SCRUNCH!

"Ugh…" Magneto twitched and gasped in agony at his latest misfortune. The bobsleds had left runner marks on his cape and uniform. "That…really…hurt…owie…"

"Well, now we know why those lunatics went and slicked up the floor," Sabertooth noted. "And knowing is…"

"Oooh…my…liver…crushed…" Magneto moaned in misery.

"Not worth the price of new internal organs," Sabertooth finished.

"Gahhh…what…what hit me?" Magneto managed to ask while gasping for breath.

"Those idiots ran over you in a bunch of one-man bobsleds," Sabertooth replied.

"Huh?" Magneto blinked, slightly dazed. "One-man? I thought bobsleds needed at least two riders, a pilot and a brakeman."

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

CRASH!

"HAHAHAHAHA! CAN'T BEAT ME!"

"OH YEAH! JUST WATCH!"

CRASH! CRASH!

"YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Gee, I wonder which position they decided to leave out," Sabertooth drawled sarcastically.

"No," Magneto moaned as he listened to the sounds of destruction. "Not again. How in the world did those nuts manage to get their hands on bobsleds in the first place?"

"Uh, judging by the look of 'em I think they made 'em by hollowing out some of the armor-piercing missile shells you keep lying around here," Sabertooth said.

CRASH!

"Which explains why they're able to punch through walls so easily," Sabertooth added. "Looks like you're gonna need to make repairs to the repairs and…boss? Boss? Are you crying?"

"Why me?" Magneto wept as he began to bang his head against the floor. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"