Chapter Three

Opening my Heart

Before I could control myself, I was running back into those trees. The only thing that stopped me from losing it was the fact that I knew I was doing this by my own free will and not following another one of her orders… Still, it made me feel like crap, only a part of me didn't care so much anymore.

I actually wanted to save her.

Blindly I ran, branches whipping my face and grinding on my temper. She wasn't my friend, but I couldn't leave her like that. Hell, I wouldn't let anyone die when I had a chance to save them.

I smiled at the irony of the situation. "Guess it's my turn to save you, Shizuru." Unfortunately I had a feeling she would enjoy it unlike my reactions to her rescues.

Feeling more than a tiny tint of guilt, I burst out into a small clearing and screamed out her name. There was no reply and I kicked at the ground. Great. I was lost and feeling something different inside of me that had me gripped by confusion. Why was I so worried about her? Sure, I felt bad for throwing her efforts to save me in her face, but still… My heart was beating so fast I thought I would throw it up. In all of the dangers I had faced, I had never felt like this before.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked aloud, my voice strained with fear. "Why… why do I feel like this?" I fell to my knees, giving up the last glimmer of hope that sat in side of me. What was the point? She was probably dead, and it was my fault. I couldn't get to her in time.

Then I heard it. It was a scream, strong and enraged. There was no doubt that it was Shizuru, and I raced after the sound, following her battle cries as she unleashed one after the other.

"Whoa, she's certainly getting heated," I muttered to myself, immediately going red. "Damn, stupid, ridiculous thoughts! Get out of my head!"

I didn't want to imagine what an idiot I looked like as I stumbled through the trees, pounding my head as frightening pictures of Shizuru in battle filled my mind. I felt my face going even redder, and it only got worse as I finally found her pressed up against the tree in my little ditch as the gimungas (excuse my personalised vocabulary) fiend cornered her.

Blood ran in thick trails down her arms as her hands held onto her chained weapon tightly and forced it out in front of her. As usual, she looked calm. It was either that expression, or pure happiness. I had never seen a frown cross her face, and it made me feel better as she looked fine despite having a clearly battered body. She had gone through hell for me, and it was time I paid her back for all of the times she saved my ass.

"Hey you fat assed orphan! Come over here and take on someone worth fighting!" I roared, pulling out my guns and emptying five bullets into its face. "That's right, come and get some!" Usually I wasn't so battle-crazy, but seeing Shizuru alive had done something to me.

I felt relieved.

Now that it had something new to play with, the orphan had a delighted glint in its eye. With surprising speed it charged at me, the disgusting drool frothing from its mouth enough to make me dive to the side. As I slid over the grass I fired another few bullets as its rib cage and was happy to finally see some blood instead of sparks as my attacks were blunted against its shell. Now things were looking good.

"Natsuki, be careful!"

I ground my teeth as Shizuru yelled out to me. She was still treating me like I couldn't do this on my own, but there was no time to get angry. "Just watch your back. I'll be fine!"

As I appeared behind the orphan I could see her smile in my direction before she dove into her attacks. Was it my imagination, or did she blush when she smiled? Again I had to shake my head free of those questionable thoughts. I had a job to do. I could worry about my mental health later!

The battle was raging as soon as I pulled myself together. I fired at the beast relentlessly, leaving blood weeping through the many cracks in its shell. Shizuru kept it busy on the opposite side, dancing past attacks and whipping out her amazing whip blade to snake about its throat when the opportunity arose.

It didn't take a genius to see that Shizuru was keeping her eye on me as I fought. As if there was much of a difference between us! I was doing just as much damage as her, so she didn't need to worry. However, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her either. I was worried for her, I couldn't deny it, but that was all… That was all…

"We're wearing him down, Natsuki! I think I can handle the rest!"

I shot a glare in the woman's direction. "I've told you, I can take care of my own enemies! I'm not going anywhere!"

