This is an entry to Hilaire's Gakuen Alice Fan Fiction Challenge#3: The Art of Letting Go. The prompt is to interpret the line: "They say that if you truly love a person, you will let that person go, no matter how much it hurts you."
This is the second part of the two-shot.
--
Life is so unfair. Then again when had it been fair?
But hell, this is just too much.
That little—I mean Koko's girlfriend is here again making her daily visit to her oh so dear boyfriend.
"Koko-kun! Good morning!" she squealed.
God, I hate her voice. It's so high pitched and squeaky and….annoying. She's like a squeaky toy that when you squeeze her she makes this high-pitched, annoying squeaky noise.
"Koko-kun! Good morning!" I imitated her, quietly enough to be the only one to hear.
I felt Koko scoot over closer to me and I looked at him questionably at the sudden action.
Then I saw her seated on his other side and my blood just boiled. Why, the nerve of her. It's still early in the goddamn morning to be flirting for Christ's sake.
It's okay Sumire; she'll be gone in about thirty minutes.
I try to convince myself to calm down and ignore their flirtatious gestures and trying desperately to focus on my unfinished assignment.
"I love you coco puff."
Snap!
The lead of my mechanical pencil snapped.
"You too gummy bear."
Something else snapped and it's not my mechanical pencil. I'm pretty sure my whole body is shaking because Kitsuneme turned to me with a concerned look, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm fine" I sighed "I just…need to go to the rest room. Excuse me."
Kitsuneme stood from his seat to give way and I was about to open the door when Koko's voice stopped me.
"Hey, where are you going per—I mean Sumire?"
My eyes widen in shock. He never calls me with my name; he always addresses me with that annoying nickname I grew accustomed with. What happened?
A low growl escaped my lips at the conclusion that crossed my mind. Wrenching the door open I griped in response "Out."
---
And the days just went on as I pretended to be okay. We still talk but never as long as we use to do. He barely teases me and when he even as much as got closer to teasing me he would immediately stop and turn serious or change the topic. He already introduced Audrey to the gang and it went fine. I had to pretend to be in all smiles and repeatedly recite in my head that I'm happy for him. He hardly hangs out with us and we got a new seating arrangement so now we hardly talk too.
I had already realized why he stopped calling me by that annoying and degrading nickname. It was because of Audrey. She doesn't want Koko calling others with their pet names. She likes it to be just between the two of them. At first I didn't notice, after all I was the only one he didn't call by pet names anymore, I concluded that he finally learned his lesson, but then he stopped calling Kitsuneme 'Kitsu' and Mikan as 'Mi-chan'. He now calls Iinchou by his first name. Nonoko's nickname, 'Noko-chan' which he invented, as if didn't exist in his vocabulary. He used to call Mochu 'Mochi' and Ruka as 'Ru-chan' and even the honorific 'sama' he always adds in Hotaru's name disappeared; it was replaced by a 'chan'. To say that Hotaru's stunned was an understatement but nevertheless she didn't say anything.
Now the only person he calls by her pet name is Audrey.
Oops. I mean their pet names.
Gummy bear and Coco puff? Just how corny is that?
It was fine on my part. That way I can get over him faster and move on to my life. I was finally, slowly accepting that I'll never be the one, when he just had to do the unthinkable one Saturday afternoon.
"Hey permy" Mikan called out"We're going to Central Town you coming?"
I was about to say yes after all I needed a break after that long test week but then I saw they all had a partner.
Mikan is with Natsume. Hotaru is already with Ruka. Nonoko and Iinchou are now an item. Kitsuneme and Anna are on their way on that stage and Wakako is with Mochu.
Now just where do I fit?
I smiled regretfully at Mikan "Nah. I have volleyball practice. Maybe next time okay?"
She pouted but nonetheless surrendered "Okay but next time you'll definitely come alright?"
I just nodded my head as my friends made their way to the bus stop and me to the gym.
PPPRRRRTTT!
"Okay! That's a wrap girls!"
Practice had just ended and I cursed in my head as I realized it was raining.
'Damn it. Of all the days to rain why now?!' I thought crossly as I waited for the rain to stop or at least subside.
My eyes narrowed in slits when I heard a familiar annoying giggle. They're here.
"Yeah. I kno—oh hey per—I mean Sumire!" I heard Koko call.
