I don't own Bleach and I got inspiration for this story from Ulquiorra's Trashy Book Review by bandgeek9. I don't own Twilight either.. Kind of a crack-ish story.

You see, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow had decided to start an epic fail journal. Whenever they saw an epic fail, they would write it down. Aizen, taking note of this, forced them to read and watch Twilight. The leader of the arrancar knew very well the vast number of epic fails in the first book alone. Grimmjow said that no way in hell would he be reading the book, and forced Ulquiorra to read it aloud for him.

Ulquiorra started to read, "My mother drove me to the airport with the windows..." But sadly, Ulquiorra could not continue and fell asleep.

Grimmjow saw that Ulquiorra was asleep, and wrote down that Twilight was such an epic fail that Ulquiorra could not even read past the first sentence. He punched Ulquiorra to get him awake and they simply read the rest of the summary on wikipedia. They got at least 10 epic fails from that.

Szayel had told them to check out the website, as that website nearly ripped Twilight apart and dissected nearly every fail possible. They got 312 fails from that, and they met their goal of at least 300 fails.

Later in a hall in Las Noches...

"Oh my gosh, you guys are just haters! Twilight is an awesome book." Tfellei said, who was a very prominent twihard arrancar.

"Anyone with half of a half of a braincell can see why Twilight is not an awesome book." Cirucci and Lilynette said in unison, as if they had practiced saying it before.

"As I said, you guys are haters! Edward is awesome, like totally, but I think Jasper is better." Tfellei said again.

"At least you're sane. Edward is a creepy stalker and yeah, Jasper is one of the better characters in the book, along with Leah." Cirruci agreed.

Lilynette continued, "Yeah, as much as I'd like to have an intellectual arguement, I've argued about this MANY times with other people, about the exact same subject. Strange thing is, they were all women and they kept telling me that I'm too young to understand romance. Psshaw. I'm older than they could ever hope to be. Watching some sleep is not cute, Bella's clumsiness is not a flaw if it's looked at in an endearing way, Alice is basically a plot device, Bella's power is lame, Bella shouldn't get pregant if Edward is dead so therefore how the hell did they have sex and get Bella pregnant? Renesmee shouldn't even exist and if Edward could stop a huge van, how the hell did Bella survive through that? BTW, I love you Tyler's Van. And sparkles do not make vampires sexy, it makes them look.. hmm.. stupid? Not gorgeous. Totally pale and hard skin plus purple bruises under their eyes AND sparkles doesn't equal hotness. It equals stupidity. Well, um, no offence to you, Ulquiorra. At least you don't sparkle and have those purple thingies under your eyes." After she finished, she heard someone say "trash" from the other room. She said "no offence", didn't she?

"Hey, Lilynette, you done ranting now?" Cirruci asked.

"Yeah, sorry. I couldn't resist."

The unbearable amount of logic had overloaded Tfellei's brain and she had passed out. During that time, Lilynette borrowed U & G's book of epic fails. When Tfellei awoke, Lilynette read the ENTIRE thing to her: why Renesmee shouldn't exist, why the chromosome explanation was f*cked up, and how there is no plot in Twilight until like page 300, am I right? It was that plus MOAR. All that logic made Tfellei's mask break and her brain explode, along with her arrancar number and anything else hollow related on her.

Stark had heard the news, and congratulated Lilynette for murdering one of their own kind using logic. Ulquiorra now regarded Lilynette as a "non-trash" for using insane amounts of logic, just like himself.

"See the power of logic?! Isn't it awesome? If only it would work on the twihards or twazis in real life..." Cirucci sighed.

But as everyone was celebrating, several real life twazis including Nutty and Moonlight appeared through a garganta to Hueco Mundo. Tfellei led them to Las Noches, and they invaded.
(A/N: wait, I thought her brain exploded?)

They put up a great fight against the arrancar, but sadly, they were only humans. (A/N: wait, they are?) So, they blasted off with over 9000 pieces missing from their bodies.

Meanwhile in the control room, Aizen was ranting about how Harry Potter pwned Twilight, Gin was ranting about how ANY book pwned Twilight, and Tousen was ranting about how Twilight was an insult to justice.

Tfellei is an OC I created just for the heck of it. I wanted to make Lilynette rant and Cirucci did not seem like the type to like something like Twilight. Oh, and the epic fail journal was my friend's idea... Um.. Review please?