These were made by me, codename Shoez, and my friend, codename Sox. Regular bold is stuff by me, bold and italic is by Sox. If any of these sound similar to already existing ways to cheese off/annoy Death Eaters or what not to do to them, it is purely coincidental. (Wow...I managed to spell that...That's a first...)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the relating characters.

~*~*~Chapter One: Thing's We May Not Do To Death Eaters~*~*~

Voldemort slammed his head against the wall. His two younger Death Eaters, Sox and Shoez, were both very rowdy and always getting the Death Eaters in trouble. He already had enough trouble with the Order, and he didn't need two kids annoying him to the point of explosion. He began to pace, he needed a plan. Instantly, a muggle light bulb seemed to go off in his head, and he pulled out a piece of parchment, and bean to write a list of things the two girls weren't allowed to do.

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1) Voldemort does not want a wig, so we may not buy him one. Even if it is on sale.

2) We may not thwap Death Eaters with Lucius Malfoy's cane, even if they deserve it.

3) We may not write "Down with Voldemort!" on muggle sticky notes and stick them to Death Eater robes, because we would die.

4) We may not write "TEAM POTTER" on parchment and slip them into the Death Eater's pockets.

5) We may not blackmail Snape over the whole "double agent" thing.

6) We may not put Voldemort into a mental institution.

7) We are to stop giving Snape fancy shampoos, even though he needs them.

8) Trashing Malfoy Manor is NOT allowed, and we may not do so. (Trashing the Order Headquarters is just fine.)

9) Stalking Draco Malfoy is forbidden.

10) We may not steal Voldemort's wand to sell on Ebay.

11) We must stop bugging Yaxley, Avery Jr. and Sr., Mulciber Jr. and Sr., Gibbon, Rosier, Selwyn, Wilkes, Lestrange Sr., Travers, Nott Sr., Jugson, Goyle, and Crabbe about what their first names are.

12) Voldemort does not want colored contacts.

13) Informing Bellatrix Lestrange that she is the second cousin of Harry Potter is not a good idea. Planning a family reunion is even worse. Suggesting that she go hug him is suicidal.

14) Suggesting anger management classes is a bad idea.

15) Dementor's are not to be dyed any bright cheery color, for it is just plain wrong.

16) We may not blow up the muggle toasters in Malfoy Manor, even if it is entertaining.

17) Nagini is a snake. She is not the Loch Ness Monster in hiding.

18) It is very mean to keep reminding Rodolphus Lestrange that Bellatrix loves Voldemort, not him.

19) We are to stop calling Voldemort a "homicidal maniac".

20) We may not put the Dark Mark up in the sky every time we kill a bug.

21) Humming the muggle tune "Mission Impossible" every time we enter the Ministry of Magic is not appropriate.

22) It is unnecessary to shout "PWND!!" whenever we win a duel.

23) Voldemort is allow to Cruciate us until we lose our minds if we tell him he just lost the game. (YOU JUST LOST, AS WELL. HA!)

24) We may not attempt to avenge Albus Dumbledore.

25) Impersonating an Inferius is a tactic used by thieves like Mundungus Fletcher. NOT. DEATH EATERS.

26) Bellatrix is allowed to hurt us if we give her bottles of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion.

27) We may not put Thorfinn Rowle on a diet. That is Voldemort's job.

28) We may not transfigure Dolohov into a duck.

29) Selwyn need not be reminded that he may or may not be related to an old bat by the name of Dolores Jane Umbridge.

30) Holding up pictures of ferrets in the presence of Draco Malfoy is just cruel.

31) Guilt tripping Barty Crouch Jr. about how he so cruelly threw aside Winky's love for him is cruel.

32) Pointing over Voldemort's shoulder and screaming "DUMBLEDORE!" is a good way to get yourself killed. We may not attempt that again. EVER.

33) We may not call Voldemort "Tommy", "Thomas", "halfblood", "Riddle", "Tom", or "Voldy".

34) It is cruel to draw lightning bolt scars on Voldemort's head with muggle sharpies.

35) Sending letters to the Daily Prophet about their incompetence is smiled at. Sending Voldemort letters about his incompetence is frowned upon, forbidden, and will be met with many jinxes that have never been seen before.

36) Calling Wormtail a rat is mean, even though he technically is a rat.

37) Slipping Voldemort a Love Potion is not recommended. Rookwood is still scarred for life.

38) We may not wear duck suits to Death Eater meetings.

39) Dressing up like Frank and Alice Longbottom and hitting the Lestranges with the Cruciatus Curse may be fun, but they have every right to chase us around Malfoy Manor with muggle saucepans, flyswatters, and bazookas afterwards.

40) Dolohov has asked us to stop poking him with spoons. We must comply. Or else.

41) We may not sneak up behind random Death Eaters and hug them.

42) We may not force Bellatrix to play tea party. Even if we use the Imperius Curse.

43) Dumping large amounts of muggle bouncy balls in the halls of Malfoy Manor and bewitching them to chase Lucius around may be comical, but Narcissa doesn't want the fine china to be smashed.

44) Putting Voldemort under the Imperius Curse and forcing him to do ballet in front of the Order is a good way to scar them for life. We may not do so.

45) We may not kidnap Peeves and set him loose in Malfoy Manor. Lucius will hate us. Filch will love us. Choose wisely.

46) Using Bellatrix's baby voice against her will result in a Crucio aimed at the head, and Voldemort will not pity us.

47) The phrase "fail" may not be said after loss of an epic battle of good vs. evil.

48) We may not levitate large muggle dictionaries and drop them on random Death Eater's heads. We may do this to Order members, however.

49) Fixing large, neon signs to the roof of Malfoy Manor saying "DEATH EATER HEADQUARTERS HERE!" is forbidden. However, if the Ministry ignores it, we will only be screamed at.

50) Failure to comply with this list will result in the confiscation and destruction of our wands.

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Voldemort looked over the list, then set off to give it to the two girls.

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Voldemort glared at Sox and Shoez, and they looked back at him with smug looks.

"I gave you two A LIST. And you promptly blew up a toaster, which is forbidden! What have you got to say for yourselves?!" He sputtered. Shoez and Sox laughed.

"Sir." Shoez began. "You said we couldn't blow up a toaster at MALFOY Manor..."

"You didn't say anything about LESTRANGE Manor." Sox finished. Voldemort twitched for a minute. "Oh, and Tommy?"

"What?" Voldemort snapped.

"YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!!!" Shoez and Sox screamed at the same time before turning around and running away at top speed. Voldemort didn't quite know how to react, and retreated to a dark room to silently nurse a headache.

THIS WAS TYPED ONE-HANDED.