I can't help but roll my eyes at this. There it was again, the supposed to be nickname.
I forced a smile on my face as I turned to face them "Hey Koko."
"Whatcha doin' here all alone?"
"Waiting for the rain to stop" I answered "And you?"
"We were just—"
He was cut off by his dear girlfriend.
"We were just on our way to Koko's dorm" Audrey said emphasizing the words 'Koko's dorm'.
'Do I look like I'm talking to you?' was what I wanted to spat on her face but decided against it.
To be perfectly honest, I am disgusted with myself. I was never this…patient with people but when it involved Koko and her, I don't know. Funny how I hate fake people but here I am being all sham, tolerating and pleasant.
The things he does to me.
"We'll be going now" she said and I merely nodded my head and turn my attention back to the pouring rain.
I risk a glance at them and was surprised when Koko stopped and turned around and was approaching me again.
He took of his jacket and draped it around me and I was torn between being entertained by his girlfriend's reaction or shout at him for doing something really stupid again.
"What the hell are you doing?!" I hissed at him making an attempt to remove his jacket.
He just smiled goofily at me. That smile I adore and miss terribly.
"Just to keep you warm. I know how much you hate the rain."
He squeezed my shoulders and with that went back to his fuming girlfriend.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and in an attempt to wash them I ran in to the rain and I just continued to run until I can't run no more.
I looked up to where my feet had carried me and I almost laughed in utmost irony of it all. Here I am standing in the same field I had found a miserable Koko a year and a half ago.
And I remembered my self curled up in a ball, crying in the middle of the field, pouring all my emotions, looking all pathetic and helpless.
Frustration, regret, happiness and guilt.
Frustration because I know I never stood a chance. Regret because when I finally had the chance I just let it slipped through my fingers. Happiness because I knew that he still cares and guilt because I know that deep down, even if I keep telling myself over and over, I knew I can never be happy for him.
Just how the hell can he do that?
I was moving along just fine. I was finally getting over him and was close in actually believing that I don't need him, that I'm just a friend. I was finally accepting that he has another girl and then he smiled at me—just fucking smiled at me—and it was all ruined. My resolve gradually crumbled into pieces.
--
We haven't talked since that afternoon just the occasional 'heys' in the hallways. Besides, he's always with his girlfriend there's no point in approaching him to try to at least talk to him for awhile, his little girlfriend is either always around him or lurking in the corridors. Who knows? She might pounce on me while I'm still trying to approach Koko. So seeing it was futile I didn't bother anymore. When I see them approaching I just turn my back and walk the other way. Not that I'm avoiding him or anything, I just don't like to see her clinging to him like a koala. It's such a sore to my vision.
Mikan had once pointed out that I was just jealous and that was the reason I was avoiding Koko.
She had the nerve to say that I was jealous and was avoiding Koko!
For the last time, I am not bloody jealous and I am not avoiding Koko! I'm avoiding her!
The idiot just smiled sympathetically before asking "Are you sure she's the one your avoiding?" before walking way leaving me with my thoughts.
I sighed. In all honesty I was avoiding her.
Why?
Because I envy her.
I envy the way Koko look at her. The way his eyes would be glazed when he see her approaching. The way his usual goofy smile would turn into a genuinely happy one when she greets him in the morning and the way he talks about her like she's the most amazing person in the world. I envy her for having the ability to make Koko skip soccer practice just to watch her dance rehearsals. I envy her for having the power to make Koko pass on his and Kitsuneme's weekly pranking just to listen to her rants and complaints.
I envy her for the fact that she has Koko by her side.
I remember talking to Koko in the hallways to catch up on each other lives when she suddenly appeared and just like that it was as if I wasn't there at all. I was immediately cast aside.
--
"Hey Sumire!" I heard a voice call and I turned around to see Koko and her approaching.
Oh no. I don't think so.
I quickly turned back and continued on my way.
"Hey Sumire! Wait up!"
Why is he still freakin' following me? Doesn't he get it that I don't want to talk to him?!
Someone took hold of my arm and I didn't have to guess who it was.
"Hey there, I was calling you."
I slapped his hand away before glaring at him "Yeah I know" I hissed.
"Then why didn't you stop?"
I risked a glance at Audrey and wasn't surprised when I saw her glaring at me. I merely cocked an eyebrow at her before looking back at Koko.
