Chapter five

What I never had

I own nothing. I don't own any of the twilight saga characters. The only character I own is Alyssa. I need help!!!! I dont know what to name the guy whose the new member/4th leader of The Voltri. Or what he should look like. All i know is that he has to be really cute and really powerhungry!!

"It means that we are supposed to be together like love at first sight." He said letting go of my hand. I felt a new, new, power in my collection. "Fudge!" I exclaimed. I had been avoiding the touch of the lulus for a reason. I let my guard down for one second and he ruins three months work!!!!! "What? You don't like me?" Jacob asked concerned. I furrowed my eyebrows what was he talking about? Then I remembered our conversation. "No! No! It's not that. It's just that I was avoiding physical contact with you guys, because I didn't want your power. But now you just ruined three months of hard work." I let out a sigh looking down at my hands. "It isn't that I don't like your power. I mean it is really cool and all, but I don't like getting new powers I hate it!" I finished. "Why do you hate it?" he asked me curious. I sighed again and looked up at him "because I don't know how to control them, and it's bad enough having so many, but having to learn to control all of them at once it's not so fun" I sighed again and looked down at my hands. "Well back to the previous subject. We as in you and me are supposed to be together? How?" I asked changing the subject. "That I don't have an answer to" he said really quiet. I chuckled a little "Well that sucks." I said "I was hoping that you would know how to work things out." I said jokingly he smiled and looked deeply into my eyes. "I never actually had a true love before" I said turning away. "But I thought you said you had been hurt before?" Jacob asked clearly confused. I cant believe I was talking about this to a total stranger, but hey maybe we were meant to be together. "Well the guy that hurt me was a vampire and he could make you think you loved someone, or that you hated them. He did that to me because he was obsessed with my power. He didn't care that he hurt me and when I found out I simply left." I looked down while I said this. "It hurt so much because every emotion felt so real. He never took it away. I can still feel it but it's dim. It hurts Jacob. It kills me everyday. He-he is the one that is after me. He only wants me for this cursed power of mine. That is why I hate it so much." I felt my knees buckle beneath me and I fell to the ground. I started sobbing. "He made you love him?" he asked with no emotion at all. I looked up at him. I felt so pathetic so useless. "Yeah" was all I could say. He then did something that surprised me. He hugged me tightly and helped me up. "He shouldn't have done that." He said angry. I looked into his eyes and stopped crying. "I should leave" I whispered. He looked at me confused "Why?" I looked down again. "I don't want to put anyone in any danger." I said hardly audible. "Unless you haven't noticed we are always in danger and trouble." Jacob said and chuckled a little bit. He was trying to cheer me up, to make me stay. "Well that may be true, but I brought more trouble and more danger. If I go now, none of you guys will get hurt. I don't want you guys to get hurt." I looked deeply into his eyes and sighed. "You're lying!" He growled at me. I looked at him confused he had never raised his voice at me like that. "If you cared about anyone you wouldn't have stayed here for those three months! You didn't care and now for some strange reason you want to leave?! What is wrong with you?! Why are you being so selfish?! Why can't you stay?!" He was yelling at me now and he was really close to me. I was getting angry and frustrated. I felt like I was going to explode and I did. "Because I'm scared! I'm scared of losing my sister again! I'm scared of ruining a family and knowing it was my entire fault! I am not selfish because either way I am going to live! One includes all of you guys dyeing and the other is simple I leave they get me I get married to him and nothing happens to you guys! I rather give up and marry some guy that I hate, than knowing I was the cause for your death!" I was out of breath and I looked down. My knees buckled underneath me again. I sighed. "I can't…not again don't make me stay, I can't watch you guys die and live with it." I said weak. I felt really pathetic. I mean I was so close to sobbing. I looked up at him to see if he had the eyes of disgust I was imagining. He didn't he had eyes of pity, which I thought was much worse, or was it understanding. He let out a loud sigh. "Then why did you stay? You were putting them in danger. So why do you have a problem with it now?" He asked in a low voice. "I don't know. I care about them a lot I guess I was living a fantasy. I thought they had left me alone, but going to the Cullen home today I realized, that well I can't be too sure. Alice can't see anything because you are related to my future and well I guess what I am trying to say is I am scared." I babbled the way I do when I am nervous. I looked down and sighed. I really messed up coming here.

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