So I'm on a bit of a Ratchet&Clank kick right now. Have been for... a month at least, lolz. Not sure how much longer it'll last but hey... might as well write something while it's here right? ^_^

This'll be a ficseries of sorts... each chapter will be its own standalone oneshot for the most part, though some will relate to others. Just a warning, there will be slash (and if I get that far, femslash) later on, though I'll mark those chapters in bold or something.

*random* Am I the only one disappointed by the fact that the character list thing has Lance and Janice of all characters, but no IRIS? Come on people, give the supercomputer-with-an-awesome-voice some love :/

Alright, onto ficcage! XD

Rated For: Later chapters. Swearing, innuendos, blood, half-scrapped robots, the usual.
Uploaded: Jan08/10 (my god it's 2010 already?)

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"A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever." ~Unknown

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IRIS awoke.

The very first thing she did, as always, was to thoroughly check her massive databanks for any errors, be they corrupted files or a physical defect in the hundreds of different types of hard drives she employed. Often, especially if the time span between her periods of full consciousness was long, some of the drives would fail thanks to age. Less often, but still far too frequent for her liking, some other being had damaged them or even physically removed them from her structure. The great majority of the information she contained was also stored in various servers scattered around the galaxy, so it had been a very long time indeed since she had well and truly lost any sort of data. This time, the software was fully intact. The hardware, however...

It seemed that the pirates had returned for a brief period after her last awakening and had wreaked havoc throughout her superstructure yet again. The halo of ice surrounding the metal - what protected her from prying eyes, because oftentimes she looked like an ordinary comet - was melting off, as well, so she was nearing the solar system's star. The freezing cold water had seeped deep inside in some places and quite a few drives had been fried that way. She would have to replace thirty-nine drives completely, and find a way to repair many others.

After a moment's consideration, IRIS sent out a call with every type of communications device she possessed. If any of her information seekers still lived, they would return as fast as they possibly could. If they had all died - as was likely, considering the amount of time that had passed - then her summons would attract the attention of explorers and thrill-seekers and perhaps even whatever galactic civilization existed now. Any of them would offer assistance in return for the knowledge she held. She had learned that eons ago.

IRIS fell back into standby mode, content to wait for as long as she needed.

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IRIS awoke - but this time it wasn't to near-empty power reserves.

Someone had heard the call. No new information had been entered into her database, so it was not one of her information seekers. However, they were not hostile - otherwise they would not have attached quite so many power cells to her structure. Two hundred twenty-one, to be exact. Whoever they were, they were most considerate. These cells would last another revolution around the star; more than long enough for her purposes.

It hadn't been long since she'd sent out the call, and thus she only ran a cursory scan of her databanks. One more drive had failed and two more had incurred damage - she needed to find some method of sealing them against the water...

Now was not the time, however. Her visitor was waiting.

She activated the audio sensors in her central alcove first. It would not do for her to be unable to translate the visitor's language before speaking to it. In order to translate, she first needed a sample. As she expected, the language was unfamiliar. Of course, that was no issue; no language was so dissimilar from her amassed glossary so as to be untranslatable. This one would be no different.

Her visual sensors came online next, their internals slow from cold. For several minutes she watched and listened silently as the visitor talked, first to her, then to itself. It was similar in appearance to a great many of the species she had encountered - evolution seemed to favor a symmetrical, bipedal design with the majority of the sensory organs located in the head. This particular species' skin was nearly hairless, lacked any sort of markings, and was a monotonous brown hue. After having seen the sheer variety of possible designs she had, it came across as rather bland. Even its clothing was somewhat uninspired; it was certainly quiet detailed, but it was entirely in various shades of black and brown.

'Similarities to the languages of a Class-Five civilization in spiral galaxy M-3497, quadrant Alpha, sector 36-B, system E-58. Species' physiology is a 98.7% match to the physiology of the sentient species from system E-58. Species was bi-gendered - bioscans indicate the current specimen is of the 'male' gender. Information updated. Civilization possessed multiple dominant languages in addition to many minor languages. Current language possesses phrases and words borrowed from the languages, in addition to modified slang. Cross-referencing. No current term for the species' name has been given. Most widespread language during the time period in which previous information was gathered used the term 'Human'. Until current term is given, 'Human' will be used. Building glossary from previous information gathered and current specimen's dialect...'

