I want to start off by thanking you all (mostly) for being patient with me on this story. I'm not going to sit here and detail what would basically come down to excuses, but this is not my job. I don't get paid to write. I do this for fun. And I have other things I like to do for fun. I realize that you all enjoy this story very much and I really truly do feel really grateful for that. I did publish this on here, but it was almost entirely for my own benefit. Just please realize that different things come up. I hope you do enjoy this chapter. It was a little difficult for me since it did brush my own experiences with divorce which, like Matt, I don't like to relive but I've finally gotten it to where I'm really happy with it. Enjoy!

A small whirlwind of talk swirled as Matt walked into Glee but cut off abruptly as they caught sight of the look on his face and the small noise Mercedes had made. After Matt had sat down rather off to the side, stilted conversation picked up as eyes darted over to him. People trailed off in the middle of sentences only to realize they had and picked it back up as their eyes flicked back to the person they were talking to. Mercedes and Mike exchanged a long look. Puck deliberately avoided Rachel's eyes and the question in them. In a testament to the situation, Rachel actually dropped the look and launched off on some topic Puck didn't even pay attention to. His own mind was working and had been since he left Matt on the bleachers. He was involved now. Far more involved than he wanted to be, though that was for selfish reasons. Rutherford had been there for him, especially with Rachel over the last few months. Even if that had been the only reason, and it wasn't, he'd have stuck it out. If he was right about what he heard, this had the potential to explode quickly causing maybe permanent damage to friendships. He wouldn't let that happen.

As oblivious as Mr. Schue had been last rehearsal, he didn't miss the tension this time.

"What's up with you guys? You're all off today." The kids shifted and exchanged looks between themselves and tried not to look at Matt.

"Just an off day I think Mr. Schue," said Mike finally. The kids nodded. Mr. Schue frowned.

"Well, let's try it again," he said. "You guys have been doing great lately. Let's try and keep it up." They all did their best to put aside what had happened and work. Once again after rehearsal, Matt hung back. Mike and Mercedes exchanged a look and this time Mike lingered. As the last noises of the kids faded, Mike looked over at his friend. Matt only held his gaze for a moment before he looked away.

"So," said Mike. "Been a rough couple days huh?" Matt just chuckled a little and shook his head. Some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed. They walked out the door together.

"So I'm guessing you told Mercedes something," said Mike as they walked down the hallway. Matt stiffened.

"Sort of," he said.

"Good," replied Mike enthusiastically. "She'll help. She's a good friend." Matt just looked over at his best friend. Mike just smiled.

"You were never going to tell me. Neither of us could deal with it, I don't think. She can. She will. She's good for you." Matt elbowed him and Mike laughed hard.

"Not like that you idiot." Matt elbowed him again.

"Who're you calling an idiot? What else is that supposed to mean?" Mike elbowed him back.

"Good for you with this of course," he replied. They both laughed as they swapped elbows to the ribs once more.

"But seriously," said Mike as they stopped laughing. "You should talk to her."

"It isn't that easy," replied Matt, tension crawling back into him.

"I think when it comes to that moment, it will be," replied Mike. They had reached the parking lot by this point. Mike clapped a hand on Matt's shoulder.

"You'll be okay," he said with a smile before turning and walking off. Matt watched him go for a moment. He relaxed slightly, knowing Mike's tone. He had heard it before. Whenever he spoke like that, he always ended up being right. They had been friends since middle school. Even if Mike hadn't known it, that bundle of energy that he was had helped Matt tremendously after everything that had happened with his parents. The day they had met, Mike had decided they'd be best friends almost immediately and within a few days, it had been so. He had always known just how far to push him, and Matt was a better person for it. Even now, he knew exactly what he had needed to hear. A half smile crossed Matt's face.

Looks like I'm hanging out with Mercedes tomorrow.

As he walked into school the next day, he found himself cornered by someone he hadn't expected. Santana.

"Look," she said, as straight forward as she always was. "Whatever we had wasn't much, but I learned enough about you to know this is getting worse." Matt looked a little startled.

"I'm working on it," he said reflexively yet still truthfully. He had been thinking about finding Mercedes before she had surprised him. She studied him for a moment and nodded.

"Good," she said sincerely, offered a smile and was gone. He blinked and stared after her for a time before shaking his head, smiling a half smile and heading off into the crowding corridors.

As Mercedes walked him to his second class, chatting away as always, he argued with himself once again. Did he really have to talk to her? It wasn't that bad. Right? But his mind kept bringing him back to the conversations he had with Mike and Santana.

"Mercedes," he said, finally deciding. He almost winced as he realized he had completely and entirely interrupted her in the middle of whatever story she had been telling. Something flickered in her eyes before she had controlled it.

"What is it Matt?" she asked, confused and a little concerned.

