A note from the most revered author: Hi everyone! A lot of you may be wondering why I deleted my other Israel story. The truth is, I couldn't really finish it, because
Halfway through, Israel turned into a guy in my head, which made me realize it was better this way for all the yaoi pairing possibilities
I decided to add a Palestine, who was a guy from a start, and it just seems better if they're identical twins
NOBODY REVEIWED. I'm a total review whore, people. So if you like it, please let me know! Otherwise I'm not going to waste my time over something almost no one will read!
~Ciao, bloodonthepages
0000
It went kind of like this: he couldn't get to his house because of the giant steel wall that had been built around the perimeter. And if he didn't get to his house, that Allah-should-damn-him burger-gulping idiot would have proven his point. And it the point was proven, then Iraq couldn't go home.
Dammit.
It was times like these that he wished he could be a heavy drinker. Hookah was obviously not enough. And Syria, that bastard, would have all the more reason to laugh in between screwing his wife (who was technically Christian, but if anyone mentioned that there'd be hell to pay).
He supposed in a way part of this was his fault, yet that really didn't matter anymore. He would find out one way or another. He refused to continue to be America's bitch.
And so, with that in mind and using all his strength, he kicked the steel door with all of his might.
And felt his foot shatter.
0000
Shai had been swaggering quite cheerfully home from work when he came across the Golden Opportunity; the one which allowed him to for once annoy the hell out of someone without getting his ass completely kicked. And despite his bosses warning him to lay low for a bit, he was going to take the chance.
Fishing his cell phone out of his back pocket, he flipped it open to record a screaming Raheim rolling in agony near a certain steel fortress.
"Pathetic," he mused, toeing Iraq with the tip of his boot. "The one semi-great nation, getting his balls crushed by Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Iran, The U.S., and finally….The Wall."
"Says the guy who's technically not even a real country," snarled his red-eyed cousin from under the boot.
"I take offence to that," said Palestine sulkily. " M' bosses are working on it."
"Sure. Hey, kind of an odd question to ask, no?"
"What?"
"What's your brother's name?"
"Yep."
" 'Yep'?"
"That is an odd question to ask."
They stared at each other. The younger boy twitched a bit uncomfortably. Iraq opened his mouth in horror.
"You have no friggin idea, do you?"
"Well, I know his last name…"
"You share the same last name."
"It's still something, ain't it?!"
He hopped impatiently on his uninjured foot. "How do you spell it, dumbass?"
"نأسف - لعدم - وجود- نتائج - بحث. Jeez."
"…I'm supposed to write this in English."
"Can't spell shit in English. Whoever's reading it will have to deal."
Ruby eyes were rolled and the name was written down in a small, cute purple card. Hazel eyes stared questionably.
"Just what are you doing, anyway?"
Iraq muttered something under his breath. Shai leaned forward, cupping his hand around his ear.
"Didn't quite hear that, bro"
"."
"You have…to…"
There was a thud as the Hamas agent fell to his knees, giggling uncontrollable.
"T-to-"
"Yeah, yeah…"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Shut up!"
"O-okay," he wheezed, "you are now officially America's bitch." A comment which earned him a hard kick in the stomach. The settlement fell to the ground, groaning.
"Says the guy who runs bawling to England any time his hair so much as gets pulled," he growled.
"Hey, Gaza's sensitive," was the lilting response as he stroked the lock of hair that stood up among all the others. "Plus he was hitting me on the head! That hurts, you know."
"Whatever. So you seriously have no idea?"
"…Well I remember it's a mix between 'classroom' and 'prayer book' in Hebrew."
"Would it be' school' in Hebrew by any chance?"
"Don't be stupid, Raheim."
"You quite sure?"
" 'Bet Sefer Malachi' just sounds stupid."
"Well this is why I'm trying to break in! He obviously wrote it somewhere…"
"Why not just ask him?"
"Ask him?"
"Yeah. 'Cause he's right behind you."
Iraq jumped and, ever so slowly, turned around. Sure enough, there the bastard was, with his arms crossed.
He swallowed dryly in his throat.
"How…how long were you standing there?"
A swift punch to the face answered that question. Time took its sweet time as tooth crunched by bone and blood spurted to meet saliva, the mixture forming racing rivers as they ran down the Arab's chin. It ended with another crunch –or rather, a crack- as the Iraqi hit the ground hard, landing on his wrist. Through glazed eyes he watched Palestine try to smooth things over.
"H-hey bro, we were just trying to-"
A thump and a yelp of pain ended the discussion. "Get off of my land," growled Israel.
"O-okay," he sniffed.
"Oh, and…"
Both advisories winced.
"M' name's Kitor," before the steel door was slammed behind him.
"…"
"…"
"I knew it!" crowed his brother.
Raheim groaned and tried to lay back down. Screw the freedom bastard. This totally wasn't worth it.
000
Kitor made a sound of surprise. "That's odd…"
Alfred looked up from the delicious milkshake he was partaking in. "What is it?"
"…I got a card from Iraq"
America's glasses gleamed in triumph. "Why, I wonder what it could say! You'd better open it."
"…"
"Well? What does it say?"
The Holy Land's eyes narrowed considerably.
Dear idiot Jew-dog who will forever be cursed with fiery hell Kitor Malachi,
I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble, because it led to me causing trouble to that fat bastard who enjoys
stuffing burgers up his ass. But then again, you'd know all about stuffing things up his ass, wouldn't you?
So yeah, I'm sorry for that, and I'm especially sorry that you ever existed, because you are a total bastard
and I'm in considerable pain writing this, considering that you broke my fucking wrist. And by the way
your hummus tastes like ass and your Dead Sea products don't do shit. I'm just sayin'.
Anyway this is still totally worth it because it means America will stop keeping me on such a short leash.
So see you next week, and if I were you I'd increase my security, as I am going to rip your tongue right
out of your fuckin mouth.
Shai says 'Hi.'
May Allah rip your spine out and revive you so He may do it again,
Raheim Hamza Tahi Al-Rawi
"Oh, just a friendly little greeting from Iraq."
000
"Oh yeah, Raheim?"
"What?"
"Why were you kicking the wall?"
"I told you. I didn't really know how to get inside."
Shai beamed. "Well why didn't you just ask? I sneak in there all the time!"
"…"
"What?"
"…Shai?"
"Yeah?"
And the fist went into his face.