The Definition of Love

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to sarcasm110011, Hollowgo, shinona, suppressed. depression, nightterror56, gooby, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., Emerald Demona, Lion Cub 91, Svtwilfan, chikis-19, Raventear and xChloe Cullenx for the reviews.

sarcasm110011, lol, I'm glad you like it… but I think I might beat you on that, every time that I start to write a new part of the chapter I re-read the entire story…. Lol….

Hollowgo, interesting…. I think you might be the first to say it…. But yeah… in the future… ;)

shinona, the thought did cross my mind, but I haven't decided yet…. What would you prefer?

suppressed. depression, hum… I think I'll take that as a compliment…. ;) hate them or love them, I'm glad that you feel something towards them…. I'll be disappointed when people start telling me they don't care either way…. ;)

nightterror56, then you are like me…. not sure why… the more angst there is in the story, the more I want to read it….. o.0

gooby, thank you… I'm glad you enjoyed it…. Hopefully this didn't take too long….

.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., if you are mad of how I ended the last chapter, I think by the end of this one you will be wanting to kill me…. And what do I get for keeping your secret? Btw, I love chocolate =)

Emerald Demona, interesting point…. I think I might nominate you the official Jasper's defender of this story…. But don't worry, after this chapter, I might have just made your job easier… or harder… not quite sure which…. Lol

Lion Cub 91, thanks you very much, and here is the next chapter… I hope its up to your standards…. :D

Svtwilfan, they already hooked up, but feelings are another matter entirely…. There is this song called "amor e sexo" which actually translates as "love and sex" and it tells the difference between those two things and I think its really interesting to listen to… if you want I can translate it for you, or you can just tell google to do it… it should be pretty close…. I hope that cleared it out for you ;)

chikis-19, hahaha, THANKKKK YOUUU, not too long was it? :P

Raventear, very long review….and its great, really helpfull…. ;) …. Im considering responding to this in topics…. Lol … so, yeah, Bella's Pov until the very end…. And 'Sharing yourself between your husband and your lover really isn't the excruciating experience you must get through on the road to salvation' made me lmao…. But to answer your question, im not really sure… its not completely intentional or unintentional…. I seem to always make one of the characters to be the 'bad guy' and im not sure why… I just think that relationships are not perfect and they aren't just flowers and walks around the park…. They are hard and messy and most of the time completely annoying…lol… I think that's just my way to bring this into the story…. ;) I don't intent for you to hate Alice, but I would rather that you hated her than not care at all (I think I already said that o.0)… but truthfully, I hope that by the 'happy ending' you really love her…. :D

xChloe Cullenx, I'm glad that you liked it…. And don't worry, she will…. Eventually….. =)

Wow, got to everyone in this chapter…. :D

Now I got to go to bed, because it's past 3 AM, and I have an early morning tomorrow…

Chapter 10 – The Definition of Love

Could it be possible that this was… love?

That had been a few days ago and I wasn't any closer to a conclusion than that night.

I mean, how could I be sure that it was love?

Should there a big sign over Alice's head telling me?

Am I just supposed to know?

How should I know?

Is the fact that I'm not sure proof that this is not love?

And I had no one to talk to about it. Any of the Cullens, out of the question. Really, can you just imagine me going up to Jasper and asking him if he thought that I was in love with his wife? Jacob would only tell me that vampires were incapable of love. And I don't think that's the best way to come out to my parents.

I mean, I don't even know if I am gay. Like I have a crush on one girl, and I possibly love her, but is that enough to make me a lesbian?

This is so confusing.

Why can't it be simple? Like on Disney movies, where the princess finds her prince charming at the first sight? Or like the werewolves that find their imprint, and just like BOOM they know they are in love.

But, no. It can't be easy like that, I need to work it out in my head and think. It shouldn't be this difficult.

I hoped that it was not this difficult, because that would mean that I was not in love with Alice Cullen and that would make my life (can I call it that?) much easier. As I said, I could deal with a crush on Alice, but how would I ignore being in love with her?

Not possible.

But that's just me saying, what do I know? I may just be making a big deal out of nothing. If I wasn't in love with Alice, there was nothing to worry about.

And that is not talking about the fact that I wasn't like them. I was flawed. I hadn't shared this news with anyone yet. I wasn't sure what they would do to me if they knew.

Yeah, but I just had to stay positive and – okay, so not me. I'm freaking out. On both matters. I had no idea how to deal with them.