"Sorry," he said grimacing slightly. "I was just wondering if you could spare some time after school. Since we don't have Glee today." Her eyes lit up.

"Of course Matt!" she replied. They had reached his classroom.

"We'll talk about it at lunch. You should have brought it up sooner!" she admonished him before rushing off to her own class. He watched her go and sighed. Maybe he shouldn't… But he turned and was immediately caught in Mike's gaze. He sighed again as the possibility of canceling was pushed from his mind. Puck really had been right. It was what they got for having people care about them that much. But as he settled into his chair, one last thought crossed his mind. Neither of them would change that.

The next thing Matt knew, school had ended and he was heading to the chorus room to meet Mercedes. The only problem was he still didn't know what to do. He didn't think he could just come out and say it. In fact it was completely out of the question. But what else was there? Once again he considered scrapping this whole idea. What business was it of theirs? He didn't want all this. None of it.

Despite himself, his feet kept taking him towards the chorus room. He stared at the door a long moment before going in. The door had barely closed behind him before Mercedes entered. She offered a tentative smile at him as he turned to her.

"So what's up Matt?" she asked. He just stood there. Now faced with it, he couldn't. He couldn't. The silence grew. But then she smiled again.

"Well how about this? Let's just work on our homework." He nodded gratefully. A smile crossed his face as the first thing Mercedes took out of her bag was a music player with portable speakers.

"You don't mind?" she asked. He shook his head. So they both settled down and started their homework. He didn't get much done. He was trying to figure out what to say. Why had he asked her here if all he was going to do was waste her time? Could he really tell her?

As the next song came on the mix, neither of them paid too much attention to it, her occupied with her homework, him still arguing in his head, until it hit the bridge. Matt stiffened.

"Change the song," he said, his voice as stiff as his body had become. Mercedes looked up slightly, distracted by the problem on her homework.

"What?" she said.

"Change it," he bit off, looking away. Her head snapped up now and she recognized the song as Coldplay's Fix You.

-when you lose something you cannot replace.

Tears stream

She had reached over and skipped the song before she realized it. She paused the next song before it could really come on.

"Matt?"

"It's nothing," he said gruffly.

"Matt," she said again. His head fell into his hands as he let out a short frustrated yell. His fingers pressed against his skin as he fought back the unwelcome surge of emotion the song had brought.

"Matt you can't do this anymore," said Mercedes almost scared but overwhelmed by worry. He said nothing and a bite of anger bled through into her concern.

"You think we can't see how it's hurting you?" she demanded. "It hurts us to see you like this. I know you don't want to talk about it but it's hurting you more not to say anything. You need to talk about it. And if you can't to me, I can take you to Mike's."

"What am I supposed to say?" he said angrily. "Spill my guts and deal with your sympathy when you have no idea-" He cut himself and looked away.

"No I don't," she replied. "I don't have any idea. I can't even imagine it. But I do know one thing." She tentatively moved a little closer to him.

"My mind hasn't stopped working since that day when you told me your dad had a temper. I can't stop thinking about what it could mean. I can't stop seeing you as a kid dealing with that. And yes I feel bad for you. Of course I am. I'm your friend. You'll have to deal with that. But more than that, I'm angry for you. I am so unbelievably angry that even after whatever happened, mild or worse, that he's still hurting you now." She clenched her fists.

"I don't want all that," he seethed even as he felt a little touched deep down. "I want to forget. I wanted all of you to let me. Why can't you just do that?"

"Because you're not forgetting anymore," she retorted. "It's getting worse and don't you tell me it's not because I've never seen you like this before. Ever."

"Because you keep bringing it up!" he half yelled. "I don't need your help!" The hurt that flashed in her eyes cut deep at his heart. He cursed violently and looked away. He muttered the words that he had repeated since that day long ago whenever he felt himself losing control, the words he had needed to say more often lately than he ever wanted.

Mercedes' eyes narrowed.

"Oh hell no. Do not tell me you really just said that." He looked back at her and sighed apologetically.

"Mercedes, you have helped and I appreciate-"

"Not that," she almost snarled at him, trembling slightly in anger. "You really did not just say 'just because I have his temper doesn't mean I'm him. I have control'. Did you?" His eyes went wide. Had he said it that loud?

"Oh you idiot," she said throwing up her hands in aggravation. He didn't know how to respond. Of all the reactions he had ever thought he might get from being overheard, this was not one of them. She jabbed her finger at him as she continued speaking.

"You listen to me right now. Of course losing your temper isn't going to make you him. You don't have to have control of your temper all the time. No one does. Nobody. Who cares if you have a short temper sometimes? You are Matt. You're a great dancer. You're a nice guy. You're quiet and this whole thing with your dad's temper probably sent more along the quiet lines than you would have been. You care about people. I mean for christ's sake you chose us over football in this school and town of all places because it's what you wanted to do. I may not know your dad, but if you think you're like him just because you can lose your temper, you're a moron and I should kick you for it."

