Hiya, all! I hope everyone had a marvellous Christmas and New Years! *hugs* I bring belated Christmas fic from the challenges I participated in over the holiday. The first was written for littlemissgg for brighty18 and littlemissgg's Clandestine Non-Denominational Art/Fic Fest. :) I hope you like it! More coming up soon!

How Lily Potter Learned More Than She Needed To Know About Remus and Sirius' Sex Life

Remus and Sirius stumbled through the door of their shared flat, Sirius tripping over his own feet as he stepped over the threshold and crashing unceremoniously to the ground. Remus fell over his partner's splayed, giggling form, and stumbled a few steps before, he too, ended up smashing face first into the hall carpet.

'Fuck,' Remus mumbled, more in surprise than pain or annoyance.

He could feel the cheap carpet grating like sandpaper along his stomach where his shirt had ridden up, and there was a breeze cool enough to raise goose bumps wafting over his backside where, Remus assumed, his too-loose jeans had slipped down. Sirius' giggles had increased in pitch and quantity – his amusement no doubt stemming from the sight of Remus' arse exposed for his viewing pleasure - and the infectious sound made Remus smile despite his discomfort.

They'd been out drinking at the pub with James and Peter to celebrate the festive season. Several close calls with Death Eaters in recent months had made the possibility of Christmas without one of their 'brothers' a very real one, so the four friends had felt justified in rejoicing the fact they'd survived another year of battle. He doubted Lily, who had just Apparated he and Sirius home after their raucous night of boozing, felt the same, and he felt a brief flash of pity for James, who now had to face his livid wife on his own. With a bubble of laughter slipping from between his lips, Remus lay his cheek against the rough flooring and closed his eyes as the room suddenly began to spin violently.

*

Sirius rolled over onto his side, grinning maniacally at the prone Remus. 'Can see your arse, Moony!' he sang drunkenly, hauling himself onto his hands and knees with more difficulty than he'd anticipated. Remus made no response and Sirius barked out a laugh as he wobbled on all-fours. 'You passed out? Fucking light-weight.'

It took far too much concentrated effort to coordinate the movement of his arms and legs, but soon Sirius was crawling the few metres down the hallway to where Remus lay face-down on the floor. On the way, he bumped a shoulder against the hall table as he swerved off-course. He cried out, 'Ack!' as the Muggle telephone Remus had insisted on having fell and hit him square on the head, emitting a shrill ring. Sirius was struggling to untangle the coiled phone cord from around his neck when he heard a snort of laughter coming from the assumed-unconscious Remus.

'Don't laugh at me,' he grumbled, finally breaking free and tossing the phone down onto the floor. He closed the distance between him and Remus and bent down to bite the exposed flesh of his arse.

Hard.

Remus yelped and flung an arm back to smack Sirius over the head – his aim impressively accurate considering his level of intoxication. Sirius slapped at the flailing arm then slid his tongue over the red bite mark that now marred the pale skin. Remus let out a grunt that Sirius chose to interpret as 'that's nice, keep going'. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of Remus' jeans and yanked hard, dragging the garment all the way down to Remus' calves, taking his underwear with it. Remus made an incomprehensible noise that, once again, Sirius decided to take as approval. He grinned then bit his lip as he curled his hands around the curve of Remus' buttocks.

'You have a fucking marvellous arse, Moony,' he muttered, mesmerized by the smooth, tight flesh under his palms.

Remus made a sound that could not possibly be misinterpreted as anything other than an encouraging moan and arched his back, leaning into the touch like a cat wanting to be petted. Sirius groaned a little at the sight, and slid his thumbs teasingly along the crease between Remus' buttocks before spreading the cheeks to expose the darker pucker hidden within.

His cock gave a powerful throb, pressing painfully against his zipper, but Sirius ignored his needy dick for now, focusing on the treat in front of him. It wasn't often Remus was this loose, this pliant, and Sirius planned on making the most of his lover's malleability. Licking his lips, he bent over Remus' body and blew a soft gust of breath over the furled entrance. Sirius both saw and felt Remus' muscles clench and he let out a guttural groan before he lowered his face and licked a firm stripe from Remus' perineum to the dent of the bottom of his spine.

Remus murmured something that could have been a poor imitation of one of his usual sober token objections, or drunken permission to continue. Sirius let the little backward thrust of Remus' hips speak for itself and enthusiastically buried his face in Remus' arse. His tongue licked broad strokes over the quivering pucker then he stiffened the muscle and traced the tight rim once before he pushed past it with the pointed tip. Remus shouted out his approval and pushed back, encouraging Sirius to go deeper and harder.

Sirius obliged, his hands gripping Remus hard; he could feel the jut of each hipbone under his fingertips, feel the flesh of Remus' buttocks dent under the pressure as he held them apart and plundered the tight channel. With his knee, he pushed Remus' legs as far apart as they could go trapped as they were by his jeans. Then he thrust his tongue deeply inside Remus – hot and tight and tasting heavy and earthy on his palate – and breathed in the scent of sex and musk that was unique to Remus.

His tongue began to ache, stretching and pushing, but Remus was mewling so prettily – the sound making Sirius' balls tighten dangerously – and even though Sirius knew he couldn't reach Remus' prostate like this, he was determined to give it one hell of a try. Remus swore copiously and incoherently, and Sirius revelled in the other man's rare loss of control, his own need starting to take on an edge of urgency. He pulled back, licking teasingly around Remus' twitching rim as he murmured a spell, and eased a slick finger inside Remus with his tongue's next plunge.

