Edward Cullen is the kid that wears highwaters and Buddy Holly glasses. He's the kid that carries a trapper keeper and always has an ample amount of pens. He doesn't speak a whole lot, and when he does its usually some random fact that has nothing to do with the situation or conversation at hand. He blushes at the drop of a hat and his skinny, gangly form makes for bouts of clumsiness that usually result in the books that he's carrying ending up sprawled out across the floor, along with his body.

Edward Cullen's hair is downright crazy. It sticks out in all directions and is the strangest shade of reddish-brown I've ever seen, that is, when he doesn't gel it down and comb it into an Andy Griffith style, complete with a part down the left side. He is socially awkward and has a tendency to stutter when speaking to people he doesn't know well. He is the kid that's lived next door to me my whole life and the kid that I share all my secrets with. He's the kid that I'd trust with my life, if the situation called for it. I am Edward Cullen's only friend and really, he's mine as well.

Edward Cullen plays the piano and writes his own music. He spends hours at a time eating popcorn and watching Star Wars with his action figures lined up beside the television in his Harry Potter boxers. He reads for fun and probably knows more words than are in the dictionary. He can speak French, Spanish, and Italian and a little bit of Japanese, but most of all…

I love him. I love him so much I can barely stand it. And along with that, I want him.

I want him on his piano. I want him on his Spiderman bedspread. I want him on his computer table and on his kitchen table. The list goes on…and at this point I think you get it.

So here I am, lying on my bed, staring at the blank, white ceiling, thinking of him and wishing the ache and dampness in my middle parts would just go away when lo and behold, I hear a knock on my window and guess who it is?

I'll give you one hint.

Speak of the adorably nerdy neighbor boy and he shall appear.

He usually comes here when he's had a particularly bad day and needs a friend. I can't tell you how tiring it gets dealing with the bullies of Forks High School who want nothing more than to give you swirlies and chuck your books away just because they have nothing better to do and no self esteem. Not that it's ever happened to me. I'm your average wallflower, but I've seen the works on him and it hurts. I can feel it when he hurts.

Edward's a strong kid but sometimes it gets to be too much. I can't tell you how many times he's come into my room at night and cried himself to sleep in my arms. It's embarrassing for him, I'm sure, so we never really talk about it, but I'm glad he trusts me enough to let me see this side of him.

I open the window and he swings himself in, all six feet two inches of his seventeen year old body landing with a muted thud on my carpet. His eyes are glassy with unshed tears, and the red rims make his green orbs stand out against the alabaster skin of his cheeks.

All too soon, my girly ache is moved as it centers in my heart instead because my beautiful boy is upset again. This time feels different and it worries me.

"I did something bad, Bella." He says and I open my arms for him as he crawls onto my bed. My boy sobs into my shoulder and I stroke his wild hair, waiting for him to tell me.

"What is it, honey? What did you do?" He pulls back slightly with a red face and I actually notice his glasses are gone. I raise my hand to touch the space between his nose where they would normally rest and trail my finger down the bridge of his nose. He closes his eyes and my hand moves to his cheek to wipe the tears. He leans into my hand and his eyes close, but I still want to know.

"Where are your glasses Edward?" I ask, because he obviously isn't going to answer my previous question.

"They broke them. I had to put in my contacts so I could see to get here. They cornered me on my way from school and they…they hurt me…physically… and that's normal, but it wasn't just that. They said awful things, Bella. They said awful things and what hurts so much is that what they said was true so I did something bad. I did something really, really bad."

I notice that his nose and eyes are swollen and red from crying, but he has the hint of a slight bruise on his cheek. There is a cut on his lip. I want to kiss it better. Even so, he's paler than normal and it scares me.

"What did you do that was bad?" I ask again, because I really need to know. I can't help if I don't know. He pulls back from my arms completely and drops his gaze to my purple down comforter. I'm confused as my Edward fidgets with his left sleeve and becomes restless before taking a deep breath.

Slowly, cautiously, he pulls up the sleeve to reveal a bandage covering the inside of his wrist and I panic. Oh, Edward. What have you done?

I see what's coming, but at first I don't believe it. I can't beliveve it. There's no way he would have because I can't even fathom...

No, he didn't.

He couldn't have.

He wouldn't.

My hand is clasped over my mouth to keep the sob in and my chest is heaving in protest, yet I still refuse to believe. Slowly, the bandage comes back and there it is, the slice running across his wrist at the place where his hand meets his arm.

He did.

"Oh, Edward." I say and I take his arm in my hands and my heart breaks. He's still looking at the floor.

My tears come freely now, at the thought of losing my beautiful boy. I find myself angry that he's in so much pain that he considers this an option. I'm sad that he thought this was his only way, and I'm relieved that he stopped and that he came to me.

I'm also sorry that he's disappointed in himself and that he thinks I'm disappointed in him as well, because I'm not. I'm just so sad and so terrified because honestly, what would I do without him? I wouldn't live without him.

"I'm sorry." He sobs over and over and I take him in my arms once again. I feel the need to wrap him in my body and soul and protect him from those evil people. He's too good for that.

"No baby, don't be sorry. It isn't your fault." I hush him because he has no reason to be sorry. It's all those monsters' fault.

"It's okay. You're okay." I tell him because he's here with me now and I won't let anything hurt him while he's with me.

I'm so overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation and with the love I feel for him and the desperation to have him know just how much I need, him so I grab his face in my hands and make his eyes see mine.

"I need you, Edward. Never again, okay? I need you with me. The end of you is the end of me, you understand? Never again. Okay?" I tell him seriously and sternly, yet I know I'm about to break too as my voice cracks with my confessions. My face is hot as the tears trail between us and I'm so lost to it all that my head is spinning in worry.

