Four Times Kirk Wasn't Embarrassed and the One Time He Was

By Musedepandora

Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to various persons and corporations that are not me or associated with me. This piece of fanfiction is written with the admiration and respect for the original work. I claim no ownership of Star Trek creations. No profit is made from this material, now or in the future.

Summary: Four times Kirk should've been embarrassed but wasn't, and the one time he finally was but perhaps shouldn't have been. Spock/Kirk. Mention Spock/Uhura.

Rating: T, suitable for teens 13 and older.

A/N: I decided to try my hand on this little writing exercise. It also was an opportunity for my first attempt at Star Trek: 2009 and Kirk/Spock.

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It was nearly impossible to embarrass James T. Kirk. Situations that would make a Vulcan blush, he took in stride. In fact, if asked, he'd have a difficult time remembering the last occasion where he was honest-to-god embarrassed.

But if one were to ask any member of his crew, it would be easy to compile a list of incidents where he really should've been.

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1. Chekov

Lieutenant Chekov had a great deal of respect for Captain Kirk. He exemplified many things that Chekov wished he could be: suave, articulate, ambitious, and most of all, well-respected. It wasn't that Chekov didn't have his own brand of charm and esteem from his fellow officers. It was just that, even though he tested as a genius and was well on his way to his second doctorate at the age of seventeen, whenever he spoke up, he felt that most members of the bridge crew barely restrained themselves from ruffling his hair. Perhaps it was his baby-face or his heavy accent or even his frustrating lisp, but whatever it was, he knew that he'd never be able to command the easy respect that Captain Kirk managed every time he stepped on the bridge.

Put simply, Captain Kirk was Lieutenant Chekov's idol.

And he'd never forget the day his captain negotiated their release from a hostile alien . . . naked.

Captain Kirk was just that damn good.

"Excuse me?" The captain only sounded slightly surprised by the request from the Resfan on screen. Chekov was already blushing.

"You heard us, Captain!" The alien smiled, or perhaps it was a snarl. It was difficult to tell with aliens. Either way, the gesture revealed three rows of sharp teeth across the view screen. "You have shown no respect to our superior position or our customs. Now we demand a sign of submission! Then we might consider your request for mercy."

"Yeah, I can see that. But . . . naked, really?"

The bridge shook with the sound of the Resfan captain's growl. It was not a happy growl. Chekov began reciting pi in his head to avoid the urge to cower.

Captain Kirk only grinned. "Just making sure we understand each other better this time around, Your Grace. I'm more than happy to fulfill your request. But I'm sure my second-in-command has about a dozen Starfleet regulations he's dying to quote to me. How 'bout this: I'll sign off, let him throw the book at me, put my birthday suit on and call ya right back. How's that sound?"

The Resfan captain looked confused and aggressive. Still, Chekov had no doubt the captain knew what he was doing.

"Good? Good! Kirk out." The captain swiveled around in his chair to face the science station. Commander Spock managed to look both bored and concerned. Even Vulcans couldn't help emoting a little around the man. "So, Mr. Spock, how many regulations am I about to break this time?"

"Technically, captain, you would be breaking none, as the situation seems to offer you very little alternative."

"Aww, where's the fun in that?"

"However, if one were not to grant you allowances for the situation –."

"Now there's the Spock I love."

"Captain, there is no justification for insults."

"Right. Go on."

"As I was saying," Spock almost sighed, "if one were not to grant you allowances for the situation, you would be breaking no less than 7 regulations concerning behavior unbefitting an officer, 2 relating to the creation of a hostile work environment and/or sexual harassment, and 1 intergalactic law regarding uncivilized methods of torture."

The captain pulled off his shirt and threw it in Commander Spock's general direction. "Torture? Honestly? You're going there?"

Spock eyed the fallen garment as if concerned it might be rabid.

"Captain, if I may." Lieutenant Uhura was using her stern voice.

"You may." The captain was beginning to work on his belt buckle. Chekov quickly turned around and studied his navigation console as if it were the most fascinating thing in the galaxy.

"I believe this extremely ill-advised, sir. There is not enough data available on Resfan culture for me to properly predict whether or not any part of your anatomy might cause offense."

Chekov heard boots hit the deck, followed shortly by the fluttering of fabric. A belt buckle made a clink on the floor. "I think you and Mr. Spock get kicks out of tag-teaming me."

"No, sir." Uhura was definitely lying.

"Certainly not, captain." Spock was harder to tell.

"Right. So, anyone who has any recording devices, please put them away now. I'm serious, yeoman; yes, I see you. Anyone uncomfortable with the sight of human, male anatomy, look away right now."

Suddenly, the entire bridge went still and silent in anticipation. Even Chekov was considering the merits of peeking. He snuck a glance a Sulu. The pilot smiled and shrugged but didn't look like he was tempted at all. Chekov wished he had Sulu's grace under fire.

"You're staring, Spock. Like what you see?"

"I am doing no such thing, captain. According to Starfleet Regulation 145, subsection E, 'In incidents where the captain plans to take actions that could be construed as an act of war-."

Only Captain Kirk ever had the nerve to interrupt Spock." - the first officer must be prepared to offer informed testimony to Starfleet and/or The United Federation of Planets.' Please stop looking so shocked that I can quote regulations, too. It's insulting, Mr. Spock. I'm more than just a pretty face, you know."

Chekov was impressed. From Spock's silence, he thought maybe the commander was, as well.

"Captain, I have the Resfan captain demanding your attention now or he'll send us back to the primordial mires of our creation."

"Lieutenant?"

"His words, not mine, sir."

"Okay then. If Mr. Spock's done ogling his superior officer, let's get this show on the road. Open a connection, lieutenant." In the moment it took for the connection to spread on-screen, Chekov peeked.

There in the middle of the bridge, Captain Kirk stood stark naked, feet shoulder-width apart, fists on hips, and chin held high. He looked like a picture of Peter the Great Chekov had seen in a history book as a child. Only naked.

"Greetings and Soft Suns, Your Grace. Now if we could continue our conversation about your magnificent ship and, in particular, those totally awesome laser guns you have trained on my Enterprise . . ."

Lieutenant Chekov was libel to become embarrassed if he sneezed too loudly on duty. The captain looked in his element even with his intimates swinging in the open air for all to see. And, at the end of the day, everyone respected him for it.

Chekov wished he was a little more like Captain Kirk.

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Uhura in next chapter