IRIS activated her speech synthesizer, and with it her multitude of secondary screens flickered to life. "Hello."

The Human jumped, a sign of surprise that seemed near-universal. "Er... hi. How long 'ave you been... awake?"

She noticed that the Human was reaching inside his garment. Scans revealed an object, likely a weapon, hidden on his person. It was not anything that would harm her, however, and so she ignored it. "Eleven minutes and twenty-six seconds. What do you wish to ask me?"

"Er..."

Odd. It was rare that her visitors did not know what exactly they wished to ask. Odder still that this Human had likely devoted some time to restoring her to power... and yet did not know what to ask. Of course, it was possible that all memory of her existence had been forgotten, and so the Human didn't know what he'd been powering. An illogical move; but then again, organics were rarely logical.

"...Who are you? What are you?"

"I am the IRIS Supercomputer. I know everything," she replied promptly. Yes, she had been forgotten - but she had been in hibernation a long time, so that was to be expected. She didn't really mind anyways. It had happened 209,756 times previously, after all.

"...Uh-huh." He was skeptical. Very skeptical. That, at least, was normal. Organic species simply could not comprehend the vast amount of knowledge she possessed; even most mechanoids had difficulties. "An' I suppose I'm the Governor of Reach?"

Ah, sarcasm. The bane of her existence. "That information is unavailable at this time."

"Ah, but I thought y'knew everythin'."

"I do," she responded, "That information simply has not been recorded yet. If you return in several decades, I will possess that knowledge."

The Human seemed to ponder that for a moment before letting out a dry chuckle. "So yer basically just a big ol' library. One that's missin' some of its datapads."

IRIS was silent. She didn't particularly like the comparisons to herself and a library. The comparisons to a search engine were only marginally better. She was so much more than that. She alone held the records on millions of long-gone civilizations. She alone carried the recollections of trillions of beings' lives within her vast mind. She alone could calculate pi to its final digit, knew that a tree falling in a forest with no one around to hear it did indeed make a sound, and knew precisely how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie pop. She alone had witnessed the rise and fall of uncountable civilizations, species, planets, stars. She was the IRIS Supercomputer - the Eye that gazed through the eons.

She said none of this, of course. She'd long ago learned that the majority of her visitors didn't appreciate her 'egotism', as some of them put it. Better to remain silent than drive away a potential information seeker.

After an extended silence, the Human began to fidget. He was likely becoming unnerved by her continued silence. She wasn't going to break it, though - let him do it. It was his place to lead the conversation, to ask the questions, not hers. "...All right. Tell me somethin' that you do remember." There was a note of challenge, of defiance in the Human's voice.

IRIS considered.

She recalled the time of her last awakening. Before she had gone into hibernation, that was. For organic species, it had been quite some time ago - approximately forty revolutions of her star. The Humans hadn't spread to this galaxy at that point... they hadn't even left their own solar system. The last galactic civilization had certainly fallen sometime during that span; she could detect no transmissions of the type they had used. There were, however, transmissions of a different type - millions of them. She'd begun to process them as soon as her transceivers had come online. The Humans were certainly part of the new galactic civilization that had risen to take the place of the old one. They were a major part of it, in fact. Possibly one of its founders. Perhaps, then, she should elaborate on what had been here before the Humans. She had found that most species were very interested in history, and judging by the information she had gathered on them, Humans were no different.

"I will tell you the tale of the beings who last restored power to my mind, and the stories of those whose lives intertwined with theirs. They lived approximately eight thousand of your years ago; long before your civilization arose. There is likely no other record left of their lives. Despite this, I would confidently list them amongst the greatest heroes the universe has known."

"Their names were Ratchet and Clank, and these are their memories."