I'm freaking out so much that I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening around me. So you can imagine my surprise when one morning I left my room to find the entire family gathered around the living room. I could see they were all tense, but I could not fathom why. Jasper was in the middle and Alice was crouched against the wall.

He looked at me with a sad smile and whispered the words that I had never imagined would come out of him mouth.

"Please, make her happy." And then he left. Seriously, he left.

As in walked out of the house without looking back. Did I just enter the twilight zone? For a moment I was happy, but I would soon realize my mistake.

The others didn't seem so surprised with his departure, but to me that was completely unexpected. I sat down next to Alice's still crouching form and hugged her. I couldn't tell what she was feeling, her face showed no emotion.

She neither leaned into my touch nor pushed me away; Alice didn't show any reaction to my touch.

I don't know how long we stayed there, but I didn't care. It couldn't be easy for her, how could he leave her like that?

I tried kissing her on the cheek and on the mouth, but again, it seemed that there was an empty shell where once lived my beautiful little pixie. I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom and for the first time in hours she demonstrated that there was still life inside of her.

She didn't want to go into my room. After a quick moment of indecision, I took her to the room she shared with Jasper.

I gently laid her down on the bed and then I laid next to her. I wasn't really comfortable here, quite the contrary actually, but this was not the time to be picky.

She wasn't looking at me, Alice was having a vision.

"Vancouver." She said.

"What's in Vancouver, Alice?"

She didn't tell me. Alice had gone back to her previous state, the one that seemed that there was nothing inside of her.

For the days that followed, Alice never moved from her place, she didn't blink, she didn't talk, she didn't eat, and she ever even looked at me directly. It was like she was living her in her own world, inside of her head. And that was heartbreaking to see.

I didn't leave her side, unless I had to hunt, but I always left her with someone, and came back as quickly as possible.

After almost two weeks of the same thing, Carlisle figured she wouldn't get better anytime soon, so we decided to give her something to eat, or better yet, drink. First we brought a freshly hunted mountain lion, but Alice took a couple of gulps when we put it directly into her mouth, but nothing more.

Seeing that it wasn't gonna cut it, Carlisle did what he really didn't want to save his daughter. He and Rosalie (beside Carlisle, she was the one with the best control) found and robbed a blood bank. The blood they stole was put in a cup and served to Alice with a straw. She drank the whole cup when we put it into her mouth, but showed no other reaction to it.

I had to restrain myself not to just take it from her. Everything inside of me wanted that, my body ached for it, my throat burned, so I stopped breathing. The others didn't seem to notice, they were trying to rein themselves. I had to keep reminding myself that the blood was for Alice, that she needed it. That was the only thing that made me control myself, Alice's health. I had to do it for her.

For the months that followed that was repeated constantly, it was the only way to make sure Alice would eat properly. In a way I kinda got used to it, not that it didn't bother me anymore, but my mind didn't enter frenzy at the mere sight of it.

Alice talked every once in a while, usually locations, times, names or even weather. We figured out that Alice was seeing the future, Jasper's future to be exact. She knew where he would be, when and with whom.

It was obvious that she missed him. After all those months, she still wanted him to return.

One day, Rosalie and Carlisle had gone to Seattle to pick up Alice's blood, Emmett and Esme had gone hunting, and I had stayed behind to watch Alice. It wasn't the first time I had been left alone with Alice, it happened so many times ever since Jasper left that I was used to it. I sat at the floor, as always, and looked at her. I despised what had become of my little pixie. She used to be so full of energy, always smiling, always nice.

She had been nice to me before I even started dating Edward, when he was still trying to keep his distance from me. Alice was the first to welcome me into the family, telling me we would be best friends. And how did I repay the favor? By ending her relationship with her brother, breaking her marriage and destroying her family.

It was no wonder that the others avoided my presence at all costs now. I don't know how they hadn't kicked me out yet. Rosalie hadn't even made a comment about it yet, and usually the blonde wasn't one to hold her tongue.

I got up from the floor and laid down beside Alice. Her head was turned me, but I was invisible to her.

The lust of the newborn. Alice had warned about it, she wanted to protect me from it, but right now it was the last thing on my mind. I found out that she was the only one that I wanted, the only one that gave me chills, the only one that made me wet beyond believe. But not like this, not when she was a lifeless shell of what she had once been.

"Cuernavaca" She whispered. "November 8th. It's cloudy."

I traced my fingers on her face.

