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Chapter Thirty-One – Surrendering Control

You know it's bad when the voices in your head are managing to drown out your own thoughts. I wouldn't have thought that possible if I wasn't experiencing it for myself. This comes hand in hand with a migraine that is getting harder and harder to deal with and I start to wonder if maybe this is all part of the evil plan.

Mana at least I'm sure isn't doing this on purpose but the Noah…well that's a different story.

Pretty sure there isn't anything that he wouldn't do right now to gain the ends that he's after.

Even at the cost of my sanity or worse.

The sounds of their words, spoken to each other and not to me at this point, are starting to blend together into an incessant noise that is shaking me to my very core. This is causing Mana grief… and it's at least partially because of me.

No amount of 'I'm sorrys' are going to make this okay.

There is no way to make this okay.

It's never…going to be…okay

This realization hits me like a ton of bricks. No matter what I do it isn't going to make a difference, things are never going to be okay. This fight is going to continue, this struggle inside my head, and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.

Other than giving in to the Noah and letting him have his way.

Something I would actually do right now just to escape this torment were it not for the disappointment I had heard in Mana's voice before. A disappointment that I know would only increase if I actually gave up control to the Noah.

So I can't do that.

But then what can I do?

Wait around to slowly go insane?

Shaking my head almost violently I flop over on the sofa, using my arms to cover my head as I try to block out the light that's only making this headache worse. I need to figure out what to do but…there is nothing that I can do.

Slowly my eyes slide out of focus and my vision gets a bit blurry.

Something that would have been scary before but after everything that I've been through recently this is nothing. The voices in my head are growing a bit more distant and it's in this moment that I realize what I can do.

The only thing that I can do.

Give up control.

Not to the Noah, I still can't bring myself to do that with Mana around to witness, but rather to the both of them. They can fight amongst themselves over who gets control of the body, I can't bring myself to care anymore.

With this thought at the forefront of my mind I slowly start to dissociate from this place, willing my mind to go somewhere that will be peaceful. Somewhere without all of the pain and struggle. They can do what they want…at this point I just don't care.

Something was wrong.

Something was definitely wrong.

The argument that he had been having with his brother was halted as Neah felt a strange sensation, Allen's consciousness pulling away from his own. Always before they had been linked and he knew what the other was thinking, more or less, but now something about that had changed and he was completely confused.

Allen…

Allen…

ALLEN!

No matter how many times he said the name, there was no response from the teen. It was as if his mind had completely left his body, Neah couldn't even find a trace of it.

Which was beyond strange.

Allen…

There was concern in the voice of Mana as he too called out the name of his son, wondering as he did so just what was going on. He wasn't quite as linked to Allen's thoughts as his brother but even without that connection he could still tell that something was going on right now. And not only because he was detecting an uncharacteristic note of panic in the voice of his brother.

Well damn…I didn't see that one coming.

The panic turned to frustration as the Noah realized what Allen must have done and then realized that he was going to have to do a little regrouping at this point. This would have been an ideal outcome a few days prior but now, with Mana around, it presented a problem. He could get what he had wanted all along now, he could seize control of Allen's body and make it his own, but he was pretty sure that would mean a fight with his brother.

A fight that he did not want to have.

Far from an ideal circumstance.

What's going on Neah? What happened?

His brother's voice is laced with confusion and concern and that just gets a sigh from the Musician. He debates for a few moments whether or not he actually wants to answer the question that he had been asked, and if so whether or not he wants to answer it truthfully, but in the end he decides that there is no point in lying.

The truth would come out sooner or later regardless.

It always did.

It seems that Allen has grown weary of both our companies and has retreated deep within his own mind. So deep that I cannot hear his thoughts…for all I know there may not even be any thoughts to hear. He has, in essence, given up.

What he had wanted all along but it seemed that in the end Allen was going to have the last laugh.

Because with Mana around he couldn't claim his victory.

That can't be true.

His voice is filled with disbelief and that actually gained a slight chuckle from the Musician despite the fact that there was nothing at all amusing about this situation.

Oh it can be true and it is. He's apparently decided to use his famous stubborn nature to his own advantage and run away. I don't know if he will return, I don't know if he can after doing that, but for the moment he is for all intents and purposes locked within his own mind. Or rather barricaded within it. This means that strategies will have to be rethought.

Or else, and this seemed the more likely option, he was going to have to completely give up.

For the moment at least it was looking as if Allen was going to have the last laugh and actually win this chess match of sorts that had been going on between them for what felt like an eternity.

It may not have been the way that he would have wanted but Allen had, in essence, won.

A/N – And that's the end. Hope that you enjoyed this rather weird journey, please leave a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading!