The Waldorf-Bass Prenuptial Agreement

Charles Bartholomew Bass, hereafter known as Prospective Husband, and Blair Cornelia Waldorf, hereafter known as Prospective Wife, hereby agree on this 24th day of July in the year 2016, as follows:

1. That Prospective Husband and Prospective Wife contemplate marriage in the near future, and that they would already be married by now if Prospective Husband hadn't been digging his heels in. Both parties wish to establish their respective rights and responsibilities regarding each other's income and property, including any hotels in the possession of Prospective Husband which may or may not soon be named after Audrey Hepburn of the Breakfast at Tiffany's fame, and any income or property that may be acquired either separately or together during the marriage.

2. That Prospective Husband and Prospective Wife have made a full and complete disclosure to each other of all their financial assets and liabilities, and that all requests by Prospective Husband to purchase clubs in the line of 'vintage entertainment' must be approved by Prospective Wife before purchase. Prospective Husband will be allowed to visit these establishments for the purposes of research, but must promise not to enjoy himself while doing so.

3. That Prospective Husband and Prospective Wife enforce the following rights, as stated below:

a. That Prospective Wife will wear her good lingerie to bed (or possibly to lunch) at least once a week with no arguments;

b. That Prospective Husband will never under any circumstances loan out said lingerie to pole artists and strippers if he should feel so inclined;

c. That Prospective Husband will not keep company with pole artists and strippers, and will only do so on the grounds of friendship or business, and in such a case must imagine all such persons to look like Prospective Wife;

d. That Prospective Wife will accept herself as beautiful and stop wishing she looked more like Prospective Maid of Honor;

e. That Prospective Husband will stop comparing himself to Prospective Best Man and instead accept that Prospective Wife chose him, and that any relationship with Prospective Best Man is ancient history;

f. That both parties will endeavor to see the other's point of view in all matters of dissent, and that Prospective Wife will not withhold sexual relations as a form of punishment for said dissent.

4. That in the event of marriage, the familial name of any children resulting from said union will be Bass. Prospective Husband does not mind if Prospective Wife chooses to simply attach his name (i.e. Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Bass), but puts his foot down on appearing more whipped to Prospective Best Man than he already does simply by obeying Prospective Wife's edicts (prior to this contract).

5. That neither party will ever mention 'the dregs of Dumbo' again, except in cases of dire need.

6. That both parties will remain faithful in word and deed, and that Prospective Husband enforces the right to wound any person regarding Prospective Wife in a covetous manner in any way which seems appropriate.

7. That Prospective Wife retains the same right as Prospective Husband in point 6, but also enforces the right to castrate Prospective Husband if he ever cheats on her.

8. That Prospective Husband enforces his right to compensation for the above in the forms of monetary compensation, genital reconstructive surgery and his own harem.

9. That this agreement is made in accordance with the laws of the state of New York, and any dispute regarding its enforcement will be resolved by reference to the laws of that state.

10. That this agreement will take effect immediately upon the solemnization of the parties' marriage.

I HAVE READ THE ABOVE AGREEMENT, I HAVE TAKEN TIME TO CONSIDER ITS IMPLICATIONS, I FULLY UNDERSTAND ITS CONTENTS, I AGREE TO ITS TERMS, AND I VOLUNTARILY SUBMIT TO ITS EXECUTION

C. B. Bass (Prospective Husband)

B. C. Waldorf (Prospective Wife)

I love you, Chuck. Try to be there on time.

I love you too, Blair. Try not to kill the bridesmaids.