Letter 2: Pathetic
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Matsumoto-san,

It's me again. Somehow, I thought of only you the entire day. Even Aizen-sama's meeting went in through one ear, and out the other. I didn't process it at all. Guess if I get scolded for not paying attention it would be your fault. Not that I mind thoughts of you swimming in my head, of course.

It's lovely here.

Oh, who am I kidding? Hueco Mundo is just a vast desert land. There's no scenery whatsoever. It's boring. I would rather much prefer to stay in Soul Society with you, but I have only myself to blame for being so power-hungry. I wish Aizen-sama had taken me on a tour of this place before we defected. Then maybe I would have changed my mind about coming here with him.

I miss you so much. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I spend so many years in Soul Society, hardly going up to you to catch up, and now that I'm gone, I can't stop thinking about you. Makes me wish I had taken more time to talk to you. I guess now I truly understand the meaning of 'You won't treasure what you have until it's gone'.

Remember when we first graduated from the Academy. Or rather, you graduated, seeing as how I finished the course in a year. You gave me a huge grin and waved after spotting me amongst the crowd. That was the first time you hugged me in front of so many people.

And then the days went on, and we started drifting apart. I spent my time following Aizen-sama, and you spent yours in the 10th division. We hardly talked. Maybe just brief random conversations about the weather (that you'd start) or the latest battle technique (that I'd start), but nothing like those chit-chats we had as kids.

I recall the last time we had a serious conversation was when we were much older. I had just become captain and you were present at the ceremony. You congratulated me and we started talking. Looking back. I'm quite amazed at myself for not stuttering back then; I was really nervous.

And then I noticed that you were wearing the pink scarf I gave you so many years before. I asked you about it, and you said that you thought it would be nice to wear it for such an important occasion. I vaguely remember me saying that it looked nice on you. Anyhow, from that day on, you wore that scarf every single day.

My dear Matsumoto-san, words cannot express how much you mean to me. If I could see you now, I would definitely hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you. Even if you don't return my feelings, I still need to say it out loud to you.

The sky seems darker than it should be, though it's usually very bright in Las Noches. Las Noches. Yeah, that's what Aizen-sama calls this place. Stupid name if you ask me. It sounds like 'The Nachos', which is a Mexican cracker you eat with melted cheese. It sounds kiddy. I would name it something like 'The Great Orchid' or 'Chrysanthemum Halls', because they remind me of you. Sounds better than Nachos.

Got to go, Aizen-sama scheduled another meeting. Damn the guy. Always having meetings. You'd think a genius like him would have something better to do with his time.

Yours forever,
Gin.

To Gin,

Rangiku here. My Captain thinks I'm suffering from depression. He keeps telling me that spacing out and staring out the window is bad for my mental health, but I can't help it. Anyhow, I can tell that he's concerned for me. But he sure knows how to make me feel better – he brought in two crates of sake this morning and told me to "drink up". I really appreciate him more for all he has done for me. Especially when he's hurting as well because of Hinamori's current condition.

It's nice, you know, to have someone care for you. When we were kids, I had you. When we grew up, I didn't have anyone, but I didn't need someone to care for me anyway. Now that you're gone, I have my friends. DO you have someone to care for you over there I Hueco Mundo? I'm assuming that's where you went, because I think all Gargantas lead there, and not to some fancy hotel in the human world (I think Ichigo said something about a Ritz Carl– something… was it Ritz Carliel? I don't remember). Hmmm, does Aizen show you any concern; like the way I used to show you?

Strike that. I can't imagine the two of you together in a room. Urgh, it's disgusting.

Still, I'm a little jealous of Aizen. Why does he get to have you by his side and not me? And what did he have to offer you that made you want to betray us like that? Or rather, betray me like that?

Which gets me thinking: did you mean it? When you said you were sorry? You know, before you left? IF you did, then why the hell did you leave in the first place? We grew up together Gin, and you know me better than anyone else. So why did you leave, knowing you would hurt me? Did you not care about me at all?

See? I'm starting to question everything because of you. If I go insane, it's going to be your fault.

But then again, love makes people go insane. And since I'm pretty sure I'm madly, hopelessly in love with you, it's only a matter of time before I do go mad. Hope you at least feel guilty about that.

I can totally picture it now. A few years later, maybe even months, you'd come with Aizen and everyone to fight the Gotei 13. And you'd ask, "Where is Ran-chan? I want to see how pathetic she is right now". People will tell you, "She's gone mental and has been confined to her cell".

I'm trying to imagine what you are doing now. Are you scheming with Aizen? Or making fun of Hollows? Or playing blind-man's-bluff with Tousen (You used to joke about doing that)? Frankly speaking, I would rather you be trying to figure out a way out of Aizen's palm. You can't be a pawn forever, Gin. And you can never become a King either, so why bother? Was Soul Society not good enough? I have no idea when or how you got so power-hungry. Did I not know you to that extent? I'm wishing that you never left and that I could have a chance to stop you from going over to the dark side.

But the thing is, you did leave. Why Gin? Was being a Shinigami too boring? What about duty? What about honour? What about Kira-kun? Did any of these matter to you? Did I matter?

If making me feel angry, sad and disappointed was your aim, you've achieved it. I have no idea why I fell in love with such a… such a… jerk, but I did. Does that make you happy? Seeing me in such pain?

You know what? I'm just going to drink sake till morning comes again. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll drop by Kyoraku-taicho's place. I'm sure he would gladly drink some with me. Or maybe I can convince Hitsugaya-taicho to buy another two crates for me. That'll take my mind off you long enough.

Yours always,
Rangiku.

Chit-chat: So yeah, here's chapter 2. Hope you liked it. I've been getting questions asking if I'm going to update OUMT, but here's the thing. I've lost all inspiration for that story. For now, I guess. I'm still going to finish it sooner or later, but for now, I'm going to take it slowly, and put it on hiatus. Sorry about that.

GinRan is such a lovely pairing.