You can't be back

As I ran as fast as I could I still didn't run fast enough. I stumbled and the tears just pour down my cheeks. How could he do it? How could he do that, to me? I was still running to my dorm and when I got inside my room I shut the door and locked it. I didn't want ANYONE to bother me. I lay down on my bed and tucked my cheats over me and hugged my pillow. I was sobbing heavily and I couldn't stop crying. I wished my mom was here, I wished she was here so I could talk to her about everything. My phone buzzed and I didn't have to look to know who it was; I ignored it with reason.

I don't know for how long I was sobbing into my pillow, but eventually I fell asleep and as soon as everything went black tonight's event, came flashing back at me.

I was knocking on Adrian's door; I was supposed to meet him there. I was dressed casually, even though he said I might want to dress up since it was a date. I didn't bother so I wore black jeans with a red and black tank top that suited my body perfect. My make- up was casual as well- with eyeliner over my eyes with mascara on my lashes. My hair was tied up so you could see the marks on my neck. After I had come back from my mission in Russia, Alberta had gotten a call from Sydney saying that I had killed 17 strigoi. Now I had 20 marks on my neck and I was pretty excited about that. I had also agreed to give Adrian a shot at dating if I came back- which I did. Now we had been dating for a month and we had actually begun to get very serious. No sex yet- but lots heavy make-out. I had also started school again and within a week I was at the top of my class. Stan didn't like me and the feeling was mutual.
God, when is he going to open the door? I knocked again and again. It took him some time to open the door but when he did he smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back and I could help but blush as I stirred into he's beautiful eyes. He gestured me inside and once I got inside his room I wasn't sure if I was actually in his room. The room was cleaned up and there were roses all over the place, and on the bed he had sprinkled roseleaves over the covers. Everything looked so romantic and I couldn't believe he would actually do something like this. Adrian was standing behind me and started kissing my neck. He kissed me softly and made a small trace down my neck and up behind me ear. He repeated it a few times and as I got more and more excited I turned around and met his lips. It started softly but increased deeply. He had never kissed me like this before and I couldn't help but let myself escape a small moan when he took his tongue into my mouth and mine touched his. He grabbed my waist and hair and pulled me towards the bed.

As we lay there and kissed and rolled on top of each other, Adrian said "I love you", between kisses and our breaths were loud and embarrassing, but it didn't matter since no one ells was here. "I love you too" I told him- though he already knew it. Adrian rolled me over so he was on top and as I opened my eyes I saw that he wanted to do more than just kiss, but respected my wishes not to go any further. I was surprised, cause I never had thought that this day would come but I actually wanted to do more than what we already was doing. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pressed his body against mine and of course he understood. He always did- no matter what.

His hands were touching my body everywhere and our bodies were moving together. It felt amazing to be near one person that you trust and love again. Adrian kissed my neck and he gasped for air between kissed- I couldn't blame him- it was so amazing. I felt alive again. No worries just letting out the feelings inside of me. As our hips moved together faster, I let out a moan- and it was loud. Oh my god, it was so good. I couldn't believe I could trust him so much after everything that had happened in Russia with Dim- DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM- GOD DAMN YOU ROSE- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT? I let the thought go. I felt so good and happy for the first time in ages. I rolled on top of him and Adrian sat up so we were at eye level. We kissed fiercely and we did that for a while, while out bodies- well, you know… Adrian rolled over so he hovered over me again and when I looked into his eyes I saw something I hadn't seen in a long time. I was so shocked I didn't say anything and Adrian started kissing my neck again. What I saw was hunger. Bloodlust; no I couldn't let it happen. As I was about to move away from him I realized two things at the same time. I was coming any second and he was going to bite me any second. I couldn't let it happened. He had promised me. I could feel his teeth on my neck and mid orgasm I felt his teeth sink into my skin. NO! I moaned and screamed at the same time. Adrian stopped. His body went perfectly still as if he just realized what he was doing. I pushed him of me and I rolled on to the floor. I sat up for a moment and I could feel my eyes sting. How could he do that? I thought but got pushed away from it as I felt a hand on my head. Adrian. I had to get out of here. I grabbed my clothes and threw them on and was about to run out the door when I felt hands grabbing my wrist. I froze. DON'T TOUCH ME I thought. DON'T TOUCH ME, please don't touch me. I started crying and he was about to embrace me with a hug when I screamed NO! He didn't stop. He didn't look happy; he looked hurt all over and angry. But he wasn't angry at me. He was angry at himself. Right now I couldn't care less. He wouldn't let me go so I shoved my hand backwards making my hand a fist and punched him- hard. He staggered backwards and he let go so I ran out the door.

I woke up in the middle of the night- or day for humans- and felt groggy and disgusting. I wanted to take a shower so I went to get a towel and some fresh clothes. I went to the bathroom down the hall and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked horrible. I stripped out of my clothes and realized I had put my pants on the wrong way. Whatever, I thought and got in the shower. The water felt so good I wanted to cry. I sat down and put my arms around my legs. I felt dirty- so, so dirty- so I took a scrubbing brush and soap and scrubbed my body. I stopped when my skin was tomato red and it looked like I could start bleeding at any moment. Bloodhore- bloodhore-bloodhore! Voices. Voices in my head, they were shouting at me and laughing. I couldn't make it go away so I started crying and crying until I was on the floor gasping for air.
About a half an hour later I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my hair. I dried my body and put on some new clothes. When I was finished blow-drying my hair I flattened it.
A week after I had come home from Russia; Lissa and I had gone shopping. She had wanted to pay for everything so I let her. We had also gone to a hairdresser and Lissa told me to get a haircut since it had grown down to my waist and the hair was split in the ends. They had given me nice bangs and they had cut my hair so it was in different lengths. They had also chopped of 20 centimeters so it dangled right over my breasts. It was a nice cut and I really liked it. I tried to smile at my reflection in the mirror but failed and the feeling just popped back inside of me. The bite- how could he? Didn't he love me? He swore he never would. I could feel my arms and legs tremble. I had to support my weight by leaning on the sink. When I looked up at my reflection I thought I heard someone coming in. I waited, no; nothing there. Then I felt it; The nausea. No, no, no. Not now- I hadn't even brought my stake and- wait, it's morning- why would a strigoi go outside in the sunlight and more importantly, how had he come through the wards? I was perfectly still, waiting. But nothing happened. I moved, grabbed my clothes and ran to my room. When I got inside I went still- no I froze. What I saw was not something I wanted to see. I know he was still alive and that he would come after me when I graduated, but not now. Not now. We stirred at each other for a long time. He looked at me, up and down and smiled. "Roza, it's so good to see you. You look so beautiful, and you got your hair cut. It looks adorable on you". He stopped talking and looked at me. He looked at my face and his brows pulled together. "You've been crying. Why have you been crying?" He stretched his arm out to touch me but he didn't. How could he be here? The love of my life, the man I stabbed in Russia that I thought I had killed but hadn't. Why? He looked at me disturbed. He wanted me to say something and in a flash he was right in front of me. My heartbeat increase and I had to say something anything. But instead I screamed.