A/N: Uh… Um… Hi. Lol.

That was lame. :p

Ok, here we go, something different, something different! Here's my first foray into a different fandom other than Death Note in over… two years! Omg, FFVII, feel special. Lol.

Before you ask, yes, this is a SephxCloud fic. Yes, it is an A/U. Yes, it is humor, but not on a completely crack-ish level. And no, I have no idea how long these chapters are going to be. This is just an intro; I want to see how people take to the first chapter before going all out on this fic. It's not going to be super long; I predict 10 chapters max, maybe even less. But I like the premise, so let me know what you guys think! The biggest thing I'm worried about is characterization, but since it's humor, I think it's alright if it isn't completely perfect…

Damn am I ever going to fuck with these characters. ESPECIALLY YOU SEPHIROTH! You I will bother most of all! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

But don't mind that. -.-; Hope you guys enjoy; and remember, criticism and reader response very much encouraged!

Disclaimer: Hari-chan does not own any part of the Final Fantasy Series nor does she have anything to do with Final Fantasy VII in particular. Do you really think she would be writing fan-fiction if she did? o.O;

"Sometimes I wanna quit this all

And become an accountant now,

But I'm no good at math

And besides, the dollar is down…

Plant palm trees on Lake Michigan

Before it gets cold!

I gotta feel the wind-chill again

Before I get old…

I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs-

But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me."

-"The (Shipped) Gold Standard" by Fall Out Boy

Title: When You Walk Away

Chapter One: The (Shipped) Gold Standard

"He's still sitting there after who knows how long…" A smooth baritone whispered against the near-silent wind billowing past, long silver hair falling over a tall figure shrouded by bushes as forest green eyes lit up with curiosity. "Hm… Zack was not joking then."

Huffing out a small sigh, timid fingers pulled at the spiky blond locks of hair hanging over bright blue eyes. Tired after nearly an hour of staring at the same spot, long legs seem to shift uncomfortably as the teenage boy continued his silent vigilante over the forest stretched before him, the tiny plateau he was perched upon giving him the perfect vantage point to view the whole of the plantation settled before him.

Honestly, if he had a halo stretched over his head and a beam of light set above his head, a random pedestrian could have mistaken the teen for an angel.

A random stranger, of course.

Not Sephiroth.

A random stranger, damn it.

"HEY SPIKY!"

So into his own thoughts, the silver-haired behemoth nearly fell over himself as a dark-haired lad with sporadic hand movements came speeding into the clearing, violet eyes glimmering with both amusement and perpetual cheer.

"Don't tell me you've been out here day-dreamin' again, Cloud-ster…" The older man grinned as he nudged the blushing blond on the shoulder whilst the now-embarrassed youth stood up, brushing off his holey jeans and black tee-shirt with his free hand. "Aw, don't be like that! I was just messin' with ya!"

"Hm… it's ok." Cloud poked his head up, clear blues eyes shielded slightly by his smooth blond fringe. "Was Professor Gast looking for me again?"

"Nah, it was Aerith this time." Zack laughed as he patted the small boy on his head, the tiny body flinching to get away from the touch. Not noticing the teenager's discomfort, Zack continued on as if nothing. "She said something about 'homework' and 'English teacher biting you in the ass if you didn't get your behind into doing it'…"

"Do I have to…?" The tiny boy quietly whined before groaning, slouching out of the large clearing. "Whatever…"

Zack continued to smile at the boy even as his body disappeared through the thick mirage of trees, slowly letting his gaze slink over to his right side…

"You can come out now; seriously, silver and black is not very imperative when you're trying to camouflage yourself behind a bush."

Sephiroth held back a snarl as he attempted to carefully weave himself out from behind the giant piece of foliage-

Only to yelp (but he would be damned if anyone called it so) as he fell over on the ground face-first in front of prankster and smart-ass extraordinaire, Zackary Fair.

To say that the younger man still standing was laughing his ass off was an understatement, but Sephiroth let it slide…

This time.

"Jeez, how did he not see you there?!" Zack yelped as his best friend took a swipe in his general direction, knowing the swing was lacking the bite of anger everyone seemed to think Sephiroth held onto every minute of every day. "You were in plain fucking sight!"