"Because I don't want to dumbutt" I griped turning around once again to leave.
He took hold of my arm again this time more forcefully and yanks me back to make me look at him.
"What the hell is up your ass Sumire?"
"Why the fuck do you care?!" I shouted and this time the irritated expression on his face was replaced by a serious one.
"Let's talk"
I struggled against his grip "I don't want to! I'm late for class!"
"Koko-kun" Audrey's voice broke out "Let's just go. It's clear that she doesn't want you here."
My eyes widened at this. Just what is she implying?
She tugged at his sleeve but Koko didn't hear any of her pleads and instead he dragged me by my arm towards the courtyard.
"Koko!" Audrey shouted.
The aforementioned stopped but didn't turn "Just this once 'Drie."
And with that he continued to drag the struggling me leaving her alone in the hallways fuming.
--
"Let go of me!" I shouted as I yanked with all my might against Koko's vice grip in my wrist.
He let go of me and stopped walking.
I caressed my sore arm and wrist as I realize where we are. We were at the same soccer field I always manage to see him all down and depressed.
I fought the ironic smile that wanted to escape my lips.
"Why'd you bring me here?"
He plopped on the grass and patted the seat next to him inviting me to sit next to him. Surprisingly enough I did.
"So why are we here?" I asked again squinting in the afternoon sun.
"You're avoiding me."
I widened my eyes slightly "No I'm not."
"Yes you are! I tried approaching you numerous times before but you act as if you heard nothing!"
I glared at him "Maybe because I didn't want to hear anything!"
He turned his body completely "Just what the hell is your problem Sumire?!"
I must be going crazy because if possible the raging anger bubbling in me increased because of the name.
"That! That's my problem! You are my problem!" I bellowed.
He looked at me with mixed confusion and irritation "What?"
"That! T- The way you called me just now!"
"What? Sumire?"
"Exactly!"
"What do you want me to call you then?! That's your name is it not?! What do you want me to call you?! That annoying nickname you loathe? Permy?" he said not with the usual teasing tone but with an annoying mocking tone.
I growled at this "Don't call me that."
He stood up and glared down at me "Then what do you want me to call you?! You hate the nickname! You don't want me calling me by your name! What's your problem?! "
I too stood up now "You! You are my problem! You and that little bitch you call your girl—"
"Don't call her that" he growled out.
"—friend! Since the day the two of you got together again, you changed! What happened to the pet names you used to call us? You suddenly become so formal! It's as if we're not your friends!"
"I called you permy earlier didn't I?" he reasoned.
"Yes! But you said it so mockingly!" I griped looking at him with rage "You barely hang out with us. You don't eat lunch with us anymore! And Kitsuneme! God! I can't even explain how pissed Kitsuneme is at you."
"Look I'm sorry if it feels like I'm neglecting you guys but Audrey needs me. Can't you understand that?"
"Koko, this is the girl that made you feel like shit a year and a half ago."
"She said sorry. Sumire you're my best friend. You of all people should understand me."
"No Koko, I don't understand."
He looked at me incredulously before it turned into one of realization.
"I think I know what your problem is" he said sounding as if he just discovered the crime of the year.
"What Koko?" I hissed "Care to enlighten me just what is my problem?"
"You—" he pointed at me "—are jealous."
Oh sweet mother of—
I can't believe he just accused me of being jealous. Of that little twerp no less.
Fuming I glared at him again "Jealous? You're accusing me of jealousy? With whom? With that-that girl?"
"C'mon Sumire you don't need to be jealous. Audrey's my girlfriend and you're my best friend, its different, nothing can take your place."
I looked down "Best friend huh?" I chuckled bitterly "Did you remember the way you felt when you saw Audrey kissing another guy before?" I looked at him. Tears from all the bubbled up rage and frustration inside me threatening to fall.
He looked shocked.
"That's exactly how I felt when I saw you and Audrey kissing when we were still together"
"Sumire… I-I..."
"You ask me if I was jealous? Then yes I am. I am jealous. Because may I remind you I'm your ex-girlfriend and your best friend" I shove him in the chest "And you know what else I'm jealous about? The way you treat her is completely different from the way you treat me when we were together. The way you look at her, speak to her, everything. It was all different than the way you act when we were still dating."
I gripped his shirt "And you know what else I'm furious about?" I asked my voice shaking.
