Title: Home

Summary: The Blight has ended, the world is saved. You'd think everyone would be happy, but nothing's farther from the truth. Yet, sometimes, happiness awaits in the most unusual of places. Amell/Cullen

Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I own Dragon Age? If I did, would I be writing fanfiction?

It had been more than a full year since she'd left the Circle Tower behind her, the memories, the people, the friends... she had never expected to miss it, never expected to return to the prison that had kept her her entire life.

And yet, here she was. Alone.

The hallways had gotten darker, she noted. Or had they? She wasn't quite sure... maybe it was the memory of this place that still haunted her, the last time she'd walked these floors, she'd been busy slaying abominations, walking corpses, and demons.

She felt sad that that was the first thing she thought of when she thought of the tower. She didn't think of the bright lights shining through the windows, taunting her to take a peak at what she'd never be allowed to have, not as long as she was an apprentice. She didn't think of the mornings, when all of the girls would gather in the back rooms to get dressed, the endless fighting over who could use the mirror first, the Templars moaning about how slow they were, and the occasional male roommate attempting to sneak in, only for him to be dragged away by the Templars and forced to get dressed.

It all seemed so far away now, the happier days. For some reason, people never realised what they had until it was gone. And that was exactly what Amell felt as she stood in the Apprentice Quarters, overlooking the smashed mirrors, the bloody streaks on the walls and furniture, and the broken beds, all of them painfully empty.

"It could use a good scrub!" she laughed sadly. "What? Noooo... it looks fine! Don't be such a cleanfreak!" she chirped, mimicking Jowan's voice. "Well, someone's gotta do it, seeing as you are all so lazy!"

"Talking to yourself?"

Amell gasped as she tripped over a bedpost, "Wha...?" she softly rubbed the back of her head as she glanced around the bed's sheets, trying to get a good look at her "visitor". The familiar face did not come with the familiar expression, although she really couldn't expect him to smile at her. Not after all that had happened.

"Cullen." she greeted him softly as she scrambled back to her feet, trying her hardest not to look him straight in the eye. The last time they spoke, he'd made it quite clear what he thought of mages, and she doubted much had changed between then and now.

"What are you doing here?" he growled at her as he stepped towards her, "I thought you'd left. For good."

Her eyes saddened, and she slowly turned her back towards him, "I'm back!" she tried to call as cheerfully as possible, but her tone didn't even fool herself.

"No! Really? Oh wow, and here I thought I was hallucinating again! Maybe it's a side effect of that pretty little cage the mages conjured up!" he snapped at her as he mockingly waved his arms around.

"I didn't do that to you..." she mumbled defensively, "I-"

"You may not have done anything, but it might as well have been you, right? You have that power too, you are just as much a danger as the rest of them." Cullen knew he shouldn't be taking his anger out on her, she hadn't done anything, but for some reason, he couldn't calm himself down. "Just why did you come back? There's nothing here for you anymore!"

"Because I have nowhere else to go!" she yelled angrily, spinning around and glaring at him for a second before her anger turned to sadness again. Cullen huffed as he turned away from her, secretly feeling just as sad as she felt. There was a moment of silence before Amell laughed gingerly, "It's kind of... funny..."

Cullen turned back towards her, staring confusingly. "...all my life, I wanted to leave this place... but I never could..." she glanced down at her feet, "And now... all I want to do is return..."

The young Templar sighed sadly as she continued, "But I never can, can I?" she asked as she turned towards him, "I wanted to leave, but couldn't... I want to return, but can't." she nodded her head, as though responding to her own question.

"And all this time, they were right... there is no place for people such as I in this world." she inhaled sharply, "I always thought the Templars hated us, hated me... cared only about protecting the world from us." a bitter laugh escaped her lips, "But you... always protected me, didn't you?"

"Of course there's a place for you..." Cullen said softly as he approached her. "You don't have to protect me anymore, Cullen..." she smiled sadly, "I've seen it with my own eyes, mages aren't welcome in this world... no matter what we say or do, it'll never be enough." It wasn't until Cullen placed an understanding hand on her shoulder that she felt tears burning in her eyes, "That's just the way it is." she choked as the tears finally spilled down her cheeks.

He bit back the urge to comfort her, and instead looked away. What could he possibly say or do that would make it all better? Did he even want to make it better? He knew well enough that what she said was the truth, what was he supposed to do, lie to her?

But Maker, was it hard not to give in to his urges.

"I wanna go back..." she unconsiously moved closer to him, looking desperately for comfort, but knowing she wouldn't find it. "I wanna go back and revisit the past." she slowly leaned closer, resting her head against his chestplate. She was grateful that he didn't pull away, although he had every right to.

"All I'm good for now is practice," she hissed, "Practice on me, have a little bit of fun, and then shove me aside like a dog." At this, he grabbed her shoulders and lightly pushed her back, gazing straight into her eyes, "What are you talking about?"

Amell bit her lip and stepped back, "I'm not much different from the average whore now." Cullen's eyes widened slightly in shock. "Whisper some sweet words in my ear, and I'm yours. I don't even charge money, what do you think of that?"

She knew she should've expected it. Did she really, honestly believe a King would be interested in her? What had she imagined, a fairytale ending of the Blight with the two of them standing on a high mountain, watching fireworks and pledging their eternal love for one another as the bards sang of their tales? Ridiculous... Of course, she realized it after Alistair had so carefully told her that, because she was a mage and a Grey Warden, he couldn't see her anymore after officially becoming the King of Ferelden. Grey Wardens had a difficult enough time having children when it was only one of them affected by the taint, for two Grey Wardens, it was near impossible. And seeing as the King needed an heir, she was out of the picture. Add to that the fact that she was a mage, and merely tolerated because she had helped end the Blight, and it was a lost cause.

