Aqua Mail

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.

Since DISNEY likes Donald and a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine goes down...and Donald is a very popular character who makes a great foil for my Launchpad... (And my late father collected stamps so I'm fairly pro-post office.)

Inspired by the scan of the story "Big Race" from Duckstories #1 1992 in the Russian Ducktales site. They just added two "new" Ducktales stories with Launchpad in them! "Roberto", in which Launchpad cleans up after one of Ugly Twerp's messes (AGAIN!)and "That's so big top" in which Launchpad helps rescue the Trins. I LOVE the look of total astonishment on Launchpad's face when somebody actually rewards HIM. "But nobody ever rewards ME! I just do it anyway!"

If Disney were still creating Ducktales stories like THOSE, I'd not only buy them, I'd call Ugly Twerp by his given name.

(And if that website mysteriously disappears, I will be the LEAST surprised person on the planet. Given Disney's need to suppress Ducktales and Launchpad, I'm surprised it hasn't already!)

Since I'd like the story if Launchpad was piloting the boat, I rewrote it with Launchpad steering the boat. I don't believe Mr. McDuck knows how to operate a boat. You can show him "driving" one all you like, I don't believe it.

The Duckburg Postal Service held a contest among its employees for who could come up with an idea of how to improve service while cutting costs and saving energy. And DONALD DUCK won the contest. He came up with the idea of using boats to deliver mail a lot more often. That might not work for every city, but not only does a river run thru much of Duckburg, but it's on the ocean.

Donald's idea of using boats to deliver mail more frequently made sense...so much sense that a package delivery service owned by FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD promptly swiped the idea.

Worse, the Postal Service somehow expected Donald to pilot one of the boats...and Donald didn't know how. Which was an embarrassing thing for an ex-navy man to admit. So he asked Launchpad to do it...and since Launchpad comes as close to hating Flinty's guts as Launchpad can, Launchpad agreed.

"Flintheart's a menace...those big speed boats he uses are gas guzzlers and they scare and injure wildlife! Count me in!" Launchpad said.

So Launchpad "drove" the mail boat...which delivered mail cheaper than Flintheart's fleet. And FASTER. Which Flintheart didn't get.

"How are you delivering mail faster than me? That boat of yours doesn't go any place as fast as mine!' Flintheart asked Launchpad.

"It doesn't have to! Listen, a propeller plane can often travel as fast as a jet, on a short trip...because the jet can only go so fast safely! (1) Same thing go with that speedboat of yours...it can only go so fast due to other boats and hazards in the water! I can deliver mail faster because I know Duckburg like the back of my hand!" Launchpad said.

"Bah! You've just been lucky and I haven't really been trying.... how about a having a little wager, you and me? We race our boats...who ever wins gets the exclusive rights for delivering mail via boats in Duckburg. " Flintheart asked.

"One condition: Mr. McDuck is the referee. Mr. McDee examines the WRITTEN agreement to the bet and he comes along on my boat on the race- to make sure you don't try to pull a fast one. I know you think I'm an idiot- everybody ELSE does! But Mr. McDuck, you respect." Launchpad countered.

As Launchpad hoped, Flintheart agreed to this, as did Mr. McDuck. Mostly because they can't resist a chance to compete against each other.

Mr. McDuck saw to it that Flintheart wrote an agreement that the exclusive rights to delivering mail and packages via boats in Duckburg went to the winner of the race. And that the agreement was cut and dry with no funny business.

And Mr. McDuck came along as "Captain" of the ship, which made Launchpad the helmsman, since he was piloting it. Which made Donald first mate. I tagged along with Launchpad to be with him and to take photos. Besides, Launchpad wanted to teach me how to steer a boat.

"Donald, now that you have a steady job I understand you are thinking of taking care of Huey, Dewey and Louie again...I've sort of gotten used to having them around..." began Mr. McDuck.

"I wasn't going to do anything about it until I keep the job for at least two years. And even then, I'd probably propose to Daisy AGAIN first..." Donald began.