"The fact that you are my best friend and you chose to hurt me."
I shove him while still gripping his shirt and he stumbled backwards "And as a best friend you should've think first before you decided to hurt your best friend. As a best friend you should've at least thought about your best friend's feelings before you ditch her for another girl. As a best friend you should've considered our friendship because you know what? I was hurt Koko. Hurt. And now you wanna know why I'm avoiding you?! Why I didn't want to talk to you?! You're fucking asking me why?! Because I love you that's why!"
As soon as I said those words I immediately let go of his shirt and put my hands on my mouth.
We both look shocked.
"Sumire…I-I didn't know…I-I'm sorry…" he stammered.
"Don't. Shut up Koko. I don't want to hear it"
He was walking towards me but I was stepping back.
"Sumire—"
"Forget what I said. I don't need your pity."
And with that I ran away with all the pent up emotions in me now formed into tears that are streaming down my face.
--
"I told you not to let go didn't I?" Hotaru had muttered beside me.
It was already night time and frankly I didn't expect Hotaru to be there when I opened the door to the rooftop.
A bitter chuckle escaped my lips "I know Hotaru but I can't keep him tied up to me when it's clear that he loves somebody else now can I?"
She smirked "I really don't understand this stuff."
It was silent except for my occasional sniffs and soft sobs before Hotaru spoke again.
"But I do know something" she started "Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far, the truest and most unconditional type of love."
My crying ceased for a moment as I listened to her.
"So if he does not see your sacrifice, then it's fine. It's not your fault he's too stupid to not notice who really cares."
I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and smiled at Hotaru "Thanks Hotaru."
She smiled back "Since I'm feeling a little generous, I'm not gonna charge you for that."
I chuckled "Wow. That's a first"
She stood up to leave "Yeah and it'll be the last."
--
It's been three months since our fight and the talk I had with Hotaru.
And I could proudly say that I made it through without breaking down when I see them and no, I didn't try to avoid them. It would only give her the satisfaction.
But the sad thing was we now act like complete strangers. The occasional 'heys' were gone and not even the slightest glance were made.
And frankly I miss him. Not as my ex-boyfriend but as my best friend.
--
"Gah. I hate mid term exams!" I muttered to myself as I exited the gym. Volleyball practice just ended and now I have to study for the exams this week.
I was taking my sweet time strolling the long path of the courtyard. The sky is unusually dark and it seems like a rain is coming.
I knew I said I hate the rain and right now I don't have an umbrella with me but somehow I don't really care. I didn't even care when droplets of rain began falling and that my uniform is now having polka dot like stains on them because of the rain.
My feet suddenly halted on their own and I look up to see that I was once again on the soccer field where it all began. I saw a figure lying down in the middle of the field and smiled ironically when I recognized who it was.
I sighed looked up and shook my head in mock exasperation "God, why do you hate me?" and with that walk towards him.
My shadow looming over him he popped open one eye and smiled when he realized it was me.
He sat up and patted the seat next to him.
A serious case of déjà vu washed over me.
Rain is now pouring just like last time
"We broke up" he said with a smile.
I smiled half heartedly "Yeah so I heard."
Risking a glance at him I saw that the smile he had on was not a façade. It was his real smile.
"I ended it."
I smirked and gave him a pat on the back "Well, congratulations chump. You finally did it."
He sported a victorious smile and did a mock bow "Thank you, thank you."
We were silent as we enjoyed each other's company.
"I miss you" I suddenly blurted out.
He looked at me with that goofy smile that reached his ears.
"Aww…perms" he put an arm around me "I miss you too."
"Of course you did. You'd die without me."
We laughed .
We stayed like that. Drenched in the rain, his arm around me as I rest my head on his shoulder and his head rested on mine.
The rain is beginning to subside and I abruptly remember the thing that has been bothering me for quite a while.
"Koko?" I called "Have you ever said the 'three words'?"
He looked baffled as he removed his head on mine "The what?"
I sighed. Guys are so slow "You know. The love words."
Realization dawned on him and his mouth formed a perfect 'O'.
"Nope. Never. Unless you count my mom and dad then yes I have."
"No you twat. I meant to the person you love the most."
"Nope."
"Not even to Audrey?"
"Nope."
I paused. He never said it to Audrey?
"Why?"
He was silent for a while his gaze far away as if reminiscing and I waited for his answer patiently.
