"What can I say? I got a thing for the bad boys. Don't you?" Gidget asked, her eyes flashing to Bones.

"No. I prefer good boys."

"Really?" I asked, glancing at her. Is she just saying this or does she really, truly like the "good boys?" Please say yes, Bones, please…

"Yes," she answered with complete certainty, looking into my eyes.

I thought about that conversation for a long time afterwards. Even though we were busy with the case, it didn't mean I couldn't separate my thinking and focus on those few words that were exchanged. I can compartmentalize. Like Bones can.

God, just thinking of her made me anxious. It wasn't like I was nervous to be around her…I was just worried I'd let something slip. So, I suppose I am nervous to be around her. But, more than that, I can't stand being away from her. I know it sounds cliché, but she really is like a drug. I know it's wrong to hold onto her like this, but I can't let her go. I can't just leave and hope that, when I come back, everything will be fine and tension-free. And I really can't risk leaving (or staying) and ruin what we have…Even if I do want more. It wouldn't be fair. To her, to me, to the FBI, the Jeffersonian, and to all the squints and agents we work with.

So what choice do I have? As long as I'm being indecisive, I should indulge myself, right? Just being near her is enough sometimes…

But damn it—I really don't know how long I can deal with this state of limbo. I mean, I see her every day. That should take away some of the appeal, you know? Like being around a person should make you be able to desensitize yourself to them. To the way they talk, they way the move, the way they smell…

Okay, this needs to stop. I need to do something to get rid of my obsession with her. Thinking about her like this is what gets me into trouble. It's what I fear everyday. We work around murderers and thieves daily, but the only thing that I concentrate my fear on is the fact that I could, in one fell swoop, ruin all that we've built.

It can be so hard breaking down the walls she builds to separate herself from others. Everything that's happened to her causes her to put another wall up, further separating her from the people who know her, the people who love her. People like me.

I don't know how she doesn't see that I feel this way! I know that I, either by accident or intention, can make it a little obvious—but I swear, it's only to give her a hint. Or its to just give in to my instincts. Sometimes.

All those small touches…They are the highlight of my day, my month, my year…Ultimately, my life. That, if I had the balls to, would want to share with her. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I've talked to Sweets and Gordon Gordon about this…But I really don't know if it's possible to find an answer that doesn't potentially ruin our partnership. Whenever we touch, I feel like I am somehow crossing a line. I know that there isn't really a line, but I feel like I'm endangering us in some way. More so than the physical violence we're threatened with on a daily basis.

The "guy hugs" that we share seem to have lasted a bit longer than normal…All the shielding that I've done, I always get a little closer than normal. It's never hard to find an excuse to be close to her—not when bombs are going off and people are being killed. Luckily, she always counts on me for support, and since I'm being a masochist, I'll always give it to her, without asking for more.

Now, I think it is time to ask for more. I just don't know how.

After the brain tumor, things were very different than before. Beforehand, we had kissed (once) and she had, very boldly, asked for my sperm for a baby. To say I was surprised by either of her actions during those times would be a steep understatement.

Of course, I was thrilled to kiss her…It was just awkward with Caroline there. Of course, when I realized what was about to happen, I freaked. I knew that I'd let something go—kiss her to long, touch her face, something that would show how deeply I really did care about her. And Caroline there just put me even more on the edge. It was like she was checking to see if one of us made a move. I just couldn't do it—I kept trying to look for a way out, glancing from the mistletoe to Caroline, to Bones…Hoping something would save me. Sure enough, though, nothing did, and Bones grabbed my jacket and just kissed me. Our eyes were closed the whole time (well, at least mine were), but I can just imagine the look on Caroline's face. I knew this would happen! I know Bones tried to warn me, but god! We were practically making out right in the front of her office—with at least one person as an audience—obviously more, from the way everyone reacted later…

After the kiss ended, I was literally out of breath. I staggered a bit away from her and tried to regain my bearings. I could still feel what it was like when Bones grabbed my lapels…Very sexy, actually…And then we were apart, each stepping a bit farther away. Bones probably did so out of embarrassment—I moved so I wouldn't jump her in her office. I mean, that kiss was enough to just…It was hot, is what I'm trying to say.

As a way to break the uncomfortable silence and get that shocked look of Caroline's face, Bones asked her if it was enough "steamboats." At first, I thought this was another one of Bones' attempts at one of her "colloquiums" but it turned out that Caroline knew exactly what Bones was getting at, adding that it was "A whole flow tiller." Of course, still practically unconscious from that kiss, I responded with, "I don't know what that means…" I think I'm turning into Bones. I spend so much time around her, I'm even picking up her phrases. She's doing the same with me, too, I suppose, seeing as she's being trying harder to make jokes and use normal vocabulary.

After Caroline left, and Bones and I awkwardly parted, I realized while we kissed, her gum had somehow made it's way into my mouth. I left her with an uneasy thanks, and left, running into Angela and Hodgins.

They both looked overly happy, and I was too distracted to even acknowledge what it might be from. Before Bones and I had kissed, I had heard them talking about Christmas plans, which I suspected they were still caught up in; I didn't even register that it could be about the kiss.

"Dude!" Hodgins called appreciatively as he clapped my shoulder. Normally, this doesn't happen—I wouldn't let it happen, but I was still dazed.

"What?" I asked, trying to be oblivious and act normal.

"You just kissed Brennan!" Angela almost screamed. I immediately looked at my shoes, refusing to meet their excited gaze.

"Oh. Um, it was, you know, for her…" I cleared my throat, trying to unscramble my thoughts, as I suddenly remembered. "It was for her family. Caroline's the prosecutor on Bone—her father's case, and he wanted Christmas for his family. The, er, the only way she'd let that happed was if Bones…If she, um, if she kissed me. And, um, I'm never against Christmas, so I thought I'd help her out. And I gotta go, so I'll call you guys later when I've got something on the dead Santa case!" I finished quickly trying to escape.

Luckily, Hodgins, noticing my discomfort, backed off to his work station, but Angela ran after me and I jogged away.

"What?! You kissed her to…make her father's Christmas? No way. No way that how it went down, Booth."

"Well, sorry to say, but it is," I said hurriedly, searching for an exit.

"Booth, no! That can't be it!" She followed me out into the snow as I tried to shake her off.

"Well, sorry to crush your hopes and dreams," and mine, "Angela, but that's what it was. Bones had it all planned out and everything. It wasn't a romantic thing at all. I just did it to make Christmas for her family."

"Booth," she pulled my arm, stopping me near the crosswalk, "This is serious. Jack and I both saw what happened. That wasn't just a kiss for a friend. This is important; you need to talk to Brennan, hell talk to someone!"

"Yeah, great idea, Angela, I will when I get the chance. I gotta go pick up Parker from school so I'll see you in a while," I called as I jumped into my car.

"Hey," Angela yelled through the glass, "It's only eleven! Parker isn't out of school until three! Booth!"

Of course she was right. Angela was always right. Gordon Gordon was perfectly accurate when he commented that Angela could always see the truth in people. As what it's always like in these situations, I should have listened to her. I should have gone back in and talked to Bones about this. Or at least called her or arranged to eat or something. I shouldn't have blown it off like this and let it fester. It only made things worse. Now I was just desperate in my attempts with her.

Sure, there were times when I was almost positive that she wanted to be near me, like it when I hugged her or shielded her…But, as it was with Bones, I could never be certain. I couldn't pinpoint if this was our relationship—just professional—or if she wanted more.

I know that I wanted more…But would it be conceivable to even wish that without somehow endangering the balance that we have now?