Remus hauled himself up onto his knees and Sirius' grip on the other man's hips loosened, allowing Remus to bear down on the probing digit and tongue. 'Sirius, Gods... I... fuck!'

Sirius snickered into Remus' buttock as Remus shouted loudly in response to a firm stroke over his prostate. He regretfully withdrew his tongue, wiping saliva from his lips and chin as Remus moaned and protested the loss. Sirius pressed soothing kisses along the protruding vertebrae as he replaced his tongue with another lubed finger. Remus let out an almost sobbing keen, bracing himself on one hand as the other moved between his legs. Sirius reached around Remus and slapped his hand away from his cock.

'No,' he ordered, placing Remus' hand firmly back onto the floor. 'That's mine. Do not touch.'

Remus whimpered, but did as he was asked, fingertips clawing at the floor as he resisted his body's demands for immediate release. 'Now?' Remus begged in a whisper, rocking back onto Sirius' fingers in an increasingly erratic rhythm. 'Please?'

'Oh, yeah,' Sirius murmured on an approving exhale of breath. 'You're still so tight... Can't wait to feel you all around my cock, Moony.' He almost tore the button of his fly off in his eagerness to be inside Remus. 'Gonna fuck you so hard you'll be feeling me come Christmas morning.'

'Big talk,' Remus groused, a little breathlessly as Sirius' fingers thrust inside him one last time before sliding out of his body. 'Little action.'

He wriggled his arse and Sirius groaned. He ran his still-slick fingers over his cock then shuffled forward on his knees until the tip of his dick was pressed against Remus' stretched entrance.

'Brace yourself,' he warned, not in any condition to go slow and, when Remus rolled his hips impatiently in response, Sirius snapped his hips forward, pushing balls deep inside Remus with one fast thrust.

Remus yelped out his surprise at the rushing burn and Sirius bit his lip as he forced himself to still, despite his body's insistent refrain of 'fuckfuckfucknownownow'.

'For fuck's sake! Bit more warning next time!' Remus breathed, fists clenched against the floor as he adjusted to the rapid intrusion.

Sirius curled his body over Remus', resting his forehead between the other man's shoulder blades as he slid an arm around Remus to grasp his hard cock. He ran a thumb over the precome-slicked tip, rubbing lightly along the slit, and Remus' arse clenched all around him.

'You are a fucking cock-teasing bastard, Black,' Remus growled, hips bucking forward into the fleeting touch before he could stop himself, and that was the sign Sirius had been waiting for.

He gripped Remus' hips tightly and pulled back until only the crown of his cock was still inside the other man. He waited a moment until he heard Remus' whine of impatience then thrust forward until he was buried to the hilt once more. Remus moaned loudly, falling down onto his forearms, and Sirius repeated his action, this time groaning along with Remus as the hot sleeve of the other man's body tightened and rippled around him.

Remus pushed back, urging Sirius on, and Sirius skated one hand along Remus' back until he reached his nape, threading his fingers through the sweat-damp hair there. The other hand found its way back to Remus' erection and, knowing this was going to be a sprint, not a marathon, began to stroke the hot and hard cock roughly, matching the pace of his hips as he pounded unreservedly into the writhing body beneath him.

His rhythm stuttered all too soon, the pressure building at the base of his spine until Sirius felt as though he couldn't take one more second of the exquisite sensations. He knew Remus was close as well; could hear those little breathless hitching sounds that he made when he was about to come, the sounds that went right to Sirius' cock as if magnetically drawn there.

Remus' hand covered Sirius' and they stroked his cock together, their ragged respiration echoing off the walls of the hall which seemed to narrow, time and space closing in on the two of them until Sirius felt as though he and Remus were the only two people left in the world. Sweat stung his eyes, dripping from his jaw onto Remus' back and Sirius bent over, licking the salty beads from the hot skin. He bit down on Remus' shoulder and felt the other man suddenly stiffen beneath him before he let out primal shout.

Hot viscous fluid spilled over Sirius' hand, and the muscles gripping Sirius' cock rippled, sending spikes of electricity directly to Sirius' balls which tightened unbearably for a long moment before fire burst through his veins. Time seemed to stop as Sirius' orgasm hit, sending wave after wave of absolute ecstasy crashing over him, and it took several seconds before Sirius realised that the triumphant howling bouncing off the inside of his skull was his own.

He fell forward, slamming into Remus who, in turn, collapsed onto the floor. They lay together, panting, as their heated, sweaty bodies began to cool, then Remus elbowed Sirius until he rolled off him with a loud curse.

'Fuck.'

'Yeah.'

'That was...'

'Yeah.'

'We were...'

'Oh, yeah.'

Remus chuckled breathlessly then managed to drag himself the few inches until he could drape himself over Sirius' chest, pants still around their knees and ankles, come smeared across their stomachs and thighs.

'We aren't moving, are we?'

Sirius shook his head. 'Nope.'

''Kay.'

And that was how Lily Potter, who came to check on the two men after breakfast the next morning and found them still on the hall floor covered in crusted body fluids, learned more about Remus and Sirius' sex life than she needed to know.

fin.