This is a sequel to the other one-shot I wrote recently called 'How to Fall Out of Love'. I got a review anonymously asking if I was going to do another fic like that one. Originally I hadn't planned to, but the thought was so compelling, that this was the result. I don't think you need to read the first one to understand this one, so feel free to skip reading 'How to Fall Out of Love' if you are just reading this one.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and I am simply borrowing her characters for my own use.
How to Live Happily Ever After
By Draco Malfoy
1. Meet the love of your life
2. Not realize that he is the love of your life for six years
3. Be completely oblivious to the fact you are in love with your arch-nemesis
4. Finally figure it out
5. Go into the denial stage
6. Admit defeat
7. Be miserable for a month or two
8. Try and keep your feelings a secret
9. Fail at keeping the secret
10. Realize that maybe he loves you too
11. Accept that these feelings you have are here to stay.
12. Decide that if you're going to date the Savior of the Wizarding world, you might as well let that world know he's off the market
13. Buy him a collar and a tag to go with it that reads 'Property of Draco Malfoy'
14. Laugh at the look on his face when you give it to him
15. Feel astounded when he actually wears it
16. Scowl at him when he laughs at the look on your face
17. Feel better because the looks on everyone else's faces are worth the trouble
18. Every once in a while, wonder how you actually managed to bag Harry Potter
19. Remember all the people that have told you you're not good enough for him
20. Realize that all of them have said it, at least once
21. Realize Granger and Weasley tell you at least once a day
22. Ponder what exactly it is that lead them to this conclusion
23. Remember all the nasty things you have done over the years
24. Come to the dreadful conclusion that you're not good at all
25. Mope about this fact, because it means you're really not good enough for him
26. Endeavor to become better
27. Realize that you don't know how to be better
28. Decide to learn from the experts of goodness themselves
29. Carefully observe your boyfriend and his friends doing whatever it is they do to be considered 'good'
30. Miserably conclude that it will take a lot of work
31. Decide to start small
32. Begin by not sneering at Hufflepuffs
33. Start getting weird facial spasms because of all the times you have repressed that particular expression
34. When Harry smiles at you, decide it is worth it
35. Next, stop making derogatory comments about Gryffindors, especially his two sidekicks
36. Realize your tongue is bleeding from all the times you've bitten it to stop a sarcastic remark
37. When Harry kisses you goodnight, decide it doesn't matter
38. After that, decide you will not push people out of your way in the hallways
39. Also, do not purposefully trip people just to see them fall
40. Get a vicious headache from repressing so many of your ingrained actions
41. Fall asleep in Harry's lap and decide that it's okay as long as you have him
42. Start getting odd looks from people in the hallways and in the Great Hall
43. Hear people wondering whether Harry Potter has 'reformed' you
44. Feel proud of yourself for accomplishing a noticeable difference
45. Decide that you are no longer 'bad'
46. Sigh, because that means you have to start working on the 'good' part
47. Decide that, once again, you will start small
48. Smile
49. Try not to laugh at the baffled looks you are getting from everyone
50. Fail at not laughing, because it's hilarious
51. Laugh harder, because now the bafflement is turning to shock
52. Leave everyone in a state of stunned fascination
53. Decide to smile more in the future
54. Next, try something you never have before: the sincere compliment
55. Realize how hard this is, because sincerity is not a Slytherin quality
56. Try harder
57. Tell Granger you are impressed at her talent at spell-casting
58. Try not to snicker as she drops her wand
59. Sigh when she tells you that it's not that easy to weasel your way into her good graces
60. Patiently explain to her your mission objective
61. Try not to sulk when all she does is laugh at you
62. Decide to try with Weasley instead
63. Tell Weasley that he is a good Keeper
64. Feel extremely frustrated when all he does is comment on all the times you've lost to Harry
65. Wonder why it is so hard to be good and so easy to be bad
66. Tell Harry that he has the most amazing eyes you've ever seen
67. Be rewarded with a kiss
68. Endeavor to try even harder
69. Wonder why you even bother when Pansy sneers at your attempts
70. Resist her when she tries to lure you back to the dark side
71. Even resist the temptation to tell her that her face resembles a pug's
72. Go find Harry to remind yourself why you're bothering
73. Brush it off when he asks why you've been acting so strange lately
74. Remember that he is a stubborn Gryffindor when he persists
75. Wonder whether you should tell the truth to be good or a lie to avoid trouble
76. Decide being good is more important
77. Tell him your plans
78. Feel betrayed when all he does is laugh and tell you that you 'don't have to'
79. Stalk off in a huff because he doesn't understand
80. Sulk in the library so that Harry can't find you
81. Bang your head on the table when Granger and the female Weasley walk in instead
82. Wonder if you should even bother to try to be nice when all anyone does is laugh
83. Think about Harry, because even though you're mad at him, you still love him
84. Tell the little Weasley she has nice hair
85. Decide she does have nice hair even though it is flame red like all Weasley hair
86. Stare in amazement, because she blushes and tells you what kind of potion she uses on it instead of laughing like everyone else did
87. Notice that Granger is staring at you
88. Ask her why
89. Nearly roll your eyes because she tells you to stop trying to win Harry's heart with empty compliments
90. Explain that you already have Harry's heart
91. Try to tell her, for the hundredth time, that you're trying to be good so that you might keep it
92. Add that if she used the same potion as Weasley, her hair would stop being so frizzy
93. Remove yourself from the library so that she doesn't see the hurt in your eyes
94. Realize that the little Weasley has followed you out
95. Stare even more when she tells you not to give up and then goes away
96. Wonder why no one but the girl your father tried to kill has any faith in your attempts
97. Go back to the dungeons to mope more in peace