Hurt flickered across Shizuru's features. "I'm just trying to keep you safe…"

Her injured voice made my chest ache and I distracted myself but letting another bullet loose into the back of the orphans head. "I don't need you to keep me safe, Shizuru! I can do it myself…"

"So that's why you almost drowned earlier, not to mention almost choking, falling asleep in the toilets, becoming too depressed to eat," she listed off, slicing into the orphan without really concentrating as she inched closer to me. "Natsuki, it looks to me like you need someone to take care of you, whether you like it or not."

The tone she was speaking was one I had never heard from her before. She sounded so serious, even a little sad, but I didn't cave in. "So what makes you the one to think you should do it? Why not leave it to someone else so I don't have to hear the rumours of us being, ugh, together!"

Another emotion flashed over her face, but I couldn't catch it properly. She turned away from the dying orphan and faced me with sad eyes. "I do it because…"

She trailed off as the monster that towered over us trembled at its thick legs and fell onto its stomach. It rolled about, clearly suffering, and I felt the same. My heart was in my throat as I feared her next words. As she began to say them, I drowned them out with another pull of the trigger to put an end to the orphan and leave it to disappear to the stars.

"Natsuki…"

I turned away from her, tears welling in my eyes.

"Please, don't be afraid."

"I'm not." It was hard to say with a lump in my throat.

"Then please, turn around and look at me."

I knew what she had said. Not even a gunshot could block it out. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and felt that cold grip around my throat that told me to run and hide my fears. This situation was no different and I raced away, running through the trees without having the knowledge of care for where I was going. Shizuru was behind me, I could hear her calling out to me. To my despair, she was faster than I had expected, and I felt her hands clasp over my shoulders.

"Natsuki, stop!"

The urgency in her voice was hard to ignore, but I was used to running when things got tough. I had to deal with them alone, so I still wasn't ready for her help. Especially not when I knew the reason…

"You don't have to be afraid of this, Natsuki. Just stop and turn around!"

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop myself once I had started. Call me stubborn by dragging the woman around as she latched onto me, but I had to deal with this alone… Then I realised something. If I ran, when would I stop running?

"Natsuki…"

I did it. I did something that I hadn't done for years. I stopped. My feet ceased abruptly in the floor of leaves and I felt Shizuru's hands loosen on my shoulders. Swallowing deeply, I turned to face her. I let her see my tears and my fears with them, and all she did was smile.

"All of these years and you didn't realise. Natsuki, you've been hiding for too long."

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't seen it before, she was right, and I realised how blind I had been. All of this time she wasn't tyring to humiliate me. She was really trying to protect me. She did it all because…

"Natsuki… I love you…"

I blinked fresh tears from my eyes, and then collapsed to the ground in a heap as darkness claimed me. It was good timing too. She had left me breathless, and without this release I was afraid she would have been the death of me.

*****

I awoke to the bright flames of a fire burning before me. I was lying in the little ditch from earlier that had been transformed into a camp by Shizuru. She was beside me, poking at the fire with a stick absent minded as she looked into the flames. They ignited in her eyes and for a moment all I could do was admire those irises.

As though sensing my staring eyes, Shizuru turned to me and smiled. "Good to see you've finally regained consciousness. I was starting to worry."

My voice was vacant for the moment, so all I could do was grunt. Every muscle in my ached as though I had been sleeping for a long time, and then I noticed the stars and understood.

"Sh-Shizuru? How long have I been out?"

The smile of hers was back, unwavering and unbreakable. For once I was happy to see it. "You passed out about three hours ago. At the moment it is about seven at night"

I didn't realise how long I had spent to myself in this forest earlier, but I was glad that it was night time. For some reason it calmed me down, as though the worries and pains of the day had come to an end.

"So are you feeling a little better?" Shizuru asked me as she turned to gaze into the fire again. "I know it was a bit of a shock, after all. I just didn't think that you would know so little about the fact."