Through this speech, Matt's mouth slowly came open. Silence rang as she finished and he just stared at her. Finally, he reacted.

He laughed.

The startled look that appeared on Mercedes' face made it worse and soon tears were rolling down his face as he clutched at his stomach, unable to stop laughing. Mercedes looked at him like he had lost a few marbles, though there was concern in the look as well. He leaned back against the wall as the laughter began to subside. He shook his head as he wiped away the tears.

"Mike was right. You did help." A smile spread across her face. He looked at her, his eyes growing more and more serious.

"I know you're right. And it's something I needed to hear. But it's not going to be that simple." She shrugged.

"So I'll need to kick you a few times until you get it." A smile flashed across his face. His eyes began to look distant.

"It's going to take more than a few."

"What happened Matt?" she asked softly. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"My dad did have a temper. Lots of yelling. Lots of cursing. That went back a long way. Even to before I can remember. I still get more uncomfortable when I should when I hear people fighting like that." His eyes opened. Hers were fixed on him, completely attentive with the concern shining there as well.

"He'd use his fists too." He saw her stiffen and quickly shook his head. "Never on me." As she relaxed, he continued.

"The walls would get it. Or vases, bowls, that sort of thing. He'd repair the walls, replace the stuff he'd broken, but he never repaired the hole he put in the garage wall by his work bench. He'd point it out to me and say 'that's what happens when I get angry Matt.' Almost like a warning to keep out of trouble, though he always said it with a laugh." He was quiet for a long moment. Mercedes couldn't have spoken even if she wanted to. All of this? All of this and he was still the person he was? In spite of it or because of it? She wanted to do something but he spoke again.

"It began to get worse around the end of elementary school into middle. A lot worse. He'd leave for days at a time. I'd get woken up in the middle of the night. One time I got up to try and stop it. Or something. I don't know. But I didn't recognize my dad anymore." His hand twitched and curled into a fist for a moment before relaxing.

"He realized at the last moment what he was going to do and stopped. He stared at me for a long time before walking out of the house. He was gone almost a week that time. I've never heard silence like that before… Like my house was that night…" He continued on from this fairly quickly, both of them recognized that he had avoided really saying what had happened that night. Neither of them said anything about it. They couldn't bear to, for different reasons.

"The next day, my mom made me swear never to get out of bed again when it would happen." He paused. "I don't know if I should regret making that promise or not…" Mercedes flinched slightly.

"He didn't hit you…" she started carefully. "But…" There was a long pause.

"What about your mom?" she asked softly. His head snapped away as he flinched. The silence built and built.

"I don't know…" he said so softly she could barely hear it. "She won't talk about it. She won't say yes or no."

"Oh Matt…" whispered Mercedes, heartbroken for him. He felt a spurt of anger at the sympathy and grit his teeth.

"You know the rest," he almost bit off. "Normal divorce shit. Anger issues followed by daddy issues." Her own temper flared.

"I am allowed to feel sorry for you," she told him, anger just being held under by patience in her tone.

"I told you I don't want your sympathy," he replied flashing a quick glare at her.

"Well excuse me for caring," she shot back. "I don't know what the hell you expected for me to do after hearing all this. Pat you on the head say 'There, there. Now get over it.'? I am your friend dammit." He pushed to his feet angrily and she followed.

"If this is just how you're dealing with telling me everything, fine, be that way. Take it out on me all you want. But if this is back to trying to control your anger all the time, I really will kick your ass. You really think that's helping you? You would've ended up pushing everyone away and ended up exactly what you wanted not to be. You'll end up just like him." He visibly flinched away, his eyes going wide as the shock, and surprisingly hurt pushed away the anger. She reached out for him, already trying to apologize, knowing she had gone too far.

"Matt, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have… I got-"

"No," he said shaking his head and steadying himself. "No, I… I needed to hear it." She looked at him a little disbelievingly and still absolutely apologetic. He just shook his head.

"You've said it all Mercedes. It wasn't getting better. Trying to… well, I was just making myself angrier. And I was going to end up like…" His voice almost broke and he looked away, deliberating swallowing, trying to suppress the emotion. Mercedes looked even more uncomfortable that she had said it at all.

"Thank you Mercedes," he said finally. "For listening."

"I am sorry Matt," she said, taking a tentative step forward.

"I know," he said. "It's okay." After a short awkward silence, he tried to start some small talk and Mercedes gratefully took the offer and before long they were chatting like nothing had happened.

"I'm glad everything's okay now," she said to him with a smile as they separated in the parking lot later. He smiled back and waved as she ran off. But as he headed home, a part of him that had gone cold earlier wasn't sure it really was.