He knew she hated it whenever he smoked. She said it would taste funny on his lips whenever they kissed. He chuckled at that and took another drag. She was departing away though, he wouldn't be able to kiss her anymore. He was going bar to bar, remembered a time when he would be hit on so much by women and men. The first bar was normal, many girls were there but none of them were like her. They were cold, all they talked about was other women and how they despised their many flaws. Kairi liked flaws, that's what made her love him. Only a few of those girls hit on him and they were just looking for a lay to piss off their boyfriends.

So he moved onto another bar, a gay bar, that he hadn't been in for a long time. Many of the older men came around him, bought him drinks, looking for one night stands. Just a good tight fuck. He remembered how his ex boyfriend dragged him in here once, just to laugh and chill out, also to get him drunk. So many women and men, all so cold. No one, no one could fill that cold void in his chest that used to be filled with warmth and love. Love, love was something that he needed badly and was searching in all the wrong places.

He moved onto the third bar, where he was currently at now. He took a long drag from his cigarette and broke inside of this bar. Whores and dogs no more, this bar was closed and cold. Azure hues gazed over the details in the wood, so flammable. He tossed his cigarette onto the bar and watched the fire slowly coming to life, breathing in small huffs and then grabbing hold of more of the air. He already felt it choking him. He sat onto the floor and pulled out his cellphone, looking at his inbox. Nothing. How silly, to be worried about cellphones.

"Roxas, how I love you so." He ran his digits through her maroon hair, so soft like her.

"I love you so much my, Princess." So warm, she was warm. Just an embrace was good enough for him.

Suicide, he hadn't thought about that in years. Maybe he was right about all the times he kid around with her that he was mental and needed help.

From miles of from where she was, she was happy, as he lied down onto the cold floor of the bar. No warmth would bother him. No one's touch or flame would warm himself again. He loved her, how could he abuse their love? It was his fault she was in tears and made her say it was over. He only ever liked her really, out of all the relationships he had. She was the best. He was her first kiss, his first kiss, her first, his first. Making love was wonderful with her, he gave what he could possibly give her. Happiness, that turned into laughter, kisses, touching, feeling, and movement. He remembered it like yesterday.

Some roof pieces were caving in and fell near him. The fire sucking in the oxygen greedily, so he wouldn't have any. He took notes. If he backed out of this now, she still wouldn't want him. If he survived this, he didn't deserve her – because he was obviously a mess.

"Roxas! Get that camera out of here."

"Mm, but you look so much cuter on film." He laughed as she shooed him away, burying her head into the sheets. He went right in with her and she was giggling as he followed her. "C'mon Kairi, I want to make sure I have these memories forever."

"Even when you're old?" She asked, glancing into the camera. "Because you don't need a camera, I'll be there to nag you and remind you about everything."

He chuckled and they pecked for a second. "Everyday?"

"Yup."

He wasn't going to grow old now. He felt something piercing into his skin. He couldn't tell if it was the flames or ceiling pieces that finally stabbed him. His finger tips went numb and his eyes fluttered close.

"I didn't know you were a cheerleader," Roxas questioned, peeling a picture from her fridge. The scent of pancakes tickling his nose.

"Uh-huh, the head actually…" She seemed a bit bashful of it and of course he had to bother her about it.

"Do you still have the outfit?" He teased, wrapping his arms around her waist and getting a very cute blush out of her.

"M-maybe…" She tried to pat his hands away but they stayed fast onto her and he leaned in near her ear and placed soft kisses there. It made her shudder and canines bit down onto her rosy lips.

"We should see if it fits you after we eat…" he chuckled.

"If you don't eat me first!"

Her words were music to his ears.

"Ungh!" He cried as he felt a piece of the ceiling fall onto his back. He refused to open his eyes, not yet. Not yet. He still wanted her image in his head, starting a small fire in his heart. But it wouldn't warm his void. "Kairi…" he mumbled to himself. Oxygen was barely in the room now and he felt himself becoming unconscious.

"You asshole." She cursed and slapped him. That stung his cheek. "How could you be so cocky? How could you avoid me?"

"I–" Before he could reply she cut in.

"Am I not good enough for you? So you had to sleep with another person?"

"I abused it…" He whispered out an gasped for air, a reflex.

Saying 'I love you' was a reflex too. No hesitation.

It started when he met her at a bar…

"Roxas!" Someone cried to him from the distance. It was this very bar to be exact…

"Roxas! Get out of there, please!" He grunted and his eyes flickered open. That voice, he knew it. They both looked at each other, that's when he figured out love at first sight was real…

"Nh!" He heard something being broken down, the door, hitting the ground hard. It wasn't just one pair of foot steps, it was another one too. "Axel! Help me find him –" Kairi broke out into a bit of a coughing fit. They hit it off right there, he gave his number to her…

"Kairi, I can hardly see. Can you make it?" Axel coughed a bit and heard shuffling through the building. They talked every night…

"I'm not leaving without my boyfriend!" That made his eyes wide and cough erratically, air must have sneaked inside. He pushed at the wood that was gathered around him and coughed some more as his weak plea. But then he slept with someone else…

"Did you hear that? Roxas!" Kairi cried again and heard boards of wood being pushed. Roxas looked around and his eyesight was becoming bad. Flashes of black and white overcoming him. Because he was doubting himself, that he wasn't good enough for her, not the other way around…

"Roxas!" Axel shouted and he felt a board being lifted up from him, and someone's warm hand grabbing his own. Warmth filled his heart and Kairi began to pull. "He's hurt, shit, on a count of three we'll both pull him. One, two… three!" Both of them pulled at his hands and dragged him out of that burning building. He was dazed and his eyesight still having flashing lights. "I'll call 911 –"

"And have Roxas arrested? Are you a dumb shit?!" Kairi yelled, she didn't mean it. She hardly yelled at people, Roxas could hear her emotions getting wild up.

"Dammit Kairi, he needs help! You're not the only one who cares about him!" Kairi had bit her lip at that as tears swelled up in her eyes. Axel cared? Roxas could have laughed at that. He never changed. "… He needs help, look, say it was me."

"What?!"

"Blame me for the fire! Now just shut up and make sure he's still breathing!" He heard a flip of a phone and Kairi holding onto his hand, hard, as if his life was slipping through his finger tips.

"What were thinking…" she said with a tear filled laugh. "I love you idiot, we're gonna get through this…"

"Heh, what are you thinking?" Roxas coughed out and Kairi jumped at that. "Saving your stupid suicidal boyfriend… he's a mess. Why didn't you let him die?"

"Because he's my mess and I'm gonna clean him up because I love him."

"I love you too." He laughed and heard the sirens from afar. "If I don't make it–"

"You're going to make it."

That warmth was flowing through him.

Then he woke up in the mental hospital, with that dream again.