Disclaimer: Well, this here is the stupidest chapter I've done for this story to date. I've decided I'm not going to change all the other chapters, not only because I don't have the time, but also because I just don't feel like it. I'm lazy. Um…also, if anyone would like the job, I'm looking for a beta reader for this story, and for The Punkers, as well as any other stories I may spit out along the way. If you have the urge to edit crap, e-mail me. The usual disclaimers apply.

Chapter Nine: Jump, Legolas, Jump!

"Keep that dog in its cage!"

"But he's lonely in there!"

"I don't care!  I don't want him getting doggie slobber all over my precious!"

I glared at Cleon from the backseat and hugged the tiny furball to my chest.  "He doesn't slobber, do you Legolas?" I cooed at the dog, who just lolled his tongue out and stared lovingly at me.  "You see?"

Cleon muttered something and kept driving.

"There is no way your car is more special than Legolas!  Take that back!  You're just jealous," I told him and kissed the dog's head.

Cleon glanced in the rearview mirror and grinned.  "Of course I'm jealous," he said.  "Look where the dog's head is."

He laughed and I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster.  "You're disgusting."

"No, I'm a nineteen-year-old guy with a sexy fiancé," he replied and turned onto our street.  I opened my mouth remind him of the fakeness of this engagement when he said, "And on that note, the rest of my friends will be here tomorrow morning."

"…Okay," I said and blinked at him.  "And I care because…"

Cleon shrugged.  "I dunno.  Just thought I'd tell you."

I cooed at Legolas again.  "Okay."

Cleon parked the car on the side of the road and I leaned over the seat.

"Hey," I said.  He turned around and I shoved Legolas in his face.  "Look at him, Cleon."  I pushed the dog closer to him.  "Look, he loves you."

He glared at the dog.  Legolas looked up at him with wide eyes and licked Cleon's nose.

"Gross!" he exclaimed, leaping out of the car.  Legolas yipped happily.  "Shut up!" Cleon yelled and kicked the door shut.

I giggled. "I think he's a little jealous," I whispered to the tiny dog. "Let's go cheer him up."

I tucked Legolas under my arm and got out of the car, just to run into Cleon. "Ow," I said with my nose smushed up against his chest.

He glared down at me, fighting against the urge to smile. "Watch where you're going," he snarled.

With a smile and a giggle, I pushed my way around him and skipped up the front walk to the door. "Get the cage, will you Cleon? Thanks so much."

Five minutes later, I was sitting on the floor in my living room, playing with Legolas. Cleon was standing in the corner, glaring at me and the dog, his arms crossed, and a sullen look on his face.

He grumbled something and I looked up at him. "What was that?"

"We have got to give that dog a different name," he muttered.

I pouted. "What's wrong with Legolas?"

"Everything. You can't name a dog after a frigging elf in a movie."

I stuck my nose in the air. "I didn't name him after the elf in the movie. I named him after the elf in the book."

Cleon rolled his eyes. "Oh, well then. My bad." He plopped himself down beside me and watched as Legolas raced around and around in a circle, trying to bite his tail. "But really, that dog isn't smart enough to have a name like that."

"He's smart! Aren't you, boy?" Legolas looked up at me with those huge, dumb eyes. "You're a very smart doggie."

To prove his intelligence, the dog walked over to Cleon, lifted a leg, and proceeded to pee all over Cleon's shoes. My jaw dropped open.

"Legolas!" I scooped the dog up in my arms and jumped to my feet. "How could you?"

Cleon hadn't moved. He sat on the carpet and stared at his soaked, smelly shoes. "He – he – he just pissed on me," Cleon said unbelievingly. "That little shit."

I backed away from him, the shit in question still clutched in my arms. "He didn't mean to, Cleon. It was an accident."

He slowly got to his feet. "That dog has had it in for me since we got him. Everything he does, he does it to annoy me." Cleon's eyes were getting a weird glow to them.

I took a few steps back. "Now, Cleon. He's just a dog. He's not out to get you."

Cleon growled. "He's the devil. A demon from hell."

Oh dear. He's gone mad.

"Um…okay, well…hmm…" His eyes were wild with insanity now. "How – how about we just give him a different name? How about that? What should we name him?"

Cleon just growled.

I laughed nervously. "Okay, why don't I choose a name then? Um…Kirky. Is Kirky okay?"

He growled again.

"Hee…okay. Speckers?"

Growl.

"Rover."

Growl.

"Jake."

Grr.

"Asaki!"

Grrrrr.

"Jump! Let's just call him Jump!"

No growl. Cleon was silent, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jump it is, then."

Jump, formerly known as Legolas, lept out of my arms and raced out of the room. I stared after him helplessly, and prayed that Cleon wouldn't take this chance to rid me of the only happiness I'd ever had. Okay, well maybe not the only happiness, but the only dog I'd ever had.

I twiddled my thumbs and stared at the ceiling, waiting for Cleon to say something. The room was still silent. I risked a glance at him and saw that he was just staring at me, that same dumb, obsessed look on his face he'd had earlier that morning.

"What?" I asked, inching away from him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

His mouth twisted in a mocking grin. "No reason'," he replied and walked toward me.

I stepped back. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

I put my hands in front of me like a shield. "Like that. Like I'm a – a piece of steak or something."

"Hmm. I was thinking more like an ice cream sundae."

"Um." I bumped up against something and glanced behind me. I'd backed into the bookcase; there was no where else to go! "You don't really want to eat me though, right Cleon?"

His eyes grew even more crazy than before. "I dunno. You're a pretty tasty morsel."

God, can he get any more retarded?

"I'm not a morsel, Cleon. I'm a human being." Anything to stall him. Please, God, don't let him get any closer.

But alas, my pleas to the Lord above were unheeded. Cleon was close enough to bite my lip and I tried to lean away from him. Why does he feel the need to do that?

"You're so beautiful, Keladry," he whispered and I nearly melted. The man does have a way with words when the time calls for it, I'll say that much.

His lips were this close to mine, and I sucked in my breath, preparing myself…then the doorbell rang and Jump set off on a series of yipping and yapping that made my eardrums quake.

I sighed in relief and ducked under Cleon's arm. "I'll get that," I said, my face burning red.

Saved by the bell.

I waited a few seconds to compose myself before opening the door…and nearly screamed when I did open it.

Standing on my front step, bags in their hands, were four men wearing identical Harvard sweatshirts. My mind went numb and I stared at them dumbly.

"Ah…"

The tallest one grinned. "Hey, is Cleon here?"

Oh no, they're a day early! What's Kel to do? The next chapter's gonna be fun, and the one after that is gonna be even better. It's called "Revelations," and reveals Cleon's "secret lifestyle." Y'all are in for a ball of laughs. ^_^ Just out of curiosity, how many other friends does Kel have in the books? 3? 4? 10? I wasn't sure, so I guessed 4. I can add more later, but please e-mail me or tell me in your review if you know! Thanks so much.