Brushing back his lengthy silver locks over his shoulder, Sephiroth straightened his own set of clothing, dark blue skinny jeans and black tank-top unruffled under his black knee-length leather jacket. "He seemed pretty preoccupied about whatever it was he was thinking about, so I can thank his own thoughts for the cover provided. I did not think you were being serious when you told me how out of touch with reality he actually is."

"Eh?" Ruffling his own dark spiky locks with his free hand, Zack patted his fellow collegiate friend on the shoulder. "Well, he's not that bad once you get to know him, ya know? It's just, Gast barely sees him with anyone his own age and the only time he actually spends with people is either at school or at dinner, when Aerith has to force him downstairs to eat with all of us. Other than that… he just refuses to get close to anyone on his own freewill."

"Hm…"

"Remind you of anyone?" Zack teased, once again dodging the wild swing sent in his direction. "C'mon! I figured I'd tell ya about him because you two have so much in common! You both hate people…"

"First off, I doubt he hates people, he just refuses to interact with them for whatever reason he deems well enough. Honestly, I don't blame the boy…"

"You both keep yourself at a distance…"

"For entirely different reasons, I'm sure. Have you seen the amount of crazy fan-girls and boys that surround me on a daily basis? I would have to be insane to cater to their obsessive needs by putting myself out in the open in such a way!"

"You're both sexy-delicious…"

"… … Zackary, sometimes, you make me want to stab you." Sephiroth felt his eye twitch as he glared at his best friend, stoic demeanor crumbling as the conversation at hand continued despite his best efforts to end it. "HARD."

"And finally, you're both orphans!" Zack finished off, crossing his arms against his chest in a way reminiscent to his mentor and teacher Angeal. "See? So much in common!"

"Yes, I can see our endless amount of conversations now." The silver-haired juggernaut deadpanned as he swiftly moved past the immature raven-haired college student. "You don't have a mother or father either? Well, how wonderful! Let's go place ourselves in the throes of passion in order to forget our pain and make non-existent babies together."

"… … …"

"I was kidding, Zack."

"I knew that!" Zack awkwardly laughed as he patted himself on the back, his best friend not looking the least bit amused.

Sephiroth nearly face-palmed himself as he exited the clearing, the violet-eyed hyperactive maniac behind him dragging at his heels like a puppy in heat.

'Oh my God, I think Zack's stupidity is beginning to infect me as well…'

"AAAAEEERRRIIIITTTHHHH!"

Sephiroth really did smack himself in the face as Zack pounded on the door before him with vigor, wondering why he continually hung out with a man that would one day drive him off a cliff.

Literally.

"Zack." A tiny girl with long auburn-colored hair tied back in a pink ribbon and stricken apple-green eyes smiled exasperatedly as she opened the door that had been separating them, waving at the silver-haired man towering behind the overactive man practically jumping in excitement. "Do you have to do that every time you come over? I think you're going to give the old lady across the street a heart-attack one of these days…"

"Ah, she's got the heart of a bull!" Pounding on his chest, Zack barely glanced behind him to see an old woman with vibrant white hair glare at him before viciously slamming her door closed out of spite. "See? Perfectly fine!"

"Right." Aerith giggled. "Well, come on in! Father isn't home yet, but dinner's almost ready regardless. I think he's made a break through with some new experiment he has going on with Professor Hojo, but he barely speaks to me about it…"

"Don't look at me." Sephiroth muttered as both Zack and Aerith turned towards him, eyes questioning. "I know next to nothing about Hojo's experiments, and I know I am better off not knowing anything about them thank you both very much."

"Spoil-sport." Zack flinched as Sephiroth lifted his hand, sticking out his tongue as the taller man simply smirked at the sudden reaction on his part. "Heeeyyyyy, Aer-babe, where's Cloud anyway?! I told him to come straight home after you beckoned me to do your bidding!"

"Up in his room… again." Aerith sighed as she led the two men into the living room, staring up at the staircase leading up to their bedrooms. "When I told him that the both of you would be joining us for dinner, he said that he would finish his work upstairs and to call him when dinner was ready. And I'm pretty sure he only said that because he knew I wouldn't let him skip out on dinner again."