"Because someone once told me that you should only say those words when you're ready and when you feel that the person you're going to say it to will return it."
"Was it not Audrey?"
The sun is now beginning to appear again as it's now getting ready to set.
"Nah, I have someone else in mind I wanted to say it to one day, when I'm ready."
He looked at me with an unusual twinkle in his eyes
And I have a hunch of just who that someone might be.
--
"Koko! Slow down dammit!" I called out as my feet are already sore for running after him on heels.
"Hurry up permy! We're gonna miss the bus!"
He was walking backwards with that 100 watt smile of his directed at me.
He stopped to wait for me as I rested my hand on his shoulder and catch my breath. After awhile we continued walking again.
"Slowpoke" he remarked.
I punched him lightly on the shoulder "Shut up."
Then I saw a familiar group of girls with a certain black haired girl in the middle approaching and was looking at us, particularly at Koko.
I stiffened and my eyes narrowed into slits.
"Hey Koko" she greeted flirtatiously to Koko before sparing a glance at me in acknowledgement "Shouda."
I merely nodded my head while Koko smiled at her "Hey Morishima"
I wanted to smirk at the way Koko called her.
She grimaced at this "Aww…Koko don't be like that just because I dumped you. Aren't we friends?" she said with a pout while baiting her eyelashes and laying a hand on Koko's shoulder. Her posse giggling at her back
Surprisingly instead of being angry or down Koko's smile turned into a smug one.
"Just for the record Morishima," he started, laying a hand over Audrey's "I was the one who dumped you and I'm truly sorry you can't get over it"
I snickered as I witnessed the hilarious expressions Audrey is portraying
"And yeah sure, we can be friends"
She snatched her hand away "What, you already found a rebound girl?" she asked sounding as if no one can replace her.
Koko merely smirked "Yeah and she's not a rebound. As a matter of fact" taking my hand in his, intertwining our fingers and I was caught off-guard when he pulled me closer "You're making her really jealous."
Audrey looked incredulous. Then she looked like she was ready to pull her hair before letting out an angry shriek and walking away exactly as the rain started to pour.
I looked at him with a smirk and said "So is this your crude way in declaring I'm now your girlfriend?"
He looked at me with a tender smile. More loving and gentle that I ever saw him smile.
"No. This—" he motioned to our intertwined fingers "—is my way of asking you to be my girlfriend"
He leaned in closer his damp hair tickling my nose and I can't help but blush, he laughed "You're blushing!"
"S-shut up!"
I looked away but he held my chin.
"And this—" he leaned closer our nose touching and our lips centimeters apart "—is my way of declaring you are now my girlfriend."
And we kissed.
He kissed me ever so gently and I wanted to melt then and there. He moved his lips fervently and I opened my lips partially to grant him entrance as he deepened the kiss. His tongue danced with mine as I return his kiss with equal passion. He snaked his arms around my waist as I put mine on his neck. He tasted of vanilla and mint mixed with the essence of the rain and it was all…perfect.
Eventually we have to part for air and he smiled down at me.
"I hope this doesn't affect our friendship" he joked.
I smiled back at him "Never" and gave him a peck on the lips.
We both know none of us are prepared to say the words yet but then action speaks louder than words right?
He kissed my forehead as we walk back to the dorms hand in hand.
"I thought you hate the rain?" he asked.
I hummed "I used to. But then I know this certain someone who really loves the rain and well… he kinda rubbed off on me I guess."
"He must've been a real awesome guy to be able to influence the great Sumire Shouda"
I smiled "Yeah. He is"
End.
This is the conclusion for this entry for the HGAFFC#3. Comments and reviews are highly appreciated. Thanks.
Authors of all participating entries will only be revealed after the polls are closed.
Show your support by adding this account to your author alert list, as this is the ONE account used for posting ALL ENTRIES. Be sure to read all the stories and vote for your favorite in the polls, which will be up in Hilaire's forums from January 14-21.
Please subscribe to the official newsletter of HGAFFC, whose link can be found in this account's profile, for the results, behind-the-scenes, and a bunchload more about this challenge. Thank you!
Stories that contain the challenge requirements BUT failed to meet the deadline and therefore did not participate in the contest are NOT allowed to be posted anywhere in the World Wide Web.
HGAFFC © Evette. All rights reserved.