"Japer will be in Cuernavaca. It's in Mexico, right?" I asked, but I didn't expect an answer anyway, so it really didn't come as a surprise when she didn't respond. It hurt to see her like that, she wasn't happy. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't dancing around, she wasn't Alice anymore.

I kissed her lips, but I felt I was kissing a wall, because again there was no response. It had never felt like this, Alice never felt like a statue to me, not even when I was still human, not even when we shared our first kiss in the woods. She had always been so welcoming, so warm, even if her skin was cold.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. You have no idea how sorry I am." I said, but it was useless. She wasn't listening.

I inhaled deeply and suddenly I smelled something that caught my attention. Human Blood. First I thought Carlisle and Rosalie had returned, but that's when I heard it. A heartbeat. Someone was bleeding. Whoever it was, they were really close and getting closer by the second. I stopped breathing, but I could still hear their heart, it was if it was beating inside of my head.

I wanted the blood. I had to have it. I looked at Alice, and she was, well, she was the same. The sent seemed to make no affect on her. It was like she hadn't even notice it. She wasn't gonna try to take it. She wasn't gonna stop me.

I forced myself to stay still, not to run towards it. I needed to hold on to any piece of clarity that I still had. I was a vampire, but it was not the only thing that I was. I had a say in our decisions too, and the vampire would have to get used to it.

But my body ached, my throat burned. And the human's heartbeat still echoed in my head.

I heard a knock on the door. They were calling for help. Whoever it was had no idea in how much danger they were in. It would be so much better for them to go back to their own home to take care of whatever wound they had gotten, instead of asking for help in a house of vampires.

I rolled myself into a ball, my fingers dug themselves deep inside my skin, my mouth was dripping with venom. My eyes were shut tight; as if it could keep protect me from myself. I bit my own lip, to see if the pain could distract me from my prey.

I looked at Alice, and she still hadn't noticed the new scent, that or she was somehow immune to it. I realized that looking at Alice was the diversion that I was looking for, and I let her take over my mind. She allowed me to regain some of my sanity.

I let my arms relax and I caressed her face. How could a creature be so beautiful? So perfect without even trying? I needed to bring her back; I needed her to be full of energy. I needed her to be happy.

"I'll make you better, Alice" And I knew exactly how.

The person that was hurt didn't hold my full attention anymore; it was more like an annoying buzzing in the back of my mind. Eventually, whoever it was that was banging at the door gave up and left.

Esme and Emmett were the first to get back a couple of hours later. I asked Esme to watch Alice for a little while, but she urged me to tell her where I was going. The only time I ever left the house was to hunt, and I always had company to do that.

I assured that I only wanted to stretch my legs, that I wouldn't go too far, but I guess that depends on your definition of far. Esme looked at me still in doubt and I told her I would never do anything that could potentially put someone's life in danger and finally she gave in.

I ran into the woods with one last look to the stunning Alice Cullen. I knew exactly where I needed to go: Cuernavaca. And I had just a few days to get there.

Upon reaching my destination, I realized I still had some time to kill, no pun intended, because according to Alice, Jasper wouldn't get here until tomorrow. Knowing that my next day would be a blur trying to find Alice's husband, I decided to hunt to make sure that I was ready for the day to come.

It would be the first time that I would ever enter a city, with so many humans around. It was better if I was prepared.

I returned to the city a little over midnight, thinking of a way to find Jasper. The city was not small, I wasn't sure I'd be able to run through the entire city in a day. Maybe I could try to find his scent, but I needed somewhere to start. I needed a map of the city, something that could tell me all the entrances, and I needed to hope that Jasper would enter the city the normal way instead of the vampire way.

I was walking aimless through the streets trying to find a store still open that had the map that I needed. In spite of the hour, there were quite a few people still out, and for a moment I tensed up.

I stopped breathing.

What if it wasn't such a great idea for me to be near humans yet? Yes, I had controlled myself once, but was it all it took? What if I wasn't strong enough? What if I lost my mind for just a moment?

My head started to spin, and my throat burned. There were thousands of people around, thousands of heartbeats. It would be so easy to take just one. Carlisle said it would not be so bad.

But I didn't want to, not when I knew that these people had a family, someone that cared for them, someone that would miss them when they were gone. Someone like my father, or my mother, or Jacob, or Angela, or so many others back in Forks. I couldn't do it.

I concentrated on Alice's face and slowly I felt my body regain its calm. I was focused again. The need was once again a buzz in the back of my mind, something to remind me that I lived for blood.