"He didn't eat last night?"

"Or the night before that." Brushing off imaginary dirt off of her knee-length pink dress, the young girl made her way to the kitchen. "I'll start serving dinner; Zack, please set the table. Sephiroth, would you mind fetching Cloud for me, please?"

Zack pouted as he stalked into the kitchen, mumbling something about Sephiroth having the easy job as the older man nodded, his smile small and uneasy. Knowing the cause of Sephiroth's disquiet, Aerith smiled warmly in return, nodding in encouragement.

"Think of this as your time to informally introduce yourself." Aerith whispered. "I know you want to…"

"Aerith!"

"I'm coming!"

Making his way up the stairs, Sephiroth rubbed his sweaty palms against the rough fabric of his jeans, not knowing why his body was suddenly reacting in such a manner. Though he had just seen Cloud not even an hour before, the prospect of speaking to him face to face instead of watching (read: stalking) him from a distance was frightening.

Stopping before the room he knew was Cloud's (because Aerith had told him on earlier occasions, and not because he had ever… snooped… around…), Sephiroth gently knocked on the door; a complete contrast to Zack's earlier pounding and gargantuan yelling.

'Please don't ask who is it, please don't ask who is it, please don't ask who is it-'

"Who is it?"

'GOD DAMN IT!'

"It's Sephiroth." The older man winced as he fiddled with his fingers for a moment before holding his hands behind his back, refusing to show an inch of nervousness… even to a door. "Aerith asked me to inform you that dinner is being served, Cloud."

The door slowly opened, revealing a startling oceanic blue eye, a lock of golden-blond hair hanging over said orb and pale skin. Stepping aside, Sephiroth tilted his head to the side as the door fully opened and Cloud reluctantly left his safe haven.

"Good evening, Cloud." Sephiroth felt his lips twitch upward, not revealing a full smile, but hinting towards one. "How are you today?"

"Fine." Cloud blushed as those sea-green eyes continued to trail after his lithe form whilst he nodded up at the towering college student, the door to his room suddenly looking all the more inviting. "Thank you for asking."

"It is no problem," gently pushing the boy forward with a still-sweaty-hand, the pale-skinned 21-year-old propelled them towards the stairs, not noticing the vivid flush encompassing the younger boy's cheeks as he did so. "How are your studies if you do not mind me asking?"

"Fine." Cloud once again answered shortly, hands fidgety as he played with the hemming of his tee-shirt. "And yours?"

Never having been one for conversations, Sephiroth could honestly see why Zack had said that he and Cloud were so much alike.

They even diverted attention away from themselves in the same exact way!

'Somehow, I feel as if this is going to be tougher than I once thought…'

Clearing his throat (elegantly, of course), Sephiroth smiled as they reached the stairs and began to make their way back to the first floor.

"They are as well as they can be at the moment." Trying to keep his frustrations at bay, Sephiroth watched as the tiny boy glanced up at him over his shoulder, blue eyes wide and questioning. "I enjoy what I do and expect the absolute best of myself; but that is a different matter completely. How have you been taking to Aerith's and Professor Gast's company since they took you in?"

'Don't say fine, don't say fine, don't say fine-'

"… … Fine."

'DOUBLE GOD DAMN IT!'

He wasn't going to win anything this way.

In order to beat his opponent, he would have to change tactics.

But how…

Cloud gave Sephiroth a weird look as he became disturbingly silent and made his way into the kitchen, his heart pounding in his chest as he attempted to ignore the want to turn back and stare at the magnificent demi-god standing within his home.

Smiling timidly at his friend and adopted sister, Cloud sat down as Sephiroth reappeared at the kitchen's entryway, his face determined and set.

For some reason…

Cloud felt himself shiver as his sister laughed cheerily, Zack playfully poking her on the arm with his spoon. Sephiroth quietly sat down beside the blond high-school student, eyes now trained on the food before him.

For some reason, Cloud had a feeling that look had something to do with him.

'Oh why me?'