I felt my face getting hot as I remembered her words. Who would have through three little words could have such an impact? I felt as though my entire soul had been shaken, as though on the inside there was a quake, and the outside was the only place where I could hide my terror.

"I wasn't trying to hide it from you, Natsuki," she continued as I remained silent. "I wanted to tell you, but the only times I had the chance were when you were in trouble and I needed to save you. I never found a time when I could just say it to you, but I only truly realised how much suffering my interventions were causing you when we fought that orphan over there." She pointed and I noticed her hand was shaking.

"Shizuru," I muttered, pulling myself up to sit straight. "It's alright. I was being stupid and taking it all the wrong way. I should have been thanking you. Damn, it must have hurt, my reactions to your kindness when all you were tyring to do was prove your…" I couldn't say it. I trailed off, feeling pathetic.

She didn't seem to mind. "It's alright if you aren't ready to realise it yet, Natsuki. My love for you isn't going anywhere, and either am I. I hope you realise that I would never let you get hurt, no matter how embarrassed you get."

It was the first time I felt at ease with the idea, and then I realised those feelings came up again, burning through my ice heart and blooming inside of me. I turned to her, the woman I could no longer keep my eyes off of, and reached out to press my hand against her cheek. "You know what? I don't want you to stop, and I don't want you to wait for me to accept your feelings. I've been so unfair, and I have also been hiding in the dark, but not just from you… I've been hiding from myself."

The fire seemed to rise as Shizuru stared with confusion clouded eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice low and gentle. "What do you fear from yourself?"

I knew everything now, the emotions I had locked away from my consciousness. I conjured the key and released them, and suddenly I couldn't keep away from her. I inched closer, keeping her face close to mine. "I've been hiding my own feelings from myself, and from you. Because I love you too, no matter how many times you drag me through the school when I look like a drowned water beast. I can't deny it anymore… I love you…"

I didn't think it was possible, but the woman's eyes brightened up even more. It was though a flame had become born inside of her and it roared to life. She grasped the hand I had pressed to her cheek and beckoned me forward with a gentle tug until I was leaning against her. We both stared into the burning campfire as the flames licked at the air during their passionate dance.

My heart was beating fast in my chest as I let my head rest against Shizuru's shoulder. I hadn't done this before, but it felt somehow right. The ice inside of me was gone, melted away by this woman of blazing beauty, care, and love. She was perfect in every way to me, and I was no longer afraid of her saving me from myself.

"Oh, Natsuki, I never thought this would actually happen. It feels like a dream," Shizuru purred as she leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. "You're like a dream. You have been to me for too long."

Never had anyone said anything like that to me, but my reaction was natural. I grinned back at her, my eyes tearing up. "I never thought I would mean so much to one person in my entire life. I'm glad I do now, and I am happy that it's you."

Her eyes blinked slowly as though she were still unable to believe I was really there. She came closer, her lips parting to whisper her love for me again before they joined to mine. I thought I would faint during my first kiss despite the tough girl act I put on, but it was too wonderful to miss. Her lips were so moist and inviting that I couldn't pull away. She made me feel stronger, like a piece that had always left me alone and running had replaced with the knowledge that she would be my protector.

As she pulled away to grasp my hands, I felt my insides burst to life. It was like a rose had risen from the ashes to allow this new feeling to grow. It was amazing, and I felt like I wasn't even myself. I was ready for anything, and I wouldn't do it alone anymore.

"Shizuru, you know what you are to me?" I said quietly, letting her hold onto my hands and press her lips to mine again quickly.

"What am I to you?" she asked, pulling away to brush my hair back over my ear.

I sank forward into her, letting her hold me in an embrace of shelter and protection. "You're my knight in shining armour."

I didn't need to look at her to know that she was smiling. It was always there, that shining beacon of hope and lust on her face, especially when she looked down at me and folded me up against her. "I won't let anything happen to you, my Natsuki."

I closed my eyes and started to drift into a sleep where I didn't have to be afraid. "I won't ever hide from you again."