98. Avoid Harry
99. Feel miserable, because even though you're angry, you miss seeing his face
100. In avoiding Harry, end up paired with Granger in Potions
101. Realize in shock that she followed your advice
102. Tell her that her hair is nice today, because it is for once
103. Feel even more miserable when she tells you how miserable Harry is
104. Tell her that you're sorry
105. After an hour of her pressuring you, agree to talk to Harry, mostly because you miss him though
106. Ask Granger if she is a real Gryffindor
107. When she responds affirmatively, tell her that is she is, then she should go after what she really wants instead of bothering you
108. Leave before she can question you further
109. Shake you head in disbelief that you actually tried to give Granger advice on her love life
110. Go find Harry
111. Let him apologize to you for being a twit
112. Forgive him, because while he might be a twit, he's your twit
113. Get a warm feeling in your stomach, because even after a month, he's still wearing the collar you gave him as a joke
114. When you leave for your next class, feel even more determined to carry out your mission successfully
115. Tell a random Hufflepuff you like her shoes
116. Just smile at the shocked expression on her face
117. Continue on to class
118. Proceed to compliment everyone that you possibly can
119. Realize you meant every single one
120. Decide to move onto the next stage: being helpful
121. Know for a fact this will be much harder than compliments
122. Start in Slytherin where your help will be more readily accepted
123. Help younger Slytherins with their homework
124. Notice, that after a week of this, they are beginning to look up to you
125. Move on to coaching first years in extra flying lessons
126. Start getting the older Slytherins help with these two ventures by explaining it in a way that appeals to Slytherin values
127. When Harry asks where you've been the past couple of weeks, explain
128. Feel proud of your accomplishments when he praises you for them
129. Decide to move your helpfulness outside of Slytherin
130. Notice how tired Professor Snape is lately
131. Offer to tutor problem Potions students for him
132. When he accepts, actually feel somewhat pleased with yourself
133. Tell Harry about it next time you see him
134. Feel your stomach plummet when he asks why you're doing this once more
135. Try and explain again that you just want to be a better person
136. When he tells you that you don't have to do that just for him, realize that you're actually doing it for yourself
137. Tell him, so that he doesn't get any more weird ideas
138. When his eyes light up, feel your heart melt
139. Let out a surprised squeak when he jumps on you very abruptly
140. Let him pull your body snuggly against his own
141. Wrap your arms around his waist
142. Turn your face up
143. Look him right in his lovely green eyes
144. Feel your heart flutter when he smiles down at you
145. Wonder if your heart will ever stop doing that or whether it always will, even years from now
146. Realize that even after all this time your stomach still has butterflies
147. Smile into his mouth when he finally kisses you
148. Kiss him back as if your life depended on it
149. Feel your skin tingle when he slides his hands inside your robes
150. Allow him the liberty
151. Wonder how it is that he makes your insides melt with just one touch
152. Bury your fingers in his hair
153. Moan
154. Flush in embarrassment over the needy sound
155. Flush even more when he starts to undo your robes
156. Wonder where exactly this is heading
157. Decide you don't care as long as he doesn't stop doing that thing to your neck
158. Jump when you hear several startled yells
159. Drag yourself away from Harry very quickly
160. Pull your robes shut
161. Wonder if you've ever blushed so much
162. Also wonder why it is you entirely forgot that you were in the middle of Harry's common room and in plain sight to anyone who should walk in
163. Feel thankful it was just Granger and the two youngest Weasleys who've witnessed you in this state
164. Hide behind Harry anyways, because it's still completely mortifying
165. Shift your robes so that they won't see exactly what kind of effect Harry has on your very traitorous body
166. Leave as soon as possible because the male Weasley is giving you horrified looks
167. Head back to Slytherin
168. Wish that you were instead curled up with Harry
169. Wish also that you were still kissing Harry
170. While you are at it, wish Harry was still touching you and that his hand was trailing lower…
171. Blush again – or is 'still' the word to use?
172. Feel glad that no one else is here to see your no-doubt dazed expression
173. Think rebelliously that you are a teenage boy and that these thoughts are in no way your fault
174. Go to sleep still thinking longingly of Harry
175. Wake up the next morning to find a darkening bruise on your flesh
176. Wish you hadn't let Harry do that thing to your neck no matter how nice it was at the time
177. Pull up the collar of your robes in an attempt to hide the mark
178. Realize this is pointless and that should even one person see it the whole school will know by the end of the day
179. Decide that if they're going to find out anyway, you might as well display it proudly
180. Go down to breakfast with your head held high
181. Just smirk if anyone comments on it
182. Try not to laugh when Weasley chokes on his porridge
183. When Granger starts smacking him on the back, laugh anyway
184. Sit down next to Harry
185. Ask him what was with the zealous praise the night before
186. Feel very pleased with yourself when he admits it was because of your mission
187. Try not to blush when he admits that he likes your sarcasm and doesn't want you to give that up
188. Decide that you will continue to be sarcastic, but only to those who deserve it
189. Think that maybe it might not be a fairytale ending, but you did get your happily-ever-after
190. Ponder on the success of your lists and think you might start writing 'How to' books
191. Decide to start with one titled 'How to Tell Your Pureblood Parents You're Gay'
192. Snicker
193. Kiss Harry
194. Let the pandemonium begin!
Thanks for reading! This has been really fun to write, so if anyone wanted this story to continue, just say the word and I'm there! Although Draco's thought of writing a 'How to' book would need to be written in a different style than this fic. I'd be interested and would appreciate any suggestions on how this could be accomplished and who would actually read the thing…