He nods and he says, "I understand," but I don't think he does. It occurs to me for the first time that maybe he doesn't know how much I love him and I feel stupid for not telling him sooner. Then I realize that maybe it's not that he never said anything about it because he doesn't feel the same, but maybe he just doesn't know. No, scratch that. I know he doesn't know. I can look at him right now and see that he doesn't know.

"No, Edward. You don't understand." I tell him as I draw him nearer. Now isn't the time to fear rejection. Now is the time to lay it all on the line.

"I can't live without you, okay Edward? I need you in my life like water and air and I love you so much it hurts. I need you, okay? Don't you get that I need you? You have to promise me this will never happen again. Promise me."

I'm shaking with desperation and grief and with my need for him to understand and I'm sobbing now too.

He looks stunned but he gives me a soft but fierce "I promise," and that's all I need before I crush his mouth to mine for the first time, unable to stand the distance any longer, still unable to believe that I could have lost him forever.

His lips are so soft and he tastes like tears, rain, vanilla, and Edward. My hands clutch his hair and I'm relieved that he kisses me back with enthusiasm as he hold me so tight with his good arm and as much as he can with his hurt one.

We kiss for a long time with lips and tongue and heartstrings askew. When I pull back I'm dizzy and I'm so torn between happy and sad that I don't even know what I am anymore.

He's shivering because he's cold and scared and his beautiful emerald eyes are staring back at me in wonder. I'm sure I'm looking at him the same way.

Oh my beautiful boy. He buries his face in my neck again and holds me so tight I feel almost like I'm a part of him.

"I love you, Bella." He whispers and I cry some more because I can't help it. My fingers are lightly digging into his hair and I'm pushed as close as I can get but it's not close enough. He's still shivering.

Reluctantly, I loosen my grip and take his hand, leading him to the bathroom, relieved about the fact that my father is in Indiana visiting my Grandma Marie for a couple of weeks.

He trails along awkwardly, no doubt confused but he's a smart boy. He starts to catch on as I begin to fill the tub with hot water.

Turning to him, I place my hands at the base of his t-shirt and lift it above his head and he reaches his arms up. As the shirt comes off I see beautiful ivory skin covered in black and blue. My heart breaks again as my hands run over them. My poor beautiful boy. He shudders at my touch and I make my way to his belt and khakis, lowering them to the floor so he's left in just his boxers.

My eyes meet his again and lock there as I carefully lay my hands on his hips were his boxers begin. Slowly, very slowly, I begin to push them down and his hands cover mine. His eyes clench shut and he's holding his breath. He's nervous. Again, slowly, his hands move with mine to lower them to the floor and he's left before me, completely bare.

I see him, all of him, and he's perfect in every way and from what I can see…he wants me. His eyes open, nervously, and I make sure to tell him in my gaze just how perfect I think he is.

Then, it's time for me to be nervous, because I clutch the hem of my own night shirt in my hands and begin to pull it over my head, making sure it's okay with him. His hands reach mine and pull them away and I'm scared he doesn't really want me and that's why he doesn't want me undressed, but he puts his hands underneath my shirt and places them on my bare hips. So slowly that it burns a trail across my skin, he moves his hands up my sides, never breaking contact and taking my shirt with him as he goes. It feel so good that I forget I was even insecure at all before.

Hooking the sides of my panties, he pulls them down in the same manner and there we are, both totally exposed for each other.

I turn the water off and he steps in first, clutching my hand as he lowers himself into the water. I come in second, settling on top of him so that we are chest to chest and I bury my face in his neck. I unhurriedly lower myself onto him completely, taking him inside me and he gasps at the feeling. It hurts more than you can imagine as my barrier breaks to him, leaving me completely his.

We're both gasping for air at this point as I'm trying to let the pain fade and he's trying desperately not to come. I know this is the first time for both of us and I'm glad that I'm already on birth control for my cramps so that I can feel all of him.

After an immeasurable amount of time the hurt lessens and I move against him, but not that much, because I'm never willing to let my clutch on him go. One of his arms is around my waist and the other is trailing up my back because his hand is settled in my hair, and that's also where his face is buried.

After rocking a few times it feels more incredible than painful. I know I won't come the first time but I'm so close to him and that's all that matters. All I need is just to feel him and the fact that he's inside me is more than enough.

After a bit I feel his stomach muscles contract against mine and I know he's close. Soon enough he lets himself go inside of me and he shudders into me again, but this time it isn't the cold.

I pull back slightly to see his face but I keep him in me. He's looking at me with the most indescribable expression…but I'll try my best.

He has new, unshed tears in his eyes, but with the way he's smiling at me, I don't think they're bad tears. His eyes are glowing with a light that I've never seen from him. He looks happy for the first time in a long time and I'm happy too.

I'm smiling bigger than I ever have and my face is wet with the tears coming down. He wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs and kisses me again, sweetly and softly, but for a very long time. My Edward's hands travel my body and mine travel his, but as the water gets cold we stop and I pull off of him.

We drain the tub and take a shower because we didn't really get around to cleaning him off, which was what it was intended for in the first place. After our round in the tub, however, it's both of us who need a good cleaning.

He washes my hair and body with such care and gentleness that I almost start crying again and I do the same for him.

When we get into bed he surprises me by kissing down my body to my center, where he makes my world explode with his mouth. I kiss him goodnight, tongue and all and I taste myself on him but I don't really mind and he likes it a lot.

Finally, I curl into him with my back to his chest as he spoons me. I kiss his cut wrist and lay our intertwined fingers on my stomach as we snuggle under the covers.

I tell him that I love him and he tells me right back and I know it's all going to be okay because I have my beautiful boy with me now and I'll never let him hurt again.

A/N: Review?