Amell hadn't really listened to anything he'd said after that, all she remembered was her own shouting "Well, I guess I can understand that! We had sex after all, what more could you possibly need me for?!" She wasn't quite sure if he'd silently muttered an apology, or whether he'd called her unreasonable, for she had stomped out of the room before he could even finish his sentence.

The last thing she remembered was him approaching her after he'd been crowned, he'd asked her to come see him later, so they could talk. She'd left that very same day, without saying goodbye. What more was there to say? Did he want to see her cry? She wouldn't give him the pleasure of knowing how much she'd loved him. Anora surely didn't love him, if she'd had things her way, Alistair wouldn't have even stood beside her that day. Their marriage was purely political, and they both knew it. Did he want her to stay as a secret lover? She wouldn't throw away what little dignity she had left by becoming his personal prostitute, just so she could see him.

No. She'd made the right choice, no matter how much it had hurt.

"Don't talk like that," Cullen ordered her as he squeezed her shoulders, "You aren't like that, and you know it."

"Aren't I?" she objected, "I knew it wouldn't last... and I still did it."

Cullen softly bit his lip as she continued to ramble, his fingers were twitching, eager to just touch her, it didn't matter where, he just wanted to feel her. Tell her everything would be alright. Tell her how much he still loved her, wanted her, despite everything. But how could he? Here she was, pouring her heart out to him, and he would just give in to his own selfish needs? Yes, that was sure to send her running into his arms!

What was he even thinking? The whole reason he'd never told her his true feelings was because she was a mage, and he was a Templar. He'd taken vows, promises that his life would be devoted to the Maker and Andraste alone. Had all of that changed? "It changed when the Circle fell apart." he told himself, but he knew it wasn't an excuse. Eventually, the Tower would be rebuilt, eventually, the mages would start pouring in again, and he would be needed again. She would likely return as well, as a trained mage instead of a naive young Apprentice.

But was it so wrong to want just this one thing for himself? All his life he had been devoted only to his duty, even as a young boy, his life had belonged to the Chantry. Was he not allowed this single wish? Now more than ever did he realize life went on regardless of his actions. In the short time she'd been away from him, Amell had fallen in love with another man, ended the Blight, and had her heart broken. And he hadn't been there to protect her, to shield her from the pain. It became painfully clear that if he ever wanted her to at least know about his feelings, he'd have to tell her now. Even if she did not return them, at least he would have an answer, and the thoughts about what "could be" would no longer haunt his thoughts.

Of course, it all depended on him. She wasn't the one who avoided her feelings, after all. "Maker, what am I supposed to do?"

"Cullen...?" she whispered softly as she tilted her head to see his face properly.

Her sweet voice completely derailed his train of thought, he took a deep breath and gathered his courage,"Everyone makes mistakes... does things they later regret..." he whispered as he slowly brought his hand up to her face, softly brushing his fingers against her cheek. He was somewhat surprised to see her respond positively to his touch, rather than shy away from it. She met his eye and blushed slightly, closing her eyes and carefully leaning into his touch. She slowly parted her lips as she brushed them against his knuckles, sighing contently.

"Do you have something you regret?" she breathed against his skin, making him shudder. "This." he growled lowly as he pulled her to him, pressing his lips softly against hers, running his hands over her back in slow, even strokes, making her moan in response.

Holy Maker, had he waited for this. And it was even better than he imagined, better than he'd dreamed. During his time in his cage, he'd played this moment over and over again in his mind... the demon had responded to his thoughts by projecting her image in front of him, taunting him, constantly tormenting him with her warm voice, her slender body, all of it just out of his reach. When he hadn't responded, the demon made him hear her. At first it was just her voice speaking to him, but the longer he sat there, the harder the demon tried to break him. With time, she'd started to flirt with him, seductively whispering to him from behind the barrier. He'd almost faltered there, his desire to be with her nearly driving him insane. But his mind had really begun to crumble when the demon made her scream, scream in pain, in horror. Scream for him to save her.

The memory of it all was too much to bear, how many hours had he sat there, watching his friends die, hearing his love scream for help, and not knowing what was real and what was the demon's influence? He never wanted to feel that powerless again. He tightened his grip around her waist and kissed her harder, tentatively parting her lips with his tongue. She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and playfully letting her tongue slide against his teeth. He grinned as he felt her fingers dig into his hair, twirling it around her finger. He decided to play along, pretending to bite her tongue. When he opened his eyes he could see her giving him an amused look as she softly bit his lower lip before pulling away to breath.

Both of them panted slightly, trying to regain their breath. "So..." she started, smirking up at him. "You regret... kissing me?"

He chuckled warmly as he pulled her into a tight embrace, all sorts of happy feelings washing over him. "I regret not doing so before."

"So you should, tease." she laughed as she slapped her hand against his shoulder, "Looking at me like that, and then pretending to be working... you wouldn't believe how many cold showers you made me take."

"What...?" and here he was thinking he was the only one to hog the showers every time he saw her! She giggled softly, and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

They laughed stupidly for a moment, just clinging to each other, taking peace in the fact that they were all alone, there was no worry of being caught doing something "bad".

"You may not always be welcome in this world." he whispered finally. He felt her muscles tense underneath his hands, but he continued anyway, gently squeezing her once more.

"But there's always a place for you in mine."

Pardon me, once again, if I made terrible grammar mistakes. :(

Thank you very much for reading, I hope you liked it! And, as always, reviews are GREATLY appreciated!

Thank you, and have a wonderful day!