"I don't want us fighting over who gets the boys. That's not good for us or the boys. " began Mr. McDuck.

"I own the mansion next door to mine, I bought it after its owner lost it wasting money on a spite war with me. The place is still hopeless tacky and the housing market is in the toilet right now." Mr. McDuck continued.

" Magica Despell already used the place as a hideout once(2) and I don't want that happening again. I propose you live there as caretaker. Rent free and I'll even pay the utilities, as long as you keep the bills within reason. Fix the place up. Keep away lowlifes." Mr. McDuck explained.

" You can look after the boys when I'm too busy or when I'm doing something too dangerous for them. When the boys are grown, hopefully the housing market will be booming again and I can sell the place. Do a good job so it sells for more money, and I'll give you half. Deal?" Mr. McDuck asked.(3)

"Deal. But why are you bringing this up NOW?" Donald asked.

"Because I'm not the only one in the family with a rotten temper. And I want you working with me in this race, not against me. If you're angry with me for hogging the boys, your heart won't be in winning this race!" Mr. McDuck explained.

So, the race was on...the two boats headed down the Duckburg River towards the Sea. The first one to reach the ocean would win.

"If we win, I intend to encourage other business to use boats to deliver stuff more often. It saves time, energy and money. But if Flintheart wins, he'll do all he can to prevent others from doing so he can make more money. And out of sheer spite." Mr. McDuck stated.

Launchpad was steering the boat, Donald was handling the maps, and Mr. McDuck was keeping an eye on Flinty's boat, watching for dirty business. I took photos.

"Flinty is bound to cheat!" muttered Mr. McDuck.

"You think he wouldn't bother. His boat's a lot narrower than ours- he can take shortcuts by using narrow channels we don't dare try, our boat's too wide. But that's Flinty all over the place- he HAS to cheat, anyway!" I replied.

Flintheart was cheating (of course!) his boat had wheels on its bottom. Sort of like a ski boat or a pontoon boat, only with wheels instead. Big caterpiller-tractor like wheels. Flintheart would drive up sandbars and shores and cut back to the water.

Flintheart would boat up narrow channels we could not use. Once he was out of sight, he would take shortcuts over land, then go back into the water before anybody caught him.

Flinty was going thru a narrow channel when he noticed the channel was TOO narrow. It was clogged with sea weed and sea grass of all kinds. Plants that normally would only grow on the sides of the channel were badly overgrown and were clogging the channel.

Flintheart TRIED to drive onto the shore. But the greenery got tangled in his wheel carriage. A normal boat could have made its way thru. But the sea growth got snagged into the wheels and the wheel carriage. Flinty was stuck tight.

"WHY is there so much sea grass here? There never used to be so much!" Flinty asked himself, annoyed.

Then he noticed that something was missing. The manatees that lived in channels like this were gone. They had been killed by speed boats or frightened off by speed boats. They had kept such channels fairly clear of sea grass by continually eating it. With no manatees around, the sea grass had grown out of control, clogging the channel.

"I've been hoisted by my own petard!" Flintheart screamed.

For Flintheart remembered how often he had killed or injured mantees by racing his speed boats recklessly.

Me and the Ducktales Ducks soon boated on a wider channel not far from Flinty. We saw him, but we also saw he was in no danger. I'm afraid we stuck their tongues out at him. (Me too!)

However, AFTER winning the race, we doubled back and rescued Flinty from his predicament.

Donald ended up captaining one of the new mail boat (after Launchpad taught Donald how to operate one and helped him get his license). This made Donald love his job as letter carrier even more. He's always loved water, loved the sea.

The End.

(1)I think so, anyway. I think a jet plane can go no faster than a propeller plane while taking off, turning and avoiding air traffic, and landing - so a propeller plane might go as fast or even faster on a short trip.

(2) See Ducktales episode " Bubba-o and Juliet" for the spite war.

See "Turnabout is fair place " by Me for Magica using it to hold a kidnapped Webby.

(3)Thanks, "Treasure of the Blue Diamond" . I already sent that solution to that problem to DT fan.