It was different watching humans interact now that I was a vampire, you could tell what they felt by their bodies reactions. A blush, a faster heartbeat, a twitch of hand. I could tell that the man in front of me was lying to his wife, without even understanding a word of what he was saying; his body's reactions told me everything.

And for the first time in my 19 years, people were staring at me. They turned their heads to see me move graciously through the street. A girl, probably a little over 20, had her mouth open watching me. I winked at her and I heard her heartbeat quicken. I continued my way with a smirk.

Hey, I know I'm into Alice, but I can't say that I didn't need the ego boost.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something that caught my attention. I turned a sharp left and followed him. Jasper. He was walking just a few meters in front of me, but I don't think he had noticed me yet.

I fastened my pace without moving too fast for humans and stopped directly in front of him. His shock was written all over his face.

"Bella?"

"We need to talk." I told him and started walking to a more private place. I didn't check to see if he was following me. I was sure that he was.

We climbed a few buildings until I was sure that there was no one else around to overhear our conversation, we were on the rooftop of one of the tallest buildings around.

I looked at the city in front of me, it was a beautiful city. Jasper stood beside me, following my line of vision.

"Does Carlisle know that you are here?"

"No" I said. I didn't offer any other explanation and he didn't ask. Let him think whatever he wanted. I wasn't here to make friends.

"What happened, Bella?" He asked.

"Alice needs you" I answered, quickly. It hurt to say it. "You need to go back"

"No, Bella. It's not me that she needs" His calm was infuriating.

"Yes, it is. She hasn't left her bed ever since you left. She won't talk unless it's about you. She won't drink unless we practically shove it down her throat. Alice needs you." I begged.

"I don't think it's that simple, Bella."

"Either way, you need to come back." He nodded, and jumped off after me. We had a long run back home ahead of us.

Reaching our house, I was bombarded with questions from Esme and Emmett, who were in the living room. Rosalie was in Alice's room, and Carlisle was in his office, but they came into the living room when they heard my arrival.

Rosalie was about to make a snide remark, but she stopped when she looked at Jasper.

I didn't answer any of the questions thrown at me, my mind was somewhere else. I was about to give Alice her husband back, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I knew I didn't like the idea of them back together, selfishly I had enjoyed the fact that Jasper had left, that is, until Alice stopped living.

I just walked up the stairs with Jasper right behind me, showing him to his room. I waited outside as he entered and closed the door. I could hear Jasper as he sat on the bed, and much to my happiness and sadness I heard Alice get up and greet him with a kiss.

I walked to my room with the sounds of their reunion in my ears. I entered and closed the door behind me, leaning against it. My hand covered my ears when I heard their muffled moans. I wanted to block them out. I couldn't stand to hear this.

I found a pen and a piece of paper as I heard a crack from their bed. I left a note and jumped out of window, I didn't want to face the family, who still in the living room. My time here was over. The family was almost united again, and with my abstinence, I'm sure Edward would return to his family.

I looked back one last time to the house which held the family that had welcomed me so openly. The same family I had destroyed. I whispered the words written on my note.

"I'm sorry." And then I ran.

I ran and I ran and I ran. I had nowhere to go. I just knew that I couldn't stay. I wasn't one of them, and I would never be.

There was just one thing that I knew. I knew that how I had acted, how I had felted.

I had been glad that he was gone, so that I didn't have to share Alice anymore, I had been selfish and I put my happiness before Alice's. I forced her to be miserable around me, just because I wanted her to want me and not him.

I knew from the start that the situation was no viable. It would never work out. But I ended her marriage to satisfy my needs.

And that could only mean one thing.

I knew just one thing, I came to only one conclusion.

I did not love Alice Cullen.

THE END

No, its not a joke. It really is over .: runs away from the objects being thrown at her :.

I know I promised a happy ending and there is still a lot of things that need explaining, but don't worry, I'm writing a sequel. I thought about just continuing it in the same story, but the style and the time will be a little different and would be weird to merge them.

It will be called Once More With Feeling and if you didn't get the reference, I would recommend you google it and watch it. Actually, I think you should watch the whole series, because the show is awesome and most of the concepts from the next story will be taken from there.

I will just get a few chapters done before I start posting again. So, see you guys soon.

Yay - this is the first story that I actually finished. : D

Thanks to all of you who read it. I hope you liked it. ; )

Please Review.